"Is this the only bus that was left in the depot?" A man argues with the driver who shrugs his shoulders and nods his head. "But I specifically told your company to come with a small vehicle. We're only expecting six kids – this bus will cost me an arm and a leg!"
"Sorry sir, it's Crypto Week. All our fleet of buses got pre-booked by Voxel X Network."
Lola is first to jump out of the car. Dad pops the trunk open. Lola walks around the car, opens Tobby's door, and drags him out of his seat. "We're here, we're here!" she shouts in his face.
"Let go of ME!" he chokes with his seatbelt wrapped around his neck.
"And I can see that we're too early. Where's everybody else?" Tobby pokes his head over Lola's shoulder to scan the area.
"No, this is everyone. They've been waiting for us." Lola informs him.
"What? But there are only four other kids here."
"That's right. With us, that makes six."
"Lola! What kind of dry summer tech camp are you taking me on? This is not a vacation, this is a detention. Just look at them!" Tobby points at the kids.
One child takes out his inhaler, shakes it hard, and breathes it in as he adjusts his thick, milk-bottle glasses. A tiny girl sits on her colorful four-wheeled suitcase as she facetimes her parents who seem to be living abroad, resting on a hammock between two swinging palm trees in front of a tropical beach. Another child dressed in a suit jacket struggles to carry his over-the-shoulder bag. The straps snap and the bag hits the ground, revealing a ton of calculators. "You can never have enough calculators!" The boy nervously giggles to himself as he bumps into a frail boy whose parents are smothering him.
"Johnny, you don't have to do this," his mum pleads with him as she frantically pets his hair and fixes invisible wrinkles in his clothes.
The boy, Johnny, tries dodging her questions and hands, unsuccessfully slapping away her hands as she begins fixing his buttons and wetting down his hair with her saliva. "Would you stop it already? We've been discussing this for months! I need to go to this summer Web3 camp."
His dad now joins in. "But you have all that you need at home! We just imported that new science lab from Oxford University, built you a brand new computer suit, and gave you an exact replica of the Pentagon's control chambers. You have your own tech support assistant on stand-by. Please son, these summer camps can be dangerous, I..."
"I know what you've been through as a kid, dad, but that was decades ago! You both need to let me do this."
His mom bolts up, waving her hands at her sides in defeat. "You see, Jeremy?! We should have never stopped homeschooling him. Now, he wants to socialize with other kids. We've created... a monster!" Johnny's mum throws herself in her husband's arms, crying hysterically.
Johnny's father fixes him with an accusatory gaze. "See what you're doing to your poor mum? Come on son, she doesn't deserve this." He sets her down slowly where she cries into her hands before he leans in to whisper in Jeremy's ears...
"Youcan'tleavemewithherforthewholesummershe'sgoingtoddrivemenutssonIBEGofyou!" his dad speed whispers in his ear.
"Dad, I cannot continue to be your hostage just because you won't have simple conversations with mum!"
"You don't get it, son!" His dad grabbed his shoulders, his crazed eyes digging into Johnny's own. Johnny could feel his neck disappear into his shoulders as he tried shrinking back. His dad continued on. "She will make me knit or do some other new five-minute TikTok craft! I can't even fit the car in our garage, and she had promised to turn that into a man cave for us. All I have is a pathetic man's corner which she uses to hang her Eastern European mug collections. You can't do this to me, son."
Johnny wiggles out of his father's hands. "Would you please take mum back to the car and go home, I ca – Wait, what is she saying to the camp counselor?" Johnny looks on in horror as he sees his mother's finger in the counselor's face. He quickly rushes over to the two adults in a panic, overhearing his mother's probing questions as he quickly approaches.
"What is your insurance provider? How far is your nearest hospital from the camp? Are you first aid certified? Do you know the Heimlich manoeuvre? Have you ever sucked python venom from someone's leg? Why did the curiosity kill the cat?"
Johnny steps in between the two, trying to protect the man behind him from any emotional scars. "Mum! Leave him alone and go home!" Johnny tugs his mum's arm away from the counselor, who seems stunned by her grilling. She digs into her pocket.
"Don't forget your meds." She shoves a bottle into his arms before he shrugs them away and back into her arms.
"I don't take any meds, mum!"
"Just in case your allergy flares up."
" I don't have any allergies"
"Yes, you're allergic to 'mummy distance', it's a thing. I'll send you an article link in our family WhatsApp group"
"I left that group as soon as you added me, mum. There's only you and dad in there."
He turns his head and notices Tobby staring. Johnny could feel his nostrils flaring and cheeks blushing. "I'm only allergic to your constant nagging. Now, go home or I'll book a winter language exchange vacation to China."
"NO, NOT CHRISTMAS!"
"That's right!" Johnny takes out his smartphone. "Their desk staff already know me by name!"
"Jeremy, to the car now before I completely lose it."
They walk past a young boy hugging his parents. His dad holds him by his shoulders and tells him he's proud of him...In Klingon! Like true Star Trek fans.
Tobby is already stunned by the farewell buffoonery. He decides he had to try one more time to avoid joining the circus and its freaks.
"Mummy, please! It's not too late!" He pulls desperately on his mother's jacket. "Take me with you! I can wear a fake wig and pretend to be Nana Beth."
"Tobby, we haven't come all this way for you to start again. Now, get on that coach NOW!" She points towards the bus as the black automatic door opens, revealing the driver.
"Come on, kids! Get on the Tech-Mobile! Ha! Do you get it? 'Tech-Mobile' like 'Batmobile' but better!"
He stares at the kids with a big smile plastered on his face. The kids stare at him for a second, and right when Tobby feels like there was hope for them after all, the kids burst into laughter at the driver's cheesy joke.
Tobby slaps his forehead
"I really don't have a good feeling about this," he grumbles.
Johnny's mum suddenly runs back to the counselor and hands him a piece of cloth. "That's Johnny's comfy blanket for night terrors."
Johnny desperately hopes no one heard his mother. He begins to scramble in his bag. He finds what he was looking for, standing up with it behind his back. "Mum!" She looks back at him, squinting to see what he's holding. He reveals the Chinese flag he had in his hand, waving it wildly above his head. "NI-HAO-MA!" His mother's eyes bulged as she sped back to him.
"He speaks Chinese already. How does he know Chinese?" she stares at her husband waving her hands in the air in shock.
"That's all your doing! Now, come on, let's go home and paint one of your miniature forest cottages from Instagram." He patronizes her and pats her back as he pulls her arm towards their car.
One by one, the kids step on the gigantic luxurious bus. Louise, the counselor's assistant, hands each their name tags. Tobby and Lola are first to jump on the bus, followed by Nadine, a short girl with long, colorful braids and a bright outfit. She peels off the back and slaps her tag on her chest. Paul pulls out his asthma pump and his hand sanitizer spray. He sprays the pump on Louise's hand and accidentally sprays the sanitizer in his mouth. He begins to gasp for air like a fish out of water as he faints to the ground. Louise is left stunned. She drops everything in her hands in a half-hearted and belated attempt to catch his fall.
"Call an ambulance! Are you alright?" she screams in panic.
Tobby glues his face onto the window "Look! Asthma kid is having an asthma attack! Woohoo, the trip is cancelled!" Tobby points outside with the biggest grin ever.
After a couple of seconds, Paul's eyes blink open as he twirls his tongue in his mouth. "False alarm. I forgot my sanitizer is organic," he smiles.
Louise helps him sit up. "You gave me the fright of my life!" She squeals. Catching herself, she breathes in deeply to calm down as she picks up all her items from the ground.
"Sure thing, you don't want to call an ambulance unless it's a real emergency. Those cost $1,277 and 51cents upfront, and it's not always covered by your insurance." says Nicholas as he dusts off his name tag from the ground and slips it behind his tiny calculator in his suit's upper pocket. Johnny leaps over Paul, and grabs his tag from Louise. He turns around to face Paul. "You better have your breathing under control and not spoil my trip, PAUL," he says with disdain. "I traded one Ethereum for these two weeks of freedom." Nicholas sticks his name tag on as he storms up the stairs to the bus.
The kids are in awe as they gaze at the sleek leather seats, fancy lights and...
"Cool, my seat swivels – haha!" chuckles Nadine
"Oh boy!" Johnny shouts as he dives for the mini-fridge.
"Don't go digging into anything, we could get into trouble," warns Nicholas. "Snacks in mini-fridges are 70% overpriced and sometimes expired because nobody wants them. It's the biggest hospitality scam in hotels," he says as he struggles to shove his bag into the cubby over his head. It was chaos, but as soon as they hear the heavy boots of the counselor ascend the steps, they immediately shove the rest of their food into their pockets.
"Nobody touches those fridges or the snack bar. Those are way overpriced. Biggest hospitality scam. Their not included in your stay so it will come out of my pocket"
Tobby presses his face against the window and whimpers as his parents wave them goodbye. He breathes heavily on the glass and uses his finger to draw a broken heart in the condensation.
The counselor stands before the kids with a big smile and open arms. "Hello, everyone! My name is...oh, hold on a second-" He is interrupted by his vibrating phone. He picks up the call, and pauses for a second. His eyes suddenly pop out of his head as he awkwardly replies, "Oh! Oh Oh, yes, of course, we have plenty of space, and we haven't left yet. Perfect timing."
As he hangs up the phone, far in the distance, deep roaring and revving are filling the streets. Thick fog soon appears, blocking the parking lot from view, before dissipating just as quickly to reveal a fleet of sports cars, the latest 4x4s, and open-top convertibles. The counselor leans over a seat and looks out the window. The kids copy him with confused looks on their faces.
He straightens back up and looks at the children. "Listen up guys. I have some last-minute news. There's been slight changes to our plans, some unusual changes to say the least...hmmm."
"Ugh, what is it?" Tobby throws his hands in the air.
"Well, I just got a call from Camp Epic Fun. Their camping ground has completely flooded because of last night's storm. So, it looks like their kids will join our vacation."
"WHAT?!" the kids shout in unison.
"Oh no!" Lola throws her head in her arms.
"YESSS!" Tobby jumps onto his seat, bounces up, hits his head on the ceiling, and crashes back down. "Finally! Some cool kids, real kids."
Despite hitting his head, he looks satisfied and relieved by the news.
His sister, meanwhile, looks crushed. "This is going to be like school again." Lola could feel her stomach tighten. She doesn't have a good feeling about this.
"Now, let the fun begin" shouts Tobby.
"Are mum and dad gone already? I wanna get off this bus." Lola stands up but Tobby pushes her back into her seat.
"Oh no, my dear sister, you're not going anywhere. You're going to enjoy every part of this trip. This vacay was your idea. Deal with it."
"This is not fair. This is not what I had pictured."
"Too late, mum and dad have literally just left. HAHA!"
"You idiot, I could have caught up with them."
"Come on, it ain't going to be that bad. You'll thank me in the end. What can five, 8 – oh no, ten kids do?" Tobby does a head count as the new kids rush past his window to jump on the bus. He sticks out his hand for high fives from the new passengers, but they all ignore him as they pass.
He quickly improvises and pretends he was just stretching his arms.
"Did you wanna say that again?"
"Shut up Lola! I'm sure they didn't see me."
"Yep, bet they won't see you all summer."
"Oh, don't you worry about that. Got my prank book right here." Tobby pats the inside of his coat.
"Tobby, didn't mommy ask you to throw that book away after Aunt Linda's wedding disaster?"
"Yes, she did. And for your information, I did throw it out, but that same night, I snuck out and retrieved it before the trash van came."
Lola winces away from her brother, her lip curling in disgust. "Tobby! That was at the bottom of the trash and we had spaghetti that night."
Tobby looked unbothered, staring at his fingernails. "Yes, it wasn't an easy task. Took me almost two hours to find it, but I knew it would come in handy. There are some cool pranks I'm going to try."
"I don't think that's going to be a good idea, Tobby."
His hand falls to his side as he turns toward his sister who is still pressed up against the window to get away from Trash Traveler.
Tobby. "I thought me coming on this trip wasn't a good idea, Lola. But my mood is about to change." He pokes his head out into the aisle to peek at the cool kids bickering and laughing at the back.
"Okay, everyone, settle down and buckle up so we can head out. Remember: safety first! My name is Jordan, aka, your counselor aka, Coach Tech from NFDaddys Academy. I run the Web3 summer camp at NFT Kids Mansion."
"Just get this bus on the road already, Mr. Coach 'Geek!'" a mocking voice shouts from the back of the bus. One of the new kids, Logan high-fives his friends, Danny and Sean.
Jordan feels his smile and cheer fade at the reception – or, lack of one. These kids were not the usual perky, amicable, and excited students who signed up for two weeks of discovery and exploration – no, these kids were quite the opposite. "Oh dear, something tells me I'm going to regret this summer. I should have gone snorkelling in the Maldives." Jordan whispers to himself as he wipes the sweat from his brow, he bends down and taps the driver's shoulder. "Listen, if you take the next left, five minutes down that street is my house. How much do I need to pay you to look after these kids for ten days, two weeks tops?"
The driver looks back at Jordan, confusion and disgust showing on his worn, leathered face. Jordan is unphased by his judgemental gaze. "Give me your crypto wallet now, I'm good for it." He insists, trying to glare the man into compliance.
The driver pops his head over Jordan's shoulder. Asthma boy is hyperventilating into a brown paper bag, Tobby is arguing with Lola, all whilst the cool kids are having a food fight with the mini fridge snacks in the back.
"Dude, you're on your own. Ain't enough crypto in the world to convince me to take over your spot." He sets his gaze back on the road leading out from the parking lot. "You're in for a wild one, but you'll be alright, I think." The driver chuckles to himself and shakes his head as he starts the engine.
Jordan closes his eyes and breathes in deeply. "You know what? You're right. I'll be ok, we're all going to be ok." He puts his two hands on his knees and stands back up. "Ok boys and girls, I need everybody to sit down and fasten your seatbelts now."
A wrinkled, dry sausage is catapulted in his direction. Jordan ducks, avoiding it by millimetres. It lands on the windshield. The driver instantly breaks the bus, sending the kids flying, bumping their heads together or hitting the ceiling.
"Ouuuch!" all the kids shout in pain, some moaning and complaining.
The driver cranes his neck back, his angry face so red that it looks like a sausage. "Your coach said to SIT THE HECK DOWN and BUCKLE UP! If you brats don't do that NOW, I'll drive this bus straight to my buddies' correctional boot camp in New Mexico – and ain't no guarantee who's gonna make it back in one piece! It's the Hunger Games out there." The driver finishes his tirade, still pointing at each of the kids on the bus.
The kids rush back to their seats to fasten their seat belts in a jiffy.
The driver squints his eyes. "That's what I thought. Remember your folks signed over parental slips, but they won't know if we make a small DETOUR. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" he peels off the sausage from his windshield and bites into it.
The kids nod at once, like synchronized swimmers that practice timing the moment just right, their backs straight and eyes wide and focused intently. They looked like model students, or creepy dolls if you asked Lola her opinion on it all.
Jordan tries to chime up too. "...T-that's right! Do I make myself clear? It's Thunder Cats out there. I might add that I know his cousin, too." Jordan places his fists on his hips and tries to force forward his chest like so many of his favorite superheroes. He starts nodding slowly, hoping he had convinced the young passengers that he, too, was believable and formidable as the tough, intimidating bus driver.
The kids all give him a side eye.
He suddenly feels the bus driver's hand clasp around his thin arm, yanking him down to his level. Without taking his eyes off the road, the driver tilts his face toward the confused counselor. "Dude, it's the Hunger Games. We had them, what are you even saying?" he harshly whispers.
"Sorry, my bad, got caught up in the moment, I'll just sit down – feeling kinda dizzy."
Not a peep can be heard from the kids as the driver pulls onto the road and drives away.
***