Keziah.
October, 1997.
—
There was a time and place for erect nipples.
Keziah, standing in front of the sink early morning as she brushed her teeth, had erect nipples underneath her big T-shirt.
She didn't have hard nipples because she was cold but because she was thinking about murdering Hermione Granger.
It was nothing personal, no. It was also not the most appropriate time to have erect nipples.
Hermione didn't even do anything to her. Not a single thing.
Keziah just couldn't help but ponder what someone like Hermione Granger would do seconds before a gruesome death.
Hermione was intelligent and well-spoken. She always appeared put-together and acted like she was the human version of a dictionary and a thesaurus.
She was oddly judgemental and did not hide it very well. She had a way of shitting all over fun as well. She had no clue what the thrill of being spontaneous was.
Plan this and plan that. This and that. Do this now as this later. It's too early for this. Too late for this. Wrong time for this.
Spontaneity was probably Hermione's greatest nightmare.
So what would someone like that do in their last moments before death? Recite the A category of the dictionary? Ask for one last question to answer correctly? Recall the ingredients and instructions for a potion?
Keziah wanted to know.
She'd thought about how Harry Potter would act.
Him and his stupid heroic role in the Wizarding World. The boy who lived.
What if the boy who lived just died? By Keziah, a shadow and Muggle at Hogwarts?
She could see him fight very hard for his life, perhaps even negotiate. He would try to trick her too, without a doubt.
He would speak bravado words and show such ambition and courage. He would fling and flick his wand around, fighting for his gift to live.
She even thought about how Ron Weasley would act.
He was shadowed by his friends. It was clear as day to anyone with eyes. So he would probably fight as hard as he could. He would definitely not give up without a fight.
He would also probably be quite impulsive when trying to save his own life, and then face his destiny with failure.
It was very wrong for Keziah to be thinking about killing her boyfriend's brother actually. Very wrong.
Even more wrong to think about murdering her boyfriend's brother's friends. Actually, no. The other two didn't mean even a speck of dirt to Keziah.
Ron meant nothing to her either, but for her boyfriend's sake, she would make very frail attempts at trying not to fantasize about killing him.
A boyfriend. Yeah, Keziah had one of those.
It was even a shock to her. Who knew Fred Weasley, one of two deviously infamous tricksters that were a year older, would have noticed her?
Well, actually, considering they were in the same house, they were bound to cross paths. Without a doubt. It was inevitable.
But still. Keziah was a complete and utter nobody at Hogwarts. She stayed within the shadows and observed from afar and kept to herself.
She had no friends. By choice.
"Kez?" Oh, and there it was. The familiar and comfortable voice of her boyfriend calling out for her from her dorm, tearing her out of her trance.
"In here." Keziah used her hand to catch water to rinse her mouth. She gurgled water and dropped her toothbrush back into the plastic cup by the sink.
"Hey, pretty lady." All dressed in his uniform, Fred gave her an affectionate kiss on the lips when she emerged from the bathroom.
She threaded her arms around his large figure to hug him tightly, greedy for his touch. "Did anyone see you?"
She breathed in his sweet scent that mixed with musk cologne, a scent that made her relaxed and comfortable.
He hugged her back, chin upon the top of her head. "No, but I— I don't understand why you don't want people to know we're dating," he muttered as his slender fingers tangled in the back of her silky locks.
"You think I'm cheating?"
"It's not that. I trust you." His head shook as he pulled back enough to see her face. His eyebrows creased in seriousness. "There's a difference between private and secret. I know you're a very private person, but what we are is feeling more of a secret than it is private."
Keziah didn't have a reason for not wanting people to know except that she enjoyed being a nobody. If people found out she was dating Fred Weasley, people would see her.
Fred Weasley was notoriously popular, along with his identical twin. They were popular with everyone. Girls, guys, professors.
Nobody knew Keziah and Fred were dating though. Nobody knew and nobody suspected because it was easy for her not to spare a single glance in his direction in the corridors or in the Great Hall.
She just did her own thing.
"You didn't have a problem with it before," she said, and tipped her head back to hold his gaze.
"You do realize we've been together since June and it is now the middle of October, right?" He arched a single eyebrow at her. "We've been together for five months and nobody knows."
"I like it like that."
"I don't."
"Why not?" She frowned.
Something like a scoff fell from his lips. "Kez, I want to be able to hug you and kiss you everywhere," he said in a low tone.
"You did. Last night. In your bed."
"That's not what I mean." Though he was trying to be serious, his lips betrayed him and peaked into a devilish smirk at her response.
"Fred—"
"I want to be able to do that stuff with you in public and—"
"You want to fuck my brains out in public?" Her eyebrows pinched together, slightly confused.
"Shush." He placed a hand over her mouth to keep her quiet, other arm around her waist. His amber eyes bored into hers. "What I mean is that I want to be able to kiss you and hug you and make memories with you outside of our dorms and private locations," he told her gently, but firmly.
"But—"
"Your roommates are not even here right now." He didn't let her speak. "That's the same thing every time. You only let me come to your dorm when we're alone."
Keziah's lips sealed as she exhaled heavily through her nose.
Fred let go of her completely and placed his hands to his hips. "Look, Keziah, I-I didn't want to do this," he said dubiously, "But if you want to continue to be a secret, then I'm out."
Her heart didn't even flinch and her stomach didn't even plummet. She was perfectly fine.
"Freddie, can I just have time to think about it?" she asked evenly, folding her arms over her chest. "By the end of the week, give me until then."
He eyed her intently for a beat.
Then he heaved a sigh as his hand rubbed down his face. "Fine," he said at last, and nodded shortly. "By the end of the week."
"Thank you." She tossed him a sweet smile.
"So I'm still walking down to the Great Hall without you?" He hitched his book bag higher up his broad shoulder. "And eating breakfast without you?"
Her smile widened. "Just like it's been for the last five months of our relationship."
His eyes rolled and he dragged his fingers through his untidy red hair. "Alright." He lowered down to give her another brisk kiss. "I'll see you whenever I see you in private."
Keziah watched her gorgeous boyfriend leave her dorm and waited until the door shut to get dressed.
She didn't necessarily feel bad that they were a secret. She liked the way their relationship was.
Cheating wasn't even a worry because she sure as hell wouldn't cheat. Didn't care to. She didn't know for sure if Fred wouldn't cheat, but if he did, she really wouldn't care.
She wasn't like that with guys. She was a simple girl. One fuck up, then it was goodbye. No remorse. No regret. No pain. No tears. No heartache. No sympathy. Just goodbye.
Not goodbye as in murder the fuck out of them. But goodbye as in nothing but a worthless memory to her.
That made her sound heartless. She wasn't necessarily heartless. She was just meticulous. She liked Fred, obviously, or she wouldn't be in a relationship with him.
She liked the way he hugged her. The way he kissed her. The way he touched her. The way his voice sounded. The way he smiled at her. The way he talked to her. The way he brushed her hair from her face. The way he held her in his arms after sex. The way he joked with her. The way his eyes were hazel with gold encircling his pupil. The way his laugh sounded. The way his hair was always ruggedly sexy. The way he was strong and tall. The way freckles sprinkled across his cheekbones and nose. The way his skin felt against hers.
There was so much she liked about him. She liked him a lot.
But her heart wasn't in too deep with him. Her heart wasn't on the line. It was never on the line. Never had been on the line.
Her heart always remained unintentionally guarded.
She trusted no one and didn't really speak to anyone, so not really caring and opening up came easy to her. In fact, she hadn't had a single friend her entire life. Again, by choice.
Everything she did was always by her own sweet choice.
—
"Put that one in first." Theodore Nott smacked the back of Blaise Zabini's nearly shaved head. "Fucking idiot. Does it say to put the pearl dust in?"
Keziah's gaze rose from the textbook to the two Slytherins sitting in front of her, the cauldron in between them on the desk.
"Bloody hell, Nott." Blaise whacked his brunet friend's bicep as he shoved him nearly off his stool. "No need for physical violence."
Theodore's face twisted as his fingers clenched around the edge of the desk to keep secure on his stool. "'No need for physical violence'?" He scoffed sardonically. "You just hit and shoved me, prick."
"It was barely a shove." Blaise's eyes rolled as he added the ingredients into the cauldron.
"You did this." Theodore's palm pushed furiously into his mate's bicep.
Blaise exaggeratedly fell off his stool, spilling the pearl dust on the ground and all over himself. He unleashed a supposed pained groan and his stool even toppled over as well.
Theodore's eyes bulged out of his head as the entire class's eyes shot to them. "You are so fucking dramatic!" His voice rose, infuriated. "I will fucking titty-twist your nipples!"
"Titty-twist my nipples, and I'll twist your fucking nutsacks." Blaise scoffed and sat up straight, brushing himself off.
"Is it too much to ask for the two of you to be civil for one class?" Snape's drawling voice came from behind Keziah, making his way to the two.
"It was him!" Theodore and Blaise protested in unison, pointing at each other.
"Fifty points from Gryffindor for Cai not being the peacekeeper," Snape said after he observed the situation for a moment.
The Gryffindors in the class all made sounds of disbelief, except Keziah. She just sat there with her thighs crossed and foot jiggling under the desk.
"Clean this up, Miss Cai." Snape's tone was firm as he strolled away from the three.
"I'm not cleaning that, Professor." Keziah's eyes scanned along the instructions in her textbook, arms folded over the edge of the desk. "It isn't my mess."
Snape stopped short and slowly turned to her. "Talking back, are we?" he said through gritted teeth.
"No." Her gaze lifted and met her professor's. She spoke evenly. "Just stating the facts. You already took house points from Gryffindor for no rational reason, so the least you can do is teach your entitled Slytherins to clean up after themselves."
The room was so silent, Ron's gasp was heard loud and clear before Harry backhanded his arm. Everyone watched her and Snape.
Snape's eyebrows shot up and a muscle in his cheek spasmed. "Fifty more points taken for talking back." The warning surfaced in his tone.
"Cai, just clean it," Harry whispered from the desk next to her.
Keziah turned to him with a pleasant expression. "You clean it then," she told him. "If you're so afraid of losing house points, you clean it and allow Snape to continue to shit all over Gryffindors, Potter."
"Fifty points for foul language," Snape hissed as he stood with fingers looped before him, looking both amused and agitated.
Theodore and Blaise were snickering on the other side of the desk, nudging each other and whispering.
"I'll clean it." Harry rose from his seat, jaws tight.
"I did not ask you to clean it, Potter." Venom dripped off Snape's tongue as he glared at the boy. "I demanded Miss Cai to clean it."
"Miss Cai isn't going to clean it." Keziah's voice was serene as she let her chin rest in the palm of her hand, elbow balanced on the surface of the desk.
"Then you get a hundred more points taken, plus a detention with me this Friday." Snape's eyes sharpened as his lip lifted into a near sneer.
"Can't wait." She flashed him a kind smile.
She didn't mind detention. She had no friends and not much going on, so it was something to look forward to.
The professor looked subtly annoyed at her nonchalance. He exhaled and then said, "Class dismissed."
Keziah hopped off her stool with her textbook tucked under her arm. She grabbed her book bag and as she walked out of the classroom, she shoved her textbook in her bag.
"Good job, Cai." Ron irritably walked past her, deliberately pushing his bicep against hers. "Lost us a great load of points for no reason."
"That's too bad." She didn't spare him a glance as she strolled the opposite direction, on her way to her next class.
"And of course, you don't care!" His voice rose as he cupped his hands around his mouth, eyes gawking into the back of her head. "Typical fucking Keziah Cai!"
Her lips broke into her usual downwards smile as she chuckled amusedly to herself, not looking back at the ginger.
She didn't care that she lost points. That made her—once again—sound heartless, but she had a valid reason.
Snape always shat on the Gryffindors for no good reason. If Keziah cleaned up the mess that wasn't hers, it would give Snape triumph and pride because in his eyes, he'd see he had the power to demand any shit from the Gryffindors.
And Keziah also just didn't care about house points and the whole entirety of one of the houses winning at the end of the year.
But still, she wasn't heartless.
Keziah slipped into the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom and instantly, Lupin greeted her with a warming smile from the front of the class, where he prepared his lesson.
Lupin was probably the most liked professor at Hogwarts due to his friendliness, warmth, and understanding. Though he was all of the above, he was still strict and gave punishments when needed.
"How are you today, Miss Cai?" Lupin made conversation as she was the first one to show up.
"I'm okay," Keziah said coolly as she took her assigned seat in the second row, left side. "And you, Professor? Anyone given you a hard time yet?"
Lupin winced only slightly as he scribbled on his chalkboard. "I can't say the first years are getting any easier," he admitted.
"Same lot?"
"Same lot."
A chuckle elicited her mouth as she pulled out her textbook and notebook for this class.
Lupin was the only professor that gave his students a notebook at the beginning of the school year. All the other professors just handed out parchment.
"Professor?" Fred's voice came from the door as he knocked quietly.
"Come in, come in, Mister Weasley." Lupin dusted his hands off from the chalk as he whirled to face the redhead.
"I had a question about the assignment you gave us yesterday." Fred walked into the classroom, holding an assignment sheet.
Keziah absently doodled on the corner of her fresh page of the notebook. Her cheek leaned into her palm and her elbow on the table. She drew squiggly lines and dead roses. Useless doodles.
As Lupin helped Fred, more students spilled into the classroom and took their assigned seats. Keziah had Defence Against the Dark Arts with the Hufflepuffs today.
Fred shut the door on his way out and Lupin began his class. Keziah sat next to Justin Finch-Fletchley in this class.
She remembered the first time she sat next to him, he accidentally spilled his ink on her white sneakers. She was furious, of course. Someone just dirtied her white fucking sneakers, so of course she'd be pissed off. But she didn't show it.
That was her first murder fantasy she had when the new school year started. She was in her sixth year, nearly done with her years at Hogwarts.
She was beyond intelligent. In more ways than one. She'd ranked second every single year, Hermione Granger third and Draco Malfoy first.
Draco always ranked first and even though she didn't pay attention to him at all, his brilliant mind almost seemed effortless. Perhaps it was. She didn't know him or his life.
She only knew what the Malfoys wanted people to know. They were rich, well-known, beautiful, and respected. They were royalty. But what happened behind the curtains? She didn't know.
Keziah shook off her thoughts and directed her undivided attention to the lesson Lupin was teaching with such enthusiasm.
—
"And did you see the way he was looking at me?" Romilda Vane said from the top of her bed, looking all starstruck and wooed.
"I did." Lavender Brown smiled at her best friend, lying on her stomach at the foot of Romilda's bed. "He's in love, I reckon. I've never seen him look at anyone the way he does you."
Keziah did her homework at the desk in their shared dorm, listening to the usual gossip her roommates did at the end of the day.
Their dormitory had three beds lined up along the wall, a nightstand in between each. They had their own bathroom and enough room for all of their things. They had the basic needs for a student in their dorm.
She had two roommates, but they never really talked. They only talked when they needed to. Like asking where something was or if one of them touched a belonging that wasn't theirs.
They weren't bad roommates. They were just too... cliquey for Keziah's tolerance.
"You think Cedric and I will make cute babies?" Romilda asked quietly as she crossed her legs, eyebrows furrowed down at her friend.
Keziah had to stifle a laugh, but didn't bother hiding her amused smile since she was facing the wall the desk was pushed against.
"You've got beautiful hair." Lavender examined her best mate. "He's got dreamy eyes. You've got a cute nose. He's got a lovely smile." She nodded with an encouraging smile. "I think you'll make gorgeous babies."
Romilda was unable to contain her giddy giggles. "And you." She steered the conversation to her friend. "How are things going with Ron?"
"I told you I stopped trying with Ron days ago." Lavender made a strangled sound of exasperation, propping her head up with one arm, lying on her side.
"Oh." Romilda frowned and played with a curl. "But you liked him so much."
"Liked, exactly. Past tense," Lavender said easily, tracing her finger along the comforter. "Fred is looking very handsome lately. Or George. I can't tell who's who."
"They're identical twins." Romilda's shoulders raised in a plain shrug. "They look the same."
But they didn't. Fred and George had similarities, but they also looked very different. Fred's face was rounder and George's was sharper. The growth and style of their hair was also different. George had hazel eyes, Fred's were more gold.
Fred's eyes appeared gold due to the amber hues that sprinkled around his irises. Golden and yellow hues that were universes of their own.
Keziah could tell who was who by just the sound of their voices as well. And considering Fred was her boyfriend, it'd be pathetic if she didn't have the ability to tell them apart.
Once she completed her homework, she packed up her things and tossed her book bag on the armchair. Her roommates were still awake, still gossiping.
Keziah padded to the hooks to grab a sweater before heading to the door.
"Where are you going this late, Keziah?" Romilda's eyes were suddenly on her, which made Lavender's attention veer to her as well.
"I'm going for a walk." Keziah pulled her sweatshirt over her head and tugged the bottom hem down, whirling to look at her roommates.
"At nearly one in the morning?" Romilda looked incredulous as she sat in her satin dressing gown.
"She always goes for walks late at night." Lavender waved a dismissive hand.
"Alright then." Romilda let it go before she and her friend fell back into conversation.
Keziah left the dorm and pulled the hood of her sweatshirt over her head. She jogged down the steps and made it down to the common room, where it was empty except for one.
"My beautiful angel." Fred grinned so infectiously at her and pushed himself off the back of the couch where he leaned.
"You're not in a mood." Keziah jumped off the floor once he was in front of her and he caught her in his arms. Her legs winded around his waist and her arms around his shoulders.
"Why would I be?" His arms secured around her body as he inched closer to drop an ardent kiss on her lips. When he kissed her again, it was a soft kiss on her bottom lip.
He managed to make that small feeling of butterflies erupt in her tummy.
"You were this morning when you tried to break up with me," she recalled, running her fingers through the messy strands of his hair behind his head.
"That was before I gave you an ultimatum."
"Ultimatum, my ass." She scoffed through a fond smile at him. "Were you actually going to break up with me if I wanted to keep us on the down low?"
"It is not the down-low," he clarified sharply with a look. "It is a full-blown secret, you and I."
"But doesn't the sneaking around"—she leaned closer until her lips levelled with his ear, her breath fanning his skin—"give you a thrill, Freddie?"
She heard his breaths hitch as his grip tightened around her.
"Don't you remember that time we fucked in the empty classroom seconds before it filled with students?" she whispered so softly, nearly a purr. Her fingers slowly glided through his hair as her lips grazed the shell of his ear. "Don't you remember the way we needed to hide in the empty closet until the class was over? Didn't that give you a rush?"
"It did." His voice came out hoarse as he nodded. "I liked it."
She smiled and hopped out of his arms, back onto the ground. Her head knocked back to hold his gaze as her hands ran beneath his Quidditch sweatshirt to feel his hard abs.
She stood at five-foot-eight and he stood at six-foot-three. She liked their height difference because he wasn't too tall for her, but just tall enough.
His golden eyes lowered to the prominent bulge in his grey sweatpants and he cleared his throat. "Let's, uh... walk?" He met her stare.
Laughing, she nodded and leaned in to give him a swift kiss.
His hand found hers and he braided their fingers together. Against her palm, she felt the calluses on his palm press into her skin. She liked how physically rough his hands were, but it was the touch of them and the way he used them that was gentle.
They both exited the empty common room and down the moving steps. Her fingers fell from between his and closed around them instead, holding his fingers tightly.
They always went for late-night walks around the castle because she found the castle to be most alluring at night. With nothing but torches as light and empty and eerily exciting to stroll around.
"Library. Library." Keziah tugged him to the opposite direction he was going to walk down. "The library's so pretty at night. We can see if the parchment airplane you made last month is still hidden between those two books."
Fred's mouth twitched up into a half grin. "Alright. Come." He let go of her hand and crouched down before her.
She hopped onto his back and he held her legs around his waist tightly before he stood. Her arms sealed around his shoulders, leaning her head against the side of his.
"You never answered my question." Her voice was hushed in his ear, calm and relaxed.
"Repeat it for me, will you?" His large hands grasped her thighs as he walked them to the library.
"Were you actually going to break up with me if I didn't make a compromise?" She studied the side of his face through the dim light of the torch-lit corridor.
A short pause. "I don't think so, no." He shook his head slightly.
"So it doesn't make a difference if I say yes or no."
"Keziah, you can't do that." He exhaled an exasperated sigh and shook his head again. "You still need to think about it—and I mean actually think about it—because I'm getting tired of getting that same treatment you gave me earlier and about a million times before."
"What treatment?" She knew what treatment, so she didn't know why she asked.
"I walked into Lupin's class and you didn't even look at me." He sounded sort of disappointed as they turned to the direction of the library. "I want to be able to smile at you and talk to you—"
"We can talk."
"No, actually, we can't." He talked over her when she tried to speak again. "After summer was over and we were back at school, you told me not to talk to you for too long or too comfortably, or else people would suspect."
"Yes, I said not too long or too comfortably," she agreed, pressing her cheek into his as he hoisted her higher up his muscled back. "But we can still talk."
"How the fuck am I supposed to talk to you without being too comfortable?" he said wryly. "We've been dating for five months. I eat your pussy every other day, for fuck's sake."
"Okay, Fred." Her hand pressed over his mouth and a red tint coloured her cheeks. "I get it, blimey. Let's just drop the subject for now, okay? You're getting all riled up."
He huffed out a pent-up breath. "Alright."
"You're a very good boyfriend though," she murmured, and kissed the side of his head. "I like you a lot, Fred Weasley."
"I like you more, Keziah Cai." His head turned and he gave her a swift kiss on the corner of her mouth.
As Fred walked them to the aisle where he hid a parchment airplane, Keziah couldn't help but notice a familiar blond lurking in the corner by a bookshelf, far from where she and Fred were walking.
Draco looked relaxed and casual, and didn't seem to have noticed her or Fred entering the library. His hands were buried in the pocket of his sweatpants as he leaned against the timber by his bicep. He didn't see her because his eyes were fixed somewhere else.
When Fred kept walking further and past the shelves, Keziah saw what Draco was so focused on.
Tracey Davis studying on the couch.