My heart pounds as I approach Emi's classroom. Am I really doing this? Something tells me Mori's punishment if I don't do what he wants is going to be a lot more painful than the normal bullies. But Emi...can I do this to her? I don't want to, that's for sure. But really, how bad can it be? I've heard "doing it" is everyone's dream. Surely Emi must want it too.
Conversations pause as I slide open the door. I hear judging, but not necessarily mean, whispers break out around me. For some reason I feel like I can handle these today.
I make my way over to where Emi, Riporin and Amin are chatting while eating lunch. They look up as I approach and all three break into smiles. However, Emi's quickly falls from her face as she sees my terrified expression.
"Haru? What's up? Is everything okay?"
"I need to talk to you?" I murmur under my breath. By some miracle she hears me and gets to her feet.
"Continue without me, girls. I'll be right back."
We walk into the hallway and I look both ways for students. There's a few at the end but they don't seem to notice us.
"So, what's up?" Emi worries. "Are you finally gonna tell me how you hurt your ear?"
"I've gotten closer with Mori," I half-lie, dodging the question.
"Okay...?" She raises an eyebrow, confused.
"I-I think you should move on with him," I blurt and Emi stares at me like I've gone insane.
"What are you talking about?"
"I just—" I struggle to find words, my heart pounding so fast I feel sick. "I think he deserves it, you know? He's been so patient with you and you're not giving him anything. I just...I..." I don't even know if I want her to listen or not. I don't know anything anymore.
"Haru," she laughs nervously, backing away from me. "You're joking, right? You know I don't want to, why are you trying to do this?"
I open my mouth but no words come out. Cold sweat coats the back of my neck and my breath comes in tiny gasps. She's right. Why am I doing this? I should apologize. I should straighten this out as soon as I can—
"Emi? Haru? What's going on?" Mori's warm voice calls from behind me. I flinch, not wanting to look back but having to when he stops behind me.
"Mori!" Emi searches his gaze with a betrayed expression. "Did you tell Haru to tell me to tell you I'm ready?"
He blinks, then raises an eyebrow. "I'm not sure I follow, but you know I'd never want to do anything you're not comfortable with, right?" Her expression falls into a soft smile and I feel the muscles around my heart tighten. Mori walks around me to stand behind Emi, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'm on your side, Emi."
Then two of them turn to me and I flinch again, searching for any words. Why is he saying this? I thought he wanted it! So why are they glaring at me like that?
Tears bloom in my eyes and I shake my head frantically. "I-I...Mori told me to—"
"I didn't tell you to do anything," Mori growls. "Don't try to blame this on me!"
"But I—"
"Haru," Emu interrupts harshly, but when she sees the terrified look in my eyes her expression softens. "I don't hate you or anything. I'm sure you had a good reason for saying that. I'm going over to Mori's after school, but I'll call you, okay? Then you can tell me everything."
I nod shakily. I can do that. I'll tell her all about what Mori's doing, and she'll finally break up with him.
All I want is for her to be safe and happy.