Chapter 24: Mad. Mad. Mad.
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The next morning brought an end to the quiet and Matthias’ fragile sense of peace, even Zaria who can't stand the fact that she will listen to Kaz Brekker talk the whole day about this stupid heist.
"If we get this right, we’re going to be in and out of the Ice Court before the Fjerdans ever know their prize scientist is gone," Kaz said as they shouldered their packs and continued to push south.
for the whole night, Zaria was a shivering mess, her teeth won't stop chattering and she was curled into a ball, she was actually thinking about what she had done to Kaz the whole night
"When we enter the prison, we’ll be taken to the holding area beneath the men’s and women’s cellblocks to await charges. If Matthias is right and the procedures are still the same, the patrols only pass through the holding cells three times a day for head counts. Once we’re out of the cells, we should have at least six hours to cross to the embassy, locate Yul-Bayur on the White Island, and get him down to the harbor before they realize anyone is missing."
Zaria did everything she could to focus on his words and not think about how much she missed him talking to her, 'why would you miss a cold heartless asshole who doesn't give a single shit about you?' she thought.
"What about the other prisoners in the holding cells?" Matthias asked glancing at Zaria who was staring at the ground, "We have that covered." and with that, both the zemeni girl and the fjerdan rolled their eyes.
Zaria never thought she would ever miss Ketterdam but here she is, "Once we’re out of the cells," Kaz continued.
"Matthias and Jesper will secure rope from the stables while Wylan and I get Nina and Inej out of the women’s holding area. The basement is our meet. That’s where the incinerator is, and no one should be in the laundry after the prison shuts down for the night. While Inej makes the climb, Wylan and I scour the laundry for anything he can use for demo. And just in case the Fjerdans decide to stash Bo Yul-Bayur in the prison and make life easy on us, Nina, Matthias, and Jesper will search the top-level cells, Isla will probably go with them or climb with Inej."
Zaria bit down on her anger at him calling her by her last name out of everyone, "Nina and Matthias?" Jesper asked. "Far be it from me to doubt anyone’s professionalism, but is that really the ideal pairing?" the black-haired girl nodded at his words shooting a 'no offense' look at Matthias.
"Matthias knows prison procedure, and Nina can handle any guards without a noisy fight. Your job is to keep them from killing each other. and your best friend will go with you if you can't take care of them."
That's it, she wanted to punch him.
"Because we're the diplomats of the group?" she snapped and clenched her fists before Jesper could even have the chance to talk, Kaz frowned at her snapping and turned towards her.
Fury rushed through her body as she cocked her head to the side, Kaz mirroring her expression, "There is no diplomat of the group. Now listen," Kaz ordered, "The rest of the prison isn’t like the holding area. Patrols in the cellblock rotate every two hours, and we don’t want to risk anyone sounding an alarm, so be smart. We coordinate everything to the chiming of the Elderclock. We’re out of the cells right after six bells, we’re up the incinerator and on the roof by eight bells. No exceptions."
Then they continued with the plan, phase two and Zaria found herself zoning out and death glaring at the bastard of the barrel instead of listening.
Matthias put his head in his hands, imagining the havoc these low creatures were about to wreak on his country’s capital, "It’s one prisoner, Helvar," said Kaz as if it was just a simple easy task.
"And a bridge," Wylan put in helpfully.
"And anything we have to blow up in between," added Jesper.
“Everyone shut up,” Matthias growled and Jesper shrugged. "Fjerdans."
"That's not fair, me and Inej didn't even talk-" started Zaria in a mutter and was cut off by the Fjerdan death glare, sticking her tongue out at him, she huffed and looked away.
Further south they traveled, the coast long gone, the ice broken more and more by slashes of forest, glimpses of black earth and animal tracks, proof of the living world.
"And you Isla, I think you will be dancing for our dear Fjerdans." of course, she got the worse job, "of course I get the fucking worse job, I wanna quit," she muttered the last sentence to herself.
Kaz ignored her remark and continued talking about protocols and all that bullshit, "black protocol?" asked Zaria finally snapping out of thoughts, "We’re all doomed?" said Jesper.
"That about covers it," Matthias said, pulling his hood tighter and trudging ahead. They’d even made him imitate the different patterns of the bells. A necessity, but he’d felt like a fool chanting.
"Bing bong bing bing bong. No, wait, bing bing bong bing bing."
"When I’m rich," started Jesper behind him, "I’m going somewhere I never have to see snow again. What about you, Wylan?" talking to his boyfriend, that made her smile slightly.
Out of all people he chose Wylan, and they say romance is dead.
"I don’t know exactly." replied the boy shrugging, "I think you should buy a golden piano—"
"Flute." corrected Wylan, Jesper snapped his fingers and shot him a wink making finger guns, "And play concerts on a pleasure barge. You can park it in the canal right outside your father's house."
"Nina can sing," Inej put in.
"We'll duet" Nina amended and Zaria found herself trying to picture what that would be like, "Zaria will play the piano," added Inej once again snapping the girl out of her fantasy land after noticing her quiet behavior.
"Your father will have to move."
According to Matthias, Nina did have a terrible singing voice. He hated that he knew that, but he couldn’t resist glancing over his shoulder. Nina’s hood had fallen back, and the thick waves of her hair had escaped her collar.
Why do I keep doing that? he thought in a rush of frustration. It had happened aboard the ship, too. He’d tell himself to ignore her, and the next thing he knew his eyes would be seeking her out.
Zaria appeared by his side once again, "that's a sudden change of mood, yesterday you were throwing snow and laughing like a maniac and today you are..quiet? it's scary." he admitted feeling proud of himself for finally finding the Kerch word for 'snow'
"Scary? no, I am just freezing." she replied with a small chuckle, "you were freezing more yesterday, is it about Demjin or the job?" he read her like an open book.
she sighed, really, she didn't know how to answer the question. she was mad at Kaz, for calling her by her last name and being mad at her for no reason at all, and she was also mad at herself.
Mad that she caught feelings for a boy who doesn't believe in such a thing and only sees her as a partner, not even friends, just someone he needs in the heist.
Mad that she caught feelings for a boy who doesn't believe in such a thing and only sees her as a partner, not even a friend, just someone he needs in the heist.
For making her miss him, for giving her the worst job.
Mad that he uses her, mad that he makes her confused, mad that she loves him.
Mad that he doesn’t even know, mad that he can’t know, mad that they’ll never work, mad mad mad.
"And yes I am fucking mad at demjin and the job, who wouldn't be? I got the worst job and I don't want men to be staring at me to the point where they want to jump and eat me. Hey, I'm talking-"
she was cut off by him suddenly plunging forward, eager to be up the next hill with some distance between them.
Zaria followed close behind to see why he was suddenly hurrying, he stopped dead in his tracks before turning around and holding out his arms. "Stop! You don’t want to-"
But it was too late, Zaria almost fainted at the sight, her eyes widened as the first thing that came to mind was the day her father died, her breath hitching and legs weakening.
Nina clapped her hands over her mouth. Inej made some kind of warding sign in the air. Jesper shook his head, and Wylan gagged. Kaz stood like a stone, his expression inscrutable.
but then the bastard of the barrel's eyes fell on her, she paled, already trembling hand from the cold slapping over her mouth and eyes wide they were about to come out.
He wanted to reach out, to turn her around and pull her to his embrace so she wouldn't see anymore but couldn't even move, Three stakes had been driven into the icy ground, and three charred bodies were attached to them, their blackened, cracked skin still fuming.
While Wylan asked what is this and Nina explained with a slack face and green eyes staring, "It’s what criminals do," said Matthias, his insides swirling, "The pyres have been illegal since-" he tried to resume his words but Nina cut him off.
She whirled on him and shoved his chest hard, "Don’t you dare," she seethed, fury burning like a halo around her.
"Tell me the last time someone was prosecuted for putting a Grisha to the flames. Do you even call it murder when you put down dogs?" Kaz's eyes never left Zaria, her hand fell but her shoulders were still tensed.
"Nina-"
the girl ignored her name being called and resumed her words, "Do you have a different name for killing when you wear a uniform to do it?" she exclaimed but then they all hear it, a cry.
"saints." whispered Jesper, "one of them is alive." The sound came again, thin and keening, from the black hulk of the body on the far right, they couldn't even tell the gender.
A sob tore from Nina’s throat. She raised her hands but she was shaking too badly to use her power to end the creature’s suffering, she turned her tear-filled eyes to the others, "I… Please, someone… Zaria?"
Everyone turned towards the girl who was still frozen, her eyes met Nina's, and with a trembling sigh, she reached for her knife that was hidden in her corset.
She took a step, trying not to trip as her own legs were trembling, she clenched the knife to her chest, she was breathing rapidly, her chest going up and down at an uncontrollable speed.
Tears welled in her eyes as she walked, Jesper stepped in and followed the girl quietly just in case, but as the person's eyes landed on her Zaria froze.
"Isla?" Zaria couldn't breathe, a tear fell down as she shook her head, taking a step back, Jesper moved and placed her behind him, two shots rang out, and the body fell silent. Jesper returned his pistols to their holsters and turned towards his best friend.
She was trying to catch her breath and when the two shots ran out she covered her ears, Jesper grabbed her hand and pulled them away from her ears, "I am sorry, I couldn't-" she started but was cut off by him pulling her to his chest.
"shh, it's okay. We get that." Kaz watched them before around them, "Damn it, Jesper," Kaz growled. "You just announced our presence for miles."
Jesper rolled his eyes and placed a hand on Zaria's head to keep her still against his chest, "So they think we’re a hunting party."
"You should have let Inej do it."
"I didn’t want to do it," Inej said quietly. "Thank you, Jesper." a small smile was on Inej's lips as she watched the zemeni boy nod at her with a 'your welcome' and an 'I got your back' expression.
His main focus was his best friend in his arms, he knew what she was thinking about when making her way toward the now-dead person, she was thinking about her father and that was why he stepped in, even if it was painful for him too.
Kaz’s jaw ticked, but he said nothing more except watch the two, Zaria cleared her throat and pulled away, she exhaled deeply before blinking the tears away.
"You okay, Z?" she almost laughed at that nickname, "you still call me that?" she asked putting the knife away and doing everything she can not look at the bodies.
"I've always called you that."
Zaria ran her hand through her hair before down her face to make sure not a single tear escaped, "yeah, I have a shit memory." and she was exhausted, tilting her head to the side to get rid of the exhaustion she gave him a smile.
"We should probably go back to the others, they probably want to leave." she said turning around and getting ready to walk away, Jesper nodded and wrapped an arm around her shoulders pulling her towards him as they walked.
His hand was on the side of her face, the side where the bodies lay, almost covering her eyes so she wouldn't see the burned skin and smoke still leaving their bodies.
"I'm fine, Jes." she whispered, trying to focus on the snow crushing under her boots, "you are exhausted, Z." he whispered back, "how can I not? with this fucking heist, it's freezing and a can't sleep because of anxiety eating me alive."
"It will go fine, as planned."
"Yeah and remember what your father used to say? trust your guts? Well, my guts are telling me that something bad will happen." to me, she resumed in her mind.
She stayed silent for a while before looking up at him, "they knew my last name, Jes..." most grishas knew her name due to her father and none heard about her ever since that night.
But they did remember her face, she looked like her father.
Once standing with the crows, Nina choked out a "thank you" before plunging ahead over the frozen ground, following the shape of the path through the snow.
She was weeping, stumbling over the terrain and Matthias followed. There were few landmarks here, and it was easy to get turned around. "Nina, you musn’t stray from the group-"
"That’s what you’re going back to, Helvar," she said harshly, "That’s the country you long to serve. Does it make you proud?"
"I’ve never sent a Grisha to the pyre. Grisha are given a fair trial-" She turned on him, goggles up, tears frozen on her cheeks.
"Then why has a Grisha never been found innocent at the end of your supposedly fair trials?" Matthias didn't reply and tried to find the right words.
"I—" he started but was cut off by her again, "Because our crime is existing. Our crime is what we are." Zaria watched the two with a frown, mainly focusing on what Matthias was about to say.
Matthias went quiet, and when he spoke he was caught between shame for what he was about to say and the need to speak the words, the words he’d been raised on, the words that still rang true for him.
He even forgot the only true friendship he had after a while.
"Nina, has it ever occurred to you that maybe … you weren’t meant to exist?" Zaria's eyebrows raised in shock and she scoffed loud enough for him to hear.
Nina’s eyes glinted green fire and Zaria was shooting him a look, her eyes were also burning with fire and she was staring at him, it felt like she was staring down at him and stabbing him repeatedly with her dagger.
Before Nina could even get the chance to speak, Zaria stepped in, "wow, dear Matthias Helvar finally decided to show his true color, you Fjerdans are so weak and soft, did you know that?" She spoke trying to step closer but Jesper's arm landed in front of her.
"maybe you’re the ones who shouldn’t exist, Helvar. I am a fool to trust you and believe you, I fucking knew something was suspicious about you."
Bang, that did hurt.
"How dare you? I swear-" He cut himself off, eyes staring back at her in...disbelieve? Zaria almost laughed at that, "or what? You're gonna burn me too? Trust me, if you even think of hurting Nina or any of us, I will rip you apart and burn you the way they do to us." She threatened coldly.
He couldn't say anything else, Nina took a step towards him, and he could feel the rage radiating off her. “Maybe you’re the ones who shouldn’t exist, Helvar. Weak and soft, with your short lives and your sad little prejudices. You worship woodsprites and ice spirits who can’t be bothered to show themselves, but you see real power, and you can’t wait to stamp it out."
"Don’t mock what you don’t understand.”
"My mockery offends you? My people would welcome your laughter in place of this barbarity." A look of supreme satisfaction crossed her face.
"Ravka is rebuilding. So is the Second Army, and when they do, I hope they give you the fair trial you deserve. I hope they put the drüskelle in shackles and make them stand to hear their crimes enumerated so the world will have an accounting of your evils."
"If you’re so desperate to see Ravka rise, why aren’t you there now?" He snapped with raised eyebrows.
"I want you to have your pardon, Helvar. I want you to be here when the Second Army marches north and overruns every inch of this wasteland. I hope they burn your fields and salt the earth. I hope they send your friends and your family to the pyre."
"They already did, Zenik. My mother, my father, my baby sister. Inferni soldiers, your precious, persecuted Grisha, burned our village to the ground. I have nothing left to lose."
Nina’s laugh was bitter. "Maybe your stay in Hellgate was too short, Matthias. There’s always more to lose." The crows watched in silence the scene unfold in front of them.
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A/N: Matthias and Zaria</3 also i was listening to 'You mean you're actually going to kill me' and it reminded me of Kaz and Zaria idk why, but yeah, this was written hurriedly so, i apologize.
We all need a Jesper in our life, Also poor Zaria.