My bags were packed. My apartment became empty. And my life was moving. My life was moving from Trondheim to Manchester. Norway to England. Comfort to discomfort.
I was soon on the plane. I had to fly from Trondheim to Oslo, and then Oslo to Manchester. As I flew over my home country, I once again questioned why I was even doing this to begin with. Why was I leaving my beautiful country? Why was I leaving the fjords, and mountains, and rivers?
But then I was pulled back into reality. I was doing this. There was no going back now. I needed this. For my own sanity. I was doing this for experience, and exploration, and healing. Maybe this would 'heal' me. Maybe this would finally 'heal' me, if that was even possible.
I didn't know anyone in the team. There were no other Norwegians, nor anyone I had ever played with previously. It really was a new, fresh start. It was something I had never experienced before. I'm not sure whether that made me more nervous or more ready.
"What if... what if... I-" I said over the phone, as I got off the plane in Oslo, before my connecting flight.
"Ev, breathe..." Ingrid said, trying to calm me down. I could tell that she was in the car, probably driving somewhere in her new home of Barcelona. She had signed with Barcelona from Wolfsburg in the off season. She too was wanting to try something new, but she was handling it a bit better than I was.
"I can't do this," I then said, turning around to head away from my airport gate.
"Ev, please take a deep breath. You can do this. Don't let yourself tell you otherwise." I knew she was right. Ingrid normally was. She has a calmness to her that radiates. Whenever I feel at my worst, she can make me feel like my best once more. She has that charm, and spark, and magic to her. She is my magic.
I ended up on the plane. Somehow. And once I was on, I couldn't get off. That was the first step. That was the first step that Ingrid gave me to do.
"Step one," Ingrid said, an hour earlier, "is you get to your plane and get on it. That's all you have to do right now. Break this experience down, okay? Break it down into small, manageable compartments. Don't overwhelm yourself with things you can't control right now. Control the controllable, Ev."
"Control the controllable," I repeated.
"Yes, control the controllable."
I liked that saying. I liked what it meant, and how it related to me, at that moment. Break it down. Take it step by step. And control what you can, not what you can't.
What I could control was getting on that plane, and after 2 hours in the metal tube in the sky, I could start thinking about the next step then.
I fell asleep on the plane, so the trip was quicker than I had thought it could be, and when I arrived, I was greeted at the airport with a driver, who would take me straight to the offices to sign my contract. There was no fussing about it. I was in Manchester, and I was going to sign.
When I arrived at The Etihad, I had a few minutes by myself, next to the pitch. I looked around, seeing the seas of chairs that each week were filled by mad, english fans, supporting their club. Supporting the boys in blue. Although I knew we didn't play here often, one day I knew I would. I would step onto that pitch. I would experience that feeling. At first, it terrified me. I couldn't imagine being so vulnerable in front of so many, but as I thought about in the idea, I came to relish it. Being able to share my passion in front of everyone was worth more than my fears that came alongside it.
"Eva," a man said to me, catching my attention. "They're ready for you." I smiled softly, and walked back inside.
I signed my contract. Two years. I would be here for two years. There was no doubt about it. And then my number.
"What numbers are available?" I asked, before being handed a list. And then I breathed. I saw the number I wanted. I saw the number that I needed. Some say that numbers don't matter. Why would they? They are just digits on our backs.
But for me, as so many others, they do. They mean more than anyone could realise.
Since I signed for Trondheim, when I was only a teenager, I had been number 22. Two and two. Twenty two. Nora, she was born on the 2nd of February. 2/2.
It was always going to be 22.
"I'll take 22, please," I said, smiling softly, knowing that I would bring a bit of my sister into this new world with me. A piece of my past would be printed on my back.
"No problem, Eva. Let's get this announced!" I smiled softly, knowing that in just a few moments I would be able to announce to the world that I was signed for Manchester city.
Mancity: We're delighted to announce the signing of Norwegian midfielder, Eva Valtersen, from Trondheims-Ørn, through to 2023.
And then I breathed. It was announced.
"You can now announce it on your social media too," the media manager said to me. "Not required, but allowed." I nodded softly.
"So... can I leave?" I asked. He laughed slightly.
"Yes, you can leave now. Training starts tomorrow, and you'll find out all the information for your schedule then. Garry can take you to your apartment."
"Gary?"
"The driver."
"Oh okay. Thanks." I grabbed my bag, walked outside, and to the car that was waiting for me. It was a beautiful day in Manchester. The sun was shining, and I couldn't see a cloud in the never ending sky. It was as if it was welcoming me here. Welcoming me to Manchester.
I was dropped off at my new apartment, which was close to our training ground and the academy stadium. It was conveniently located, I only wished that it was convenient for my brain.
When I walked inside, it was dim, and the only light came from the windows. As I peered closer, I saw the view of greater Manchester. It was big. A lot bigger than Trondheim. That in itself scared me. It was larger than anything I thought of before.
I turned the lights on and off twice. I opened the door to my bathroom twice. I walked through the corridor twice. And did all those things twice more. If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to live. I wouldn't be able to live here or anywhere. I had to. It was a need, not a want.
I sat on the floor of the apartment, as I had no furniture, par a mattress, at the time, and wrote on my instagram. I had 100k followers, and that was only because of the national team. Trondheims-Ørn didn't have too many followers, especially with the women's side.
Eva.valtersen22: Very excited to announce my signing with Manchester city until 2023. new chapter for me!
Veldig spent på å kunngjøre signeringen min med Manchester city frem til 2023. nytt kapittel for meg!
Ingrid_engen: Så stolt og jeg elsker deg
Guroreiten: see you soon <3
I put my phone down, knowing that social media stressed me out more than most other things. It was a weird dynamic between me and it. I loved it, but also hated it. I was obsessed over it, but I knew that was stupid. It was hard to put down. It was addictive in a way, so I tried my best to limit that time. Over the past few years, I worked out ways to manage my brain, and reducing media time was one of them.
As I lay on my mattress, on the floor, in my bedroom, I knew it was time to breathe.
One. Two. Three. Breathe.
One. Two. Three. Breathe.
Do that twice. Repeat that twice.
One. Two. Three. Breathe.
One. Two. Three. Breathe.
Crack the knuckles. Twice.
Count the bracelets. Count the rubber bands.
Twice.
Everything twice.
That is what works. That is how I like it.
And tomorrow would be the start of something new. The start of a new experience. My second club. It was the number 2. It would be good. I could feel it. I hoped for it.
One. Two. Three. Breathe. Repeat.
One. Two. Three. Breathe. Repeat.