"I do not need a handmaiden, Titus, I have been leading without one for years now!"
The Commander's voice was stern with a restrained annoyance and horribly uncomfortable to listen to from my position outside her quarter doors. I would have much rather preferred to leave, or at least wait in another part of the Tower whilst Titus, her flamekeeper, attempted to convince her that my presence was needed, but I couldn't. I'd been sent here and this is where I had to remain until my introduction was made.
More back and forth was exchanged between the Commander and Titus, with a clear attempt to have it privately and lowly for my sake, but I still heard bits and pieces. Enough to know the Commander didn't require my presence one bit and that my new role as her handmaiden would no doubt be revoked before I even had chance to practice it.
After a painfully long few minutes spent with me avoiding the pitiful glances from the guards standing outside her doors, Titus and the Commander finally stepped out, side by side, and reluctantly so. Titus cleared his throat, making me look up suddenly. I had to remember to be courteous, like the Commander expected.
"This is Y/N Kom Trikru, Heda," Titus introduced me to her. "Your new handmaiden."
My eyes drifted from him to the Commander herself and I subconsciously straightened up at her sharp gaze. Having lived outside of Polis all my life, I'd never had need or the chance to witness the Commander up close and in person. I'd heard stories, rumours and whatever floated about town – but none of them did her justice.
Despite being around the same height as myself, she stood tall and proud; chin raised slightly; forest green eyes narrowed my way; calculating gaze trying to decipher my intentions, no doubt. She was intimidating, I wouldn't lie, even when she hadn't said a word, appearing a natural born leader. Devilishly stunning, she was, and I was never good with those who used their beauty to intimidate – intentionally or not.
"Y/N," she said slowly, enunciating every letter, as if testing it out, deciding whether it was worth keeping or not. Soft but stern, just as it had sounded before.
"It is my pleasure, Heda," was all I could think to say, assuming she'd expect that, before bowing my head. "I look forward to assisting you."
There was a pause, to which I glanced up to see if she would speak. Her eyes glanced over to her flamekeeper, the two of them having a conversation with their eyes alone, before she looked back to me once more.
"I never asked for you," she finally said, and though she was calm, I could feel the annoyance radiating from her. "The last thing I need is a handmaiden. But Titus here believes you're necessary."
I clenched my jaw subtly, trying to collect my thoughts so that I didn't speak out of turn impulsively. The truth was, I didn't want to be her handmaiden. Wait on somebody hand and foot? Act as their servant as they did an actual job? No thank you. But at such an urgent, desperate time in my
life, it was like being handed food on a silver platter. And I would have been a fool to let it go. I wasn't about to lose out on it now either.
"I am only here to assist you in your day-to-day duties," I explained gently, meeting her eyes with as much confidence I could muster. "To take some burdens off you whilst you lead, Heda."
She tensed her jaw and concealed a frown behind pursed lips. "Well, I am capable of a lot of things on my own. I have been for a long time now. So, I'm not sure how much use you will be."
"As much use as you require, Heda," I said respectively, bowing my head once more.
Satisfied with my response, Titus looked to the Commander with a raised brow, as if to say see?. The Commander, lips still pursed, gave him a long look, before turning around to return to her quarters. Before I could think to follow, the doors slammed shut behind her, signalling she wanted nobody there.
"Busy yourself in the kitchens for now," Titus said dismissively when I shot him a questioning glance. "It will take time for her to get used to you."
I nodded to him before doing just that, hoping whatever tantrum the Commander was throwing would ease up soon
enough. The job was already hard enough without her making it even more difficult.
———————————————
Of course, my life could never be simple. It was always overcoming problems and jumping over hurdles just to make a basic living. And my new job wasn't any different.
The first meeting between the Commander and I only set a precedence for how the remainder of our dynamic would be. It was like she was so set in her ways – much more stubborn than I ever thought a leader could be – and wanted to make sure I knew that she didn't want me around. Already standoffish, she existed purely to make my job harder, like her sole goal was to get me to quit so she got her way. Shouldn't she have been more concerned with leading her people instead of agitating me?
Clearly not.
One time, I was doing my duty and making her bed after she woke up. She'd long cleared that area of the room, getting changed behind a divider in the corner, so I was dusting off her mattress, furs and duvet; puffing up her pillows for later – you know, the usual. Then:
"Stop it, what are you doing?!" she called suddenly, and I paused, startled.
I was certain I was doing something wrong, judging by the surprised and judgemental expression on her face. She'd just finished getting changed, ready for her day now, dressed in casual work pants and a long sleeved shirt.
"I'm sorry, I don't..." I swallowed hard, looking back to the bed, only to realise she was questioning this task specifically, the absurdity of it. "I am only doing my job, Heda."
Clearly resisting the urge to roll her eyes, she approached me, making me nervous, only to snatch the duvet from my hands and stare at me like I was an idiot.
"Do I have hands?" she asked harshly, eyes searching mine. "Fingers?"
I inconspicuously moved backwards, away from her intimidating stare. "I– yes, Heda," I spluttered out awkwardly, beginning to realise why her reputation preceded her.
A hint of a scowl was on her lips. "Then leave me be. I know how to make a bed, Y/N."
Trying to keep any false sense of confidence I could, I nodded, avoiding her eyes. "Of course, Heda. My apologies. I'll go and fetch your breakfast for you instead."
Unhappy with my response, she groaned loudly and dramatically but thankfully didn't argue it, so I kept my head down and left her room to do just that.
The usual tasks that a handmaiden would do, I'd noticed, weren't ones that the Commander appreciated. Sometimes she'd outright fight it like she had with me making her bed in the morning, and other times she'd merely make her frustrations known like she had with breakfast.
I wasn't a fan.
Another time, as if that wasn't torture enough so far, I was running some errands around the Tower before preparing a hot bath for the woman herself. She was currently on a hunt with some of her Nightbloods in the woods – one she'd made clear that she didn't want me to assist her on. So, I was left behind and expecting her return at any moment.
When I heard voices outside her quarter doors, I straightened up and waited by her bed obediently. Upon seeing me, her expression fell, as if instinctively, and I tried not to let my offence show. I knew she didn't want me around, but she didn't have to be so rude about it.
"Heda," I greeted, bowing my head briefly. "I hope your hunt was enjoyable."
Acting aloof, she dropped her bag on the floor by her dressing table and peeled off her jacket. "I suppose it was."
I nodded in acknowledgement, then continued, "I've prepared you a hot bath. It should be ready for you now."
She paused, slowly looking up at me, expression unreadable. "You didn't need to do that."
"I'm just doing my job," I said, feeling sick of the phrase because no matter how many times I said it, she didn't seem to understand.
Sighing inwardly, she looked up with distaste. "Isn't there anything better for you to do?"
So many responses were on the tip of my tongue, but I pinched the inside of my hand to remind myself not to answer how I truly wanted to. After all, she was still the Commander, whether she was being difficult or not.
"I left some clothes for you in the bathroom also," I said, choosing to ignore her obvious provocation for an argument. "They're on the side, folded. Everything is ready for you, whenever you are."
For some reason, my words only worked to agitate her. She clenched her fists by her side, raising her brows. "Seriously?"
I opened my mouth to speak, expressing my confusion, but she immediately cut me off with a raised voice.
"All you do is trail after me like a mother does with their child. Don't I ever get chance to breathe?"
I stood still, unmoving and unsure how to respond. But her eyes were boring through mine, dark and fiery and begging for an excuse to berate me even more.
"Well?"
It would have been so easy to give in, to fight her like she wanted, but it wasn't appropriate and I desperately needed this job. So, I played it cool, not letting her get to me. It was safe to say my respect for the Commander was decreasing with every second I spent with her though.
"If you need anything else, I'd be happy to help," I said coolly, looking beyond her shoulder, unable to maintain her gaze. "I'll make sure your dinner is with you after–"
"Just go," she interrupted, raising her hand to massage the bridge of her nose.
"Heda, I–"
"I said go!" she snapped, lowering her hand to silence me with a glare.
Admittedly startled, I nodded obediently. "Of course, Heda."
Biting my tongue, I walked past her and left her room, cursing inwardly. If this was how I was going to be treated for the rest of my time here, I wasn't so sure I could keep the job...
After an hour, once I knew the Commander had finished bathing but was still freshening up in the bathroom, I returned with her dinner reluctantly. I probably should have left the Tower altogether, returned to the comfort of my home, but deep down I knew that wasn't a choice. So, I sucked up my anger and focused on leaving the meal in her room instead.
Hoping to be gone before she could return to her quarters and yell at me even more, I hurriedly set her tray of food on her desk. Neatening it up so she couldn't find something to complain about, I made sure everything was as it should have been before getting ready to leave. Only, the sound of her doors opening caught my attention and I looked up, making awkward eye contact with the Commander herself. She wasn't sweaty or tired like before, but rather cleaned up and (I assumed) emotionally much calmer than when I'd last spoken to her.
Still, I didn't want to test that theory, so I looked away and glanced over her tray once more before making my way to her door to leave. To my surprise, her fingers clasped my forearm on the way out, stopping me.
"Wait," she said softly, a tone of voice I didn't think she was capable of as of late.
Having no choice but to obey, I nodded and turned around, straightening up. She let go of my arm and I waited uncomfortably, wondering what she wanted now.
Her eyes met mine, void of the frustration she held for me earlier, and instead replaced by... guilt?
"I want to apologise for how I have been treating you, Y/N," she started slowly, and it took everything in me to not raise my eyebrows with utter surprise. She was apologising? To me?
As shocked as I was, there were certain expectations that came with serving the Commander, and so I had to react how I didn't want to.
"You needn't apologise, Heda," I said, but she shook her head in disagreement.
"No, I... I have been unreasonable," she continued, and she sounded genuine – different to the woman I'd been serving these past few weeks. "The truth is, I didn't want somebody caring for me, looking after my needs."
Uncomfortable with revealing her truths, she began to pace before me, struggling to get the rest of her words out. Something told me she didn't apologise often.
"it feels foolish to have that when my job is to provide that for my people," she continued.
"I don't mean to make you feel foolish," I said apologetically, making her wince.
"No, that's not what I'm saying," she corrected, stopping her pacing to look at me once more. She seemed conflicted. "I'm just– I am sorry. From now on, I will be civil, as you deserve. As long as some tasks can still be mine to complete. Like making the bed, for example."
My eyes flickered between hers, being met with sincerity. "Of course," I agreed, knowing I didn't have much choice but also not minding on the compromise, especially if it meant she wouldn't be so difficult.
I guess, even though I wouldn't admit it at the time, that it made some sense to why she'd been treating me as she had. And maybe I sympathised with her, just a little. After all, leading the clans and taking on such a large responsibility couldn't have been easy.
"Thank you," she said gently, not quite smiling, but there was a mutual respect in the look she gave me. A step up from the hostility, that was for sure.
I nodded respectfully. "Is there anything else you'll need for now, Heda?"
She shook her head. "That'll be all, thank you."
I nodded a final time. "Very well. Goodnight, Heda."
"Goodnight, Y/N."
Despite leaving her room, I couldn't leave the Tower until I knew she was asleep. Even though she wanted some of her own tasks to be her responsibility, I still knew that my job was to assist her. And if that came in the form of lingering outside her quarters until I was certain she was comfortably in bed and ready to sleep, then so be it.
The thought of leaving Polis and returning to my village afterwards was blissful after such a long day, and especially after that strange apology I received from the Commander. I was still half convinced it had even happened as I was on the journey home.
Every sunrise, I walked from my village to the Tower, and every evening, sometimes at sunset and sometimes later, depending on how long the Commander overworked herself, I'd walk back. It would take exactly half an hour every time and I didn't hate the journey. But unfortunately, sometimes I'd be forced to pass an unruly-looking group of guys on the way, who always lingered by the same rubbish pile on the outskirts of the city. Fitting for such a lousy group of people.
"Look who's back again, boys?!" one of them hollered when they spotted me that evening, but I refused to entertain it by looking their way. "Someone's had a long day!"
They laughed as I internally rolled my eyes, hoping they'd let it go, but of course, even after the day I'd had, they couldn't.
"Wanna share it with us, darling?! We don't bite!"
More laughs and more internal eye rolling. They usually kept their distance, so I kept my eyes focused ahead and ignored their laughter and mocking. It was my least favourite part of the journey from work, but there was literally no other way for me to get home, so I always sucked it up.
When I finally passed them, it wasn't far to reach my village, and when I saw the familiar arch marking one of the entrances in, I sighed with relief. As if all my tiredness hit me at once, my shoulders sagged. But I couldn't relax just yet – my dad was the only thing on my mind.
His health hadn't been the best as of late – and that was putting it lightly. I didn't know what was wrong exactly and the many healers I called over could only tell me so much – something to do with a chest infection that had given him a horrible cough. It always ended the same way anyway, with me needing to buy a medication that I just couldn't afford.
I found my dad laying in his bed when I got home, but as soon as he saw me, his expression transformed into a grin and he attempted to sit up in bed.
"Hey, it's okay, take it easy," I said with a small smile, moving to sit at his bedside.
His body rattled with a slight cough and I passed him his water before helping him sit upright properly. After taking a big gulp, he put it on his bedside table before holding my hand.
"How was your day, sweetie?" he asked with a smile.
"It was good, dad," I told him, as I always did. "Just the usual. Was thinking about you. How're you feeling?"
"Oh, please, we always talk about me," he said with a dismissive tone. "I want to know how my daughter's day as a blacksmith went! Tell me everything. What did they have you do today?"
I breathed out nervously, already having a lie prepared in my head. I hated it – the lying. But it was the only thing that made him genuinely happy lately and I couldn't take that from him. He believed I was a blacksmith because technically that was what I had tried to do when going to Polis to find a job.
Before he'd gotten sick, my dad was a blacksmith in our village and I followed in his footsteps, but he'd always wanted more for me, and so did I. Ideally something with more money, too. Turns out begging for an apprenticeship at different blacksmiths around the city wasn't the way to go. The maid servant job practically fell into my lap, and after fighting hard for it, it was the role I got that would hopefully help with the money problem. But how could I tell my super proud dad that I was a handmaiden and not doing what we both loved?
I couldn't, that's how.
So, whenever I went to work, he believed I was an apprentice, and he would never know otherwise as long as I could help it. Unfortunately, that meant creating fake work stories to share with him to keep him convinced, and I hated it. But it was better than him knowing the truth and disappointing him.
After sharing how my day went, or a heavily exaggerated version of it, I asked again how he was feeling.
"I promise you I'm fine," he assured me in that way he always did, but I wasn't blind. I could see he looked a little worse – always a little more everyday. "Feeling a bit better actually."
Just a little longer and I'd have enough money saved to buy him some medicine. That's what I kept telling myself.
"I'm glad to hear it, dad," I said with a forced smile. "I'll go get started on dinner."
He motioned for me to move closer, so I did, and then he pressed a kiss to my hairline.
"I'm so proud of you, you know that, right?" he muttered, and it broke my heart, the guilt seeping in further.
"I know," I replied, nodding slightly.
He smiled once more before letting me go to get changed and start on dinner. I ignored any tiredness I felt and pushed on, for him.
————————————————
It was almost two months later when I finally saved enough money to buy the medicine my dad needed to make a recovery from his sickness. It was in this time when working for the Commander was still a sticky situation, but a lot better compared to when I first began.
She was more understanding about my role, and after agreeing on where her boundaries were, I could do my job much easier than before. Of course, it was still uncomfortable at times, since she clearly felt like my role was pointless, but nonetheless, she was respectful.
Obviously I still would have much rather preferred to work at a blacksmiths instead of being the Commander's glorified footstool, but I would do anything to help my dad and if doing this did that, then so be it. Clearly it paid off since I was finally able to buy his medicine.
Right after work, I stopped by an apothecary in the city, feeling truly hopeful for the first time since my dad got ill, and bought the medicine he needed. It was some sort of cough syrup that he would need to take a spoonful of every morning and every evening for as long as he needed to. All my thoughts and prayers were on this one syrup – it had to work. I couldn't lose him.
So, with a jump in my step, I purchased the medicine and began my journey home. It was just my luck when everything went wrong.
To my dismay, the same group of guys who harassed me almost every time I returned home were hanging about once more. As usual, I made every attempt to ignore their laughing and name-calling, keeping my eyes locked ahead and head held high, but this time was different. They began to follow me, trailing behind me and leaving me nervous.
"What's got you in a rush?" one of them asked with amusement, only serving to leave a chill up my spine. "Can't you chat with us? There's only so much ignorance we can take."
The others laughed and I ignored them once more, speeding up my walking. Suddenly, a hand wrapped around my wrist, tugging me backwards harshly and taking me by surprise. I let out a yelp as I was forced to face one of the men, his hand still squeezing my wrist.
"Leave me alone!" I snapped with a glare, attempting to yank my hand away, but his grip tightened, making me wince.
"It's rude to ignore people when they are talking to you," the man sneered, continuing to squeeze my wrist so hard that I buckled slightly. I tried to claw his hand from my wrist, but he tugged me closer and glared threateningly, stopping me from moving.
"I don't have any money," I got out as calmly as I could, avoiding his gaze. "Please, just let me go."
"You hear that? She wants to go," one of them said between laughter, as the others chuckled beside him.
"You're not going anywhere," the guy holding my wrist said, before his eyes roamed downwards from my face and settled on my satchel. "Now, now. What do we have in here?"
My heart was beating in my ears when I realised what he intended to take, and I couldn't let him. Not when I'd worked so hard to get this medicine for my dad.
When he made a move to grab my satchel, his grip on my wrist loosened slightly, giving me the perfect opportunity to knee him between his legs and slip from his grasp.
He groaned and bent over with frustration, but I didn't stay long enough to watch as I ran the opposite way, to my home. I barely made it down the path when I felt somebody tackle me from behind, sending me tumbling into the dirt. Letting out a groan of my own, I scrambled to stand up, not even bothering to turn around, but hands pulled me down and flipped me around. I was never a fighter – I made weapons, never wielded them – so this wasn't my forte. Especially not with thugs who lived for this.
So when there was a meaty punch dealt to my gut, I was admittedly more winded than I should have been, not reacting as quickly as I should have. My hair was pulled, forcing me to sit up slightly, long enough for the man to take off my satchel and shove me back to the ground harshly.
"I got something!" he shouted back to the rest of his group, who were still coddling their leader and his wounded privates.
"No!" I screamed. "Give it back!"
Shoving myself off the ground, I lunged forward to grab my bag, but the guy immediately threw me off him and gripped my shoulder, digging his nails in to my skin. With one swift punch to my stomach, he left me on the ground and ran back to his friends.
"No," I whimpered, catching my breath, trying to ignore the pain in my body. I looked up, knowing it was useless to keep trying when there was clearly an unfair advantage for them. I felt any hope I had that evening dwindle when the group were leaving.
Tears stung the lids of my eyes as I realised how quickly and easily I had lost what I had worked for. I should have been more careful. And now, because of my stupidity, I wouldn't be able to get my dad his medicine for a few more months. And who knew if he had that long left?
It would have been so easy to give in and cry at my misfortune, but I couldn't stay here, not when it wasn't safe and not like some damsel in distress. Wiping the corners of my eyes, I forced myself to stand up, sighing at the pain in my gut, and headed home. When I lifted my hand to my stomach, it only reminded me of the soreness in my wrist and I was not looking forward to the marks it would leave.
Every part of me was exhausted when I returned home, but that was tolerable. What wasn't tolerable was the look on my dad's face when I told him that the apothecary didn't have his medicine like I thought they would, at least not yet anyway. It was either lie or tell him the truth, and the last thing I needed was to worry him.
"Hey, it's fine," he assured me after his brief pause of disappointment. "I don't need any medicine, Y/N, I've got you. You're enough."
I nodded, forcing a smile, but I hated the hopelessness he was trying so hard to disguise. Today was supposed to be the day it could get better. And I'd ruined it.
————————————————
The next day, I knew I'd have to come up with some sort of plan to defend myself against those street thugs, especially for the off chance that I managed to get hold of some more medicine. But I wasn't sure how I could just yet, so I just focused on getting to work in one piece.
When I was at work, it was a little harder to do some tasks. Mostly because when I looked in the mirror before getting to work, I noticed a yellow-purple bruise the size of an apple forming on my stomach, matching the handprint-shaped bruise on my right wrist. The pain was very much there still, but now that I needed the medicine again, I couldn't afford to miss any days (and pay).
So, I took things as easily as I could and didn't make a fuss. I liked to think I was doing pretty well at hiding any of my discomfort, especially because nobody, including the Commander, paid me any attention anyway.
Of course, she wasn't stupid and was definitely more observant than she led herself to be, so it didn't take her long to notice that something was up.
I was bringing a tray to the Commander's desk which had a refilled jug of water and a cup on it, leaving it next to some of her paperwork that she was studying. She was so deep in thought, as usual, and I expected her to ignore my presence like she always did, but when I pulled my hands back to leave, she grabbed ahold of my right one, startling me. I couldn't exactly pull away, especially not when she was so delicate and quick with it, taking my hand in hers and flipping it over to reveal the inside.
Pushing my sleeve back slightly, she revealed the bruise on my wrist and immediately asked, "What happened?"
Embarrassed and finally coming to my senses, I pulled my hand back, tugging down the sleeve. She was staring at me with an expression I couldn't quite pinpoint.
"I, er," I swallowed hard, suddenly nervous under her dark gaze, "I trapped it in a door."
Pursing her lips, her eyebrow lifted slightly, questioningly. "And you expect me to believe that?"
Lying to the Commander wasn't something one just did, not unless they appreciated keeping all their fingers and toes. But this was a white lie, one that wouldn't affect her in any way, so what was the big deal?
"You should," I said as confidently as I could muster, hoping she couldn't read right through me, because that's what it felt like. "It's the truth."
She tilted her head slightly, staring and saying nothing. I hated when she did this – it was her foolproof method to keep the other person speaking when they didn't want to, and unfortunately for me, it was working.
"It wasn't a big deal, just an accident," I added, now uncertain with myself, before deciding to just wrap it up. "Is there anything else you need, Heda?"
"Who did this?" she asked, eyes glancing down to my wrist, making me rest it behind my back.
I shook my head respectfully. "Nobody."
It was very obvious I was lying now, and the Commander definitely did not appreciate disobedience from her subjects. But for whatever reason (and my luck), she didn't push on.
"Fine," she settled, tensing her jaw and nodding, though her eyes never left mine. "You're dismissed."
I nodded and bowed before leaving, subtly relaxing once I was no longer before her. How somebody could hold so much intimidation within a single glance was beyond me.
//
And there's the first chapter! I dove right in with this one, trying out this new thing where I reveal stuff as I go along rather than all at once. I hope it worked and you guys aren't totally lost? Lol but yeah, i hope someone is liking this and wants more! 🥰