"We're almost there," Lindsay muttered as she spread open her foldup set of makeup palettes, scrunching her nose and assessing Penny's facial features to determine how best to frame them. She picked up a small tub of cream foundation to start, dipping two fingers in. "Let's hope Ramona's forger friend can get back to us in time."
Penny made intense eye contact, which made it a little weird to apply anything to her face, but whatever. "You ever wonder how she knows so many shady underground types?"
"Comes with the tragic backstory, I suppose," Lindsay sighed. She could make good use of those cheekbones, but my, did Penny have to have such a square face? It was a good thing she had such big dark eyes and thick lashes to work with. You know, come to think of it, Penny could have been a real knockout if she tried... She had that fairytale princess look but covered it up with sweaty sports and boring brown clothes. Baffling, frankly, when Lindsay had spent practically her whole childhood trying to look as much like a fairytale princess as she could. Anyway, if she was going to emphasize Penny's cheek structure, she might as well do the same thing for Ramona, who was shaped much softer. It would help make her less recognizable.
Penny kept distracting her from her makeover thought process. "It makes people rather difficult to trust when every day they reveal fresh dirt from under their hoods."
"You don't trust Swan?"
"Is that even her real name?"
That gave Lindsay pause. She shook it off and picked up a brush. "She's our friend. It's not as though you don't have things you keep locked up."
"She keeps her own wings locked up. Doesn't strike you as odd in any way?"
"You've seen the way the world treats dusters," she replied coldly. "I'd do the same thing if I'd been called the Ugly Duckling my whole life."
Penny recoiled slightly. Lindsay grabbed her by the chin—none too gently, mind you—to get a better reach.
"Stop moving or this'll take forever. I need you, Minerva, and Duckie to look as uniform as possible."
Penny's mind was still swirling with uncertainty. Maybe it had nothing to do with Ramona at all, although she'd had reservations about her (and, truthfully, the lot of them) before. Maybe what was really bothering her was the fact that everything had felt considerably off since the queen's death, as if the world itself had tilted the wrong way on its axis. She felt muddled and fuzzy and everything irritated her, and every time she slept she kept seeing red. She was just so... so tired.
Lindsay frowned, her hand pausing momentarily as she brushed powder across Penny's cheek. "What is that?"
"What's what?" Penny's hand flew to her face. "Oh." The scratch from the fight the previous day hadn't healed yet. It seemed like it might be inflamed. "It's fine."
She didn't believe that, not really, but she was so sick and tired of everyone bringing up new problems that she didn't want to add anything else that would make it take longer for this whole endeavor to be over with. She would handle the infection herself. Lindsay didn't seem to care either way and was content with resuming applying her makeup. Makeup wasn't really Penny's forte. She had had handmaids wait on her hand and foot when she was married to Prince Skip, and they dolled her up then, but her appearance didn't really matter now. It was all fine and well that people like Lindsay put a lot of effort into it, but it felt to her like a silly and frivolous endeavor when she could be practicing with her new bow, for example. Of course, Lindsay would say that archery was a frivolous endeavor in response. To each their own, Penny mused.
Come to think of it, a lot of things had been different when she lived in the palace. Princess Penelope, they'd called her. But when she left the guys in the boxing ring shortened it—Penny—and it felt less formal so it stuck. All of the thieves had been someone quite the same but also considerably different before they met each other. She still remembered the day she'd first been invited to join their crew. She had fled the region she ruled over—the Rose and Villagetown mainland was notorious for constant shifts in minor management, and Northeast Rose was overthrown in the midst of the Riding Hood Riots. To this day red cloaks made her shiver. Penny was probably lucky to be alive. But she never did leave Rose; it was a sprawling kingdom more than four times the size of Villagetown where she'd grown up and it was easy enough to get lost and start a new life. She was up against a real big guy that day, an ogre named Cecil. He was a regular and nice enough, about as friendly as ogres could manage to be, but Penny wasn't about to break her six-win streak.
She'd been dripping with sweat and somewhat dehydrated because of it, licking dry lips and readying herself for her next swing. She never got it in because Cecil feinted left and then knocked his head violently into hers, leaving her ears ringing. She'd dizzily righted herself and barely registered someone she didn't recognize pushing her way through to the front of the crowd. Cecil took a hit, and she took two, and they tumbled for a bit before both standing at the ready, circling each other like vultures as they inched ever so slowly closer.
Penny had swung her leg in a low arc and toppled him off his feet with a thunk, taking the time he wasted stumbling to grab one of the poles that strung rope around the arena and slam it into his gut. The crowds had whooped and shouted—that was cheating. But Penny didn't play clean. She'd never win that way, not against men far more than thrice her size. Punch to the jaw, knee to the kidney, elbow to the stomach, and he was finally on the ground. Her knee pressed into his chest as he struggled to breathe, she waited for the count. One. Two. Three. Third time's a charm. The bell gonged and she released Cecil, reaching out to help him up.
"You dipped again," Cecil had said in that thick western Fairy accent of his afterward, referring to her cheating. Penny shrugged.
"Arthur doesn't care," she'd responded. Their boss was relatively lax so long as the cash continuously poured in. If it didn't... now that was an entirely different story. "He says it riles up the crowd, makes 'em mad. They stay for more to satiate their cravings for justice."
Cecil shook his head, popping the cork off a bottle of Bhaltair whiskey and downing about a third of it with a wince. It was technically only legal for ogres to drink given its potency, and truthfully Penny was too afraid to ever have tried it even when it was offered to her. Players weren't really allowed to drink on the job, but it wasn't like anyone was going to try and stop him. "I don't like you," he said, but there was no malice in his voice. Penny glanced up at the chalkboard displaying the week's scores. An assistant added a tally under her name, ticking up her streak to seven. Not a single match lost in the last three days.
"I play to win and I get my money." Penny patted him on the back. It didn't really matter how many times Cecil lost, either—he'd still get his paycheck at the end of the day same as everyone else. Although Penny would collect a few extra tens per winning match, any real competition was mostly staged or just for fun between the fighters. "Besides, I wasn't about to let myself drop out of the top five." There were screens around the ring that flashed photos of the five competitors voted most popular with the audiences. PENNY WINSDOR was one of them.
"You're in the top five because the crowds have to have at least one hot chick," Cecil argued, waving the bottle haphazardly. Penny frowned. That was an unspoken truth in a largely male-dominated sport, but she had never counted herself in that category. "Speak of the devil," he added with a soft laugh, gesturing to the girl emerging from the locker room in a fitted black top and shorts. Dirty-blond hair sheared short, with choppy bangs that framed her face. She was lean, leaner than Penny was, but had arms like slim cannons and washboard abs. Cecil was practically drooling as she headed over to the arena. Dread flooded Penny's expression.
"I have to go up against Blair?"
"You could tap out," said Cecil smugly.
"Like hell. I'm not the only one who cheats, you know. She's a damn duster and everyone pretends she isn't—we all know why. Close your mouth, Cecil, you'll get drool on your shirt."
"Your jealousy's showing," he singsonged.
"I am not—"
"Hey," someone said breathlessly, having run up to them. Penny narrowed her eyes. It was the girl she'd seen pushing through the crowds earlier. Fay judging by the accent. Not quite the same as Cecil's, though. She wasn't familiar enough with Fairy regions to place it. "You're Windsor, aren't you?"
"What's it to you?" she said gruffly. She was already annoyed—and now what? Had Skip sent someone to find her? The fear tugged at her insides, her pulse already speeding up. She'd thought she was rid of him. Penelope Callaghan. No. No. She was Penny Windsor. Never filed for a legal divorce... her thoughts reminded her. I'm still a Windsor, dammit!
The girl pursed heart-shaped lips. "Heard of the Ugly Duckling?"
Penny wrinkled her nose. This wasn't going where she'd expected it to. The Ugly... Oh, yeah.
"The thief? Yeah, I have."
"Perfect. You know she's here, then?"
"Here in Noc Ruadh or here at the arena?"
A haughty smirk spread across her face. "That depends on your answer."
"My answer to what?"
"Our offer."
Penny wrapped gauze around her bloody knuckles, snapping off the end with her teeth. "I have a match to get to with the last witch I feel like fighting right now. I don't want to hear your offer."
"We need muscle," the stranger insisted. "It pays good."
"I ain't a criminal." She elbowed past her, heading for the arena again. "There's lots of dumb muscle around here. Find someone else."
"We don't want dumb muscle. We want smart muscle. You're resourceful, scrappy."
"I don't care," Penny spat.
"We can protect you from him."
She paused, jaw tightening.
"Am I supposed to know what you're talking about?"
"Skipper Callaghan?" Penny spun. The girl lifted a carefully sculpted eyebrow. "Yeah. We know who he is. And we know you don't want to end up anywhere near him ever again."
Penny had stalked forward, inches from the face that she now knew was Lindsay's. "I don't need protection," she hissed. And then she told Lindsay that she could tell the Ugly Duckling to go do something that made Cecil bark a laugh. Cecil winked at Lindsay and they both left.
I ain't a criminal. The thought made her laugh now. How did one go from a princess to a thief? The most fascinating part was that it was actually something of an upgrade. She was snapped out of her past life by Lindsay slapping her lightly on the cheek.
"Get up! Time to do your hair now. The Pea Princess bodyguard uniform always has a sleek ponytail with a black ribbon."
"How do you even know this?" Penny grumbled, obediently uncoiling her hair from its braided bun. It fell to her waist, normally stick-straight but in gentle waves now thanks to having been braided tightly for so long.
"It's a good group, alright?" said Lindsay defensively. "You know, Minerva never puts on the radio because she's lame, but Claude's driving now," she realized with an eager grin.
"Not a chance," Claude called flatly. Lindsay pouted.
"Just one Peas in a Pod CD? You don't have to play the whole album if you don't want to—"
Claude slid a disc into the compartment and pressed play. Lindsay groaned when it was Pinnochio the rapper. He turned the volume up, glancing over his shoulder to revel in her distaste with a smug smirk on his face. The most frustrating part was that he wasn't even a rap fan.
"I thought you liked classical!"
"Yeah, but this annoys you and I enjoy that greatly."
"You're still wearing the dress."
"And you're going to listen to this the whole rest of the drive."
Lindsay covered her ears and moaned in mock pain, Penny sighing with disinterest beside her as she smoothed back and tied up her hair. "There's only about an hour left," she told Lindsay in a halfhearted attempt at encouragement.
Lindsay crossed her arms. "That makes me feel so much better," she said bitterly.
The next hour was filled with mostly costuming. Ramona and Bear had to be woken up, and then Lindsay gave Penny, Ramona, and Minerva uniform hair and makeup looks with a muted brown wig to cover Ramona's atrociously conspicuous hair. Gelling back Bear's hair was a horrible chore—there was just so much of it, and he didn't take care of it well enough for it to be easy to work with. After tearing through tangles and undoing all the small braids through it, she finally managed to put it all into one neat low ponytail. The beard was a whole other ordeal.
"I'm sorry, Baby, but we've really got to get rid of it."
"But I don't feel myself without it!" he protested sadly.
"I know, I know." Lindsay wasn't normally all that empathetic, but he was terribly distressed about the matter, and she felt so bad that she conceded somewhat. "I'm just gonna shorten it, alright? It's unruly."
And so Baby Bear's massive beard was shaved to a small, respectable one, and the clippings dumped unceremoniously out the window while he watched on with despondence. It was very strange looking at him with so much less hair. Of course, it would be back with a vengeance in a week—Bear's hair grew like Rapunzel's. Still, he grieved the loss anyway.
They finally parked in the back lot behind the enormous FastTrav airport building. It was an eyesore, mostly thanks to the gigantic neon banner that read FASTTRAV: THE PILLAR OF THE TRANSPORTATION REVOLUTION. A sign displayed in front of several entrances advertised AN ADVENTURE AROUND EVERY CORNER!
Claude was probably the most difficult to dress. Lindsay had to manage to school his features into a more feminine look, and Minerva had to coax him into a corset to tighten his waist. The end result looked ridiculous to them, but Lindsay had to admit that it had an astonishingly convincing effect. Claude looked about as happy as a mermaid out of water, but he wore the heels with pride anyway. Of course, he did everything with pride.
He turned to Ramona, dramatically tossing his hair. "How do I look?"
"Like a moose in lipstick," she said without looking up from the spellbook page she'd been rereading over and over.
"But, like, a sexy moose?"
Ramona flashed a condescending smile. "I'm sure girls dig a man in a pencil skirt."
Claude returned the mocking grin. "I'm sure dudes love ducks."
"Get a room," Minerva said, snapping a temporary hairstyle wand to life—the trendy new replacement for curling and straightening irons. It glowed pink and she waved it apathetically around Claude's head. His hair fizzled and the curls unwound, straightening and lengthening it. It was still relatively short, but having been yanked straight, it went from falling midway down his neck to reaching a little ways past his collarbone. Shorter than Lindsay's hair, but longer than Ramona's. A sparkly barrette completed the look.
"Alright, everyone, go ahead and take blackmail pictures," Claude declared, gesturing to his new getup. Penny clapped her hands.
"Fantastic idea! Where's the scoping camera?"
"Someone rearranged all the stuff that I had neatly organized looking for a shrinking artifact," Lindsay chided with a pointed glance at Bear, who threw up his hands as if to say what are you looking at me for?
Penny narrowed her eyes at Claude. "You get off easy this time." He silently thanked his lucky stars.
"Where's the paperwork?" Minerva asked Ramona quietly, and Ramona wiggled her fingers out the open window. They were cutting it close on time. They couldn't just sit here all night, not if they wanted to avoid scrutiny. It was rush hour, and a crowded airport was a convenient one.
"Give it a minute."
She did have a way with birds. Sure enough, a northern cardinal arrived shortly with a fresh envelope. She tore it open.
R—
Long time since I've heard from you. Rumor has it you tried to steal the queen's crown. I do hope next time you're actually successful. It would be an entertaining display at the Blackhearts if you plan to go this year. Here's the docs, most I could do in the time given. Luckily we have a new printing machine. Now be a responsible little thief and do something illegal with it, sweetheart.
See you at the convention.
—H
She could only hope that she wouldn't be the laughingstock of the Blackhearts if she really did arrive. She had to come up with a scheme that was totally off-book, something that had never been done before—something truly impressive if she wanted any chance of winning. Either everyone would be impressed thinking she was involved in the murder of Snow White, or they would be amused that she had attempted to snatch Snow's crown. Ramona had learned that more often than not it was best to let rumors fester—her reputation had always been much more ruthless than she was and she navigated the criminal underworld best when she manipulated that to her favor.
She flipped through the papers. The work was flawless. If Hayden had been here, she might've kissed him.
The plan was in place. It was showtime.
She was counting on Lindsay's and Claude's acting skills to pull them through. She trusted them, sure, but with everything that had been happening lately and the tension in the crew she couldn't stop the nervousness blooming in her chest. Everything had to go perfectly or they'd be kidnapping fairy godmothers. She ran through the plan one more time in her head. Costumes, papers, spell. Costumes, papers, spell. Simple enough. They could do this. It was just another heist, only easier.
Ramona breathed in deeply and allowed the thought to settle her nerves. Another heist. Only easier.
Minerva handed her one of the gold bangles she normally wore in her hair, which she liked to pretend she hadn't stolen from Claude. She gave another to Penny. "Wear these instead of ribbons." She pulled her ponytail through one, pinning a small onyx hair clip through it. "Just in case." Ramona watched her carefully before nodding and swapping the black ribbon for the bangle. She knew what Minerva used that clip for, and connected the dots—all three bodyguards had to match as closely as possible lest they raise suspicion.
They all filed out, adjusting each other's costumes and fussing over hair in the parking lot. Passerby ogled them strangely, and Claude tapped his foot impatiently, telling Bear to hurry up. "Alright, it's one of these," Bear said, holding up a handful of wacky-looking objects. "I was a little scared to try them in the van. Here goes nothing."
Minerva cringed and covered her eyes with her hands, and Bear fired something star-shaped at a stray rock nearby. It exploded abruptly in a shower of white sparks.
"Well, that's not it." He discarded the star over his shoulder and tried a ring set with a blue gemstone instead. "Maybe this one."
The lizard he targeted with a blue beam very suddenly shifted into a small lizard-sized rooster. Ramona's eyes lit up, and she crouched down and cupped her hands around it. Penny looked on with disinterest as she picked it up. She hoped Ramona didn't intend to keep it.
"Nope," Bear said decisively. He held up a bottle filled with what appeared to be glitter (but anyone who had lived in Fairytaletopia for longer than a day knew better). He examined the tag, which read DRINK ME. "Seems promising." It was the last thing he had, so he turned to the van and held it out hesitantly, slightly nervous about it combusting given the exploding rock. He popped the cork, and the bottle shot out of his hands like a rocket, hurtling toward the vehicle. In an enormous puff of sparkles that left the thieves all hacking and coughing, it disappeared.
"It—" Lindsay coughed, holding up a finger. "Wait—I—I have—a joke—"
"It vanished," Claude said with a satisfied grin, recovering from the dust much faster than she had. Perks of growing up in the slums in Fairy. "Is that what you were going to say?"
Lindsay had some choice words for him that proper narrators have the good sense not to repeat.
Minerva picked it up and examined it, now small enough to fit in the palm of her hand like a toy car. "Didn't go anywhere. Just travel-sized now." She handed it to Ramona, who put it in her magical bag and zipped it. When she unzipped the compartment again the miniature van really was gone. Perfect. She'd gotten this bag for that exact reason—it always appeared empty when being searched.
"Right, then," murmured Ramona. "Into character, everyone. There's already people staring at us."
Lindsay straightened, adjusting her updo; Claude flexed his ankles in his heels; and Bear put on false glasses, a clipboard under his arm. Whispers and pointed fingers followed them as they made their way through the parking lot, camera lights flashing every so often. It was a good thing Snow Kingdom wasn't keen on cell phones, but photos would undoubtedly get out to the newspapers regardless, and Ramona could picture the headlines now: Peas in a Pod lead singer Eloise Diamond spotted in Snow Kingdom, and fans speculate that she may have gained some weight... She stifled a laugh at the thought of the real Eloise's horrifically offended expression.
Penny leaned over. "Leave the rooster."
Ramona had almost forgotten she was holding it. She clutched it a bit tighter. "He was a lizard and now all of a sudden he's been thrust into an entirely different body and view of the world. We can't just abandon him," she whispered urgently.
"Then put the damn thing in your backpack."
They glared at each other in a brief staring contest before Ramona did so. The whole crew headed around to the front of the building and went inside.
The disguises worked like a charm on airport goers.
"Oh my fairy godmother. Is that Eloise Diamond?"
"The Pea Princess is here. She's here, right now, breathing my same air—"
"Eloise! Can I get your autograph?"
Lindsay played the part astonishingly well. She took on a rather snooty voice and badgered Bear and Claude constantly about her allegedly tight schedule and the state of her latest nose job, waving pretentiously to fans and posing for several pictures. Claude had crowds of gushing fans as well, and he lifted his voice an octave and put on an impressively accurate Rosish accent to play the part. Ramona was crossing her fingers no one would look too closely at his face through all the layers of makeup. Bear seemed to be the most hesitant about all the acting, but he mostly had to nod along with whatever Lindsay said and scribble things down on his notepad.
Ramona watched everyone around them carefully, trailing after the main attraction side-by-side with Minerva and Penny in matching bodyguard uniforms. Every muscle in her body felt tense, as though something might go wrong any moment. She found comfort in the familiar routine of observing her surroundings, counting cameras and sweeping her eyes across exits, elevators, and ventilation ducts. Certainly, though, what stood out the most was the theme of the whole place—the commercialism behind the FastTrav company itself.
It was harrowing to see such illustrious propaganda on display. Every corner the thieves turned was peppered with promotional posters and sprawling murals of legendary fairytale moments. Crowds funneled through a large walkway painted completely with scenes of little cottages and tranquil farmland disrupted by the enormous boot of a giant, a twirling beanstalk snaking up the opposite wall. As they entered the security hall they stepped into a world of glass slippers and castles and coils of hair flowing out the window of tall towers. It was difficult not to feel a wave of disgust at how people's lives had been twisted into legends and marketed as attainable if only one paid a hefty fee. Despite her better judgment, Ramona found herself scanning for an exaggerated depiction of her own life. None was to be found, and she wasn't sure whether to be relieved or slightly offended.
Lindsay slowed in front of a wall displaying an imposing woman and her two daughters, looking upon an instantly recognizable Cinderella trying on the notorious glass slipper before the prince. Ramona watched her face slip, melting first into heartbreak before going stony and eventually resuming her composure and returning to character. The illustrations weren't kind to Madam Amata and her family. Alexis and Lindsay were depicted as trollish girls in frumpy, unattractive dresses, watching their stepsister with disdain, and their mother was painted wiry and much older than Lindsay had described her, with a large, crooked nose and gray hair pulled into a tight updo. While her character was probably relatively true to the stories, Lindsay's actual appearance was nothing at all like the mural and in fact the only resemblance she bore to it was dark hair and narrow green eyes. It was no wonder police had never recognized her.
Claude touched her lightly on the shoulder, pulling her gaze from it. "Eloise, love, we can't be late now!" he chirped in his close imitation of Ruby. His eyes said everything he couldn't in the moment.
Lindsay turned up her nose. "Right. We've got to waste time going through security like common peasants. I'd nearly forgotten."
Ramona exhaled lightly. She couldn't afford for Lindsay to be distracted.
"Who do I have to talk to to get some travel service around here?" Lindsay hollered, fanning herself with a lace hand fan that matched her lavender high-low cut dress. Minerva had copied Eloise's preferred style to a T, right down to the gem-encrusted heeled boots. Claude cleared his throat.
"Out of the way! Pop star that is far wealthier and more important than you coming through!"
With glares from Penny, Minerva, and Ramona, people tripped over themselves trying to clear a walkable path. They arrived at the security entrance desk much quicker once everyone had parted for Lindsay, and she slammed her hands on the desk. The attendant's jaw was practically on the floor.
"What do you need to get me a vacation stat? I need to get away from the life, you know how it is. Besides, the mister is a total cow. Have you ever had to pull globs of hair out of the sink drain? Well, I haven't, because I'm not poor and obviously would never do such a nasty job myself."
"I—Miss Diamond, it's an honor, I—"
Lindsay waved her hand impatiently. "Shut your trap and tell me what papers I've got to hand over. It's six of us. Party of six, you hear me? Do I look like I have time for this? I've been harassed by cameras and fans asking for signatures for the last ten minutes—I love my fans, of course, so I'd sign for hours, but Walter insists on a strict schedule, you see."
Bear nodded vehemently. "Strict indeed."
The attendant nodded, wide-eyed. "Yes, yes, of course, well—to cross border lines, you need identification and valid birth certificates along with—"
Claude snapped pink gum. "Get the paperwork, ladies." Ramona momentarily wondered where he'd gotten it. She recalled the real Ruby blowing bubblegum in Lindsay's magazine page. Quick thinking and a nice touch, but she had never caught him make the steal from anyone. Still far more subtle than I'll ever be, she thought with amusement. Well, at least on good days.
Ramona pulled the file envelope from the backpack she was carrying by hand—no bodyguard would be wearing a silver backpack, but she and Penny were holding luggage bags stuffed completely with clothes to avoid suspicion—and slid it towards the attendant. Even the air itself held its breath as she silently counted in her head. The longer the attendant took to read through the papers, the more her pulse quickened. Hayden's work was covering Lindsay, Claude, and Baby Bear with striking replicas of the real celebrities' identification, and her own old documents should be covering herself, Minerva, and Penny. But what if Hayden's seemed too rushed, not believable enough? And what if the information on hers was outdated or...
She was stressing herself out. She felt like she would suddenly collapse into a panic attack.
There were so many documents that could have mistakes. Passports were difficult to forge. Birth certificates were easy enough, but photo identification was always a hit-or-miss. Lindsay's eyes were more green than Eloise's, which seemed to be somewhere closer to turquoise, and she weighed more, which hopefully wouldn't be too much of a problem since the attendant had to know that suggesting so would lead to a celebrity tantrum and cause a huge scene. Generally the average person understood enough social cues to prefer to avoid such confrontation. Then there were Ramona's documents, which actually had photos of Minerva, Penny, and herself printed on them with false names and birthdates. Would she be recognized and reported to the police? If she was identified, she'd be taking the whole crew down with her—
"Alright, you're cleared, Miss Diamond," the attendant said, and Ramona was slammed with a surge of relief and surprise. "Price is on the screen in front of you. Although I will say, Mr. Wagner—" her heart sank— "you're not quite as tall as I imagined."
Bear straightened to his full height, a whopping seven feet, and with all his sheer muscle mass he was imposing enough to make even Ramona draw back a bit involuntarily. Lindsay had added lines to his face, so the softness that had been there was gone. "I'm not?" he said with a frown, and Ramona could have laughed aloud, because there wasn't a hint of malice in his voice, but he was terrifyingly intimidating all the same. "Must be good camera angles, I s'pose."
The attendant swallowed, her face frozen in fearful amazement. "Actually," she amended, "nevermind."
She handed back the papers after they paid for their tickets in gold and gave them waivers to sign. Ramona skimmed them. There was a suspicious lack of refund for what she knew was a highly dangerous form of transportation. Besides that, the FastTrav company wasn't liable for any injury or death that occurred if you chose to travel to a randomized adventure destination and ended up in a torturous, unsurvivable hellscape. The modern world was a consumerist trap.
The attendant waved them in the direction of security with no further suspicion. Bear tucked their travel passes into his pocket. The thieves left the desk, silently celebrating their success. Minerva and Penny both lifted a hand and Ramona grasped them, squeezing briefly in an acknowledgement of the victory. Lindsay kept her head held high and her eyes ahead, but Claude gave Bear a light punch on the arm in a moment of solidarity. They'd made it. That was checkpoint one.
The security lines were hopelessly long. Lindsay and Claude offered free signatures and selfies to anyone who would let them cut past them, and she was more grateful than ever for their over-the-top acting skills—particularly Lindsay's. They weren't really in a rush, but the less time they spent here in these attention-grabbing disguises, the better. Ramona kept reminding herself that no one had recognized her or Claude so far, and once they got through these lines they were in the clear. It had really been rather brilliant of Lindsay to dress Claude in drag, because he was almost entirely unrecognizable. It was terribly strange every time he turned his head and a totally different person looked back at her.
Focus.
She repeated the spell in her head while they waited. She, Penny, and Minerva had to block overzealous fans more than once as they all moved ever so slowly forward. Besides being boring, the waiting only served to build the rising tension in her chest. They finally reached the front, all the luggage confiscated to be taken through the shrinking system before they stepped up to be scanned and searched. Ramona watched her backpack go with a feeling like homesickness. She felt naked without it.
The only magic now was that running through her veins.
A male security guard, a dwarf, waved them through a body scanner. It lit up green for Lindsay and Claude, then blue for Bear, Minerva, Ramona, and Penny. The latter four were directed through a separate security system. Ramona deduced the reason why immediately, before another guard explained it.
"Different process for anyone with a magic blood level higher than twelve percent. It's the law," he droned, as if repeating something he'd had to recite a thousand times before. Penny looked annoyed, probably because her blood level was somewhere between fourteen and seventeen percent, just shy of getting out of extra screening. Individually, they were each thoroughly patted down and walked through an X-ray machine. This wasn't Ramona's first rodeo in terms of illegally crossing kingdom borders, and she'd coated her whole body along with Bear's in peppermint oil ahead of time. They'd even covered up the smell with perfume and cologne respectively—Claude's idea. The only concern was whether it would work on Bear, as she'd never tested it on an animagus before. She'd never needed to hide the fact that he was one.
"No extra appendages, no extra appendages..." he murmured, eyes trained on his screen as they passed through. Ramona made quick note of how much the crowds in the airport had thickened. There was a terminal open now, right in her line of sight. It dinged, the electronic sign above it blinking with the words NORTHWEST TOWER VACATION DESTINATION: AMANDA KISSINGER, PARTY OF EIGHT. A woman pressed a button on the control pad, and a portal flared to life, spinning in real time. Ramona's breath hitched as the traveling party stepped through, vanishing into Tower Kingdom somewhere. Her eyes flicked to another terminal. RANDOMIZED ADVENTURE: ELIO TSUKUDA, PARTY OF ONE. A boy who couldn't be much older than eighteen or nineteen stepped through the portal to what would undoubtedly be his stupid demise.
"Right, clear."
He gestured for them to hold out their arms. A standing machine clasped electronic wristbands on them as they shuffled out past the end of the security rope. Ramona felt just for a moment like the air was being sucked out of her before whooshing back in. Magic suppressors. Couldn't risk an outbreak of chaos in an already shakily secured building. Ramona discreetly spun the ring on her left hand with her thumb, fingering the small pick hidden inside it. Simple enough problem to solve. All four thieves relaxed, at ease again.
That was when the beeping started.
He held up a hand. "Hold on."
And now Ramona's world was falling apart around her.
"I've got an alert from the blood magic scan. Can you all hand me your ID cards again?" Reluctantly they all obeyed. He checked them with more thorough examination this time. Minerva's, Penny's, Ramona's. He was ensuring their species identification was correct, she realized. "Okay, demon, human, fairy. That checks out." He handed them back, and Bear held out his card with trembling hands. The security guard furrowed his brows.
"What seems to be the problem, sir?" Penny asked, authority in her voice. There was no sign of the horror and dread that was consuming Ramona.
"Mr. Wagner, is it? Your ID doesn't match your scan. I've got 'giant' on your card, but this is telling me you're an animagus." He glanced up at Bear. "Care to explain?"
Bear clammed up immediately, his breaths shallowing. "Uh, I... um..."
It hadn't been enough. It hadn't been enough. She hadn't anticipated electronic species identification systems. She'd been anticipating an X-ray discovering excess tissue or bone, the telltale sign of a shapeshifter, or the skeleton of hidden wings. I should have given Hayden more details. He could have put 'animagus' on the ID. I shouldn't have rushed things. She'd ruined it, and now the whole plan was crumbling. Bear would be arrested and everything would go to complete hell.
Lindsay and Claude had come over, having also finished their security run. "Everything alright?" Claude said in that voice that wasn't really his, dressed as someone who wasn't really him. Ramona met his eyes with panic, trying to somehow convey to him in a glance that she needed his help. Claude was always the backup plan. She was scraped-together, half-baked ideas, and making things up as she went along. He would know what to do.
Unless he didn't.
Unless she was putting far too much trust in a handful of street thieves.
If she couldn't even trust herself to do things right...
She was already recalculating, considering new options. The terminal was right there. They could make a run for it. She'd be counting on security guards being so surprised at anyone actually trying to breach the rules that they'd be a little slow on the uptake. She hadn't missed the fact that this place was so overreliant on technology that it was understaffed and employees seemed to be better trained to operate machines than they were to guard anything. It was crazy, but maybe, just maybe—
Claude gripped her by the arm. Lindsay had begun to argue loudly with the airport employee. "You know the spell?" he whispered. It was his voice again. His real voice.
"Yeah," she breathed. She'd already broken out in a nervous sweat.
"Lindsay's making a scene. Minerva will take care of the guard. He's about to call backup. We're going to be through that randomization portal by the time they arrive. Look to your right."
Ramona's gaze slid right. The conveyor belt where shrunken luggage was emerging from the massive machine. Not large vehicles, those would be shrunk from outside, but suitcases, surfboards, backpacks, bikes. It took her a moment to find what he intended her to—there was a table beside it where normal-sized belongings sat, those that had been deemed a violation of security policy. Among the pile was a rolled magic carpet, squirming from underneath a briefcase in an attempt to wriggle its way out. Slowly she understood.
"We can grab the carpet and our stuff in one fell swoop. A speed spell from Penny and we're shooting for that portal before anyone can stop us. You think you're up for it?"
Ramona could have laughed or cried or maybe screamed. It was almost as ludicrous as stealing the queen's crown, as if he'd plucked it straight from her head and added a few haphazard safeguards.
"Spell yeah."
It all happened in fast succession, one thing after another. Lindsay's voice heightened to a shrill shout and the attendant lifted a walkie-talkie to his mouth. "I've got a false ID and a hostile person over at main security," he said, sounding as bored as ever. Ramona's magic suppressor fell off silently, her catching it before the guard noticed and carefully slipping the lockpick to Penny, who would have to in turn pass it on to Minerva once her own band was removed. The tiny screws dug into her fingertips. She checked the target portal again, a glance shot in its direction. The line was inching forward as traveling parties went through one by one. The security guard made a halfhearted effort to calm down Lindsay and Claude, who had joined her in berating him, insisting that Bear stay behind to have another scan done.
Minerva's band and its accompanying screws clattered to the floor, and the guard swiveled. "Hey! What are you doing?"
Before anyone could blink, she tore out the bangle fastened to her ponytail and removed a hairpin that grew into an amber-encrusted bow of onyx. Her fingers moved with practiced, swift precision, like a smooth steal from an easy mark. She drew a thin, wispy shadow seemingly out of thin air and whipped it across the bow to string it. She spun towards the guard and he hardly had the chance to pull out his taser before she'd struck him with an arrow that formed as she pulled back. He froze in place immediately, paralyzed. Ramona had already reached the conveyor belt by the time there came an uproar from onlookers who had realized what was going on. She located their miniature belongings quickly and swept them into her bodyguard costume's breast pocket before snatching up the magic carpet. The guard working the belt reacted far too slowly, her dodging his fruitless lunge forward and breaking into a run.
Sorry, she thought uselessly to whoever this actually belonged to. She tossed it in the air and it began to unroll as it went. The enchantment on the carpet had it preparing for flight fast, but Penny's reflexes were faster. She managed to catch the corner tassel before it escaped. Yanking it down, she muttered a spell Ramona had seen her use more than once—temporary enhanced speed.
They all piled onto the carpet as backup security guards arrived with tasers. Ramona smiled and offered a fluttery wave goodbye. No guns in Snow Kingdom. And thank the Writer for that. Penny jumped on, pulling Bear with her; Ramona made a running leap and grabbed ahold of Bear's hand, collapsing backwards; Claude yanked Lindsay by the wrist as they both clambered on; and finally Minerva lowered her bow, rushing to make the last desperate jump before the carpet sped away. Penny blew out a puff of air, and the carpet built speed.
The security guards were so in awe that they just stood and watched, everyone quickly diving out of the way as their stolen magic carpet careened toward the vacation portal. The flight attendant operating it had already pressed the button. It was open, and they were heading straight for whatever its destination was.
Ramona's eyes were wide. "Well, we just botched our plan and cheated our way out of it."
Penny shrugged, breathless as she clutched onto Bear to keep all of his weight on the carpet. "Sometimes to win you gotta cheat."
"What a waste of money on those stupid tickets," Claude said bitterly. Ramona kept her eyes on the portal, an endless vortex of gold. Gold like the magic that was swelling at her fingertips. This was the moment of truth. She had but a split second to perform the spell correctly or they would all end up stranded on the other side of the world.
She tried to catch her breath as the portal grew closer, everything around her falling away. There was only this moment and the incantation she had to whisper.
She felt someone squeeze her hand, a reassurance. She glanced over. Bloodred lip tint and pale blond hair. Minerva.
There was a blinding flash and an emptiness, as if they were being consumed whole by the light. Ramona muttered the spell over and over again, pushing every ounce of fear and desperation and adrenaline into the magic she was funneling from inside her. She kept repeating it, terrified that it wouldn't work, until she watched the landscape before her eyes completely change from a peaceful beach to a darkening forest. They were suspended between time and space, everywhere and nowhere at all, but the forest was in reach—she could see it. It looked even more vivid than she'd pictured in her head.
"Why are those portal places called airports, anyway?" Lindsay said out of the blue, and just as soon as her voice brought Ramona through her dreamlike state and into reality, all of them began to fall.
They were plummeting from impossible heights towards unforgiving ground. Everything blurred, and someone was screaming.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
Hey guys! I'm back with another slightly shorter chapter, but honestly I almost prefer this length (around 7300 words). I'll be honest, this didn't quite follow my chapter outline, because I decided in the heat of writing the scene to change things up a bit in order to keep it interesting... I think it's fittingly chaotic considering the whole tone of this story, lol. Fall term is about to start and I'm praying I'll still have time to write as often as I have been over the summer. The plot is just starting to get juicy! Oh man... I have so much planned for this bad boy. This story is like my unruly satirical fantasy baby.
I feel like I've been delving a lot into Ramona's character in particular, and I hope you like her as much as I've grown to :D Stay tuned for the next chapter! It's... well, honestly, I don't even have words for it. I am having fun writing it, I'll give you that. That's my favorite thing about this book - I genuinely enjoy coming up with new plot points because it's just such a fun and over-the-top project for me as a longtime fairytale lover and someone with a sarcastic sense of humor. I hope that you guys are having just as much fun reading it, and I really hope that any other writers out there are also writing because they love it, regardless of whether it'll ever be validated. (That being said, if anyone has any tips on reaching a wider base of readers, feel free to give me some.)
Anyway, that's all my rambles for the day. Here's today's poll: what's your favorite classic novel? Personally, I like Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Animal Farm.
⸺Ginger