🎶 Hairaani
Published on 09.02.2023
❝ tadpaati hai teri baatein aur
yaadein teri rulati hai,
dil rote rote rukta nahi
aur rooh bikhar si jaati hai. ❞
🥀
Inaaya stumbled on her way back to home, her body felt like jelly and when Maya opened the door, she didn't think twice before throwing herself at her and letting the tears that she restrained the whole way fall heedlessly, her cries silent.
Maya, confused and concerned holds her in her arms, her own heart stuttering as Inaaya clings to her for her dear life, her whole body shaking with the inaudible sobs.
"What's wrong?" Maya inquires, her eyes swirling with worry. "Ina?"
"I— I met him," she manages to croak. "I met him."
"Met whom?" Maya guides Inaaya to the couch and somehow makes her sit, still holding her in her arms as if she would fall apart as soon as the confines go away.
"Him," Inaaya gasps. "The one I— I had met on the cliff."
Her gaze narrows and her mind wanders through the memories until it clicks. The expression on her face changes to disbelief, a pleasant kind of disbelief. "You did?" She asks as if she herself couldn't believe it actually happened.
Inaaya finds herself nodding against Maya's shoulder.
Maya pulls back and holds Inaaya by her arms to keep her from falling. "Who was it? And why do you look so wrecked?"
She stares back with blurred vision, her lips parting, forcing the words out. "It was Ayansh." She breathes out. "It was Ayansh that day. He had my diary."
"It was him?" She voices out like she just couldn't register it.
Inaaya nods. The tears had stopped like an ocean who had poured everything out and had nothing left. She sniffs as Maya looks at her warily.
"Why aren't you happy about it?"
She shakes her head the slightest. "I— I can't. This— this shouldn't have happened."
"What do you mean?" Maya brings her hands up and holds her face and Inaaya instantly flinches making her drop her hand. "Inaaya, what happened?" She was scared now.
It was reflexive. She remembered how Ayansh had held her face with so much care, so much love and Maya repeating the action just made her pull away. It was revolting, every cell of her body were trashing against each other in a wishful thinking of undoing the past few hours. She didn't need to know he had his diary, she didn't need to know that it was him that day, she didn't need to know anything and even more than that, she didn't want him to know that it was her.
"Did Ayansh tell you something?" Maya inquires impatiently. At this rate, she would even call him to know what's the matter.
"No," Inaaya says quickly, grabbing her hands. "No, no, it's— it's not him."
Maya rubs her hands, trying to provide some comfort. She doesn't say anything, giving Inaaya a moment to collect herself.
"Hey! Stop."
Inaaya shook her head again, this time more frantically. "This is bad. I can't— I can't— I— no," she exhaled. It felt as if she was talking to herself, fretting out. "I can't tell. He can't know. He— he— shouldn't have been there. I— I can't face him. This is bad. How could he be the same person? How could it be him? It— "
"Inaaya," Maya cuts her off with her stern voice. "You're panicking. What is that he can't know? What are you hiding?"
"Nothing," she says, sobering up. "I just... don't want to talk to him."
This gets on Maya's nerves. "And how are you going to do that?"
She blinks, looking at her with guilt pricking at her insides. She hated troubling others and she seemed to be doing that repeatedly. Pulling them and then, pushing them away. "I— I don't want to. I don't want to do anything with him. Just— just cut him off from my life."
At this, Maya couldn't help but let out a sarcastic chuckle. "So, randomly you decided you want to cut him off and that's it? Do you think it's that simple?"
Inaaya didn't understand.
"The guy came to Cambridge for you, has been doing everything that he can just to earn your forgiveness, doesn't complain about you being so goddamn difficult and you think it's easy to get rid of him?" She raises a challenging brow and a shudder rakes through Inaaya's body at how mocking her words sounded. "Do you really believe he'll give up on you?"
She swallows. It was true. There was a rare chance that Ayansh would back off just because she pushed him away and thinking upon it, made her feel sick because truthfully, she didn't want him to give up. But she was too adamant to accept that. Having no words to reply, she gets up on wobbly feet and picks her bag.
"Inaaya, I need answers!" Maya yells when she sees her going towards the passage.
"I want to sleep, Maya. I'm sorry." She murmurs without turning back.
Her mind races through an innumerable number of moments and the irony of it crashes down upon her all at once because how can the same man save you and then, make you want to die as well?
——
Ayansh laid on his bed, his back resting against the headrest, his hands idly switching on and off the lamp on the nightstand, brightness and darkness filtering in the room in alternate manner.
He felt numb, aimless even and the small voice in the back of his head tempted him to give up, tried to convince him that it wasn't worth it, that in the end he would be left heartbroken than ever. He wanted to laugh at it, at himself for even letting such thoughts get harboured in him in the first place. Wasn't he aware of the innumerable consequences that would've been born after he came here? Didn't he want to try despite the thread of despair that always hung around him, haunted him? Then what made it different now?
Ayansh sighed loudly and switched off the lamp for once and for all, the room getting sunk in pitch black darkness. He took his phone and after a lot of contemplation dialled a number.
"Hello?" The man on the other side picked up the call after quite some long rings, his voice groggy.
"I'm sorry for disturbing your sleep." Ayansh says in a small, apologetic voice.
"It's alright," he dismisses his apology. "You're like my son and if children won't disturb us then who will?"
At any other time, it would have elicited a chuckle from Ayansh.
"What happened?" He asks, his tone sombre.
"I had to tell you something. About the diary."
Sleep had evaporated from his drooping eyes. "Don't tell me you found the person."
"I did," Ayansh murmurs quietly. "It's Inaaya."
"What?"
"It's Inaaya, Mr Stevens," he drawled with a lazy tilt in his voice. "It was Inaaya."
Ayansh was greeted with silence from the other side for quite a long moment.
"So,.... you were cheating on Inaaya with Inaaya herself?" Myles Stevens says in amusement and starts laughing hysterically but when Ayansh doesn't make a sound, he stops. "Does she know?"
"Yeah," he murmurs quietly. "She took away her diary and left." His eyes stung again and he gritted his teeth.
"I— I didn't get you." The elderly man says in his rough, heavy voice laced with confusion.
"You know the drama that happened today?"
"You fired Alex. Are you talking about that? Then, I'm updated."
Ayansh got up and walked up to the window wall of his room, staring down at the expanse of the city spread out in front of him. "She wanted to resign."
"She did that?" Stevens voice comes as a hoarse whisper, unable to quite believe it. "That's rash."
"I know," he agreed, his voice small and doleful. "And now when she found it was me who she had talked to on that cliff, it was me who had her diary all these years, she just wanted to leave, as if being in my presence was haunting her. She asked for her diary, took it and— and left."
Stevens doesn't say anything for a while. "How did you feel when you found it was her?"
Ayansh chuckles humourlessly. "Happy? I felt happy, ecstatic even, it felt as if we were destined, she and me. Like it was something written in the stars and for a moment, I believed it too but then, it evaporated. One moment, she seemed to be going through the same emotions that I felt and next moment, I wondered if I just happened to imagine it. It was ephemeral and honestly, it hurts. I don't know what's the right thing anymore. I don't know if whatever I did till now was right or not."
The elderly man listens to him with a deep thought. Something about the whole situation was unsettling and he felt hurt for both of them who clearly loved each other. "Maybe she just got overwhelmed," he tries to reason out, even though he was uncertain.
"Overwhelmed?" Ayansh doesn't try to mask away the mock in his tone. "So overwhelmed that she wanted to leave as soon as possible like finding out that it was me that day was the worse thing ever."
Mr. Stevens hadn't heard Ayansh sound so hurt and broken ever. He was rude but it didn't came from a place of anger but pain. "There has to be something more, Ayansh, that's all I'm trying to say and figure out. You must be missing something."
His brows furrow. "If there is something more then, I need her to tell me. And if she doesn't want to, how am I supposed to figure out? I'm tired of trying and I'm tired of being pushed away by her repeatedly— "
"So, you're saying you want to give up?"
Ayansh doesn't answer. In foresight, it sounded good, looked good too. She'll go on her way and he'll go on his and then, his heart clenches so painfully that his hand reached out to plant themselves on the glass, his lips parting as if he couldn't breathe. Giving up on her felt awfully like giving up on living.
"Ayansh," Mr Stevens calls out in a tender, father like voice. "You know when you're fighting a battle which is the hardest phase of it?"
He remains silent but he was listening.
"The phase when you're closest to winning it," he says solemnly. "When you've almost got what you wanted yet you haven't. Everything seems to be pulling you down but you just have to stay patient and overcome it so you can see the light beyond it. You just have to hang in there. Maybe you're close, maybe you've finally cracked it, you've swam the whole way and now, you just have to step out of the water. Don't let yourself and her drown when you know you can save both of y'all."
The next hour Ayansh spent thinking back upon his words. The turmoil inside him had quietened. He felt light after venting out and getting rid of the negative thoughts that desperately tried to envelope him in their pricking abode. His mind raced as he tried to link things. There was definitely something that wasn't quite right. He felt it, he had always felt it, it was just he never paid much attention to it. Questions lingered and answers seemed to be out of sight.
Why was she so startled to know that it was him on that cliff?
He thought about the timeline of it and the scattered pieces that he wasn't able to join disturbed him. He grabbed his phone and dialled a number.
"Hello," the person on the other side spoke, his voice gentle as if he was scared than anything other than gentle would come back at him. "Is everything okay? Do you need some help? Are you alright? You never call— "
"Rahul," Ayansh shut him up with a clipped tone. "Just answer my question, will you?"
"Okay," he says hesitantly.
"The deal you lost, against Inaaya's dad," the mere mention had Rahul's body going rigid. "When— "
"I'm sorry about that." He cuts him off, apologizing.
Ayansh grits his teeth in annoyance. "I'm not here for your apologies. When did that take place? I mean, the exact time?"
"You already know the year and it was somewhere near March end."
"Before we went to Mahabaleshwar?"
"Few weeks before that, yes."
He knew this, he had figured that much out, he was just confirming. "Did you— did you see Inaaya in between?"
"No, why would I?" The question takes him aback. It was a weird question in its very nature.
He sighs. He wasn't going to reach anywhere with the information he already knew. "When you met Inaaya at the restaurant, how did she react after you told her the truth and fabricated lies?" He felt disgusted to be asking that question.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Rahul inquires, his voice pained and torn. "I'm sorry for whatever happened."
"Rahul," Ayansh takes his name in a strained voice. "I don't need explanations, I need answers."
"She— she cried. Her reaction," he pauses for a second, "her reaction was worse than I expected. I was happy for that, I felt I had succeeded." He felt horrible for admitting the truth, ashamed of himself and the way hate had consumed him, blinded him."
Ayansh feels himself choking up. Heaving a breath, he continues. "When you said I— I didn't love her?"
Rahul felt himself shaking his head on his own. He remembered each and every moment of the day like it happened yesterday. And why would he not? It was the most shameful thing he had done in his life. "Her reaction worsened when I mentioned the meeting and her Dad. Understandably so. She would've hated knowing that I did this because I wanted to hurt her Dad," he says in a small, guilt laden voice.
"Is that all or did you say something else too?" Ayansh knew about the lies his brother had spewed against him.
Rahul gulps and when he hesitates, Ayansh knew there was something more. "Tell me," he demands.
"It— it might not be very important but I— I had mentioned Mr Patel."
Ayansh waits for his brother to continue, trying to gauge where this conversation was heading to.
"I remember her reaction at that name. It was intense."
Ayansh couldn't believe what he had put Inaaya through because of a douchebag of his brother. He also didn't know much about the man, Mr Patel. He scarcely remembered about his accident and there were some revelations post his death. He never took much interest in it, considering he was in Cambridge and not in India and was doing his MBA.
"He was appallingly fond of her and at that point, I didn't understand but then after his death, when his deeds with various girls were out in the open, it made sense. Pedophile, he was afterall."
He blinks, the blood in his veins going cold, disgust swept upon his skin and an ugly feeling settled at the pit of his stomach before he could even decipher it.
"I'm sorry," Rahul murmurs, his voice laced with remorse. "I mentioned that, the pedophile thing," Ayansh felt his eyes burn at that, with tears or rage or something entirely else he didn't know, "and it felt Inaaya wasn't able to breathe, wasn't able to stand. She looked so fragile and since I was so consumed with my revenge, I rejoiced."
Ayansh felt a scream get clogged in his throat. Is that how Inaaya felt? Memories that he thought were trivial didn't seem trivial anymore as they resurface and float in front of him.
"Inaaya. Are you okay?"
"She's okay- she's okay, right? She's- she's safe, right? She's- "
"Inaaya," he cuts her off, his voice going an octave higher. "Are. You. Okay?"
A dreadful feeling, so harrowing had started to echo within him and no matter how much he tried not to steer in that direction, the force pulling him was magnetic and he felt helpless.
"Is there something that you would like to share? You can trust me."
"I do trust you." She says, without missing a beat. "But is it okay if I don't want to tell you? It's past and I want it to stay in the past."
The past seemed horrifying, like something that should be left where it was but in his better opinion, he also knew that it deserved to find a voice. Maybe he was making a wild guess by trying to link the incidents with each other, maybe he was just being paranoid but he was sure there was something wrong and he wouldn't calm down without digging it out.
***
More like a filler chapter but hope y'all liked it anyway. Would love to hear your views. Don't forget to vote and comment. Take care everyone ❤️ and next chapter is going to be......
• Thank you for reading •