Chapter 6
Harry's POV
*this chapter changes dates*
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"Harry Styles not set to take on any upcoming projects in the new year"
"Mega moviestar Harry Styles to take an indefinite break from acting"
"After multiple award winning projects, is Harry Styles going to leave acting for good?"
"Harry Styles and girlfriend Lennon Alito SPLIT"
My life used to be filled with this kind of stuff. Cameras and bright lights shoved in my face every night. Headlines and news stories about what role I would be taking on next. Rumors or lies being plastered all over the internet. Most of it was all bullshit, just countless and unnecessary noise and uproar to get people to click on their article. Everybody wanted a hit story, and they would say whatever they had to say in order to get the views.
Until it wasn't all bullshit.
It was a lot to deal with, and unless you've lived it, you might not even understand the extent of every move you make being watched. People ready to scrutinize you for what you wear, who you're with, how you perform, it gets to be too much sometimes.
Especially when it seeps deeper, affecting more than just you. When it spreads to your family, your friends, your partners, it starts to take a toll on them as well and it isn't fair. Being in the public eye feels like someone is constantly watching you with a magnifying glass that you just can not get away from.
I've done my best to ignore it all and live a life that's divided between work and personal. I keep quiet and do my projects to the best of my ability, I grab my awards and go home, and I don't go on social media that often. Despite all of that, the tabloids and media still do their best to get people talking.
It was frustrating sometimes. Feeling like I was doing everything I could to protect not only myself, but also my loved ones, and it still not being enough. It was painful, seeing the looks on their faces when a ridiculous rumor about one of us would be spread, or the people who claimed to love me the most disrespected some of my favorite people.
That's why I felt like I had to leave it all behind.
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 10th
I visited Lennon's house every single day and every single day she turned me down.
I expected it, and honestly I expected a lot worse. I was fully prepared for her to start screaming at me, or even throw something my direction if I'm being completely honest.
I know none of me deserves any of her attention, but I really wish I could just have 5 minutes to try and explain everything that happened. If after then she wanted nothing to do with me, I'd have to accept it. She looked me in my eyes and told me everything was okay, and I would have to trust her word and move on.
Even if leaving would hurt as much as it did the first time.
It was my 6th night in a row pulling into the driveway of Lennon's house. It was a little later than I've usually been coming over so I hoped she was still awake, the girl always loved her sleep. I would've been here earlier, but today was my first day back at work and it was a long one.
The outside of Lennon's house was very nice, and it suited her. It was a white one story house, with simple features, but lots of gardening and curb appeal. Her porch was decorated with some lounge chairs and some potted plants. I was able to tell that one of the lights was still on inside, and I could see cabinets, so I'm assuming she was currently in her kitchen. Just moments later, I saw her silhouette appear in the windows.
I turned my car off, and with my hands in my sweatshirt pockets made my way up the walkway to her front door. I knocked and waited, and it only took a few moments before the door was cracked open and she was stepping out onto the porch for our daily conversation.
She started it this time, which shocked me, by saying "You're late"
"You noticed" I looked at her.
I hated to say it since things were not the same as they used to be, but she looked gorgeous as ever. She looked a little bit different, a bit more tired and run down than she used to be, so I could only hope everything was as okay as she told me they were, but she was still Lennon, and that made her beautiful.
Plus, I know I look a bit different as well. It's bound to happen when years have passed and things change.
"I tend to notice when people don't know how to take hints" She bit her lip, and tilted her head slightly towards me. "Yes I noticed, I want to go to sleep but the second I would've laid down in bed you would've been at my door pestering me anyways"
"I-... I'm sorry, I was at work, and it was a long day and I-"
"You were at work?" She cut me off, and instantly it was like something shifted. Her body language instantly tensed up, shutting me out, and arms were now folded over his chest. There was a subtle hint of anger? Disbelief? Behind her eyes, but I couldn't figure out which one it was. Probably both. She backed up, her way of letting me know that the conversation is ending in the next few moments, I did pick up on that the last few nights.
I sighed, feeling like I know where her brain just jumped to conclusions to. "Yes, I was at work"
"Harry, I really want you to stop showing up here" She took a deep breath, and recomposed herself.
"I need to talk to you. I-I know it was wrong, it was so incredibly wrong, but I want to at least try and make some of it right" Without thinking, I stepped closer and she instantly took a step back trying to get away from me. I backed up.
"I don't want to. You can call me selfish, insensitive, or whatever other word you want to come up with, but I don't want to talk to you"
Internally, I groaned. "Okay.. okay, I'll go. But I'm not going to stop trying"
I could see her roll her eyes before she spoke. "If you're going to come over and bother me, at least do it at 8pm"
For my sake, I'll take that as an invitation.
"8pm" I nodded my head.
THURSDAY AUGUST 11TH
I arrived at set the next morning at 4 am. There was a time waking up at the crack of dawn was easier, but now after years of sleeping in and wasting the day away, I was finding it hard to force myself to get out of bed and look prepared to be on camera.
Coffee was slowly becoming my new best friend.
I was aware it still wasn't the best thing I could be drinking, but it was a step up from where I was 8 months ago, and for that I'm going to consider it a slight win.
I brought some as well for the director and some of the crew. Maybe you could consider it sucking up, but I just wanted everyone to have a good morning. It's 4am for crying out loud. Plus, everyone here knows about what happened and it wouldn't hurt if a cup of coffee got me on their good side.
I walked in to the conference room area where most of the crew was already sat and waiting for everyone else to arrive. Luckily, I wasn't last. I greeted everyone with a simple hello, and hugged the star of the movie. It was the beginning of the movie process, so today would just be spent going over the script and still sort of mingling to get to know one another.
Yesterday, my day was filled with questions from my fellow co-stars trying to figure out where the hell I've been for the past couple years, and how did I manage to last so long without anyone figuring out where I was.
Of course, I didn't tell them.
Lennon would be the first to know.
After that, I'll decide if anyone else needs to know.
Lennon. She occupied my brain all day long. She was always there in the back of my mind. She might have moved on, but I most definitely did not. When I wrote to her that I would always love her, I meant it, and that was proven by the way no matter how much I tried to escape her, I couldn't.
"Harry, are you listening?"
"Hm?" I snapped out of my thoughts, looking down at Florence. "Sorry, what did you say?"
"I said that some of the main cast is going to get lunch later on together to bond, will you be joining us? Olivia said she'd keep you away from cameras since you aren't ready yet for your grand re-entrance" Florence did some jazz hands and chuckled.
"That sounds lovely" I agreed.
"Great. Around noon is when we'll break, so there's donuts over there" Florence pointed to a back table that had several boxes of donuts spread out for everyone to take. Taking advantage of her information, I went and grabbed myself a donut before we began working.
For lunch we ended up at a small café. I didn't realize that when Florence said Olivia will make sure there's no cameras, she meant she rented out the place so we'd be the only ones here. In return, I paid for everyone's meals as a thank you.
Our lunch went really well, everyone was getting along and making jokes, and it felt really good inside to be back and doing something I love again. Also, the food was delicious. For the last few years I mainly survived on cold take out, and Jeff's home cooked meals, which were definitely a meal, so the food would've tasted amazing regardless.
I was sat by the window, and every so often I would see someone try and pull on the door to the café, only to think they did it wrong, and then try to push themselves inside. It was slightly funny, and then the café owner would rush over to the door and communicate they're closed right now.
And then I thought I was hallucinating when I saw Lennon try and open the door.
I was able to see outside, but no one was able to see inside. Lennon noticeably groaned and dropped her shoulders, and if I wasn't mistaken, looked like she was about to start crying?
"Harry? You completely missed the joke man"
"Yeah.. one second" I trailed off, getting up from my chair and rushing over to the café's front entrance. Turning the little knob on the inside, I unlocked the door as all my co workers watched me with very shocked and confused expressions.
"Lennon?" I asked, and she turned back around to face me.
"Oh you've got to be kidding me" She threw her head back and groaned. "I just wanted a sandwich"
The owner had come up behind us at this point, starting to try and tell Lennon he's currently closed, but I assured him Lennon was alright. Her voice sounded broken as she spoke, and I just needed to know if everything was okay.
"I'll just go" Lennon shook her head.
"I'm sorry, can you please make her a BLT?" I turned to the owner and asked. Without fuss, he obliged and headed off back to the kitchen area to begin making her food.
"Harry" Lennon groaned again. "I've had a rough day, and you'll just make it worse" She huffed, and then her stomach rumbled.
"Look, you're hungry. Just let it happen, please? Are you ok?" I furrowed my eyebrows, and she sniffled, took a deep breath and composed herself.
"I'm okay" She answered. "Stop asking me that"
Although suspicious, I opted to not push her about it and only make her angrier with me, so I kept my mouth shut.
The few minutes it took to make her sandwich was awkward. Lennon, obviously, wasn't in a good mood but when was she ever with me around? She didn't want to talk, I didn't know what to say to her, and my co workers were still staring at me with puzzled expressions on their faces.
When the owner came back over with a deli bag, Lennon took out her wallet and dug around until she found enough cash, but I tried to stop her.
"I've got it"
"I can pay for my own food Harry" She sort of snapped at me, and then politely handed the owner 20 bucks.
"Enjoy" The owner smiled, and walked into the back.
I watched Lennon zip up her wallet, but my eye quickly noticed the ID badge she had placed in the front pocket. I could only see the name of the hospital, and the photo of Lennon in her scrubs on it, but I could already feel some sort of pang in my chest from the realization.
"You finished nursing school" I commented, before I could stop myself, and I wanted to slap myself then and there. She didn't want to hear anything from me right now, but of course the words had to tumble out before I could close my mouth.
"Goodbye Harry"