Maybe this was how it always went when you met your boyfriend's parents. Maybe the kind of meeting where they implored you to call them by their first names only happened in movies. But as I gulped down deep breaths against my urge to vomit and wove through the guests, back towards the bathroom near the elevators, I knew that was a lie. I'd heard all about it when Jake had first met Simon's parents. They'd gone to brunch, and by the end of it, Jake and Simon's mom had exchanged numbers, and Simon's dad had invited him on their annual fishing trip. They'd been on a first name basis ever since. Meanwhile, I couldn't imagine ever calling Theo's parents anything less formal than Mr. and Mrs. Ellerby.
I shoved open a bathroom stall door and hovered over the toilet, certain that my stomach was about to empty its contents, when I realized how ridiculous all of this was. It didn't matter that I couldn't imagine calling them by their first names. Fake girlfriends didn't call their fake in-laws anything. And yet here I was, acting like this was real. Again. The wave of dizzy nausea passed, leaving me with nothing but a cold sweat as I sank down onto the seat.
"Get a grip, Ellie," I muttered into my hands, resisting the urge to scrape them through my styled hair.
Instead, I fished out my phone.
It's official. I hate black-tie galas, I sent to Jake. I chewed my thumbnail as I waited for his reply, only to remember that he and Simon were hosting a dinner party.
The bathroom door swung open, admitting a burst of chatter and piano.
"...his date? What was that, a bargain basement dress?"
Two sets of high heels clacked against the bathroom tiles.
"Looked like it. And that bruise?"
One of them made a gagging noise before they both giggled.
My stomach hollowed out. I debated hugging my knees to my chest so they wouldn't see my feet beneath the stall divider, but I stopped when my phone buzzed with a text from Jake.
Stay strong. You're just as good as any of them, El.
Heat had climbed up my neck, but I set my jaw. He was right. Intimidated as I was, I wasn't about cower here while people gossiped about me. I was worth more than that. Besides, I was never going to see any of them again. This would be my first and last family outing as Theo's girlfriend. I might as well give the bathroom gossips a dose of their own medicine while I could.
With a deep, steeling breath, I stowed my phone and shoved open the stall door. One of the girls choked off her giggle and bit her lips when she noticed me in the mirror. The other simply arched an eyebrow as she leaned in to reapply her lipstick.
"You have a good eye," I said as I washed my hands. "It was a bargain rack buy."
They both stared at me with that smugly amused, superior look that I absolutely loathed.
I inspected my reflection as I dried my hands. My neck had gone all splotchy, but I pressed on. "I guess it just goes to show that you can buy as many designer dresses as you want, but they won't land you an Ellerby." I fixed them both with my brightest smile. "Have a nice night. I know I will."
My heart was pounding a mile a minute when I strode past them. Neither had reacted to my words, but it had felt damn good to say them. Squaring my shoulders, I rode that high all the way back to the hallway, where I spotted Theo just beyond the towering flower arrangements near the bar.
He was standing with Madeleine and two girls I didn't recognize, his trademark grin in place as they talked. It was almost painful how handsome he looked, standing there, absolutely at ease despite all the extravagance surrounding him. I had to fight not to hunch every three seconds, whereas he threw his head back with laughter, completely comfortable, almost as if he was born to attend galas like this.
But then...he was. The thought settled like a stone, and, suddenly, the guy who called me Emdubs and who'd spent the afternoon sprinting around a muddy soccer field in the rain wasn't the one I was looking at. He wasn't just a guy who liked Avengers movies anymore. He was a guy who wore thousand-dollar tuxes. Who could effortlessly out-snob an entire room filled with people who owned private jets and different million-dollar mansions for every season. No wonder he only wanted to fake date me.
It shouldn't have mattered, but the thought ripped open a painful, empty space in my chest. If I was being honest, it had been there since I'd arrived—a hollowness that I'd buried under fake-smiles and stifled with swallowed nerves. The same one I'd shoved down and away when I'd climbed out of my Uber on the first day of school, determined not to care what other people thought about me.
But now, it had festered and grown into something so large that there was no more ignoring it. I didn't belong here. I wasn't meant for a life like this. I'd wanted to be, but no matter how hard I tried, I never would be. I hadn't realized how badly I'd hoped to impress his parents and their friends. I'd wanted them to look at me the way they looked at Madeleine. But they wouldn't. Not tonight. Not ever.
It was freeing, in a way, to admit defeat. To finally let go of the pressure that had nearly made me vomit all week. That had simmered beneath the surface all semester, really. And now that I'd released it, the sheer ridiculousness of all of this really hit me. I glanced over my shoulder. The elevator was right there. The car that Theo's parents had sent was probably waiting somewhere downstairs. It was supposed to bring us back to Kingsbridge later anyway, and Theo could always hitch a ride back with William and Madeleine.
I winced at the thought. It would be cruel to leave him here. But it would be even crueler to force myself to put up with more of this. Chewing my lip, I turned towards the elevators.
As if it knew it was the exact right moment for a reality check, my left heel wobbled and I stumbled sideways, towards someone leaving the men's room.
William caught my elbow. "Easy, there. You okay?"
His fingers lingered even after he'd helped me regain my balance.
"Yeah. Thanks." I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, hoping that he hadn't noticed where I was headed. "Twisted my ankle in today's game."
"Ouch." He glanced towards my feet. "Though that's not really what I meant. Or was I only imagining you making a break for the elevators?"
My eyes flew to his. His lips curved into the same gentle, rueful smile as when he'd admitted that he wanted to go to Gustavo's with me. It didn't quite hit the same, though. Not after the bistro. I swallowed.
"Come on." His hand settled on my back. "Let's get some air."
Eyeing the string lights, I stiffened at his touch. I should want to go outside with him. He'd probably offer me his jacket, and it would be painfully romantic as we talked under the twinkling stars. But something inside of me resisted. I knew I was being ridiculous, and I wasn't really in any state to pass up a momentary reprieve. Or a chance to explain myself after he'd just busted me trying to run.
"Sure," I said weakly. And then made the mistake of glancing over my shoulder.
Theo was watching us, but the moment I caught him, he dropped his gaze back down to the blonde ponytail and backless dress in front of him. Then smiled. The genuine one. For Madeleine. Something twisted bitterly in my chest as William guided me through the sliding doors to the terrace.
It should've been exactly what I wanted, but it wasn't. I rubbed my arms against the chill, hovering near one of the elegant metal heat lamps. William either didn't notice or didn't care because he made no move to offer me his tuxedo jacket.
"You can tell me the truth, you know," he said, sliding his hands into his pockets.
"The truth?" I echoed. A prickle that had nothing to do with the cold climbed my back.
"About why you're here. Was it to see me? Or was it to attend one of my parents' parties?" He tilted his head. "Because I know it wasn't for my brother."
Shit. Shit. I'd been a fool, following him out here like this, and now I had no idea what to say. The truth was that I'd done it for Theo, for the sake of our ruse. Then again, maybe this was my opening to go for it with William. But rather than ignite all the butterflies in my stomach, all that thought did was reawaken my nausea. And I didn't really want to think about why that was, not with William studying me so intently.
"I'm here because I couldn't stand the idea of all those girls throwing themselves at him," I said.
William's eyes narrowed. "And yet you're out here, talking with me."
I swallowed. "I needed a break. I wasn't lying when I said this wasn't my scene."
He nodded slowly, still studying me. "Well, you certainly clean up well. That dress is beautiful on you."
I wasn't quite quick enough to fight my frown. I was so braced for more interrogation that I hadn't expected the compliment. Nor did I expect William to close the space between us and reach for my waist. Something about his abrupt change of tack had me taking a step away from him.
"Sorry," he said quickly, an amused smile quirking his lips. "I didn't mean to startle you. You just looked cold, and—"
A gust of warm air from the balcony door buffeted my freezing back. I whirled, grateful for the interruption, until I met Madeleine's stony stare. She hesitated in the doorway, her lips pressed into a line, then looked past me.
"William," she said, a little more sharply than usual. "Your father wanted to introduce us to someone."
"Of course," he said. I resisted the urge to shrug out from under the hand he rested on my bare shoulder in parting.
And then part of me wished that I had. Because behind Madeleine, Theo held the balcony door open for them. He let his brother through after her, that razor-sharp smile on his face. It didn't fade as he sauntered out. It was the first time he'd directed that look my way in a long time, and I really didn't like the way it made my insides hollow out.
"Having fun?" he asked.
"Tons," I said flatly, turning away. I rubbed my arms in earnest this time, shivering.
Theo's jacket landed around my shoulders, warm and heavy and smelling like him. I didn't exactly get to savour it though, not when he said, "That's not the tone I was expecting after catching you in a stolen romantic moment with my brother."
I whirled on him. "Yeah. There's nothing quite as romantic as being grilled on a freezing balcony."
His head jerked back, and the hard edges of his armor slipped. He frowned. "Grilled?"
"You know, the usual. Why are you here, Ellie? Was it to see me? Was it to impress my parents?" I ground my teeth and muttered, "Like that would ever happen."
Admitting it out loud was a mistake. Suddenly, my throat was getting all thick, and no matter how hard I swallowed, it wasn't going away.
"Hey." Theo's hands landed on my tensed shoulders. "That's not—"
"It's fine," I interrupted, blinking furiously. I ducked out from under his hands.
Except it really wasn't fine. Because it had hurt like hell to watch his parents' reactions when they learned what kind of person I was. And it hurt even worse now that Theo had assumed I'd come out here with William in the hopes of something romantic. But why would he think it was anything else? He'd certainly made good use of his time with Madeleine, if that smile had been any indication. That was what this was all about. Not my involuntary step away from William. Or my sudden urge to correct Theo.
For the second time that night, I contemplated sprinting for the elevator bank.
"Ellie."
The sound of my name ripped me from my rapidly spiralling thoughts. Theo's hands had come to rest on my arms, and I realized my whole body was quaking with shivers. Or maybe panic.
"What's going on?" he asked, leaning down to make me look at him.
"Nothing," I lied. Because I couldn't tell him the truth. I didn't even know the truth myself, and there was no way in hell that I wanted to figure it out here, in this viper's pit of a party.
"Do you want to get out of here?" His fingers found my chin. Made me look at him.
No more knife's edge grin. No more armored arrogance. He was my Theo again, and that just made it so much worse. His facade had broken, too, and I didn't know how I could put my game face back on with him looking at me like that. Like he actually cared about what was ripping me apart inside.
Before I could think it through, I threw my arms around him. He didn't hesitate to hug me back, and his arms closed around me, strong and warm and solid. I bit my tongue against my sob and pressed my eyes closed against my tears. I didn't want to cry here. I didn't want to be defeated by this. But I was coming damned close.
When I finally stopped shaking, I loosened my grip on Theo's shirt.
"Sorry," I said, taking a step away and brushing my fingertips under my eyes to make sure I hadn't ruined Gyeong-Ja's makeup.
"You have to stop apologizing," he said gently. "Even I find all this a little much sometimes."
I barked a laugh that was a little more bitter than I'd meant it to be. "Right. Says the guy who actually owns and didn't have to rent his tux."
He hung his head, a rueful smile lifting the corner of his lips. "Believe it or not, I hate this stuff. That's why I never invited you. Why I wanted to avoid coming here at all."
That damned something twisted around my heart and clenched at the way he stared down at his polished shoes. Maybe I wasn't the only one feeling this miserable. After feeling so adrift and alone all night long, I clung to that thought like it was a lifeline.
I nudged his foot with mine. "It looked like you were having a grand old time out-snobbing them all. Could've fooled me."
His eyes lifted and latched onto mine. "Really?"
My breath caught. He was asking it the same way he'd asked me a similar question at Halloween. Like my answer was the most important thing in the world.
"No," I admitted, then forced my eyes away when he took a step towards me. "Who you are in there"—I nodded towards the party just inside the glass—"I know it's all an act. But you're so damned good at it that..."
I stopped when he reached for my hand.
"That what," he prompted, when I didn't continue.
"That sometimes it's hard to remember you're the same guy I know," I said quietly.
A breath whooshed out of him that might've been a chuckle. "Thank you," he said.
When I tilted my head in question, he added, "For...getting that."
Somehow, I managed to nod. And then I shivered again.
Theo noticed and squeezed my fingers. "We should head back inside. Unless you want to bail. We've showed enough face to appease them."
I mustered what remained of my brave face. "I didn't come all the way out here and go to all this trouble"—I gestured from the top of my chignon to my freezing toes—"just to bail early. Let's do what we came here to do."
When he hesitated, watching me with a ghost of his real, lopsided smile, I blurted, "What?"
He shook his head, losing the battle to his grin. "You're just not at all what I thought you'd be. Now come on, let's go grab some hors-d'oeuvres and bid all my parents' money on the silent auction."
**A/N: Thanks for your patience with this update! It was basically a double update length so I'll be posting the next chapter on July 12 when I get back to regular Wednesday updates. That said, I can be flexible around update days now, so is there a day that you would all prefer instead of Wednesday? Let me know 😊
As always, if you enjoyed it, please take a moment to vote and comment!**