Text to: Jake Morris-Whittaker, 12:03 am
Jake?
You up?
Yeah
Everything ok?
Yeah.
I just miss you
And boys are confusing
Aww El 🙁
I miss you too
Want me to call?
No, it's late
I'll be okay
Ok 😕
How about I Amazon Prime some Halloween chocolate to your dorm?
😀😀😀
YES PLEASE
🍫🍭🍬
Done and done 😊
Hope you feel better 🤗
I'm always around if you ever wanna talk about it
Thanks
Love you Jake
Love you too El
~*~
Practice?
The text from Theo woke me up on Saturday morning, alone in my dorm room. Gyeong-Ja had stayed at Audra's after their movie marathon, which was probably a good thing. She'd have demanded details about the party, and I was so emotionally exhausted that I'd definitely have slipped up and spilled the truth about the entire thing.
I stared at my phone, thumb hovering over the keyboard. I didn't really feel like dragging myself out of bed, and I had a team practice later anyway. But Theo hadn't said a thing besides goodnight since we'd argued, and maybe this was his version of an olive branch.
Now? I replied, squirming a little. I wasn't exactly eager to revisit our fight, but I wasn't about to back down, either. I knew I was right. I just didn't know if I felt like getting into it this early in the morning.
Yes, he sent back.
With a groan, I shoved off my duvet and got dressed. It wasn't as cool as I was expecting when I shoved open the dorm doors and strode into thick, early morning fog. I bounced my soccer ball a few times along the path, then stopped at the top of the stairs. Theo wasn't on the field. He was sitting on the bleachers, in a sweatshirt and jeans, elbows resting on his knees.
"Those don't look like practice clothes," I said, sliding in beside him.
He glanced over at me, then heaved a sigh. "No, they're not. But I kind of suck at apologies, so here we are." He stared down at his Nikes. "You were right."
"About?"
His jaw muscle tensed. "All of it. Madeleine. Me lying. And I agree, if we want to keep this going, I owe you the truth."
I set my soccer ball down, pretty sure that we weren't about to be doing any kind of practicing. His chest swelled as he inhaled, and then, with a scrape of his hand through his hair, the dam broke.
"We dated last year, for three months. Except she'd just gotten out of this thing with a graduating senior, so she insisted we keep it on the down-low. Like a lovesick dumbass, I agreed. That was right when Will decided he'd had enough of Ava Rabinovitch, and, like an even bigger dumbass, I didn't try to hide how happy I was because of Mads. She was perfect, and I was over the moon."
I swallowed the bitter lump in my throat at him calling Madeleine perfect. And at the nickname he used for her, like they had their own little private secret names for each other. "So why did she go to prom with William?"
"I don't know. I'd asked her to go with me, but she'd said no. That she wasn't sure she wanted to go at all, because of her ex or something. Connor wasn't dating Aurelia yet, so he convinced me to go stag, like him. It was an absolute kick to the balls when Mads showed up with Will."
"That's awful." I fiddled with the hem of my practice shorts, then ventured, "Gyeong-Ja said you and Madeleine made out, though."
"Yeah." He scraped a hand through his hair. "Not my best moment. But I was so mad at Will for pulling the same shit he always pulls when I finally get something I want. I couldn't let him get away with it again. Except Mads wouldn't listen. I was such a desperate fool that I kissed her where I knew other people could see, and all that did was get me slapped."
I chewed my lip, considering for a few seconds. "So—don't hate me for asking this—but if she didn't want to listen to you back then..." I gestured between us. "How do you think all this is going to help?"
He blew a sigh through his cheeks. "It's a long story, but the short of it is that Will strung her along all summer, leading her on just enough that she wouldn't even consider me, but not so far that he was actually dating her. And then you happened." He glanced at me. "When I figured out that he was attracted to you, I wanted to use that for my own ends. To get back at him, in a way, by dating someone he was interested in. And to make him dump Madeleine for real so I could have another shot with her. That's what happened at Connor's party. When you told me that Will had asked you out, I figured I'd shoot my shot. Mads didn't exactly turn me down, but she didn't agree to leave him alone, either."
"That's really messed up," I said, before the silence between us stretched on too long.
"Yeah, well, that's my brother. The golden child who always gets what he wants." Theo rubbed a fist along his leg. "That's why I made you turn him down. Because I saw it happening again, him manipulating someone else's feelings. I figured if you bailed on him, maybe he'd start respecting you and not use you the way he's used every other..." He trailed off with a darted, sidelong look at me.
"Every other what?" I prompted gently.
He straightened, fidgeting. "God, Ellie. There's no way to say this without sounding like all the other rich assholes who go to this school."
The way he said it, the way he was so uncomfortable admitting it, unlocked something in me—a certainty that hadn't been there before. He didn't want to be one of them. He knew exactly how cruel the other Kingsbridge students were, and he didn't want to be like them. Like Connor and Aurelia, teasing me for no reason other than that they wanted to. Like Emma, being rude on the first day and every day since, just because I was the less-well-off new girl.
Maybe the Theo I knew was the real Theo after all.
A tightness that I hadn't realized was lingering in my chest loosened. I bumped him with my shoulder. "I know who you are. Just say it."
His brows crested, eyes pinched until he looked away. "Every other scholarship student. The have-nots who date guys like me and my brother just to get a taste of the other side. A chance to brush elbows with the rich and famous at my parents' parties."
I fiddled with my sweatshirt cuff. "Is that really who you think I am?"
"No," he said quickly, "Not...not now, at least. But at the start, yeah. The way you fawned over Will and then pelted me with a ball just to get my attention."
"An accident," I pointed out for the hundredth time.
"Yeah, well, now that I know how awful your aim was—hey!" He recoiled when I poked him stomach. "Can you just put yourself in my shoes for a sec? Because there you were, the new scholarship student who'd apparently fallen for my brother on day one, trying to get my attention too. It wouldn't be the first time someone went after both of us just because of the family name."
At the haunted look that ghosted across his face, I asked quietly, "Is that what you think Madeleine did?"
His lips pressed into a line and he nodded, then scraped a hand over his face. "Though maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it wasn't the family name she was after when we dated. Maybe it was me, for a time. Or maybe all she really wanted was my brother. She certainly played it like that was her goal."
When his shoulders fell, I couldn't stop myself from reaching out to rest a hand on his knee. "If that's the case, then she's an asshole."
He patted my hand, then let his linger atop it. "Kind of you to say."
"Hey." I waited for him to look at me instead of the sunlight cutting through the fog on the empty field. "You deserve better than someone who would do that to you."
His throat bobbed, but his fingers squeezed mine. "Thanks, Ellie."
"I mean it." And I did. Because for the first time, the real Theo Ellerby was looking down at me. Raw, unguarded, and utterly devastated. He deserved so much better than a snake like Madeleine. He deserved someone who knew this side of him, not the cocky asshole he pretended to be to guard his broken heart.
I didn't want to dwell on how that made me feel, though. Because that stupid something was spinning around in my stomach again, primed to fight anyone who would hurt Theo this way.
"So..." I looked down at our intertwined fingers. "What do we do now?"
"I'm still working on it. But we'll have to put on a hell of a show this weekend."
A teeny twinge twisted in my stomach when he didn't try to call the whole thing off. Of course he still wanted to keep going. He wanted to get Madeleine back. But that damned something fluttering around inside me wasn't happy about it. I shoved it away.
"There's always the nuclear option," I offered.
He darted a wary look at me.
"If you thought it would work before, it can always be the backup plan."
He inhaled, opened his mouth, closed it, then finally said, "Do you know what the nuclear option is?"
I shrugged. "I'm guessing it has something to do with making them think you slept with me. Probably at Connor's beach house, or one of the multitudes of other places he's—"
"No." Theo shook his head decisively.
"No?" I echoed. "If that's not it, then—"
"That's exactly what it is," he said, "But I'm not doing that to you."
Warmth tingled in my stomach. I nudged him with my shoulder, "Look at you, being all chivalrous. It's fine. If you think it'll work, then I'm willing to pretend."
"I'm not."
When I looked at him, that something shuddered all the way from my cheeks to my toes. His fingers had tightened around mine, and he was staring at me with an intense, determined look in his eyes. Like he meant every word of what he'd said: he wasn't willing to pretend. I sucked in a breath before I ripped my gaze from his and composed myself.
Obviously that's not what he meant. Obviously, he only meant that he wasn't down with such a drastic plan. It was just that stupid something making me think that it meant anything more than that.
Somehow, I managed a nonchalant smile. "We'll think of something, then."
"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "Provided you're still down to be my teammate. Not gonna lie, it's kind of mortifying that I just spilled my soul to you like that."
I grinned, but pretended to consider it. "I mean, I guess I could get used to this version of you. If I absolutely had to."
"Ha ha, very funny." He squeezed my fingers before hopping to his feet. "Fog's gone. Let's work on defending corner kicks."
"In jeans?" I asked, lifting my eyebrows at his pants.
"I think I can kick a few balls in jeans, Emdubs. Unless you were you hoping I'd take them off?" He waggled his eyebrows and reached for his waistband. "It's a little early for a show, but—"
I threw my soccer ball at him.
**A/N: Apologies for being late, readers! It has been an absolutely horrible week, but I'm back on track now.
It's double date time next week and I won't lie, it's one of my favorite chapters in the whole story. I can't wait to post it! That said, what do you think of Theo's confession?
As always, if you enjoyed it, please take a moment to vote and comment!**