Chapter 50: Childhood First Love
Victoria Abbel's Point of View
"I told you to buy me pizza." My face sunk when I saw Cainn without holding anything. Nagkibit balikat lang ito at pinitik ang noo ko at tsaka naglakad papasok sa loob. I made an ouch sound and rub my forehead.
Sinundan ko siya ng tingin at prenteng naupo sa couch. It's already evening and Cainn is the first brother of mine to arrive. Prente itong nakaupo kaya naman may bigla na lang akong naisip na gawin.
"Ouch! Mom! Victoria just step on my foot!" Sigaw niya habang hinihilot ang paa na inapakan ko. I stick my tongue out and gave him a meh expression. I don't even know if mom can hear us.
"That's for not buying me pizza. Nag expect pa naman ako. Hmpf!"
"You didn't say please." He said with a frown. Pinakita pa niya sa akin ang text message ko sa na nagpapabili ako ng pizza. Buy me pizza on your way home. That was the text message I sent him.
"And you didn't give me money. How am I supposed to buy if you don't have money?"
"I could have refunded it here, you idiot." Duh! It's not like Cainn doesn't have money. Hindi rin naman niya ikakahirap ang pagbili ng gusto ko.
"Whatever you say. Nikos is right you are truly a witch. You should have said please, maybe I'll reconsider buying you one." Pinaglaruan niya ang susi ng kanyang kotse gamit ang isang kamay at tumingin ng nakalaloko sa akin.
"Pleaseeeee," I pouted my lips and flickered my eyes.
"Please please," pagpapatuloy ko.
"Still no," and now it's his turn to stick his tongue and my turn to frown.
"I'm gonna tell you to Mom!" I told him and I'm about to rush into the kitchen because I knew that mom is in there cooking our dinner when I heard Cainn chuckling.
"Go on tell Mom that I didn't buy the food you want. And I'm going to tell her too that whenever I go to your apartment to stay, either palagi kang wala or hindi mo ako pinagbubuksan dahil tinatago mo si Trevor sa loob." May puno nang pangaasar ang mukha ni Cainn habang nakatingin sa akin. Naramdaman ko ang pagkapula ng aking pisngi dahil sa kanyang sinabi.
"Mom! Tori is cohabiting with—," hindi pa natapos ni Cainn ang sasabihin niya nang sumampa ako sa couch na inuupuan niya at tinabunan ang maingay niyang bibig gamit ang kamay ko. I even put my hands to pull his hair using my free hands.
"Stop it! Huwag mo akong ilaglag!" Sabi ko habang nakatabon pa rin ang kamay ko sa bibig at ilong niya.
"And the word cohabiting is too much!" I panicked. He's just staying in my flat if he's not busy.
"Bakit hindi mo na lang sinabi, edi sana pinapasok kita sa loob." Cainn is laughing while trying to remove my hands on his face. Naitanggal ko na lang ang kamay ko nang kagatin niya ang palad ko. Cainn always stayed at my place, I know he just wanted to hide from someone.
"You two are so chaotic." Hindi namin namalayan na dumating na pala si Clevon. He's wearing formal attire but his buttons are already undone. He is no longer wearing a tie and he just casually throws his bag on the floor and sat down. Damien is the last one to arrive, he looked rather tired than usual. What an unhappy life he's living.
But deep inside, I am thankful that we're complete again as a family. When mom called us to eat, Cainn threw his car keys at me.
"Anong gagawin ko sa susi ng kotse mo?" I wondered.
"Kainin mo." Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.
"Just go and check it." I didn't respond to him and turn my heels to go to the garage where he parked his car.
And when I opened his car, I saw three boxes of pizza and a venti frappe waiting for me in the back seat. May munting ngiti ang sumilay sa labi ko. That dumb idiot.
I guess I finally reconciled with my brothers, especially Cainn. He's no longer tiptoeing around me as if he's afraid that I'll do crazy things again. What I know about my brother Cainn is he's easily scared and soft-hearted. And I scared him, tainted him for years. In the end, they are always the ones checking on me. I thought I was alone all these times but I have my family and Trevor. I couldn't ask for more. What did I do in my life to experience this ultimate bliss? I don't want this to end.
"Tori, ano pa bang ginagawa mo sa labas. Halika na sa loob." I heard Dad said.
"Dad please help me carry the pizza. Cainn must be so lazy! Ako pa talaga ang pinagkuha nito sa sasakyan niya. Pwede naman niyang dalhin sa loob." I said, trying to suppress my smile. I don't want to smile in front of my brothers, they'll just tease me saying that I look like a dog or something.
"I do want to hurt my hands carrying that." Biglang sulpot ni Cainn sa likuran ng tatay namin. Dad carried the boxes inside while I hold the frappe in my hands.
"Whatever, but thanks by the way." Pagkasabi ko non ay agad akong tumakbo papasok nang hindi na tumitingin kay Cainn.
"Anong thanks? Kailangan mong bayaran yan." I pretended that I didn't hear him and happily took a sip on my frappe. Mom just facepalmed when she saw me drinking sweets when we were about to eat dinner and I just gave her a sly smile and continued.
"By the way, do you have anything to wear for tomorrow?" Naagaw ng pansin ni dad ang atensiyon ko.
"Tomorrow? Anong meron bukas?" Takhang tanong ko. I mentally note all the dresses inside my cabinet that I haven't used even once.
"We're going to the birthday party of my dear friend Beatrix, honey. Didn't Trevor tell you?" Said mom, with a hint of curiosity in her voice.
"Trevor didn't say anything to me." It occurred to me that Trevor never even said anything about his family. It's not like he has bad blood toward his family, right? I knew he grew up being well off. Pampered with care and privileges. I started to get curious too. And his brother that mom talked about earlier, I'm gonna find it out.
"Maybe he forgot." Sabi ni dad habang tumitingin sa akin. Sa paraan ng pagsabi niya ay parang sinasabi niya na huwag akong magtampo dahil hindi sinabi sa akin ni Trevor.
"Is it okay to come?"
"Of course, she invited our whole family." That made me smile. Hindi ko na sinabi kay Trevor na pupunta ako sa bahay nila bukas. There's this initial panic that occurred to my system knowing that I will go to their house again. Bata pa ako nung huling pumunta doon at ako pa lang ang nagkakagusto kay Trevor. Going there after all these years made me nervous. Now that I've been in a relationship with their son and I'm going to meet her parents! How fun could that be! I could ask Tita Beatrix about a lot of things that concern Trevor. Why not? I want to know my boyfriend more.
I put extra effort into my makeup and the dress that I'm wearing. I bought this at Queen's. My cousin Elizabeth tailored it perfectly just for me. Hindi ko akalain na magagamit ko ito agad. I also bought a white dress as a gift at the same shop. Elizabeth delivered it yesterday night with nice packaging. I hope she will like it. I'm really excited to meet my future mother-in-law. Natatawa na lang ako sa aking isipan.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing, dad." I answered and sat inside the back seat. Dahan-dahan na ipinasok ni dad si mom sa loob ng passenger seat. At nang makasigurado na maayos na ang pwesto namin dalawa ay pumasok na rin siya sa loob ng kotse at nag drive papunta sa mansion ng mga Dmitri.A nostalgic feeling washes through me inside the car. I remembered the first time I went to Dmitri's mansion. I was also sitting in the back seat, while mom on the passenger seat. My feet can't even touch the car floor and I was eating ice cream in the car. It's happening again but I'm no longer a kid. I came back as an adult. I can't wait.
"Oh my God! Is that really you Victoria? You're so beautiful. Look at that long legs of yours, you can become the next Miss Universe." My smile widened when I saw Tita Beatrix, giving us a warm welcome.
"She inherited na genes of her father, Beatrix. Parehas matatangkad." Natatawang sambit ni mom.
"Sinabi mo pa Ophelia." My mom said, dad was on her side, assisting her to walk. I'm near to tears when I am staring at my mom's leg. She was having a hard time walking because of my. Iniwas ko kaagad ang paningin ko sa kanya at tinuon kay Tita Beatrix. Lumapit ako dito at iniabot ang regalo.
"Happy birthday Tita Beatrix, I hope you love my gift." She accepted it with glee and gave it to the nanny that was standing by her side.
"Thank you so much, Tori. I don't know if I will be happy with this birthday of mine. Old age doesn't suit me."
"You still look beautiful as ever, Tita Beatrix." I countered.
"Hmm, beauty... is only temporary." She whispered to herself. Mom probably doesn't hear it. But I did. I only return her smile as she guided as inside. There are already a few people in the living room, chattering with each other and drinking champagne.
"Mom, I thought this will be a party? Bakit ang konti lang ng tao?" Tanong ko ngayon kay mom habang humahawak sa kanyang braso. She turned her attention to me.
"The real party will starts in the evening but she invited her close friends earlier. Kaya naman kaunti lang ang tao ngayon at mamayang gabi pa magdadagsaan."
"I see."
What I remembered about my mom and Trevor's mom started their friendship during their high school days so I guess their friendship is too deep. I want a friendship like that too. A friendship that will run for too long.
"Mom I think I should look around." Bulong ko kay mom. Mukhang wala akon makakausap dito dahil wala naman akong makita na kaedad ko. Mom said alright as she started mingling with her amigas. Umalis naman ako sa living room at nagsimula nang maglakad lakad.The Dmitri Mansion really fascinates me. It's twice bigger than our house and it's perfect for having a social gathering or throwing fancy parties. Lalo na at may sarili itong bar at space para sa ballroom dancing. Para akong pumunta sa isang modern na palasyo. Maraming paintings ang nakasabit sa pader. Halata naman na isang collector ng painting si Tita Beatrix. I bet she even won a lot of bidding for this painting. The Dmitri is successful in their line of business, that's why Trevor grew up having all the privileges.
I am tempted to go upstairs but I tried to resist my urge. Kaya naman ang ginawa ko na lang ay nilakad ang hallway kung saan nakasabit ang iba't ibang paintings. When you get inside, you will feel that you are in an art gallery. Naka red carpet pa kasi ito habang ang bawat paintings ay may kanya-kanyang ilaw.
Maya't maya pa ay kinuha ko ang aking phone. I texted Trevor along with a selfie of me.
"Guess where I am,"
Napahalagikhik na lang ako habang iniimagine ang magiging reaksiyon ng mukha ni Trevor. I always wants to put expression on his face.Wala pang isang minuto ay nag vibrate ang phone ko. Oh wow, Trevor is calling me right at instant.
"Hello dear boyfriend of mine," I answered his call.
"Wait for me, Tori. I'll get you out there." He sounded so serious. I can imagine him already frowning. Hindi na niya ako binigyan ng pagkakataon na sumagot at pinatay niya ang tawag. Okay, that's weird. Ibinalik ko na lang ang phone sa loob ng aking sling bag at bumalik sa pagtitingin ng mga paintings.
Hmm, but the idea of Trevor being here made me smile. We could tell his parents that we were already dating. When Tita Beatrix greeted me, seems like she doesn't have an idea that I am already dating his son.
I continued walking in the hallway when I realized that I walk far enough. Babalik na sana ako mula sa aking pinagmulan nang napansin ko ang nakasabit sa malayong dulo. It was a a big frame and I thought it was just another painting but I am wrong. It's a family picture. The Dmitri's family picture to be exact.
Napatitig ako nang mabuti sa kanilang portrait. This picture must be an old one since Trevor still looks like a kid. Tita Beatrix still looked so young that her face doesn't have any wrinkles or anything that you can see in an aging face. She was sitting on a Victorian chair and Mr. Dmitri was on her back, standing straight with a smoldering figure. On her left side, Trevor was standing too, with no expression on his face or whatsoever. He looked like he doesn't care.
Napatawa na lang ako dahil kahit noong bata pa siya ay mukhang iniiwasan nito ang camera. His face is the same like the photograph I saw in his wallet last time. Why does he have to be this adorable! Natetempt tuloy akong humingi kay Tita Beatrix ng childhood photo ni Trevor dahil mukhang hindi naman ako bibigyan ng aking kasintahan.I pulled out my phone again and zoom in to get a copy of his face from their family picture.
"Nandito ka lang pala Victoria,"
"Tita Beatrix!" Halos binundol ako nang kaba dahil may bigla na lang nagsalita sa aking likuran.
"I'm sorry, did I scare you?" Napailing ako.
"Nagulat lang ako Tita. I'm just admiring your painting collection and saw this family portrait. I'm sorry if you feel that I'm intrusive to your personal space."
"It's okay. This place is meant for the public eyes. Hindi naman ako bibili ng mga paintings tapos ako lang makakakita." Nakahinga ako nang maluwag dahil sa sinabi niya.
"I really enjoyed looking at these paintings Tita. Hindi ko na namalayan pati family portrait niyo nakita ko." Tumabi sa akin si Tita Beatrix at napatingin na rin sa malaking frame kung saan nakalagay ang family picture nila.
"We took this photo for a long time already." Nakita ko kung paano lumambot ang mukha ni Tita Beatrix habang tumitingin sa mukha ni Trevor.
"Trevor looked so cute, Tita. He seems really shy in the camera." I started at his childhood picture once again and I couldn't help myself but smile.
"Trevor is naturally shy, iha. Sobrang linaw naman ng mata mo para makita mo si Trevor. Having a young age is really nice, dear." Napakunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi ni Tita. Of course I can see him because he's just in front of me. At tsaka sobrang laki ng kanilang portrait, sino naman ang hindi makakita nito?
"What do you mean Tita? I mean I can clearly see him since he's just in front of me." Tita Beatrix looked at me as if I'm joking. She stepped forward and clicked something on the wall. It made a sound and the light turned on.
"See? I couldn't see Trevor on my place, iha. Hindi kasi nakabukas ang ilaw na nakatutok sa parte niya."
Huh? Sigaw ng isip ko. That was my initial action when I clearly saw the whole family picture. There were four in the portrait and I thought there were only three. Pinagmasdan ko mabuti ang mukha ng dalawang bata na nasa frame. They look exactly alike but the one on the right is taller. He wasn't smiling either but you can see that he was frowning and looked like he doesn't want his picture to be taken.
"Huh?" Hindi ko namalayan na nasabi ko na pala ito nang malakas.
"But... you have two sons?" Hindi makapaniwalang sabi ko. She nodded at me. So mom knew about it.
"Yes. Trevor on my right, Tobi on my left." Para akong pinagbagsakan ng langit at lupa dahil sa sinabi niya.
"My sons could pass as twins, don't you agree? Kahit ako ay nalilito rin sa kanilang dalawa. Maybe because they only have a year apart." She calmly said.
"What? Nagbibiro po ba kayo, Tita? I mean isn't it clear that Trevor is on the left?" I raised my eyes at the portrait for another time and look at the kid standing on her left side. It was clear as daylight that whoever standing on Tita's left side was the guy I fell in love with. The two kids looked exactly the same, hindi ko naman ikinakaila iyon. But I know who I saw the first time I visited Dmitri's mansion.
I suddenly put my hands on Tita's arms, feeling the shock wipe throughout my system. I needed something to support me or else I will lose my balance. I felt like the two kids in the photograph are looking at me. My breathing became ragged and the feeling of being inside this hallway is suffocating.
"Where is he now?" I managed to say. Biglang lumungkot ang mukha ni Tita dahil sa tanong ko.
"Tobi got sick. He died at such a young age, iha." I thought there is nothing more to know. But what Tita had just said gave a big blow to my stomach. My stomach clenched in pain and my heart started to race like crazy. Parang kanina ang saya-saya ko dahil nakita ko ang childhood picture niya tapos ngayon ay nanghihina ako sa aking nalaman. I looked at Trevor— the real childhood picture of Trevor— nothing is familiar about him. I don't remember meeting him when I was young. I don't have a memory of him when we were kids. What else to know? My future with Trevor just crashed in front of me before it even happen.
Gusto kong umiyak pero walang luha ang lumalabas sa aking mata. I am in a state of shock. My body started to feel numb and I don't remember how the hell I got out of the hallway. Walang buhay akong naglakad papunta sa pwesto nila mom. I excused myself and told my parents that I have to go somewhere. I don't know where but I have to leave this place or else I will lose my mind. Dad asked where I'm going but I tell him that I can manage. I didn't wait for his reply. I don't want to spoil the fun for them.
Hindi ko namalayan na nakalabas na ako ng gate ng mansion. I have to look for a taxi. I don't want to be in this place anymore. Kanina pa gulong-gulo ang isipan ko. What happened? Why did I pursue Trevor if I'm in love with the guy named Tobi.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Tobi is the one I fancied!
Only one thing is clear, the reason why Trevor always gets grumpy whenever I talked how much I love him since childhood is because he wasn't the recipient of this feelings.
That's why Trevor always seems so distant to me and now everything is just getting back in each place like a jigsaw puzzle. Maybe the reason why Trevor kept on pushing me away is that I mistook him for someone. Maybe, maybe, maybe. There are a lot of maybes and possibilities. This is all fucked up.
Kanina pa rin vibrate nang vibrate ang phone ko pero ayaw kong sagutin ito. I don't want to talk to Trevor right now. Even saying his name gave me goosebumps.
Pilit kong pinapagalaw ang aking paa para makaalis at makahanap ng taxi na pwedeng masakyan. I was distraught the whole time and little did I know, I felt something sharp, small like a needle inserted into my neck and before I could speak, I lose consciousness.
***
Malapit na matapos. Yey!