10
eonian
continuing forever; constant and indefinite
18th June, 2019
THE first rays of the sun had hit the window panes of Ye Bin's bedroom, a long time back. The sheer curtains hanging onto the rods, moved noisily as the wind played with them.
Ye Bin was lying on her bed stiffly thinking about herself. The duvet blanket was resting on the top of her body to keep herself warm. She was staring at the ceiling which seemed to be full of interesting patterns, thanks to the chipped paint. Her mind was a roaring sea like any other day. Her rationality was floating like a small fragile boat on the surface of that dangerous water body.
Ye Bin felt an urge to echo her hidden laments to someone. She had covered her deepest secrets within the flesh and blood of her heart. The key and map to it was now hidden somewhere unknown. She didn't even know whether it would be possible again to return back to how she was once. No matter how much her heart yearned to hold onto someone and vent out her worries, her lips remained sealed.
Han Ju Ho seemed like a great human being. He was doing whatever he could to nurse her back to health. She was indeed grateful for the kind words and properly cooked meals. However, it was too early to think warmly of him. She wondered whether he would stab her on the chest in the middle of the war. Everyone else did the same. He would too, oneday. That's how life is.
She wasn't sure why she was growing into a person she never thought she would be. It was funny how certain events hold the power to completely change a healthy and smiling person. People on the streets looked so happy, living in their own bubble. The truth of their lives and secrets remained masked. They were in a masquerade with candy floss like lies on their tongues. One who would taste the sugar, definitely would want for more. The desire of wanting the forbidden would ultimately put them in a sea of salt.
She had transformed into a living corpse while trying to keep body and soul together. The stress about how to make ends meet looking like a never ending litany of heart piercing thoughts. Who knew that oneday she would be cursing out her younger self who had no ambition? The one who thought that love would put food on her table was surely getting herself on the list of the biggest fools in the world.
The sound of Ju Ho calling her from outside cut her thoughts short. Groaning a little she removed the blanket from her body. It was hard to get out of the bed but food mattered. Wrapping a light shawl on her scantily dressed self, she went to answer the call.
The view outside wasn't really something she was expecting. Han Ju Ho was standing with a big smile and dressed in a peculiar attire. He immediately took off his cowboy hat and bowed like a prince when her face peeped from the half opened door. The black shirt that hung onto his body, looked straight out of a countryside theatre's costume rack. The skinny purple jeans hugged his legs and had stickers of neon stars attached to it. Everything looked so out of place that it took Ye Bin all her strength to not burst out laughing.
"I'm a salesman." Ju Ho twirled around to shake the frills of his shirt. Like a toddler, his face brimmed with enthusiasm.
"You're Han Ju Ho from downstairs and you own a bakery." Ye Bin shook her head with a straight face, still unable to process why he was decked up like a clown and behaving oddly.
"No, I'm a salesman. Wouldn't you ask me what I am trying to sell to you?" he insisted.
"Okay." she sighed, giving in to his request. "What do you have that I can buy? Reminding you again that I'm penniless right now."
"I don't need money from you now. We are working together to get you the life you want to live. You won't get an offer like this. I am open to monthly and yearly installments." Ju Ho pushed his sunglasses towards the tip of his nose with his index finger, his eyes dancing playfully. He almost looked like a con artist straight out of a soap opera.
"Have you gone barmy?" Ye Bin suppressed the fit of giggles that were threatening to leave her lips. Her lips still formed a crescent, unable to hide the amusement.
"No, sadly. You seemed to be a bit uncomfortable about using my help so I decided to put on a show to relay my message that it's completely fine to ask for help."
"Well," Ye Bin pressed her lips together. "I don't think my main concern is that right now. I am more worried about how to get my life started. Your show went in vain."
"I made you laugh, atleast. Even if it's almost negligible, it's still worth something. I was afraid that you would shoo me off." Ju Ho offered her a toothy grin and pointed towards a couple of tiffin boxes arranged on the floor. "Let me in. I got you, your lunch. Stomach it before it gets cold."
Ye Bin opened the door fully to allow the width of Ju Ho's body completely. He seemed to be in a jolly mood considering how he was acting a bit out of character. He had looked pretty down days back. Then again, he was a golden retriever person who seemed to squeeze out whatever good things life had to offer.
She watched from behind how the roots of his bleached hair was fading into a light shade of purple. It suited him, oddly. A mop of thick hair coated by that magnificent shade was hard to miss even in a crowd. He definitely stood out whether it was his front or back view.
Ju Ho spotted an earthen pot filled with mud that was kept near a cupboard. It was the home of a withering plant which seemed to be asking for care from the owner. It took him barely a second to recognise that it was the same one he had offered to Ye Bin.
"Isn't this the plant I gave to you?" he turned around to ask Ye Bin who seemed a bit startled at the sudden question.
"It is. Now that I look at it, it's in a pretty bad condition. I'm sorry. I haven't been paying proper attention to it lately." she explained furtively, staring at the pot. Its existence had totally slipped out of her mind.
"Just water in everyday. It will grow into something beautiful. It just needs the right amount of care and time. The new leaves would replace the dried ones. It isn't in that bad of a shape right now."
"I'll take care of it. I promise. I had too much on mind and -"
"I understand." he nodded understandingly.
"Sit down. I'll return your tiffin boxes after transferring the food into my bowls." she took the yellow boxes from his hands.
He pulled a chair towards the window and sat on it. The room barely had anything striking. It was full of boxes, a couple of chairs and a cupboard. Ye Bin had not bothered to arrange them decently.
"The landlord, Mr. Hwang was here on the day you got discharged." Ju Ho saw how the information affected Ye Bin's body language. She was on her way to the kitchen but turned around to look at him. Her mouth opened to say something but the words sank back, before flowing out.
"It's about the rent. Isn't it?" she finally spoke after a few minutes of pensive silence. She was almost making up an animation about how her total due rent was doubling and trebling with time because of being late.
"It is, sadly. I sent him back saying that you're busy trying to nurse yourself. He tried to complain about it but he was a better human being than usual. That man can actually barge into your house if he thinks it is necessary to do so. Money can make him blind to basic sense of decency."
"This is really bad." she sighed. "I might perish at this point. Maybe one room would have been easier to rent."
"I paid for you. I already took care of this month's rent."
"What?" Ye Bin voiced out her surprise. She dropped her lower body onto the the hard surface of a chair. Putting down the tiffin boxes on the table infront of her, she tried to draw up an inference from his last sentence in her mind.
"I used online transaction and told him off by saying that you were too sick to do it yourself. Sorry if I over stepped my boundaries but I had no other choice."
"Why would you do that? I don't understand -"
"Because I wanted you to have less to worry about," Ju Ho interrupted her before she completed her sentence."I have been in your position before. I think I understand a bit how you are caught up with scary thoughts alone."
"I appreciate your concern but I feel like you could have let me know beforehand. I was totally unaware. I don't doubt your good intentions but it's just a big sum you paid for me."
"I'm sorry if I caught you off-guard. I was hoping to talk to you about it as soon as possible but circumstances didn't let me. You were cooped up in your room, barely eating the meals I am making. I wanted to put you in a good mood before bringing it up."
"It's not that you have to be sorry about it. Oh, it's so confusing." Ye Bin planted her palms on her face, stress building up inside her body again.
"Hey, you can always pay me back in the future. I didn't mean to put pressure on you." Ju Ho seemed to be close to crying too. He ran his fingers through his locks messily creating a crow's nest out of the neatly partitioned hair. It was becoming a headache for him too. He feared that he was forcefully trying to invade into her life, causing her more to worry about.
"I'll pay you back, for sure." Ye Bin pulled herself up as a defeated sigh left her mouth.
"Don't worry about it." Ju Ho bit his bottom lips, looking away.
A sense of deja vu hit both of them. They realised that they were having almost the same interminable conversation to show their dissent everyday. Everyday Ye Bin pushed herself to feel guilty about being a financial burden and Ju Ho ended up wondering whether he was actually being useful. A clash of opinions had left them goaded and formulating wishes to change the other party's mind.
"You should try social media." suggested Ju Ho suddenly. "You will able to earn tons if you understand the algorithm."
"Social media?" Ye Bin laughed. "I'm an artist, mister."
"Exactly." Ju Ho closed his eyes and violently pointed his finger at her as if that's the answer he was waiting to hear.
"Be clear. You don't mean doing blogs of my painting processes. Do you?" she tried to make it clear. "That's not my goal. A blogger who just paints for the sake of it."
"Listen to me," he looked at her in the eyes directly. "I am asking you to post your artwork on Instagram. If you manage to earn enough followers, you can consider doing commissions. I have been thinking about telling this to you. Good reviews online can boost up your image."
"Is that going to make any difference? Why would people buy my art? It isn't that great."
"That's the problem with you. You don't feel confident in your self. Don't let yourself down without even trying. We never know how it would turn out to be. You will get to practice and will be on a proper run to find content."
"This is going to take time. You just can't get the benefits of social media in a few months. I need to stand on both of my feet till that happens." Ye Bin bit her lips, her eyes staring aimlessly at the ceiling. "I was thinking about looking for other jobs."
"Other jobs?"
"I mean I'm a grown-up. I don't have parents who would pamper me till I become independent. I understand that you're beside me and doing your best to support me. However, I can't rely upon you like that. I should be facing this situation bravely. Coiling up in my room and trying to avoid everything would bring me more trouble. I want to work part-time or maybe do some gigs to atleast pay my rent on time."
"What about your dream? You don't need to worry about it. I would pamper you like a parent if needed."
A ghost of a smile formed on Ye Bin's lips. She could feel tears sting her eyes but held them in. She was being reduced to something smaller than what she was aspiring to be. However, that one step back might give her the power to take two steps ahead.
"I can still pursue my dream career. I am just thinking about focusing on supporting my existence for now. I will continue doing it. Trying social media is also on my mind now, thanks to you. If I get to change my destiny, it would be really great."
"I think I can't really interfere in whatever decision you take. It's your life, afterall. I will look for some vacant positions in the nearby stores then. You can also join my bakery and try doing the cash handling part."
"Thank you for the offer but I have to decline it." Ye Bin shifted uncomfortably. "I want to look for a place which isn't here. I want to be in a different place where I can forget that I have to calculate my expenses."
"As I said, it's totally upto you. You can choose your workplace according to your preference. I will ask the flower shop lady to send me information about the vacant places in the local markets."
"I will be indebted to you forever," she played with the edge of her shirt, distractedly. "I don't understand why you are going through such lengths to help out someone like me. It's not like we know each other that well. Is it sympathy?"
"You remind me of myself. Just know that I yearned for someone who could hold my hand when I was in the pit of oblivion. I don't want to see another human being perishing just like I did, once."
Ju Ho was pretty sure that he was staring into a pair of eyes that had a fragment of hope lying somewhere, that hadn't been buried yet.
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