Auden took a sip of her wine and listened to the sounds of sultry jazz filtering through the speakers. One was centered on the corner electric fireplace. It didn't actually give off any heat, because in Tampa, it wasn't really needed, even in the dead of winter. It was decorative, and a gift from Muse when she learned that he was moving into a new home over the weekend. She'd gone out to a Home Depot or Lowe's and had purchased it on a whim. She was like that, and picked the nicest one she could before making Clay bring it over in the back of one of the SUVs. She'd gone out of her way and taken the larger vehicle, even if she wasn't a fan of driving it. The other speaker was on a corner table on the opposite side of the room, and it gave off the effect that she was being swamped in the lilting tones of some of the best jazz singers ever known to man.
Auden was a fan of any relaxing music, and she was feeling warm and a little buzzed as she drank her second glass of wine. Jim had a bucket with one more bottle on ice in case she wanted more. A bottle opener was placed close by as well.
Throughout dinner, Jim and Auden had talked, but it had been light, a little about her relationship with Marietta, and some about his family, including his precocious little niece, who'd recently celebrated her birthday. He talked about the birthday party she'd had, but skipped over what else he'd done that week. It was almost pointedly so, and Auden was a little suspicious about his reticence. She waved it off since she figured he was probably getting lucky or hooking up as his form of vacation recreation.
Now, they were sitting in his living room after dinner, both of them full of pasta and listening to music in between sips of wine and comfortable but brief snatches of conversation.
"What made you move to Tampa, Auden?"
She faltered at his question, and didn't honestly know how to respond to him ay first. "It was a number of things, really. I needed a change of scenery. I was bored with my job, I'd had a series of bad luck, and my mother and father were being a bit overbearing. I decided to see if there was anything for me near my Aunt Mary, and she said they were looking for more clerks at CBC. I applied online and was called back within a week. No biggie. I figure even if I didn't find a new job in a new place, at least I got to see Aunty Mary. Plus, my name would be out there and I'd get some practice with interviews. They say you should do that regularly just in case. You make a better impression with regular application, and you never know what awaits you in the future. You might even find a better job that way. At any rate, it never hurts to have experience being interviewed so you learn to be less nervous."
Jim agreed. "While I can't say I do the same, I completely understand why you would. I think it's that I just can't imagine working anywhere but at CBC. I'm so used to it and love the people and the energy. I originally went to school for business, which makes me a good aide to Clay, because I not only know how business works, but how he does. It's a benefit most definitely, and I thank my lucky stars that I met him when I did."
"How did you meet Clay?" It felt weird calling him that, but her employer had insisted on it, at least when they weren't in front of clients and had to remain professional.
"School," Jim answered before taking a sip of his wine. "We went to high school together. He was a troubled child, even in his early teens. I think his parents blamed it merely on normal teen angst, but I knew right away it was different. He was different. An only child and lonely, raised by your Aunt Mary, for the most part. His parents had very little to do with his upbringing, and though he was close with your aunt, he had very little respect for Clay Junior and his mother. He was merely an heir to them, though I think that's changed since he started running CBC for them. They haven't become that much closer yet, but as they say, it's a work in progress. At least they're trying, you know?"
Auden had to nod her head. The wine was definitely getting to her head, so she stopped sipping it. "Oh, for sure. I mean, I love my Aunt Mary, but I'm getting to know her more now that we're living close by. I only got to see her maybe a few times a year before this. I don't have a huge family, so what I do have is important to me. They're my everything."
"I love my sister, but I get what you mean by overbearing," Jim admitted. "Ever since my parents decided to retire and move to Arizona, she's felt the need to be my second fucking mom. It's ridiculous, and it's only gotten worse since she had Bridgette, my niece."
"Jim, can I ask you a serious question?" Auden sat up straighter and looked at him.
"Of course, sweetheart. What's on your mind?" He set his wineglass down and folded his hands in front of him to give her his full attention. It helped her know it was okay to continue.
"Well, you kind of skimmed over the details of your visit to your sister. You seemed hesitant to give any details. I know we're dating now, but we never said we were exclusive, and we weren't exactly seeing each other then. Were you being coy about it because you were hooking up at nightclubs and stuff? You can tell me. No judgement, I promise."
He smiled, but it looked tight. "No. That wasn't it. When I was at my sister's, I stayed at a hotel, but the only action my dick saw that week was my hand." He laughed and hung his head. "Your fault, really."
Auden's entire face opened up, her brows skyrocketed up her forehead in confusion and shock. "What? How is it my fault?"
There was a pause as Jim determined what he could say. "Because you are you, and I couldn't get you out of my head even after only knowing you for a short time. Something in you drew me to you, and even when I was on the east coast and far away, every time I looked at another woman, I could only compare them to you, and nothing I tried, no drink or talking sense to myself, could stop that. I ran into one woman that I initially liked. She was a bit younger, maybe eight to ten years my junior. I liked the looks of her, but it was a no. I don't normally go for a woman that young, but it wasn't her age that made me say no to the possibility. It was the fact that she looked so much like you that it was eerie. At first, when I went up to her, I knew there was some potential, but when she looked up at me and smiled, I was struck dumb because the resemblance was so strikingly similar. I found I couldn't do it, because though it might have been similar to being with you physically, it really wouldn't be anywhere close. It felt like the worst kind of lie, and I was disgusted. Disgusted with myself, with my actions, with everything. I knew that when I came back to Tampa, I would have to take a seriously deep look inside myself. For a man such as I, that is not small task. Men, in general, hate to dissect their actions and emotions, though women might hate it too. I don't know. Do you ever find yourself doing something you shouldn't because it's too tempting not to? It was the opposite in my case. I couldn't do it, because to me, it was distasteful. If I couldn't have the original, I didn't want the generic. That's what she was. Auden without the connection, without the brilliant mind and caustic wit I've come to know a bit of and wanted more. She might as well have been a masturbatory aid instead of a human, and I found I couldn't use her like that. At all." With a pause, he looked at her, scrutinizing her face. "Now you can say it."
Blinking at him, her head cocked gently to the right. "Say what?" She honestly didn't know what he meant.
"Say that I'm a cad and a scoundrel and that you never want to see me again. I would completely understand if you did. What I am is not noble. I'm not a good man for any woman, but at least I'm honest. I try to do better, because I want to be better. If I've learned anything about knowing the right people, is that the right ones always add something good to your life, and not the other way around. They make you want to improve and do right by them. They make you a little bit better just by knowing them. That's what you are, a little bit of my redemption."
Breathing out slowly after listening to him, she realized just how difficult it probably was for him to admit. Auden had her own demons, her own mental scars and struggles, but she couldn't bring them up. Not now, if ever. There was no telling what would happen, so she smiled at him and leaned in to kiss his lips briefly. He returned the kiss.
"Thank you," she murmured against his lips. Jim's eyebrows rose on his forehead.
"You thank me? For what?"
"For being honest." She leaned over to put her wineglass down and curled right into his chest, hand loosely balled up against the cotton shirt he was wearing before stroking gently over him and then sliding it up to one strong shoulder. He was warm and smelled like wine and hints of his cologne, but mostly he smelled like Jim, a fragrance she couldn't have described because it was all his own. "It can't be easy to admit what you did, and I appreciate that you told me." I wish I could tell you more about me, she thought and closed her eyes to drink more of his scent in. It was comforting.
"I needed to. Honesty is integral in any relationship. You're right, though. We aren't anything official, and I don't know if you want to be, but I don't plan on looking anywhere else either. I hope I can eventually convince you to do the same. I know that might be difficult for you, but—"
"Jim," she murmured, stopping him. "I would like that."
He paused, stilling for a moment and then stroking a hand down her face and over her hair until it eventually came to rest on her hip. His fingers warmed her skin even through her pants. "You mean that? You really want this? Us?"
"Yes," she replied, a grin replacing her earlier serious expression. "I like spending time with you. I like your kisses, and I'm comfortable with you. Ugh. I can't even express myself properly with you. I blame you, ya know."
It was his turn to laugh, and he chuckled before using his finger to tip her chin up to him and look her squarely in the eyes. "And how is it my fault exactly? I've been trying quite hard here to get you to relax and become comfortable around me. If I addle your mind so, I'd like it to be for a good reason. Confirm that for me?"
She leaned up and stole another soft, sweet kiss. "It is, but I don't know how to say what I want without sounding like a simpering schoolgirl or lovestruck teen. I mean...oh, dear."
He leaned down and nipped her lip once, causing her to open her mouth. "Lovestruck teen?"
She blushed. "You know what I mean. Like puppy love or a severe crush."
"Keep going, I like seeing you blush to the roots of your hair."
"Oh, God." She tried to hide her face by tucking it into his neck, but Jim only laughed and hauled her over his lap so she was straddling him. She squeaked, tensed up, and relaxed before his hands gripped her ass and squeezed.
"How drunk are you?" he asked suddenly as his hands roamed slowly up her back.
She blinked. It was an odd question. "What? Why? I'm fine. I only had two glasses, and the first was during dinner."
Jim hummed and leaned forward, tracing his tongue up her neck until she shivered in his arms. He stopped when his lips were at her ear and growled what he wanted.
"Because I want to take you to my bed. I want to ravish you, make you come, feel you squeezing my cock when you do, but I don't want that happening if you're drunk and going against what you would normally do."
Biting her lip against a moan, her eyes slid shut.
"Plus, Auden? I want you to remember everything I do to you for a very long time."