This chapter is a bit shorter than usual, but I promised to have an update before the end of January, so here you go. :)
Chapter Fifteen: Sister's Keeper
Indiana could not compete with Brooklyn. The openness of the landscape left a knot in Becca's stomach. Without the tall buildings blocking her in on every corner, the flat landscape and short buildings reminded her that she had no perception of the future. Would Suzie return home safe? Would Becca make friends at the high school?
It turned out that the high school in Shelbyville, Indiana, where Uncle Henry enrolled Becca, hated her. It had far fewer students than the previous school Becca attended in Brooklyn. Everyone knew her as the "new kid" since most of the students had grown up with each other instead of blending into a crowd.
She could no longer be a blurry face in a crowd, known only by her friends. The first day of classes started the first week of January and her teachers spent the entire day forcing her to introduce herself.
Here, the last name "Barnes" had a negative connotation. People ostracized Henry for running off and having a child with a black woman. The bullying Riley used to receive when he first attended school fell onto Becca. It reached the point where Becca begged to stay on the farm. Henry and Ida, not wanting to repeat what Riley went through, pulled Becca out of classes before the third week of January. They still had a few textbooks from when Ida homeschooled Riley, so Ida promised to teach Becca on their homestead.
The countryside did nothing to ease Becca's worries. Every morning, she woke up in a cold sweat from the nightmares that plagued her dreams. Dread would grip Becca's heart anytime Henry came back from town and happened to be carrying something that resembled an envelope, dread would grip Becca's heart. She would have to sit down until Henry confirmed that there were no letters from the army addressing Suzie's death.
Between her studies, Becca helped Henry with the farm animals. One of the horses, Riley's black and white Shire stallion named Shadow, caught Becca's eye and she devoted most of her free time to horseback riding. The fresh air, the wind rushing past her ears, and the sound of Shadow's hooves kicking up the powdery snow allowed Becca to escape from the worries that followed her around.
Shadow grew attached to Becca so she decided to spend her free time in the barn reading in a haystack. Shadow either rested his head on Becca's lap or lay down and allowed her to lean against him to rest. Taking care of the horses became Becca's daily task since it helped to calm her down. She would feed them daily, braid their manes, and brush their coats. They were technically Henry's workhorses, but Becca loved them and they loved her.
Shadow always tuned in to Becca's emotions, so he became her favorite. If Becca cried or did chores slower than usual, Shadow would neigh and nuzzle up against her until she dragged her hand through his thick mane.
For the most part, Becca assimilated into her new life. Ida and Henry welcomed her with open and loving arms and tried their best to make her comfortable. The guest bedroom that sat across the hallway from Riley's old bedroom on the second floor became Becca's room. For the first time in her life, she had a room to herself.
The outhouse took some getting used to since the house did not have a bathroom inside. Bundling up just to use the bathroom, especially in the mornings and evenings, made Becca appreciate her early 1910s home in Brooklyn. In contrast, Henry and Ida lived in a farmhouse dating from the late 1800s, and it showed when the floorboards creaked and the wind howled against the leaky windows.
One day, when a blizzard hit the town and dropped several inches of snow, Becca sat cooped up in the house, staring out the window as the wind whipped the snow around. As she sat there, the half-finished quilt on her lap forgotten, thoughts of Suzie trailed through her mind.
Would Suzie recover from the bacterial infection she told Becca about? When would Suzie ship out? And why did she join the army as a soldier instead of a nurse?
Ida had told her that sitting and worrying about "what ifs and other issues" would only make Becca's mood worse. Nevertheless, a longing filled Becca's heart and forced tears to roll down her cheeks.
She missed her mama and the warm, comforting hugs she would always give with a gentle smile. She missed the sound of Travis and Bucky fighting for the bathroom every morning. The smell of the flowers that Bucky found for her and Ma every month did not fill the air. The knick-knacks on Ida's shelves did not compare to the meticulously placed decorations Suzie arranged for each season.
The emptiness increased when she moved into the guest bedroom like the farmland swallowing her in a pit of blankness. Sometimes at night, she and Suzie would talk to each other until Ma came into their room and scolded them for staying up late. Waking up every morning hurt when Becca could not bounce over to Suzie's bed and pester her until she awakened. They would spend their morning routine picking out each other's outfits. She had only Shadow as her companion, but their conversations were one-sided and he slept in the barn.
"Something on your mind?" Ida asked, prompting Becca to turn away from the window. She sat in a rocking chair across from Becca while she patched a hole in Henry's jeans.
"I miss Brooklyn," Becca admitted. And the people and memories that lived there.
A warm smile pulled at Ida's lips. "I'd imagine the buildings would block most of the wind."
"I suppose," Becca muttered. She stared down at the quilt on her lap. Before Suzie had left, she had asked Becca to make her a quilt, which sounded like a great way to keep her busy at the time. Now, if she made the quilt and if Suzie never returned, she would be stuck with a reminder of Suzie's death.
And that Suzie left her.
It sounded selfish and stupid to fret over Suzie enlisting, given the circumstances. It did not stop Becca from sometimes feeling that Suzie had abandoned her to chase after revenge.
"She cares about you, you know," Ida said with compassion, somehow able to read Becca's thoughts like Ma and Suzie. "She wouldn't have asked us to help if she didn't."
The motherly expression on Ida's face matched that of Ma's. It should have comforted her, but it only made her miss her mama even more as if Ida tried to fill a Ma-sized hole in her life. She loved her aunt and uncle; she could not lie about that. Yet, they would never replace what she used to have.
"I know." Becca picked at a loose thread, afraid that if she met Ida's eyes she would start crying.
"But you're not okay," Ida continued. She stopped rocking in her chair and set the jeans aside. Her brown eyes shone like deep orbs of amber in the meager light of the flickering lamp. "I know that this is difficult and I cannot pretend to imagine what you are going through, but you've shut yourself down. You only talk to the horses and you're no longer interested in your favorite hobbies. I cannot replace your mother or siblings, and I will not try to, but know that I'm here if you want to talk."
Scooting forward on her chair, Ida reached a hand out toward Becca and waited until Becca placed her smaller, paler hand into her aunt's.
"I lost my family, too," Ida said, "when I married your uncle. At least you have a family who cares about you and would do everything in their power to keep you safe. Allow Suzie the dignity of her choice, no matter how difficult it may seem. She knows that you are worth risking her life to take care of you. It's an unconventional way, I admit that, but she does love you."
"Then why couldn't she stay?" Becca mumbled. Her hand quivered in Ida's gentle grip.
"I cannot speak for Suzie." Ida stood up and moved to sit next to Becca on the couch, their hands still intertwined. "Sometimes...people need to seek a different path to help those around them. It's not always easy. She needs you, too. Hold her responsible and remind her that you're still here when she comes back. Give her a reason to keep fighting."
"Do you think she'll find Bucky?" Becca asked. She rested her head against Ida's shoulder.
"We can only hope and pray." Ida wrapped an arm around Becca's smaller frame and pulled her closer. "Who knows? Your sister has always been stubborn, so maybe that stubbornness will bring us some good.
"This war has been difficult for everyone. You're not alone in this; Henry and I are here if you want us."
Becca nodded against Ida's shoulder. She leaned back and stared at the quilt in her lap. The red and blue pattern mixed into a blurry mess through the tears stinging Becca's eyes.
"Didn't you get a letter from Suzie yesterday?" Ida asked, her hand still on Becca's shoulder. When Becca nodded, Ida continued, "Perhaps it would do you some good to write back to her. Shadow cannot understand human emotions but your sister can."
Placing the quilt into the sewing basket beside the couch, Becca stood up and walked up the stairs to her new bedroom. She closed the door and sat on the bed, the springs bouncing against her weight.
A framed photo of Bucky, Travis, Steve, Suzie, and her peeking out of a snow fort they had made several years ago rested on the nightstand. Clutching the photo in her hands, Becca stared at the image.
Memories of that day resurfaced. It had snowed enough to cancel school and work so they spent the whole day having a snowball fight. Even Ma joined in before she went back inside to make hot chocolate and unfreeze the leftover Christmas cookies.
The smiling faces staring back at her did not reflect her current mood. Ma, who operated the camera they only used on special occasions, and Travis were dead, Bucky and Steve were missing, and Suzie had left on a revenge-fueled and illegal journey in the army.
The chances of returning to some semblance of their happy life were slim. Even if Suzie somehow managed to find Bucky and bring both of them home, life would never be the same. Their past would continue to haunt them, no matter how fast they tried to run from it. Ma and Travis were gone and rested forever next to Pa.
Whether she liked it or not, the war changed everyone. Life, if they won the war, might eventually return to normal but they would never forget what happened. People would lose their lives fighting against the evil that terrorized the planet.
Becca had long ago given up believing that Bucky still lived. Suzie did not share that belief, which Becca envied and pitied at the same time. It haunted her and left her hollow inside, knowing that she could never speak to her brothers and mama again. If only Suzie could come home soon; and together they could relearn how to live a happy life.
Flopping onto her back, Becca hugged the picture against her chest and stared up at the ceiling.
"Please be safe," Becca whispered to the sloped ceiling. "I love you, Suzie. Please don't do anything stupid...more stupid. Please, Lord, keep her safe and allow her to return home soon."
She could only hope and pray.
I'm taking a creative writing class in college right now. Hopefully, I can use what I learn in that class to improve my writing skills here and when I write a book to publish. My ultimate goal is to publish a book one day, so I greatly appreciate any constructive criticism or tips on how to improve my writing. I'll work harder to be better and I will see you soon with another update. :)
Oh, here's what I think Shadow looks like. I know nothing about horses, just that I think they look neat. Shadow is a Shire horse (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong about anything horse-related) and the article said that they are mostly used on farms but are also great for horseback riding since they are typically gentle and easy to train. Henry and Ida are a little old-fashioned and cannot afford a tractor, so they still use horses to farm.