If I wasn't studying I was spending all my free time with Lacey. I didn't want to admit by making my friend my only priority I was delaying making a decision about Aiden. He had kept his distance and since Lacey hadn't remembered him he had kept away from her which had made it easier to not be reminded of the choice that hung over me.
But no matter what I tried I couldn't get him off my mind. The time I didn't see him, he was on my mind and it was driving me nuts. I didn't know how to handle this at all.
I also hadn't heard from Max. I wondered how he was doing and I had even contemplated messaging but had decided against it. I was probably the last person he wanted to talk to.
This wasn't about me and what I wanted. I had done something really bad and I had to respect that Max didn't want anything to do with me.
There was no getting away from having to choose to either be with Aiden or walk away. My head wrestled with my heart, agonising over the choice.
One week became two, and then three.
It became easier to throw every spare moment I had using Lacey as an excuse to not deal with it.
I cut my hair short so she wouldn't feel so self conscious.
"You know this is going to be so much easier to manage," I told her enthusiastically, trying to lift her spirits.
She gave me a soft smile, that barely masked her troubled expression.
There was something going on with her, something she wasn't ready to talk about. I was trying my best not to push her too hard for fear she wasn't ready. She seemed so fragile since the surgery, and I felt protective over her in a way.
I was thankful everyday that she was still alive but I remember what we had all been through and it was nowhere near what my friend had endured.
"So what do you want to do tonight?" I asked, turning around from the full length mirror in my room to face her.
She shrugged.
"Come on, there must be something you want to do. There's a party tonight?" I suggested. Maybe she needed to get out a little. She had been cooped up inside her house for far too long.
What point was there to overcoming such odds if she was too scared to live.
"We don't have to go for long."
She studied me and then nodded her head. "Just for a little bit."
We spent the next hour getting ready.
"You look beautiful," I murmured as she touched her shorter hair self consciously.
"Thanks."
My mom raised a questioning eyebrow when I told her where we were headed.
"Do you think that's a good idea?" She asked softly, out of earshot of Lacey.
"We won't be too long. She needs a change of scenery Mom."
My mom nodded. "Just keep an eye on her."
"I will."
We listened to some music as I drove us the party. We could hear the music as we parked down the street and followed the noise.
I grabbed Lacey's hand and she followed me into the house. I nodded my head at some familiar faces.
We weren't here to party and get drunk like most of the partygoers but we headed to the kitchen to get something to drink. I filled two cups with water and handed Lacey one.
We went back into the living room and watched people dance.
I wondered whether this had been a good idea as I watched Lacey.
I argued we didn't have to stay long. I had achieved my goal but just getting get out of the house and allowing her to concentrate on something else other than being treated like she was fragile enough to break.
I finished my drink and was about to ask Lacey if she was ready to leave when my eyes locked with a pair of familiar ones. The sight of Aiden hit me square in the chest and I held my breath.
The time that had elapsed since the last time I had seen him and done nothing to dim the physical affect I felt for him.
His eyes held mine, his expression was unreadable. When his gaze moved to Lacey beside me, it allowed me to study the group of people that surrounded him. It was the beautiful girl with the long blonde hair that caused the uncomfortable feeling that settled in my chest.
We weren't anything. He was still waiting for me to make up my mind and I was using every possible excuse not to be forced to make a choice I wasn't ready for.
Reasoning told me to let him go but it wasn't that easy. He made me feel things, even when I didn't want to. I had spent countless hours thinking, reliving the memories of us together.
The girl whispered something into his ear and I frowned. I didn't like that I felt jealous. Then my eyes locked with Aiden's for a fraction before he turned and left with the blonde girl following behind him.
I was left reeling, questioning what the girl meant to him and wondering if I even still had a chance with him.
He had opened up and told me how he felt and instead of making a choice I had ignored him.
I waited for enough time to ensure Aiden was gone before I suggested to Lacey that it was time to go.
I took her home and ensure she got into the house safely before I walked back to my car and got inside.
I was jittery and anxious. Even though I knew I should just go home and forget about Aiden I found myself starting my car and driving it to his house.
It wasn't like I had a plan of what I was going to do when I got there, and for all I knew he was out.
The outside light by the front door was on when I parked in front of the house next door to his. His bedroom was dark. I checked the time. It was after midnight already. Was he home and asleep already? I held my phone and questioned whether to call him but found myself chickening out.
I didn't know what I was doing, this was so out of character for me. The only thing it did prove to me was that I was still very affected by Aiden and ignoring him hadn't changed anything. Perhaps the only thing I had achieved was to drive him away.
I wanted to be able to leave but I couldn't.
Then a car pulled into his driveway. It was dark but I could see Aiden get out of the passenger side. He closed the door and leaned against the window, obviously talking to the driver. I couldn't see who it was.
They didn't talk for long before he stood and stepped back as the car pulled out the driveway. He waved as is drove off before walking to the front door.
I held my breath as I contemplated what to do. Did I just quietly watch him go inside his house and leave before he saw me or did I make my presence known.
I wrestled with it as I watched him open the door and then disappear inside. It felt like I had lost the opportunity and now I sat in my car like some stalker.
What was happening to me? How had I allowed him to drive me to such drastic actions? The more important question was, why was I still waiting in my car? Why hadn't I left yet?
I wanted to be free of the obsession I had with him but the heart wanted who it wanted. Even the guilt of cheating on Max with him hadn't changed that.
I hated how I had very little control when it came to Aiden.
I wanted to go home and forget I had seen him returning to ignoring him and his declaration. But I didn't leave.
Instead I scrolled to his number. I wasn't even sure what I was going to message. It took me a few minutes to decide.
You home?
I bit my lip as I held my phone and my breath waiting for him to answer me.
Three dots appeared and I waited anxiously unsure of what I was expecting him to say.
Then they disappeared and there was no reply from him.
The light was still on in his room. Why wasn't he answering me?
Had he just not seen my message or was he deliberately ignoring me? There was no way to know for sure.
Then I did some else I never thought through.
I'm outside.
Immediately after sending it I regretted it. What was I doing? Even I couldn't answer that.