The days were filled with planning and the nights either sleepless or passing out from exhaustion, she had made up her mind. Kalki was going to resign, move back in with her parents so she could save money and start her own business, for now her only client was Anika and business partners her friends, but she believed it would all work out.
It was finally the day to meet Raymond, she was going to hand in her resignation. She had already discussed this with Kai, who already saw it coming seeing how little involvement Kalki had in making decisions with her. Much to Kalki's surprise, Kai was very mature about it, the only thing she made her promise is that she'd be at her dinner after winning the competition.
"Do I look professional? Half decent?" Kalki asked Anika as she tried to smooth her hair.
"You look more than half decent." Anika reassured her, "I'll drop you off, it's on my way to the fitting."
The sisters were on their way, Kalki didn't feel anything. She expected herself to at least feel a little anxious, but she felt completely numb. Not sad about how it ended, not happy about how she reconnected with some of her old peers and the new connections made.
"We're here." Anika announced, "Take a deep breath and don't worry too much! You've made the right choice." She gave her sister a firmly held her sister's hand.
"It's too late to regret." She laughed. "Bye bye! I hope fitting goes well I'm so sorry I couldn't come with you."
"It's okay there's like five more rehearsals that you can come to."
Kalki stepped out of the car and walked towards the building, as the car drove away she realised how truly cold the weather was today. She looked at the sky, thick, grey clouds had engulfed the sky. For now her only worry was to finish this meeting before it starts pouring and even her umbrella can't save her.
As she entered the office, she noticed the eyes on her, no one really stared but eyes did linger longer than required. Whispers flew around, as if they were so low she couldn't hear. Kalki took a deep breath and continued, the receptionist greeted her and told her to take a seat on the couch. Raymond was on a call with a client.
Being left alone wasn't the ideal situation, she tried her best not to fidget, look outside the window and worry about the rain or do anything that gave away the fact she was a nervous mess.
"He's ready to see you." The receptionist said.
"Thanks!" Kalki smiled, walking towards the door of his office.
She gave it a gentle knock and then entered, Raymond greeted her with a smile, just like the first time he had approached her. He didn't look angry, he asked her to come take a seat.
"It's been a while Burman."
"It has." Kalki said nervously, "I'll answer everything you want me to honestly-"
"I didn't call you down to interrogate you." He laughed, "I wanted to know what you're up to, you won't come to the office but you'll respond to emails from sponsors. Are you working for me or not?"
"I was hoping to talk to you about that." She said sliding the envelope towards him.
"Not after all the trouble I went through trying to recruit you." He shook his head.
"The notice period on that is short, since most of my responsibilities have been cut off and handled by others at the office anyway." She laughed.
"That wasn't intended to-"
"It basically felt like you were firing me Raymond, you could have just let go of me on the day of the incident. Snatching away my role from me was basically torture."
"My sincere apologies. I'll accept your resignation, what's the plan after that?" He asked.
"I'm trying out something on my own, I'll see how it works out."
"I wish you all the very best for the future, if there's anything I can help you out with please do let me know." He said.
"Thank you."
"Now I've got to find someone who can put up with Max before the season starts, both of you made a solid team."
"Until alcohol and cloudy judgement led to something that fucked up my career alone." Kalki stood up to leave the office.
Regret was a strong feeling, even if it was too late, it still stung. She marched out of the room, eyes welled up, a knot in her throat that felt like it was burning. She stormed out of the building, great. It was already raining. The rain was her final straw. The umbrella in her purse didn't matter anymore. She had completely broken down, crying in the rain.
These weren't just tears, she was sobbing, she couldn't seem to stop. What idiotic thing had taken over her mind when she decided to resign, when she decided that she was capable of running something on her own. What if she was bound to fail? What if-
Warmth. She felt warm hands cupping her cheek, she lifted her teary gaze to see who it was. Her eyes met his, his brilliant eyes that were missing their usual contempt. His face looked hurt.
Kalki pushed his hands away, the audacity of this man. To show up here after her entire life was in shambles and act all mighty and high. It felt humiliating to see him act like her saviour.
"What are you doing here?"
"You're going to catch a cold." He said stepping towards her with his umbrella.
"Don't come near me."
"Kalki-"
"I don't need to be polite to you anymore so choose your words very wisely." She seethed.
"I need to talk to you, I know you said you wanted your space but there's so much we have to talk about."
"You ruined my life." She cried loudly, "You've ruined everything I built." She screamed.
"That was never my intention." He tried to calm her down.
"It's never anyone's intention to! It was never yours to mess with my career because you were horny. It was never Raymond's intention to make me feel useless." She sobbed. "Why? Why does everyone want to make a villain out of me? What did I ever do to deserve-"
She sobbed uncontrollably, shaking from all the energy it took to keep her warm and the yelling she was doing. Max wrapped his arms around her, she tried to free herself but there was no point, she didn't have the strength to fight anymore. The warmth of his body did feel nice, it did calm her down a little. But in no way did it mean she forgave him.
"You're not a monster, you are not a villain, you deserve all the good things in this world." He tried to calm her down.
Her face was still buried in his chest as she cried her eyes out. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm ashamed I claim to be in love with you and didn't try hard enough to help you out with your dreams."
She looked up at him, Kalki couldn't tell if those were raindrops or tears on his face. The sorrow in his eyes had returned even more than before, seeing her like this did really upset him.
"It's so unfair to you. No matter how many times I apologise it's not going to undo the damage I've caused to you." He cupped her face in his hands.
"You're doing a bit too much for just getting me to be your booty call." She wiped her tears away.
Her words made him laugh, even if the situation was inappropriate, at least he knew she had calmed down enough to make jokes.
"Kalki Burman, open your ears and listen to me carefully because I'm afraid I will not repeat myself because I have so much to tell you."
What I feel towards you is so much more than surface level attraction. What ever I said months ago? Bull shit. I was lying to you and to myself.
I've been an asshat and I don't expect you to instantly fall in love with me but I do want you to know that I am truly deeply madly in love with you. It's to the point I'm too embarrassed to even tell my therapist about it.
And I have always been in love with you, you made my heart flutter from the first time I saw you on track. I still remember your pink overalls and pigtails swinging in the wind every time you turned to look at something. I still remember the joyful smile on your face every time you beat me on track or while playing video games at your place. I very selfishly want to be the reason you smile.
The way I have behaved was honestly beyond vile, there's no redeeming qualities to me. But I want to be someone worthy of being with you, being loved by you and so I'm working on myself everyday. One day I'll be there.
I should have done more. I should have done everything I could in my power to keep you on track to achieving your dreams. I hate to be the reason you're crying right now, I want to take away all your pain and only let you experience all the good things you deserve to.
I don't expect you to love me back, that could be understandably difficult for you. But I want you to remember that I will always love you, I will always root for you, for your dreams, for your happiness and your aspirations. You don't have to love me, just think of me as often I think about you.