Tamra stuck her tongue out at Claire. "None of your business."
Claire stuck her tongue out at Tamra. "I'm not letting this go."
Tamra tossed her head. "Your choice."
Inez, her hair slightly mussed, skittered towards them both on her kitten heels. "Tamra! Claire! No fighting, please! You're family after all!"
Tamra rolled her eyes. "That's not my fault."
"Not our fault," Claire corrected her.
Tamra glanced at Inez. "What's up with your hair?"
Claire examined Inez with irritation, "And where's Andersen? I thought you both were working on something in the back? Did he run off and leave you to do everything? Typical! That lazy little brat! We should steal his peg leg, and his car, and make him hop home! Look, I already stole his keys!" Claire fished a set of car keys out of her pocket. "I snatched them when he was helping you rearrange those arm chairs!"
Inez smoothed her hair, her cheeks bright pink. "No, Claire. Andersen's still here, er, in the back. Still. He's still in the back. He's...he's finishing up. I came out to - to see how you two were doing." Inez coughed nervously.
Tamra arched one eyebrow at her housemate. "Smooth, Inez."
"Oh shush," Inez waved at Tamra.
Claire looked back and forth at Tamra and Inez, suspicious. "What?"
Tamra wafted her hands at Claire. "Never you mind, sweetie. It's a housemate thing."
"Tamra! Don't exclude Claire like that!" Inez remonstrated.
Tamra gave Inez a wounded look. "Me exclude Claire? Never."
Inez belatedly realized her mistake and turned guiltily to Claire. "Oh...Claire, it's nothing. Tamra and I are thinking...about getting a dog. Or a Roomba."
"Maybe both!" Tamra said excitedly.
"Or neither," Inez was becoming annoyed.
"I want a Roomba...but Vikram says the kids' stupid toys would probably break it." Claire said.
Inez gave Tamra a firm frown, her lips pressed together.
"And I suppose we can't throw out all their toys..." Claire mused.
Tamra smiled back innocently at Inez.
Claire continued, mostly to herself. "Once I picked up everything those kids left on the living room carpet and tossed it all into this huge trash bag! I've never seen so many tears, but I warned them! I said I'd throw EVERYTHING away if they didn't pick up! That was a nice weekend..."
Inez took a deep breath to calm herself. Tamra could make all the innuendoes she wanted - for the moment, Claire seemed oblivious to Andersen and Inez's affectionate looks and caresses.
"Of course Vikram went all soft and rescued everything before the garbage truck came...talking about how it was mean and overkill and expensive and not environmentally friendly...Vikram is such a nerd..." Claire grumbled, pocketing Andersen's keys again.
Yes, Claire was oblivious. A fact which both relieved and scared Inez.
Tucking a few more stray hair strands behind her ears, Inez nodded at Tamra and then at Claire. "It's very nice of ya'll all to volunteer today. Shows good citizenship."
"Beats my dad's," Claire shrugged.
"Andersen's my ride," Tamra said at the same time.
Inez sighed. "All the same, it's nice to have you here. We can always use some help."
"What about that girl you hired to run the store for you - Andy? Amanda? Amethyst?" Claire squinted, trying to remember.
"Amethyst?" Tamra asked.
"It's a name," Claire countered.
"Maybe for a drag queen," Tamra said.
"Amy, Amy Bennett. That's the girl's name. Amy is, um..." Inez searched for the right word.
"MIA, missing in action," Tamra supplied.
"More like AWOL - absent without official leave, and I think she intends to desert if she hasn't already!" Andersen, his demeanor noticeably more relaxed, came up behind Inez and poked her gently in the lower back.
Claire let out an angry hiss. "Inez! Fire Amethyst! You have to stop hiring these hopeless cases!"
Inez frowned. "Amy's not hopeless, she's...she's young. And technically, she's a volunteer."
"Why are you doing Amethyst's work for her, Inez?" Claire asked.
Inez bit her lower lip, not wanting to get into it. "Amy, Claire. Amy Bennet is the girl's name. And this consignment shop is a useful and needed community space. The value is in the work, whoever does it."
"Inez, I just don't get you sometimes. Unpaid labor is not my thing," Claire disdainfully picked at a piece of lint on her green sweatshirt.
Andersen snorted. "Gee, Claire, really? How much does Vikram pay you? Or is it strictly a conjugal exchange?"
"He certainly pays me more than anybody is paying you right now, unemployed lonely boy." Claire sneered.
Tamra let out a strangled sound.
"Tamra!" Inez said sharply.
"Sorry...I, um..." Tamra seemed to be choking.
Andersen bounced over to Tamra and pounded her on her back. "Us bachelor-types! Right, Tamra? Single by choice not by chance!"
Tamra bent to grab her knees and gasped, "...sure..."
Anxiously Inez interrupted, "Tamra and Andersen are both wonderful people. Anyone who dates one or the other would be incredibly lucky."
"Please, I pity the poor fools. By the way, Tamra, boys or girls? I've always wondered," Claire asked.
Tamra looked up at Claire. "What do you think?"
Claire pursed her lips. "I honestly don't know. You give off a vibe."
"You guys!" Inez put her hands on her hips.
A robotic voice screamed, 'Your wife is calling, your wife is calling.'
"My phone! Vikram!" Claire dove down behind the register and stood back up with her phone pressed to her ear.
"So many questions..." Tamra stared at Claire.
"Really? I think the answers are pretty obvious," Andersen said.
"Shhhh!" Claire waved an angry hand at them both. "I need to hear. Benny? My baby! When did you learn to use a phone all by yourself! I'm so proud!"
"Ben's the youngest - her favorite," Andersen explained.
Inez smiled softly at him. "Like you were your mom's favorite?"
Andersen's eyes got a bit glassy. He slid over to Inez and gave her arm a squeeze. "Yeah..."
Inez patted his hand sympathetically.
"Oh, he hung up! Benny really likes to press the red button. It's adorable. Sometimes we just call my mother-in-law and hang up over and over again," Claire explained, sliding her phone into her back pocket. "Wait, Andersen! Are you crying?"
Sensing blood in the water, Inez shook her finger at Claire. "Claire, your mother just died. You should be crying too."
"But I'm not a pussy," Claire objected.
"Just sexist, homophobic, and emotionally immature, apparently," Tamra quipped.
"I'm not homophobic - screw whatever you want. I'm just saying there's a vibe!" Claire protested.
"Claire, let's go get you some clothes for church tomorrow," Inez decided.
Claire made a face. "Church? Inez, why the hell would I go to church?"
"To get struck by lightning?" Tamra asked.
"Maybe if you were standing next to me..." Claire shot back.
"We promised Anita that we'd go to church with her tomorrow before driving her up to Richmond," Inez reminded Claire.
"You promised Saint Anita! I made no such promises!" Claire folded her arms in front of herself.
"Anita is family. We're going. Ladies' ware is this way," Inez grabbed Claire by the elbow and pulled her in the proper direction.
"Want to come Andersen? We can get you a dress to go with those hysterics?" Claire pointed at a single stray tear rolling down Andersen's cheek.
"No thanks, dresses don't flatter my figure," Andersen hiccuped.
"It's too bad Andersen doesn't have a girlfriend to help him through this difficult time. Or maybe a dog," Tamra gave Andersen side eye.
"Maybe like a golden retriever? Or a chocolate lab?" Andersen was thoughtful as he sniffed and wiped his face with his hands.
Tamra shook her head. "Rescue dogs only, please."
"You come with us!" Inez ordered, reaching out to grab Tamra's hand.
Resolutely, Inez shepherded the two other women deeper into the consignment shop. Over her shoulder, Inez instructed Andersen, "Keep an eye on the register, please?"
"Will do!" Andersen saluted.
"There's a good boy!" Tamra called back.
Inez prodded Tamra in the shoulder. "That's enough. Now, we make a right after this stroller —"
Claire twisted away from them. "OH MY GOD!"