Walking to my lecture hall, I didn't expect the pain in my heart to be as barging as it was. The closed door to room three eighteen stared back at me as I passed, glaring and laughing. Mocking.
Reminding.
I turned my gaze down and shuffled past like some scorned preteen, clutching tighter to the computer bag at my side and counting each clack my heels made on the tiled floor.
Until the clacking was overshadowed by the familiar Algebra-teacher's voice.
"Rachel, wait!"
I froze, clearing my throat and turning slightly.
"David, hey." I shifted on my feet, already uncomfortable. And not from the heels. "What's up?"
"I wanted to talk to you about—" he cut his words off, a light crease in his forehead appearing as he worked to take in my expression. "You talked to Leah."
Not a question. But it was still one I didn't want to answer.
I forced an awkward smile and nodded. When the looming silence in the air was enough to suck the life out of the happiest of parties, I nodded again to no one in particular and spun, heading for my own room.
"I-I'm sorry. I just...you know, I cut my losses with you because of whatever was going on with you and Caleb. So, I just...she said you didn't mind."
I didn't bother stopping again, just clutched tighter to the bag in my hand and shoved the full weight of my body into my door. A quick set-up and my nerves were on high alert. Shaking hands wouldn't do me any good, so I let my attitude rule my lectures' directions for the day. Which was about to kill any respect my students had for me.
The door opened and they started filing in.
"Let's go, let's go. Hurry up, you guys. I have a tub of ice cream and a bottle of wine calling my name, so I would love nothing more than to get out of here early today."
Groans and growls started emanating through the room as the first in sat down.
"Oh, stop being so dramatic. It's just a little quiz to make sure you guys were paying attention last class." I grinned evilly, the same one I'd always hated seeing when I was a student. "Pop quiz. Derivatives. When you finish, you're free to go."
That sparked a few lights in the eyes of the half-dead college students before me. I held back another grin, knowing all too well how they felt.
"Flip the tests over." A whoosh of papers sounded. "You may begin."
_
My knee bounced and flounced as I sat impatiently in my swiveling chair. With only two students left—one, brows furrowed and squibbling some haphazard answers down and the other, gnawing on their pencil with glazed eyes absolutely not on their test—I held out hope that they'd both finish soon. As soon as the panicked scribbler stood, the dazed and confused eye-open-sleeper snapped out of it, too, deciding to stand and leave the room as well.
As for me, I was a wreck.
Somewhere in the midst of silence and rustling pages, David's words had sunk into my mess of a brain. Something didn't sit quite right, and I was too on-edge to wait for an answer, regardless of the fact that I knew he was still mid-teaching. I stood and stomped for the door, jerking it open and waltzing down the hall towards my destination.
The door of three eighteen swung open under my shove. David flinched and paused with a frown in my direction.
"Professor Saunders, a word, please?"
A low wave of oooh's from his students followed him all the way out the door. As the door closed behind David, I was suddenly crossing my arms over my chest and taking a step away, simultaneously too aware of how unprofessional I was being and how naked I realized I felt.
I'd never felt uncomfortable around the blond before me. This conversation, however...
"Did you say anything about Caleb last night?"
He frowned. "What?"
I gripped my fists tighter. "Did you mention him to Leah before you fucked her, David?"
He flinched.
Okay, so the aggravation in my tone was misplaced. Clearly. But I was riding the unwelcome groove of haunted past and unseen future, and he just so happened to be sitting with naivety on the edge of the divot I was stuck in at the moment.
David ran a hand through his yellow-blond hair. "Is she not supposed to know anything? I thought she was your friend, Rachel."
My teeth clenched at his answer. Because it was and wasn't one, and I didn't like how it sounded.
"Friend is...I don't...She's..." I growled at my own inability to explain it at all. "It's complicated. Just...Did you tell her?"
"Yeah, complicated. That was what you told me the night we went out. But I guess I still don't understand why you're friends with someone you have to hide from. Leah's a nice girl. She's studying to be a teacher, and she's stressed from it all and can't be there as often as you need her to. I'm sure if you two talked, you could work out whatever's happened."
My jaw dropped. "That's what she said?" I laughed, a loud sound that had no resounding humor even to my ringing ears. "She's too stressed studying to be the friend I need?" I laughed again—more, cackled than anything.
David's eyebrows pinched together, whether in embarrassment to be standing by me or worry of my next move, I had no idea. And I didn't care to find out.
"Be safe around her, David. Just know that my warning about her from the other week...it was well-intended."
I walked away before bothering to wait for any sort of response, verbal or otherwise. The trek to the main office was nerve-wracking as hell. And if it had been any longer, I wouldn't have had anything left of my thumbnail.
I barged into the closed door to the dean's office, but Caleb was nowhere in sight. I felt a twinge of panic strike my chest. If Leah knew, shit was about to hit the fan and I wasn't ready to lose the progress we'd made. But if he knew that she was...
I wasn't ready to open that can of worms. Not that I had a choice.
I let the door slam behind me and backed up against it, pinching my lower lip between my thumb and forefinger.
"Excuse the fuck out of me? Who the hell do you—Oh. Jesus, Rach, I was about to beat someone's ass for that bullshit." Caleb popped out of the storage closet on the far side of his office, chuckling as he shut the light off and stepped out.
I looked him over. The sleeves of his button-down were rolled to his elbows, and I squinted, sure it was the one I had worn the other night at his place. The smirk on his lips told me I was right and he knew what I'd noticed, but it also told me he was happy to see me. I had to hold onto that.
I was desperate to hold onto it.
"You still could," I taunted, stepping forward to bump my tits against his chest. "If you wanted to."
His lips pulled up at the corner. "Is that so?"
I nodded, holding my breath as Caleb's face descended towards mine. His lips tickled over my chin and neck, and I dropped my head to the side to allow the access I so wanted him to take.
"See, I would, but I have a certain feeling you'd enjoy it too much. And I think keeping that punishment from you is a better punishment."
A low chuckle vibrated through his warm body at the pouting written all over my face. I rolled my eyes and moved to push at his chest, but he grabbed me before I could, spinning us both before backing me up against the edge of his desk. Leaning down, Caleb's arms looped under my thighs and he hoisted me up, setting my ass on the hard wood beneath. I squealed at the action, a light-hearted, goofy sound.
Caleb smiled, leaning in again to kiss my neck. "I love that sound," he whispered in tickling breaths on my skin. "You sound...happy."
I blinked up at the stupidly-bright lights above us, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.
From the brightness, I told myself as I wrapped my arms around Caleb's shoulders, holding tighter to the muscled contours of his back. My nails wrinkled into his shirt, digging in for dear life in hopes that we could stay like that forever.
Happy, as he'd noted.
And maybe it was my own selfishness, or maybe it was selflessness after all the years of running and hiding because of others' words and actions, but I pulled Caleb back just enough to allow myself the room to stretch up and kiss him. I kissed him, and I made sure that every word I'd never said, every word I wanted to scream and never could, was left at the door for a moment.
I needed it. We needed it. To just be here for the moment as we were and not as we used to be. Not who we used to be.
As simply as all the secrets and lies and untold stories had swamped us both, unraveling it all might be anything but. Last night and the morning I had today proved that, though I'd already known it with whatever Caleb was still not ready to share.
So as our lips moved, as our hands roamed, I let the rest fall away with our clothes—rather, with the lower half of mine. Caleb was still dressed—much to my dismay, until he kneeled before me and buried his face between my thighs.
"Fuck!" I gasped, grabbing for the short curls at his head.
He splayed his tongue over my clit, alternating flicking and sucking at it. When his fingers found my opening and he pressed one inside, curling it at one of my favorite spots, it was everything I could do not to scream. He added a second finger and my hips bucked.
I was riding his hand, my naked ass on hell-only-knew-how-many important papers beneath. And I couldn't care less. As Caleb's teeth teased over my clit, I knew he was in the same boat.
"Goddamn, that's pretty. Tight little cunt, greedy as always for more."
Caleb's filthy words fueled me on. Pressure built in my core, pussy clenching and clamping tighter around his fingers. It was as desperate as I was to keep him close. My heart thumped in my chest and I moved my hand to his shoulder, letting my nails dig in there as my other hand was into the wood of his desk, leaving yet another set of marks for him to see.
One more curl of his fingers, and I flew. Biting my lip to the point of pain, I held back a very unprofessional moan and came on my technical-boss' tongue for the countless time. I laughed at the thought, my eyes unfocused as the lights above bored down on us, illuminating the desperate attempt I'd had to have him closer.
It worked wonders, considering my pussy was still shuddering around his slowly-withdrawing fingers, but a pang in my chest—guilt and the impending uncertainty of loss—pulled my brows downward into a frown.
Caleb stood, using the fabric of my panties as a rag for his fingers before stuffing the lacy material into his pocket.
"Now," he chuckled, pulling me forward so I could slip back into my clothes—minus the undergarment he'd stolen. "Do you want to tell me what happened that had you rushing in here?"
I fidgeted, turning and skimming my fingertips over the stack of papers I'd been sitting on. My eyes were unfocused and hazy, making whatever words were littered on the top page entirely incomprehensible.
"Rach?"
I sighed, doing as Hailey had said and growing a pair. Just not here. It didn't need to happen here.
"Do you have plans for tonight?" I started, finally turning back to face the curious man before me. "Maybe we can grab some food and talk?"
"Rachel Hall," Caleb crossed his arms over his chest and shuffled to the side, leaning a hip against the desk I'd just been sitting on.
"Are you asking me on a date?"
Had he just had his face between my legs? Yes. Had I just had yet another orgasm in his office, while at my own place of work? Yes. Was I overwhelmed and in a constant state of overthinking? Yes.
Did his teasing question still make me blush like a teenage virgin?
Still yes.
"What? No, I was just—" I backpedaled, "—I just wanted to—"
"Gorgeous, relax. Take a breath."
Caleb laughed openly, wrapping his arms around me and bending down to plant a soft kiss on my forehead. It made me want to melt and cry all at once, but I leaned into it nonetheless, clutching tight to his shirt. I breathed him in.
"Rachel, baby, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"
The softness in his voice made me want to fall to the ground and weep. But I couldn't.
So I shook my head and forced the simplest smile I could muster, knowing that overselling it would be a bigger giveaway.
"Just a long day, and I wanted to spend time with you to make it better. I'll see you later?"
He nodded, though worry still riddled his muscles and bones. "My place or yours?"
"Yours," I answered immediately. "It's more homey."
And I knew why that was. I knew, and I didn't want to admit it. Not yet, at least. I needed to get out of there, because I needed to call Hailey. I needed to let it all out, and I needed to clear my head. And as soon as I did that, I needed to brace myself.
Because my next call would be to Leah.