My Significant Bother

Time is No Healer

That day, Narda finally embraced her grief.

This time Narda had time to mourn as she let the rain finally mix in with her tears. A sob escaped her lips as Regina rejected her again.

If one wants the truth?  This broke her more than their first confrontation. There was something that was more painful and poignant about this realization.

Regina loved her but she refused to continue on.

Because for Regina reality took over, love could not change that.

Narda held on to the silver necklace that symbolized their colliding worlds. Her fingers playing with the snake and the falling star. When she blinked back tears, she felt that it was movie images in her mind flashing right before her.

She could only hold onto what her mind could tell her. Memories were the only thing she had now. Soon, she remembered it all as her heart ached.  Now she realized, she could only look back.

From the nightmare at Ziggy's diner to how they kissed so passionately.  Moments and flashes she felt she could hold on to.  She remembered all the the things she felt.

The way she felt so loved by Regina.

And lastly was how she shattered Regina.

They had come such a long way, only for this.

This was her consequence of the deal to woo the shrew.  She ended up losing Regina Vanguardia, she ended up having her most harrowing heart break. Her biggest and most desperate 'what if'.

Narda knew when her consequences were due.

She could only accept her defeat.

Her tears kept falling.

-------------

In the coming weeks, the term had ended. 

That was probably going to be her last class with Regina Vanguardia.  That stupid St. Anthony's Immersion class were she met the shrewish, Regina ---- her most menacing enemy and her greatest love.

Narda played a slow version of Regina's favorite song. The piano chords resounded in her room, she felt it was almost like a farewell song to her muse. Her regretful love story.

When Narda was alone in her dorm room, she lifted a huge wooden box and placed it on her desk, slowly she started placing all the items that reminded her of Regina in it. Polaroids were stacked in a corner, her fingers slowly taking down each photo.

Her over-sized St. Vincent T-shirt. The lip gloss they shared. Even that one pillow that still smelled so much of citrus and vanilla. The costume Narda wore for their Scooby Doo theme.

When her hand got to the gifted stethoscope, she had to give it a pause as she exhaled loudly.   She caressed it lovingly unable to put it in the hollow places of that box.

She wanted to start anew, bury her heartbreak as mere mementos she should say goodbye to.

She tried tugging the necklace out but she failed to.

Narda learned that grief came in waves.

And today, she had to drown in it.

She played her recording, the one Regina did not bother listening to.

It started with those words ...

Kamahalan... I wish to tell you the truth... na oo, nagsimula ito na kasinungalingan pero totoo na lahat ng ito... mahal na mahal na kita.

----------------

Regina just got home from her internship with Atty. Mariano.  She took off her blazer as she sat in front of her laptop.

The reality hit her again as soon as she found refuge.  She stared blankly on her computer screen.   She finally got the Columbia Law School acceptance letter.

She knew she was being molded by her father.  That she should be surrendering as the Vanguardia she was fated to be.  As her father once told her, "I am preparing you for bigger things."

But she also hoped against hope that she could get into the University of the Philippines College of Law. Just like her idol and mentor Atty. Sylvia Mariano did. Maybe she could stay in the Philippines and be a pro-bono lawyer.

Maybe she could build her own foundation to defend the people who could not afford justice.

Regina knew this was all a dream, when she got the Columbia Law School acceptance letter, it was as if reality was splashed on her face, like ice-cold water to her skin.

She knew her reality.  She knew her fate as a Vanguardia. She had to seal her fate.

Her dreams were only for her own. Even as a rich heiress of the Vanguardia Real Estate Group, she had obligations and even as a privileged girl with a wide array of options in life, she knew this time, this was not a choice. 

She had to be the loyal daughter her father molded her to be.  This was her loving her father.  She was part of the Vanguardia legacy and she was thrusted with that responsibility.

This was not a time to rebel, her father needed her to continue on what their family built. This was the life laid out for her.

Something about that reality made her heart ache. She walked over to her bathroom mirror and she realized her eyes had turned glassy again. Her heart thumped but only with the uncertainty. 

She slowly grabbed her phone and dialed Rex's number.

He answered, not even saying a word. He had been disappointed with Regina since her relationship  and whole fiasco with Narda. Rex was amazing at the cold treatment when he was disappointed with his daughters. His lack of regard for her was his way of saying, "I told you so."

"Dad, I got into Columbia Law School.  I hope you are proud of me," she said while she spoke so softly, like a child needing her father's attention.

And as she looked at her light brown eyes in the mirror, the spirit in her continued to dim and dim.

------------

Narda always had a survival skill to take action in life. So she slowly moved forward, without Regina in her life. Accepting Regina's decision not to continue on with their relationship.

Narda kept that box of mementos underneath her study desk like a way to bury it in her heart. She still took care of her family, while her mother tried to do better. Still not much --- but better.

She still poured herself into hours and hours of school and work-- exhausted most of the time. She was back to getting top scores again. She applied for various scholarships. She was the best intern at Fred Hutchinson's Research Center even though, she felt like her weariness was down to her bones.

She still looked at her savings, frustrated that money trickled down in such an excruciating way.

-------

In the next school term, she was back to being friends with Ding. She was the lone girl in the group as they hung out with the hilarious tandem of Luce and Richard. They would spend time mud riding and drinking by the camp fire. Building their last memories of youth in college. They held on to their last youthful remnants before true adulthood kicks in.

The four of them huddled around the blazing camp fire that night. The tropa still had mud on their shoes. They smelled like sweat and smoke. Their hair was a mess with the night wind. It was a moment they would end up cherishing. They hung around the hills of Antipolo as they exchanged drunken promises to each other.

The beer froth spilled over their arms as Richard playfully slammed the beer cans together. They were all giggling with a buzz in their bellies. Richard in his usual court jester ways jumped over the rock formations, calling for a speech.

"Gentlemen and one lady--- cheers tayo sa mga bigo sa pag-ibig. Para kay Ding na hung up pa rin sa kanyang girlfriend noong Grade 7. Para saakin na laging basted. Para kay Luce na martyr sa unrequited love at syempre ---- para kay Narda --- na nakilala nga ang kanyang true love pero ginago niya naman! Since Senior Year ko na? Padua University will always be a memory. I am glad nagkakilala tayo mga sawi. Mga bigo. Misery loves company! Pero tangina --- tapos ng college, girls beware! Heartthrobs lang naman mga ito!"

All four of them were laughing boisterously and the men started playing shotgun with their beer.  Richard grabbed a screwdriver as he clumsily punctured a hole into their cans, they drank heartily from the bottom as their mouths went askew. Ding with his small frame engulfed everything, beating all of them. They played some more as their laughter echoed in the hills.

Narda sat on the side, taking videos of her friends. She then fell silent, the crisp air feeling like a blanket over her. Narda looked blankly at the fire, the coals of orange burning brightly in front of her. She sighed while she quaffed the rest of her Cass beer, her mind wandering again.

Luce slowly approached her and sat down next to her. He smirked, with obvious sadness in his eyes while he looked at Narda.

"Mahal mo pa rin?" He asked quietly.

"Mga Vanguardias, ano? Yung mga magkapatid na yan, ano? Lakas ng tama natin. Kung pwede lang parang light switch na parang on at off nalang," Narda forced a chuckle.

"Pero Narda --- yung saamin ni Luna wala naman. Umasa lang ako. Kayo ni Regina that was serious shit. That is the stuff people watch in movies, what people read in love stories. "

"Mga ano? Na magsorry lang at may romantic essay, tapos happily ever after bigla? Sa sine lang yun.  Aasa ba ako, Lucifer? Na ano? Nobela ba ito? Wattpad? Na baka kung mag time jump at magkita kami years later na? Siguro attorney na siya, tapos ako doktora... baka maghilom na ang mga sugat? O are we going to look at reality na malamang mag move on na kami at matuto na pareho naming 'could have been' ang isa't isa. Sabi mo serious ang love? Serious kamo? Serious din ang naging problema. Serious din ang deception ko sa kanya."

Narda roughly grabbed another can of beer, she lifted the tab in her usual brusko ways. Her mind still in deep thought. She clenched her jaw, trying to look like the strong woman that she usually was.

Luce smiled at her and he slowly reached in to point at her chest.

"Gago 'to... hoy Lucifer, tinuruan ako manuntok ng Ninong Klaudio ko--- kaya ko basagin ang baby face mo," Narda threatened.

"No --- it's not like that. You are absolutely gross. That is like saying I want to go for my sister," Luce said loudly, shaking his head.

"Eh ano?"

"You say all this to me right now and yet you still wear this damn thing!"

Luce entangled his fingers around Narda's silver necklace that hung around her neck. The necklace that symbolized her world colliding with Regina's.

The snake and the falling star.

"Love is irrational, Narda. Kahit ano pa sabihin mo... alam ko you still go to that damn creek almost everyday. Kaya tayo naging magkaibigan,e. We are both such relentless losers,e," he beamed from ear to ear as he playfully pushed the petite woman.

He joined the other guys as they went over to the campsite next to them, the three of them talking to college girls from UST.

All while, Narda scoffed at Luce, murmuring how ridiculous he was.

"Love is irrational mo mukha mo, Lucifer!"

-----------------------------------

But the truth was, Luce was right.

Narda did go to that same creek almost everyday. The dusk was already emerging in the clouds. She looked at her old Casio watch as she waited and waited. She watched the time pass and pass. That was her ritual. Hoping that maybe Regina would drop by. Maybe there was another chance, she thought to herself.

Narda was in her maroon uniform, hours away from her internship with the research center. It was cold that day, goosebumps were all over her tanned skin. But she continued to wait.

Hoped against hope.

She bent down on the ground, kneeling as she grabbed a piece of stone. With all her force, she threw the little pebble as it skipped through the dark waters of that creek. Like a haunting cymbal dancing on waters.

She was surrounded by the little forest-like park, the children were playing patintero, the swings were thrown in the air, people around her were holding hands, laughing in such a carefree way, and everyone was casually happy.

Narda had not been casually happy in a while.

She saw a couple, driving through the street in an old red Toyota Corolla, the young woman being berated by her panicked boyfriend.

"Hoy! Buti buhay pa tayo!" the guy said, laughing at his girlfriend. He soon leaned in to kiss her forehead, while the two of them kept bickering.

Narda could only watch from afar, her thoughts slowly seducing her into a faint memory.

That day when Regina kept cursing in fear because Narda almost crashed into a post.

The rushed kisses after when Regina's warm lips engulfed hers. How she tasted of tangy cherry and matte lipstick. How Narda's curious lips crawled from Regina's mouth to her jawline to the deep valley on her neck by the skin of her throat and her collarbone.

How their tongues slipped while their hearts raced. How their lips always found each other right when they are about to gasp for air.   How Regina's warm and supple hands grazed her face, holding onto her so lovingly.   How those chocolate-brown eyes looked at Narda with a sense of wonder.

And how her lips sprawled into that gummy smile that made Narda's heart leap.

Narda would soon feel the cold breeze envelop her again, she snapped out of the memory.

Narda felt her pockets as she retrieved her phone, she slowly plugged in her wired headsets.

This time, it was not music she listened to. She played her recording for Regina, her plea and her confession from months ago.

She wondered if Regina would even bother listening to it.

Kamahalan ... I wish to tell you the truth...

------------------------------------------------------

Regina wore a Michael Cinco dress that was sheer and draped on her like she was a young Maleficent. She walked into another one of her father's favorite operas, holding on to her his strong arm. With her Columbia Law School acceptance, Rex paraded her around like it was his pure pride. 

She truly was Rex Vanguardia Jr. 

Luna held on to her father's other arm, she  was in her white tulle dress like coming out from a Swan Lake ballet, she was the total opposite of her sister.  The limousine ride to the theater was awkward and frigid for the two Vanguardia sisters. 

Regina refused to talk to Luna, not even a word for months now.  In an odd way, Luna missed how her sister watched over her even if she felt like a nagging mother.  She missed how her sister cared for her even though it was too much and she felt it was suffocating at times. 

Truth was, she just missed her sister.  She missed her Ate Regina so much,  just the one who felt present.  It was as if she lived with a ghost of a person.  Nowadays, Regina would let her do what she had to do.  Nowadays, Regina did not seem to care what Luna would want in her life. 

And this made Luna's heart ache. 

Her train of thought was distracted when she looked at the businessmen in front of them, praising her Ate Regina.

"I heard you got into Ivy League, Regina.  Congratulations!  Naku talaga, Rex ... your daughters, you raised them so well," one of them said.

Luna looked at her sister, who plastered on a saccharine smile.  But as her lips stretched, her eyes remained glazed over, unmoving, and soulless.

--------------------------------

Regina was quiet in the opera as they sat in to watch a Filipino spin on the classic opera "Carmen".  The audience was in awe, watching a young woman with a soprano voice belt out the classic song "Bakit Ako Mahihiya". 

Regina remained expressionless as if she was not quite there,  listening to a song of desperate love. Rex braced himself, ready to  hear Regina's wit and sarcasm.   He knew his bull-headed daughter was extremely opinionated . 

"You seem quiet, Regina? No smart comments about the bida?" Rex joked around, giving his daughter a sly smile.

Regina looked at her father with wide eyes and she faintly smiled at him.

"No, Dad.  The show is great," she said demurely.

---------------------------

The limousine ride back was silent. Luna had fallen asleep as she leaned into the leather seat.  Rex was busy handling another urgent business phone call Regina looked at the dark night sky.  That particular night the moon was shining brightly almost like the sky was lit up by a giant lamp post. Her chocolate-brown eyes stared at the window, as it reflected the iridescent moonlight. There was a sudden change in her expression, her features softened as they passed by a familiar creek. She unconsciously touched the glass pane next to her as if she could touch a far-away memory. 

Regina had to always stop herself from even wandering into those thoughts,  like a forbidden territory in her consciousness.  Over the past few months she had trained herself not to lurk in those happy yet so excruciatingly painful memories of Narda Custodio.

It was her way of protecting herself.

It was a way for her to move on.

Time did that to you, she thought.

She suddenly felt coldness on her shoulder, she realized it was her father's hand stroking her back.

"Regina, anak, are you ok?  You seem rather preoccupied?" Rex asked, his dark eyes flashing concern.

Regina shook her head and curved her lips into a smirk.

"I am just tired, Dad," she reassured him, holding onto his hand.

Rex exhaled as he looked at his daughter pensively.  He held on to her face as he had her look at him.

"Sometimes you will never know your true power --- your true strength until someone breaks your heart so badly," he whispered this, his tone also filled with sadness.

"Bakit? Kayo ba yun ni Mom?" Regina challenged, a dry laughter coming out of her mouth.

"I once turned away Harvard for your mother because I chose to love her.  Buntis siya at nawala music contract niya.  We were on top of the world.  We made rash decisions for love.  Pero that heartbreak taught me a great lesson.   You know what?  Now this is more like you--- ang aking palaban na anak," Rex beamed.

"That won't change, Dad."

Regina shrugged with a faded smile, her head tilted to rest onto the cold glass pane, observing the dark creek as they passed by it.

She still veered away from the memories.

---------------------

What Regina did not know was --- Narda looked at the same glowing moon as she sat by the creek that night.  She parked an old motorbike, while she looked at the pale crescent moon that kept her company.  

While Regina stayed away from the memories, Narda wanted to live in it. Drown in it. She was afraid it would fade away,  she was afraid she might forget the little details.

What was her laughter like?  What were their heated debates about?  What were the kisses like in that car?

She wanted to feel it again like a rush of crashing waves that would take over her. She wanted the memories to haunt her, even if it would hurt her. 

---------------------------------

"So --- it looks like I won't need much of your guidance na po.  Looks like all the headache I gave you over the last four years was worth it.  My conduct improved," Regina's voice boomed in that air-conditioned office.

It was almost night time and it was her last meeting that day. Regina sat at the guidance office, her combat boots thudded on the chair as she had her last session with Miss Berta Lagman. She looked both intimidating and ravishing in her black tank top and her snake necklace. Her light eyes still darted everywhere as if she was there to daunt and be hyper-critical. Her blonde-streaked hair still flowed like serpents that framed her pallid face. 

The guidance counsellor looked at Regina with a sense of pride, she tried to hide the smile sprawling on her face.

"Congratulations, nakapasok ka raw sa Columbia Law? Papalagay natin sa bulletin board diyan--- big deal yan," Miss Berta exclaimed.

"Yeah.  Just like how my Dad wanted it," Regina said in a sing-song tone.

"At wala ka nang pinapaiyak lately.  Alam mo Regina, I always believed in you and kahit na hindi ko dapat sinasabi ito sa mga estudyante ko, I will always have a soft spot for you.  Alam ko naman kasi may puso kang bata ka.  Kahit mukang laging may pusit yang lipstick mo."

Miss Berta pointed across the glass door, there Regina saw a poster of her with a huge "Congratulations!" on it. 

Regina grabbed her shoulder bag and bid her quick goodbyes to Miss Berta.  All the years of going into the Padua U office was something Regina was going to oddly miss.

In a way, she did look forward to Miss Berta's lectures, maybe in her own way she did look for a mother-figure, she thought to herself.

But that was not something Regina would ever say out loud.

Miss Berta approached Regina and gave her a warm hug,  the young woman was not able to react.  Regina did not really know how to react with affection. 

She was about to leave the office until she had to stop.  Regina had to gulp some air at the sight. She was startled and she felt heat crawl on to her cheeks.

She observed from the glass door, a familiar sight that still made her heart leap.  She could train her mind all the tricks but her heart still recognized the woman in front of her.

They said time healed wounds, but for Regina--- time was not a healer.  It was a distraction.  It was a compromise. 

Nothing healed with time, it took off the edge but one look at her it still gushed in. 

Ano ba expect mo, Regina? You do go to the same school.

She looked at Narda Custodio who stood by the bulletin board, reading the sign that congratulated Regina's acceptance into Columbia Law School.

She watched as Narda sat down.

Narda almost looked like she was paralyzed while she kept reading that congratulatory poster.

Regina could only look at the glass door, observing her ex-girlfriend. And though her mind tried to wander, her heart continued to betray her.

Akala ko ba time heals wounds? Bullshit saying.

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And time continued to pass in Padua University. The hallways were still as boisterous.  As new students emerge, new hierarchies came in. The parties were still filled with unrestrained display of recklessness and arrogance. 

The people roamed through the classes with plastered smiles on their faces but underneath the exteriors were burdens that continued to pile on their backs. May it be a rich senator's son or a charity case trying to make ends meet, everyone was a casualty of time.

Padua University's term was about to end. But soon, they will all realize this was all so small in the vast landscape of life and time. 

The clock continued to tick.  The hours kept going by.  The past kept increasing.  The future continued to ebb away. Regrets and what ifs continued to stock up. Possibilities no longer so endless. Time may not be a healer but it is a relentless thief, it continued to take more than what you wanted to give. 

Before you know it, it continued to slip away, decisions reflected a reality and an uncontrollable chain reaction.

Soon,  people would realize that time was not a healer ---it was a doer.

A thief.

A relentless pursuer.

And it was not forgiving.

--------------------------

Time was not a healer but a teacher for Luna.

Luna continued to try to break through her sister, at least before Regina would leave for New York.  But she knew their bond had completely shifted. Something permanently broke that day when her sister realized that Luna planned out the scheme with Narda.

Their conversations were civil and cold.   Regina would faintly smile at her, her eyes dim and spiritless.

  Her voice losing all acerbity and her tone had gone mild. It broke Luna's heart to be this distant to her sister, with time, she realized she broke the person she considered her only  best friend.

"Ate, I prepared your favorite na Carbonara!  Gawa ito sa guanciale like how you want it! You want to eat with me?" Luna was excited as she set the dining table with two plates.

Her hazel eyes widened with anticipation as she meticulously prepared the creamy pasta on top of the fine china.

"Luna, thank you but I am going to be late for class na," Regina said, curving her lips, her tone so soft.

"Oh--- ok," Luna said sadly.

"I will see you around, Luna."

"Are you going to ride with Kuya Ali today? Sabay ba tayo pauwi?"

"N-no.  I have to work with Attorney Mariano."

---------------------

At least for Luna, she had Luce who was always there for her when her world was crumbling right in front of her eyes.

The two sat quietly by the fountain in the university quad, Luna opened up her Tupperware stuffed with the Carbonara dish.  The noodles were squished clumsily into the plastic container, Luce had to laugh at the visual.

"This is me trying!" Luna exclaimed defensively, smacking Luce's arm playfully. 

Luce sat there still trying to control his giggle fit at the sight of the pathetic carbonara.  It was salty and greasy but he slurped the pasta with gusto. 

"Hindi ka pa rin kinakausap ng Ate Regina mo?" He asked as he furrowed his eyebrows.

Luna sighed with both regret and weariness. She looked at Luce pensively while she twirled her fork.

"She talks to me pero parang she is just a formal stranger. I miss my Ate na binabara ako lagi. Is that weird?"

"No. You two are close --- well in your own Vanguardia way," Luce shrugged.

"God, I am so glad I have you, Luciano!"

Luna tilted her head in a childish manner, she then leaned onto Luce's strong shoulder. She had gotten used to him, the feel of his cotton shirts, his cologne that always smelled like sage. She rested and found easement around him.

As time passed --- Luna realized how much Luce really meant to her. Luciano Corpuz did not bring surges of kilig or mammoth of swallowtails in her stomach. He brought her comfort, a certain warmth, and it was as if she could be herself --- even at home with herself. She did not have to pretend to be someone else. She did not have to grow up so fast, she could be just the young Luna Vanguardia, who still was trying to figure life out and that did not matter to him.

Luna faintly smiled while she watched the sputter of water flow down the fountain. The sunset washed over them as the orange hues danced around their innocent faces.

Luce smiled at her while she talked lazily about her day, he sighed loudly, a hint of despondency swept over his brown eyes.

"Alam mo, I am going to throw a party na naman?" Luce said casually, rolling his tongue in his mouth.

"Party para sa ano? Eh last time was disastrous!"

"End of year party. Goodbye to this school year. My first year at Padua U was intense, e," he chuckled.

"Ano yan kasi Senior ka na next year?" Luna asked.

Time also passed by for Luce, it did not heal for him but it was ruthless. For when things finally went full circle, time decided to cut it off for him.

He sat there in silence with Luna, his hand slowly grazing on her soft ash-brown hair. He smiled in his usual boyish ways and his voice could only speak so softly.

"You're one of the great things in my difficult year here sa Padua U, Luna."

If only one of the worst things too, he thought.

---------------------------

Time was no healer for Carson Chu, he was the best example of that.

For six years he carried a torch for Regina Vanguardia.  The first love who broke his heart. 

The thing is,  Carson had an easy life, everything was handed out to him on a silver platter.  He was handsome, rich, and lived life with a ready fallback for everything he did.  He was like a race-car driver with no other opponent. He lived life like it was fast and easy. 

But when he fell in love with Regina Vanguardia six years ago,  he never had a safety net for that.  Time was no healer for Carson, it was an unforgiving tinderbox constantly imploding.  His heart that was once filled with what he thought was love was now to the brim with pure spite. 

Carson was late for practice that day, coming in with his dark wayfarers that covered his hungover and blood-shot eyes.   This was the usual for him in the last months, always late for practice and in a losing streak.

He was in his black Nike sweats and he walked with a certain lazy arrogance.  His Jordans squeaked onto the waxed basketball court, he was startled to see that not one of his teammates were there. 

"Putangina, nasaan na naman kayo? Captain Chu says it is practice time.  Come on, Knights!"

He was then shocked to see the varsity players huddled by the bleachers. They looked like soldiers lined up in their midnight blue letterman jackets.  One of his friends, an even taller junior named Vincent looked at him in repugnance and a dry smile.

"Bro-- what the fuck? Why are you looking at me like that? Gago ba?" Carson taunted, pushing his friend, he took off his glasses, a flash of anger apparent in his Chinito eyes.

"We tried to be patient with you for years, Cap, akala mo lang ba ikaw lang ang gago dito, Chu?  A team decision is a team decision.  Malapit na ang finals."

Before  Carson could fully react, he suddenly felt dread drop to the pit of his stomach.  Just one look at his coach and he somehow knew he was running out of safety nets.

There was school security in black suddenly surrounding him.  The muscular coach suddenly lifted a black plastic bag in front of Carson's face.

His cheeks were already red in fury as he stood there in front of his coach.

"We have received reports, Mr. Chu of your drug use in school premises.  There are also videos of your drug use in certain social media platforms which is against our conduct guidelines for this team.  You are now under investigation and starting today, you are dismissed from the Padua University Knights Basketball Team.  You are also suspended while you are under investigation and we will have to reconsider your graduation.  In this school, we value great Christian values."

The words aimed straight to Carson Chu's chest, he felt his throat tighten as the grave reality slowly landed on him.  He had a panic-stricken expression as he instantly pounced towards his young friend, his hands instantly grasping to the collar of his team mate's jersey.

"Putangina ninyo, that was never in my fuckin' locker.  You planted that shit, didn't you?! Ikaw ba nag lagay sa social media? Set up ba ito? Tangina.  Lahat naman tayo pumaparty, gago ka!"

His friend quickly flicked off his hand from his uniform.

"As new Captain of this team, Carson, I will agree with whatever the school will decide," the young man said in a stern tone.

Carson started feeling the lava-like anger surge all over his body as he started pushing every one of his former team members, the reality like a sudden stupor hitting him.  The security officers instantly grappled his arms as they stopped him from charging.

-----------------------------------

That day, he ended up by a familiar Dodge Dart parked in the school parking lot.  He leaned in as he waited for her.  Carson had no regard for image nor consequences now, he now longer had a safety net.

Regina strutted in her heels until she had to stop at that tall figure blocking her car.

"Excuse me, I have an internship to go to," Regina said, without any emotion.

Carson swiftly blocked her car door, not letting her go any further.

"Ang arogante mo to live your life na parang wala kang inapakang tao," Carson spat out.

"Excuse me?"

"You know what I mean, Regina.  Pagusapan na natin.  I planned all this with your sister.  Now how does it feel that the one person you fell in love with was someone paid by me.  Na ginamit ka lang pala para sa pera.  Now you know how it really hurts, ano?  Kasi tapos lahat ng ginawa ko sa'yo --- ganun nalang,"  He looked like he wanted to taunt her some more, but somehow his eyes flashed a type of sadness that had a grave fury within.

Regina forced a sarcastic smile as she got taken aback by his words.

"Carson, I have moved on from what you did.  Maybe once you realize that you won't be such a bitter person.  Hindi lahat nabibili mo, Carson.  Not my love.  Not even my resentment.  Love is something that you give , not owe.  Matuto ka na, Carson.  Because underneath all this, I just see a sixteen year old boy still miserable over a high school heartbreak.  Naaawa ako sa'yo, Carson Chu.  What a life you live."

With that she briskly pushed him away as she entered her car.   He felt a sting in his eyes as he controlled himself from the mix of anger and sorrow. 

As Regina's car rushed out, a crowd of students looked at the fallen Carson Chu.  Rumors already spreading like wildfire.

Time was no healer for Carson Chu.

Time was a racer that just finally caught up to him.

------------------------------------------------------

For Narda, time was just a bunch of regrets and dire consequences.

Decisions that had reflected on her.

A domino effect that is at its last wooden pieces.

Unlike her other friends that had everything figured out after their fourth year in Padua University.  Narda did not have the best options.    She still had to save some more for Medical School.   She still had to make ends meet even though she had scholarships lined up.  Her family still mostly relied on her.  Unlike everyone else, Narda had no options.

Time just always emphasized that for her.

That day Narda had spent most of her time in the office, she was immersed in her internship.  Running around the Fred Hutchinson's research center from one meeting to the next.   She was already shaking in her knees with exhaustion by the end of her shift.  Her sweat was now glistening on her skin as she got out of her lab coat. 

She slowly walked to her gray locker, opening it to get to her old phone.  She looked at her savings account and she bit her lip, sighing expectantly.

"Narda---- how are you doing?"

An American doctor named Dr. Chowning was one of Narda's superiors.  The older woman strutted towards Narda as she pocketed her hands in her lab coat, looking at Narda with her pale blue eyes. She studied their young intern who always looked like a wide-eyed and curious child. 

"I--I'm ok, Dr. Chowning," Narda stammered.

"So you do not think you are headed to med school after your graduation?   A gap year?  After this internship?" the blonde asked Narda as she leaned by the young woman's locker.

"Yes, Dr. Chowning.  Because I do not think I can afford yet.  I also need more time to get ready for all the requirements. Just been so inundated."

Narda looked ill-at-ease as she explained her circumstances.  Narda was always insecure when she had to talk about her plans after college, everyone was confident enough to talk about their next steps.  A job.  A graduate school.  A skip year in Europe.   A position ready for them laid out by their family corporations.  Interviews with tech companies. 

Sure steps like everyone else.

While, she one of the most intelligent students in Padua University had missteps of a plan.

"Well Narda, why the hell do you want to work here doing paperwork if you want to be a doctor? It is a staff job if you think about it-- it's a paper pusher job," the doctor challenged.

Narda slumped her head on her locker as she tightened her jaw, she could only at the doctor with curiosity.  Her dark brown eyes full of innocent wonder.

"Because a staff job.  A lab technician may not be working on patients directly or solving the biggest cures to cancer but we are the first line of defense in advancing breakthroughs and saving lives.  It's like a domino effect.  What you do and what I do --- saves lives.  We work together in this system.  We have to be fully integrated to help and solve the biggest problems."

Narda's pink lips sprawled into her trademark smug smirk, even she was impressed with her answer. 

"God, kid, you are such a show-off. Well---- think of that as your interview.  I'll talk to Human Resources. Get you that final offer letter. You are now our lab technician, officially.  I will personally work with you and bust your ass to get you to Med School, Narda.  We will get you there."

The doctor tapped Narda's shoulder, laughing in amusement at the bright young woman in front of her.

Narda's smirk slowly turned into a wide beam and she felt the mist of tears heating up her eyes.

"Baby steps, Narda. Baby steps," she whispered to herself.

She then looked at her phone again, her eyes set on her savings account.

She pushed her tongue in her mouth, going into deep thought.

------------------------------------

That day she ended up in the creek again, she still wandered there around the same hours. She looked at the sunset slowly swirl in an orange flurry, the dark clouds welcoming the dusk. She sat alone on the bench, looking at the time pass.

Time never did heal her, she thought to herself. It just passed by with the consequences of everyone's decisions and she always reacted to it. For someone like her, she could never race with time nor could she recede it.

Narda sat alone on the bench as she played with her plastic cup that still had her leftover iskrambol. She still wore her intern uniform as her mind kept wandering to the same memories, as if she had come to memorize it. As if she was scared she was slowly forgetting little parts of it. She absent-mindedly savored what little melted cream was left, her heart felt a little pang with the familiarity of it.

"I knew dito kita makikita," a familiar voice boomed into Narda's ears.

She looked behind her and familiar deep-set eyes looked at her with a certain flair and flirtatiousness Narda had gotten used to.

"Sofia, paano mo nalaman nandito ako?"

"Ding told me, of course. He said lagi ka raw andito... want company," Sofia  Quintana shrugged, her dimples showing in her usual playful manner.

For Narda, time did not heal, it just constantly played with her with one decision after another.

------------------------------------

Regina realized that time was no healer, it was just something that numbed her.  She was still a baneberry that released venom but now she slowly descended to numbness.

Like an anesthesia just blocking the signals of the real pain while it was still buried there.

She was in Atty. Mariano's practice, dressed in a dark teal suit, she walked around the court house with a certain languor that dimmed her light brown eyes. She looked at her phone and it still had the tons of messages from an unknown number. She sighed while the hollowness in her chest enveloped her.

Atty. Mariano was outside with the other interns under her. There was a bit of commotion as the group gathered by a vendor on his bike. As Regina slowly approached them in her high stilettos, she was taken aback when the vendor shoved a plastic cup on her chest.

"Ma'am para raw sa lahat-- libre raw ni Attorney," the old vendor smiled.

Regina stared at the iced dessert in her hands, the mix of the certain pink concoction and the smell of banana syrup haunted her.

Her colleagues were all laughing while they had the simple snack, celebrating a pro-bono case they had won.

"In celebration na rin sa pagpasok ni Vanguardia sa Columbia Law. I know Ivy League won't change you, Reg," Atty. Mariano smiled as she made a cheers gesture towards Regina, lifting her little cup.  She smirked at Regina as they celebrated.

The gesture reminded Regina of someone.

Regina braced herself as she dunked the wooden spoon on to the flimsy cup, the sweet smell already overwhelming her senses and once her tongue hit the familiar milky dessert, she knew that time was no healer, it was the ultimate betrayer.

Her features twisted into a certain softness and slowly sorrow gushed in, her eyes glimmering in the tears that she had refused to shed.

The hot tears that she refused to stream in the several months that she had dodged the memories of Narda Custodio.

At sa gabi, sinong duduyan sa 'yo

At sa umaga, ang hangin ang hahaplos sa 'yo

"Guys, sorry--- I am having an allergic reaction to something--- mauuna na ako," Regina stammered, while she held back her tears from continuously falling.

Time could not heal Regina, it numbed her but grief came in insidious ways. Triggers of memories in a simple sweet snack.

Her heart moved at familiar gestures.

Her mind could hide it but her entire being fought through it.

----------------------

When she got to her old Dodge Dart, the same Kitchie Nadal song played in her stereo as tears gushed and fell to her heated cheeks. Her eyes blur as she drove away from the street, her foot pressed on the gas harshly.

She swerved with her steering wheel and there was an urge for her to finally face what time had dangled in front of her.

Regina Vanguardia knew her grief came in several ways and she knew she had to face the root of her waves of grief that kept crashing. 

She looked up and right in front of her was the brightly lit pink sign of "Calypso" in Cubao X.

---------------

Ara was preparing her set with Crimson and Clover, she was busy picking her bass while she checked the audio on the stage. The crowd was barely paying attention, there was a certain buzz from a bunch of drunk patrons. The whole bar smelled like spilled tequila and it was a busy Thursday night.

A cigarette hung from her mouth while she cursed nonstop under her breath. Her tattooed arm carried the bass with confidence and she looked like she was at home at being a rockstar, even though she was an aimless middle-aged woman in a cover band.

"So how about it, Arabella Argos. Can I play the bass? Let's have a set. Bad Reputation ba o Cherry Bomb?"

Ara stopped in her tracks, her heart thumping loudly at the sight of her daughter in front of her. Regina stood there in her teal suit while she played with her vape, slipping the billow of smoke at the side of her plump lips.

She had her mother's mannerisms and Ara wanted to tear up at that sight.  She had missed her daughter and longed for her so much.

But emotions were never their strong suit as a family.

"Gusto mo? Duet tayo? Shit like mother like daughter? You want this bass. Can you handle it, Regina?"

Ara spoke nervously while she tried to act casual with a forced brand of wry humor.

"Don't you remember you taught me when I was like ten? So what? Cherry Bomb? In fifteen minutes? Ano ayaw mo?"

Regina acted coldly, grabbing the white bass guitar from her mother. She did not hesitate as she started plucking on the bass, drilling arpeggios, and playing with the chords from simple muscle memory.

Ara recognized these were all chords she had taught years ago.

-------------------------------

Hello Daddy, Hello Mom! I'm your ---- your   Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb!

Ara yelled out into the microphone while she watched her daughter effortlessly play the chords of the old Runaways song.  There was a sense of great pride, watching Regina memorize the same chords she had taught her more than a decade ago.

There was a glazed sentiment in Ara's face as she kept staring at her daughter, she felt her eyes well with tears, her voice getting softer as she fought through it in the song.  She knew she was near breakdown with how touched she was.

When the set ended, the two of them ended up in the bar stools at the end of the stage. They were quiet, drinking their iced cold Stella Artois beers by the bottle. Regina exhaled, fixing her suit still unable to look at her mother.

"Kamusta na si Narda? Bagay na bagay kayo nun --- grabe yung mga ginawa niyang surprise for you sa ball ninyo," Ara asked in a sweet tone.

"Narda and I broke up ages ago.  Scam yung babaeng yun. She was paid to take me out --- not really the love story you would want to hear now, right? I do not need your love advice, trust me."

Ara bit her lip, stopping herself from further probing. She cussed underneath her breath, disappointed at her wrong timing and words again. Blaming herself for constantly failing her daughter.

"You have been messaging me for months.  Ano ba gusto mo?A speech na may apology? An explanation? A tearful reunion?  Mag mother-daughter moment?  Were you hoping that time would have healed the wounds over the years?" Regina spoke in a dry tone but she enunciated each word with a certain vitriol that was heavy in muted fury.

"Alam ko --- hindi naman maayos ng sorry ang mga nangyari, anak..."

"I came here because I just want to know why did you do it--- it's a stupid story, really," Regina suddenly said, cutting her off.

"Ang alin?"

"My dad said that the two of you had a choice back then.  Nagtanan kayo kasi you were pregnant with me.  Funny thing was --- you two were broken up but decided to get back together kasi buntis ka saakin.   He did not go to Harvard because of you. You did not sign up for a music contract because of him. I was that product. Luna and I were the results of your messed up decisions.  He said you two really fucked up. Break each other's hearts and yet you still chose to go through it. Why do that? Why make that choice back then? I mean, maybe if your choices were different things would have been less fucked up?"

Regina forced a dry chuckle, drinking the beer heartily.  Finally looking into her mother's eyes with disdain.

Ara sat there and sighed weakly, a smile slowly forming in her crimson lips. She tapped the cigarette on her fingers while she went into deep thought.

"Did your Dad ever tell you the whole story?"

"No.  Not particularly the best bed time story, ano po?" Regina lazily blew smoke in her mouth while she stared at her mother.

"It was graduation day sa PU.  We were both set to leave each other.  I honestly would have figured out the pregnant situation.  I did not need his pity.  Pero sinabi lang ng Daddy mo sa Lolo mo? 'Screw your plans, I love Arabella Argos'.  Your father was the biggest rebel.  My family hated my decision too.  Pero you know what? That was the bravest decision we both made.  The best decision I made.  No regrets, baby girl. That loving and brave decision gave us you and later on, Luna."

Ara's voice suddenly broke, she smiled through the tears.  

"Don't you think it would be easier without that decision?  Nireregret mo ba?  Especially after all the damage?"  Regina challenged, her eyes glistening while she looked at her mother. 

"My only regret in life?  Galit ang pinairal ko.  Galit ang kumain saakin.  Yung galit na yun pushed me away from my daughters.  I competed with your father.  I wanted to break his heart so badly that I ended up being the worst mother.  Pero that Graduation Day in 1999? No regrets.  None.  I would do it all over again.  In this life.  In the next.  I would still choose that brave decision kasi that love gave us you, Regina."

Ara's hand slowly crawled to intertwine with her daughter's soft and delicate hand.  Regina could only stare at their hands together. 

But explanations did not heal anything.  Touching answers did not change the damage done.

"Time's up, Miss Ara--- I have places to go--- thanks sa set," Regina casually said, drinking the rest of her bitter beer.

She grabbed her hand bag as she swiveled out of her chair.  She started walking away from her mother, while Ara sat there profusely wiping her tears that suddenly fell.

Regina suddenly stopped and she exhaled, she cleared her throat while she braced herself.  And soon Regina Vanguardia's booming and confident voice suddenly shook.  Her voice was now soft and like an unsure child.

"Mom, my graduation is in a month.  I got accepted in Columbia Law School. Please attend my Padua University graduation.  I reserved a seat for you. For --- f-for family."

Mom.

She called Ara Mom again.

She did not turn back, she did not even know that Ara tried chasing her. 

Regina exhaled loudly as the pad of her fingers wiped her relieved tears.

She did not know if she had forgiven her mother but it was a step. 

It was a step to finally facing the root of her grief.

------------------------------------------------

Riah's Prom was blaring softly from the laptop on Narda's bed.  She looked at her laptop as she studied the news.  The old creek and park by the village was under discussions to be renovated into a mall soon.  That creek and park carried so many of her memories, she thought to herself.

She furrowed her eyebrows.

It surely was the end of an era.

Narda hung out in her tiny and cluttered dorm room with the company of Ding and her ex-girlfriend Sofia. Laid out were Sofia's home made nachos and Pale Pilsen bottles. They were celebrating and mourning a few things.

They were celebrating that Ding and Narda were graduating with honors. They were celebrating the exit to Padua University. They were celebrating Narda's new job.

They were also mourning the farewell to college life. Ding's frustration with joining his family business. Narda's uncertainty in Medical School.

Sofia also joined in because she just broke up with her boyfriend, Tony.

"Why can't we ever be truly happy?" Sofia asked as she leaned on Narda's pillow, drinking what was left of her beer.

Narda shrugged as she kept munching on the nachos, barely paying attention.

"Puta, kaing kargador ka na naman! Ang liit liit tapos kung kumain akala mo mayabang na six-footer," Ding exclaimed, laughing.

"Eh sa hindi ako nag lunch, gagu ka!" Narda said defensively.

Sofia observed her ex-girlfriend who had a certain glimmer of melancholy in her eyes. She twisted her lips as she finally asked the question.

"Alam ninyo --- hindi lang ako broken-hearted dito,e. How is Regina Vanguardia, Narda?"

Narda stopped chewing, while she wiped off the cheese sauce from her chin. She contemplated the question, while she smirked in her usual smug ways.

"Ayun. Papunta ng New York. Wala,e. Olats. Ayaw na saakin. Sabi nga niya ... lesson learned," Narda bit her lip, brushing away the feeling of sorrow suddenly taking over.

"Yun nga. Why can't we be truly happy? Kayo --- when were you the happiest?" Sofia asked lazily, plopping herself on the wooden floor while she looked at the ceiling, resting on the pillow on her back.

Narda's pink lips, slowly sprawled into a faint and innocent smile. The corners of her mind flashing memories of the time when she was with Regina in that bath tub after they first made love. The time she was asked the same question.

Back then, Narda such a difficult time actually coming up something for herself.

But that day, she knew the exact answers.

"January 29th. February 4th. February 20th. March 1st. Princess Turandot opera that one Saturday. That ball. Yung muntikan kami mabangga sa creek... February rin ata yun..."

Narda kept enumerating dates, unbeknownst to everyone ---- every single date was specific, all the times she had cherished with Regina Vanguardia.

The woman that would become her ultimate lesson.

The three suddenly fell silent realizing the sadness and tension in the room. Narda started nodding to herself as if trying to brush off the intensity of her emotions.

"We were once happy too, right? Ano tayo nalang?" Sofia joked while she looked at her ex-girlfriend.

"Sira."

Narda tightened her jaw and nodded, casually tying her now long hair.

Ding looked at his phone and flashed a direct message from Luce Corpuz.

"Punta kayo sa party ni Luce? Invite whoever daw. Pang goodbye niya na raw saating mga Seniors. Sama ka na rin Sofia. Kasi pare-pareho naman tayong in grief," Ding smiled from ear to ear.

"A college party? I am a bit too old for that," Sofia said skewing her lips.

"Med student ka... hindi hermit," Narda said as she stuffed more of the tortilla chips in her mouth.

"Go tayo, Ding. Kailangan ko rin makalimot ng konti!"

---------------------------------------------

Luna was already in a black tube- dress, she kept walking around the sala, looking morose. She looked at her phone that had Luce's message about his last college party for the year that night. He had rented an AirBnB again in Tagaytay. Like a flashback to their first party together. She had asked her dad several times but Rex told her the same thing, if her sister was not out to chaperone her, there was no way Luna was going.

She tried to reason out with her father but Rex kept yelling the same words.

"Your sister is not going, you're not going! End of story! Pag andyan Ate mo as chaperone kampante ako!"

Luna knew she had no chance with Regina not even giving her the time of day to speak to her. She slumped on the vast leather couch, looking at their family portrait in their fortress-like mansion. The price of freedom came with many consequences, including completely losing her sister's trust.

----------------------------------------------------

"Why does it look like a coffin? Kabaong ba ito? Ang bigat."

Regina was surprised when their house help knocked on her door, carrying a huge wooden box. The maid simply said, someone dropped it off.

Regina struggled with the box as she grappled with it in her dark room. After layers and layers of boxes and crepe paper, she finally got to the last covering. As she lifted what was left of the box, Regina felt her breath get stuck to her throat. Something in her chest felt a certain ache. Her brown eyes suddenly glimmered like bolted with light but it was just her tears that continued to well in her irises.

In front of her was the second-hand Fender Mustang Bass that she had always looked but never dared to even buy at the 4 Strings Music Store.

Regina looked like she was in a mix of excitement and desperation as she plunged through the mess of crumpled papers around her and the layers of boxes, she finally found the pink post-it note with it. With familiar handwriting.

And there she read her message.

Good luck po sa New York.

Sana magbanda ka sa Manhattan.

Salamat na at some point I became your significant bother.

Lesson learned.

Lesson cherished.

Lesson I will never forget.

Paalam, Kamahalan.

Regina felt the tears again surging as her heart felt like it dropped to her stomach. She had a few of these moments recently, time could not even completely numb her out. Because it just came back her emotions gushing in with a vengeance.

She hurriedly looked at Ding's social media and she saw a photo of Narda in Luciano Corpuz's college party.

"Luna, I need your help!" Regina yelled from her room.

-------------------------------------------

The Tagaytay house was blaring old Hip Hop music as the rambunctious crowd of Padua University students were playing loud beer pong and throwing themselves in the outdoor pool.  There was an exuberant type of energy everywhere as the chaos continued to swirl in.

Narda tried to smile through the photos with Ding, Sofia, Richard, and Luce.  It was the last of her best years, after college, she would be facing a different reality.  Marred with more responsibilities and without the excuse of youth.  She casually drank the pineapple juice cocktail that was laced with moonshine.  Sofia kept asking her for selfies while Narda dryly smiled. 

Truth was, she somehow felt a dread at the pit of her stomach, the weeks before graduation.

"Narda! Tignan mo ito,o! Sabi nila mas maganda raw music pag ganito!"

Luce started playing with the old records in the mansion he rented, in the collection by the kitchen, he found an old single from a band called OMD.  He slowly placed the vinyl on the record player and soon the music surfaced.  Echoing into the entire mansion was an old 80s song of a bittersweet farewell.

If you leave, don't leave now

Please don't take my heart away

Promise me just one more night

Then we'll go our separate ways

Narda knelt down and looked at the vinyl in an amused manner.   She looked at it spin in a frenzy.   She still had a blank expression, somehow feeling that cloak of dread.  When she stood up, her dark eyes widened at the sight in front of her.

As the French doors swung in, the Vanguardia sisters came into Luce's party.   Every one in the party stopped and stared, the whispers were loud. The Notorious Vanguardia sisters were back.

Narda felt her heart vault to awaken her senses.  She suddenly was self-conscious as she awkwardly drank her cocktail, her eyes darting everywhere unable to look at Regina.

---------------

"Ate ---thank you for doing this," Luna said as she braced herself for what her sister would say.

"Ako dapat magpasalamat.  I guess the hot chocolate works from time to time. Unfortunately, I am your sister and like you, I have some unfinished business," Regina smiled sweetly, grasping her sister's hand as they walked into the party. She fixed Luna's hair, a way to show her affection to her little sister.

Luna came into the party holding her sister's hand and swiftly letting go as soon as she saw Luce who was by the record player.

Luna rushed to him, with a sudden sense of courage.  She grabbed his hand and dragged him by the staircase.   It was all her realizations through their ups and downs.  It was his sense of comfort.  It was her ease around him that she could fully be herself.  It was how he made her feel when he gave her that boyish smile. 

It was their at home-like chemistry.  It was Luciano Corpuz that she had been in love with all this time.   And she finally had the urge to confess it to him.

And she wanted it known.  She was proud of it.  She was in love with Luciano Corpuz.

Without hesitation she ran to him and grabbed his small face, kissing him with fervor.  Her warm lips pushing forth onto his.  He instantly kissed her back with as much passion, his eyes closed and his expressions serious.   But as their kiss ended, there was a huge smile on his face.  He looked puzzled at what Luna just did.

"I love you, Luce.  I have loved you all this time, Luce.  At gusto ko ito isigaw sa mundo," she whispered, out of breath from the rushed kiss.

Luce's smile quickly faded and his eyes suddenly had a certain sternness to him, his expressions changing in an instant.  The sadness crawling to his features.

"Why?" Luna asked, confused.

"Luna, matagal na kita mahal.  Believe me, I love you too.  Pero kaya ko ginagawa ang party na ito --- is because I am leaving for Paris tapos ng term.  Papanindigan ko na ang art.  I finally had the courage to tell my dad that I want to do what I want to do.   That was my surprise for this party.  This is a farewell party," Luce explained.

Luna felt like her knees had gone wobbly as the ache spread throughout her chest.  She had a slight shortness in her breath but it was because she had to gasp, the realization was too much. 

"Luna, I am so sorry... I wish I knew sooner pero this is my decision.  We can still be friends?"

Time was no healer for Luna,  it was still a ruthless teacher.

She now realized her own selfish decisions made her lose the one guy she should have chosen all this time.

"I guess love is not just irrational but it has the worst timing," Luna sighed.

For Luna, her grand scheme backfired on her this entire time. She knew she had a lot of growing up to do.

---------------------------------

Narda was still trying to avoid the gaze of Regina, nervous at the sight of her ex-girlfriend who looked ravishing in black. 

Narda still felt weak around Regina, she studied how her skin glowed and streaks of pink were marked with sunburn.  Narda could feel her brown eyes darting at her.  She still felt her presence that still made her heart thump. 

She kept drinking the pineapple cocktail in nervousness until she finally felt a tap on her shoulder.  She now faced the tall woman in front of her, looking at her with that intimidating expression.  Regina always had that look.  Light and serpentine eyes.  Unamused and a bit judgmental.  Her eyes once it reaches you, she would bore into you.

"What was the bass for?" She asked in her usual cold and frank manner.

Narda exhaled and she shoved her hands in her pockets, a sly smile crawling on her face.

Ang brat niya pa rin.

"Kamahalan, goodbye gift.  A thank you would suffice," Narda smirked.

"It's too much! Was that your savings?! Are you out of your mind?!" Regina protested.

"Regina, goodbye gift lang yun.  Puta -- - ang tagal kong inipunan yun, just take it.  Wala akong hinihinging kapalit.  Can't it be a parting gift na at some point dumaan tayo sa buhay ng isa't isa?"

There was a sudden anger in Narda's voice, her eyebrows furrowed at Regina's usual stubborn ways.  

"Why do it, Narda?"

"Because I want to.  Hindi pa pwede kusa lang? Hindi ba pwede gusto ko lang mag goodbye talaga sa'yo?  Bago ka mag New York? Shit -naman - Regina."

Narda could feel the heat again in her eyes, she gulped the pineapple cocktail trying to distract herself with more alcohol.  Maybe she could feel an ounce of numbness from her heartbreak, she thought.

"I feel like I suddenly owe you something," Regina bitterly said.

"Grabe ka talaga magisip, ano? Salamat nalang," Narda could feel the tears building up with just how her tight her throat felt.

She suddenly started walking away until Regina roughly grabbed her hand.  Intertwining their fingers together like they used to.

"Actually I do owe you something.  I want a dance," Regina challenged.

"Ano? D--dito? HERE?"

"No. Sa club sa Poblacion.  Natural dito, doofus," Regina said, annoyance apparent in her voice.

The tall woman grabbed Narda's hand and led her to a slow dance to the upbeat song.  Her eyes staring at Narda.  Her chocolate brown eyes studying the doe-eyed girl in front of her.

"Para tayong tanga dito," Narda complained.

"You have no room to talk.  Ikaw ang may atraso saakin,  Miss Custodio..."

"May point ka, Kamahalan."

We've always had time on our sides

Now it's fading fast

Every second, every moment

We've got to, we've gotta make it last

I touch you once, I touch you twice

I won't let go at any price

I need you now like I need you then

You always said we'd still be friends someday

She suddenly held Narda closely as they danced to the beat of the drums and the chords.  The lyrics lingering and hitting close to home.  She realized her ex-girlfriend still smelled like aloe powder and her heart felt that slight pang as her senses took over. 

Narda held Regina's waist tightly, her body still recognizing the woman next to her, the electricity taking over as their skins touched.  Their fingers enveloped into the dance and they moved in a sloth pace as if savoring the moment in the song.

"Summa Cum Laude, huh?" Regina whispered, her way of congratulating Narda graduating with honors.

"Wala yun.  Hindi naman ako Ivy League," Narda chuckled.

There was sudden silence as Narda inched in closer resting her head on Regina's shoulder, she was so short, she could barely reach Regina's face. 

But somehow this brought comfort for Regina.  She knew in different circumstances this was right.  In some other reality, Kamahalan and Smugface were perfect together.

"Do you think if we met under the right circumstances ...  typical hello,  typical courtship, typical na girlfriend na walang bayaran? Typical college romance, do you think we would last? Would we grow old and be Doktora Narda Custodio ... and I, Atty. Regina Vanguardia?  Na hindi na ako kailangan umalis sa New York na maraming iniisip.  Na hindi ka guilty at may regret.  In some weird alternate universe, right?  Maybe we were right for each other in a typical college romance?"

Narda sadly smiled as she held Regina closer, her hand pulling in her waist so they could feel their warmth together.  As if this was really her final farewell.

"Baka nga pang parallel universe tayo?  Pero Kamahalan, there is nothing typical about us.  Hindi bagay saatin yun.  Hahanapin ko ba ang parallel universe na yun?  Kung hindi naman ganito ang Regina Vanguardia na makikilala ko... wag nalang.  Kahit pa nawasak ako sa reality na ito."

Narda was trying to be funny but as she laughed, her eyes glistened with tears.  She kept laughing as she swung Regina into an awkward dance, trying to brush away the pain of this farewell.

I touch you once... I won't let go at any price... I need you now like I need you then, you always said we'd meet again someday ...

Regina saw the tear drop that fell on Narda's cheek and her thumb had to instinctively wipe it.  Her fingers caressing the shorter woman's face while she studied Narda's features.   Her dark eyes, her sly smirk, her pink lips, and her tanned skin. 

She now looked at Narda without bitterness, only acceptance and affection buried in a farewell.

She slowly drew Narda in, her lips kissing Narda's skin right at the part where the neck and her ear would connect.

"Oh, Narda.  Thank you, I may start a flop band. Goodbye, Narda Custodio ... lesson learned... diba? Oh my great and stupid college romance."

Narda tried to brush away her tears again, she then took Regina to a swing dance as they started to laugh heartily.

As Narda kept dancing with Regina, the night when they first made love flashed in her memory. 

--------------

Flashback months ago

Narda kissed Regina on her shoulder, who was still sprawled naked on the King bed.  They had just made love for the past few hours and they were both exhausted, glistening in sweat.  The air-conditioning was cold for Narda, so she quickly cocooned herself with Regina's huge comforter. 

She then slowly walked over to Regina's vast bathroom, she sat on the tub.  Her phone recording her voice.  As she finally spilled out her confession.  She tried to control her tears because Narda knew for months that she only had to say goodbye to Regina.  That her consequence was to lose her. 

Kamahalan... I wish to tell you the truth... na oo, nagsimula ito na kasinungalingan pero totoo na lahat ng ito... mahal na mahal na kita.

Noong una kita nakilala, sabi ko, isa lang itong spoiled brat na rich conyo kid na akala niya kuhang kuha niya ang mundo.

Akala ko, ikaw yung nagrerepresent ng lahat ng ayaw ko sa mundo. Mayaman, masuwerte, at napaka-dali ng buhay.

Akala ko ikaw ay isa sa mga tao na ididiin saakin na lagi naman akong talo.

Akala ko, hinding hindi kita pwede mahalin. Kaya nagpabayad ako. Kailangan ko yung pera, e. Ligawan si Regina Vanguardia para sa libo-libong piso.

Truth is stranger than fiction, ano?

Pinaikot kita, inaamin ko.

Pero sa bawat araw na nakakasama kita, doon ko unti unting nakikita na puro ako maling akala.

Mali ako. Gaga ako,e. At ang karma ko? Nadali mo ako, Regina Vanguardia.

I met a girl who loved so hard. Mahal niya ang musika kahit puro kalungkutan lang dala nito.

Mahal niya ang pamilya niya kahit puro lang expectations at disappointments ang nakukuha niya at ang bigat-bigat na.

Mahal niya ang mga tao, may pusong gustong makatulong kahit hindi niya alam paano. Kasi ibang iba ang mundong ginagalawan niya.

I-English ko na Kamahalan kasi alam ko hirap na hirap ka na intindihin ako, ano?

Regina, growing up I thought love was only about sacrificing. I thought that love was a luxury. I loved once and I built it as a fantasy--- far from reality. Because my reality was ugly.

My reality was for losers in this game called life and even something like love is a pipe dream.

Pero nakilala kita, e. Nakilala ko si Regina Vanguardia na pinakita saakin na love should not be so difficult.

Na love should not be unhappy. Na love should not be just constantly sacrificing parts of myself.

Love is just is. Love can be real and raw and beautiful. Na I too, your biggest enemy, can be loved.

Ang sakit sakit irecord nito, Kamahalan ... kasi I am faced with a reality na I will lose you. I can lose you any time now.

Sino namang tanga ang tatanggapin pa ang isang taong sinungaling katulad ko?

Paano mo nga ba matatanggap na ang girlfriend mo ay pinaikot ka lang pala?

Pero sabi nga ni Pareng William Shakespeare, "The course of true love never did run smooth."

So I am fighting this. I implore you, Regina. I am sorry but I love you and I will fight for you. Like you asked me before.  Here I am fighting for us.

Please do not let this be the last of us.

There are choices that will happen here after this recording.

Choice 1 - Papatawarin mo ako.

Choice 2 - Iiwan mo ako.

Kung sakaling papatawarin mo ako, then we will start from the beginning again. 

Kung sakaling iiwan mo ako. I will still fight for this.

So every day I will wait for you at the creek. Monday to Friday - 7 pm to 8 pm before my work.

I hope one day, you meet me there, and hear me out.

I'm sorry, there are days when I can't
stop myself from making you feel... actually, I'll make you feel that I love you so much.

I still love you very much. You will see that.

You will feel it the same way you make me feel it.

I am so sorry. Please forgive me.
This one is all real. I love you, Regina Vanguardia.

Is it too late to ask this? Let us fall in love again and do it right this time.

Now fighting back,
Narda Custodio --- your Smugface.

-------------------------------

Narda was back to the present, still dancing with Regina. Laughing as if they were back to being Smugface and Kamahalan.  She did not bother asking Regina if she listened to the recording.

She did not bother asking if they could fall in love again and do it right this time. 

She just spent her remaining moments in that party dancing with Regina, hoping that this was going to be a farewell forever embedded in her happiest of memories. 

From afar, Sofia Quintana watched the two dance... she realized Narda loved Regina differently.  She felt a tinge of sympathy for Narda.  She knew her ex-girlfriend and friend too well, no one would ever be like Regina Vanguardia in Narda's eyes, she knew it.

Sofia shrugged as she took a polaroid of the two dancing.  Maybe it could be part of Narda's embedded memories.

--------------------------------

The Pomp and Circumstance march was resounding through the Padua University soccer field. There were a sea of midnight blue and gold all over the marching lines. The drums and the trumpets were blasting across the audience.

There was an excited and rampant buzz in the students who were all so rowdy with their caps and gowns. The cheers were deafening as each name was called.

"Narda Custodio!"

"Richard Adrian Corpuz!"

"Eduardo Ding Tan!"

"Maria Regina Vanguardia!"

Once Regina was called her family, all four were complete as they stood up to cheer for her. Ara had an air horn and clappers as she loudly yelled for her daughter. She sat next to a sad Luna who had a faint smile, she had spent most of her time crying for Luce, while Rex kept beaming and taking photos with his DSLR camera.

The old Dean, a man with a mustache called on for the Summa Cum Laude, Narda Custodio.

Narda stepped up to the stage and held on to the stand, she adjusted the microphone while she beamed from ear to ear, waving at her mother and her sisters who were across her. She fixed her blue toga, while she bit her lip contemplating on her speech.

She went on to thank everyone in the speech, reading through each acknowledgment. She then exhaled, crumpled her piece of paper as she spoke into the microphone.

"I will keep this short po. The last four years I always faced life like I was constantly in a losing battle. I am not like the rest of you. Galing po kasi ako sa humble beginnings. Scholarship nga raw. Nueva Esperanza kid, probinsyana ang tawag saakin dito.  Pero wala naman yan sa anong estado mo sa buhay. We all felt defeated. I bet we all felt that. College is not easy. With our own problems. In between being young and suddenly shoved into the harsh world at the same time. We are adults but not quite yet.

When we are suddenly at the crossroads, we have to figure out our lives. Make a decision that could decide our destiny.  When the world is frightening and we do not have all the answers. When rejection seems to be our constant teacher. When we get brokenhearted. Talo. Talo lagi. The truth is --- we will stumble, we will keep battling."

Narda twisted her lips as a smile sprawled on her face. The people from the back started cheering for her and then her eyes finally found Regina, who sat there looking at her in earnestness. Her brown eyes glistening with the sunset.

" But I choose to rewrite this story.  I am no longer defeated in this life. I will embrace the mess, I am a hero this time. We all will be.  We will not just dream but we will do. Time may be ticking as we say goodbye to college. But we need to own our story. We need to embrace it all, even the mess. That is what I learned. Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you drive your narrative. I even hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. So now I am telling you --- ang pangalan ko po ay Narda Custodio, anak po ng may ari ng gotohan sa Nueva Esperanza. Ako po ang unang magtatapos ng college sa angkan namin. Lagi ko iniisip noon na talo ako lagi sa buhay na ito. Hindi na. Not on my watch. Not on my narrative. I will continue to dream but I will also continue to do. Kaya gagawin ko ito. Istorya ko na kasi ito. And to that one person out there, thank you for being my lesson. Thank you for helping me shape up my story. Lesson learned. Lesson cherished. Lesson I will never forget.... at para sa Nanay ko! Salamat po Nay, graduate na po si Dada! May lechon na tayo mamaya!"

Narda slowly smirked, carrying her usual smugness as the people started cheering and there was a thunderous applause in her impromptu speech.

With that Narda threw her cap with all her force, the graduate of 2023. Ding and Richard ran to her as they carried the petite woman, celebrating with her.

-------------------------------------------------------

Regina sat at the same Alabang restaurant her dad loved going to, it was the same Spanish and Chinese fusion dishes in front of her. Everyone was invited to the graduation banquet. Even her mother, who chose to be quiet and awkward around Rex.

Regina looked at her phone, tweeting as her alter-ego, Valentina one last time before she heads to New York. She quickly ranted about the creek and the park being overtaken by a possible mall.

"Lahat nalang ba papatayuan ng mall at subdivision?" she whispered to herself, a grunt underneath her breath.

She still wore her midnight blue graduation gown and the ribbon around it. Regina exhaled while she looked at the wide array of dishes all around her.

The red-wined lengua. The sweetbreads that tasted like palabok. The mousse foie gras. The dishes costing tens of thousands, while everyone feasted on Rioja Gran Reserve from 1965.

She forked the tongue on her plate as she went into deep thought. A faint memory breezed by the corners of her mind.

The words of Narda Custodio echoed in her head, when they had their first date at Mang Zaldy's Ihawan. 

Kamahalan! Malamang sabi ng Dad mo kumain ka ng foie gras na gawa sa atay ng pato.  Kumakain ka ng Lengua Al Ajillo sa Pasko na gawa sa dila. Sweetbreads na gawa sa pancreas. The word offal po comes from the words off-fall. Mga failure sa butchering. Even the most expensive French cuisine uses these parts. Kasi everyone knows --sulit!

Regina smiled weakly, trying to control her laughter because she basically ate overpriced lamang loob in front of her.  She laughed but the sadness continued to dim her eyes.

"Ate--- are you ok?" Luna asked, her hand crawling to her sister's arm.

Regina suddenly dropped her fork as she stared at her father with a certain gravity that Rex was familiar with.

"Maria Regina... are you ok?"

"Dad, you once told me I am a lot like you, hindi ba?" Regina asked as she held tightly on to her fork, her eyes looking at him with warmth.

"Well, for sure, kaya nga ikaw ang Junior ko raw," Rex grinned, fixing his tie as he stared at his beautiful and strong-willed daughter.

"Do you remember your Padua University graduation? 1999..."

Rex had to exhale, he clenched his jaw as he nodded.  His ex-wife, Ara dropped her fork as she listened to her daughter.  There was silence on the table as Rex quaffed his red wine.  Luna had to smile at her Ate Regina.

"You once made a decision... bold.  Brave.  With no regrets.  Dad,  I am really just like you... and I know out of everyone here you would understand me ..."

Regina's hands shook while she tried to explain, she suddenly felt warmth on her skin.  Her mother holding on to her hand.

And this time, Regina clasped on to her mother's hand as if she was a child once again.

---------------------

Narda sat by the creek in the park,  it was almost night time and she was still full from all the chicken inasal she just ate.  She still wore her graduation gown, still overwhelmed with her day.  She took on so much pride that she graduated, if she could sleep with that toga on she would.

She sat on the bench, observing the rush of the waters in that creek.  The memories would fade away soon if they built another mall around here, she thought.

"Lesson learned.  Lesson learned," she kept repeating to herself, trying to smile through the lingering pain.  Her fingers still held on to the silver necklace chained around her neck, even such mementos were all just lessons learned.

Narda slumped her head on the wooden bench, almost finding herself nodding off, the weariness of the day getting to her.

She then suddenly got startled, her wide-eyed expression like saucers on her irises.  She pursed her lips as she looked around to see where that booming sound was coming from. 

Narda heard what seemed like megaphones, booming voices of a few men and women.

"Stop cutting our trees! Tama na! Hindi namin kailangan ng isa pang mall! Leave nature alone! Leave nature alone! Leave nature alone!"

Narda heaved out an exasperated sigh. 

"Gandang timing... nageemote ako dito.  Pero tama naman yung protesta."

She then heard faint music coming from a distance, it was definitely something she had heard before.  The chords were like home to her ears.  She had to look around to see where the music was coming from.

She saw a few cars pass by, one motorbike led by her best friend, Ding.  He had speakers on his backpack that played a loud classic song.  He pointed at his best friend and winked at her.

"Tangina, ano ito... bakit may mga kasama kang tibak?" Narda asked, puzzlement all over her face.  She wrinkled her forehead.

She then saw Luce and Richard driving their Toyota Corolla, also honking their horns. 

"Ano yan?!" Narda asked.

"Wag! Wag tanggalin ang creek! Booo! Booo sa mga Tanchingco Malls!" Luce yelled out from the car.

She started walking towards the tiny amount of cars moving around the area, until the music started blaring, deafening as it surrounded the park.

Then she heard that booming voice.  Strong.  Soulful.  Sorrowful.

You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you
You'd be like Heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much

She saw the old Dodge Dart zooming through the park, only the driver was Luna Vanguardia, who was speeding through the area. 

To Narda's surprise, familiar blonde streaks flowed through the night wind.  The back of the Dodge Dart popped out, Regina came out from the foldable convertible. 

She had a shoulder megaphone, tied around her back while she sang the classic tune with all her heart.  Her graduation gown fluttered in the breeze as her sister drove her around.  Regina had a smile on as she belted out the words in her own rendition to the song Narda once serenaded her in.

I need you, baby, and if it's quite alright
I need you, baby, to warm all those lonely nights
I love you, baby, trust in me when I say, "It's okay"
Oh, pretty baby, don't let me down, I pray
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you again, stay
And let me love you, oh, baby—let me love you

Narda laughed in her usual smug way but as she chuckled, tears kept flowing from her glistening doe-eyes.  She bit her lip as she controlled her heaving, unable to say the right words in that moment.

The music kept on until Regina got out of the car.  She left her megaphone as the people around them kept their protest cry.  She started running towards a confused Narda.

"Ano ito?" Narda asked as she continued to wipe her tears.

"A thank you would suffice, Smugface," Regina whispered, her tone so cold but her eyes filled with so much warmth.

"Thank you? Ano nangyayari? Narinig mo ba ang recording?"

"I listened to that stupid recording the first night you gave it to me.  Are you kidding me?  This is me finally listening to my goddamn heart.  Besides... isn't it so Regina Vanguardia to like make ligaw and make it a protest at the same time?"

"Ano, Kamahalan? Make ligaw?"

"Can you shut the fuck up, Narda..."

"Nagmumura ka na naman ... anong klaseng ligaw yan, Kamahalan?"

"I am sorry Narda, I refuse for us to be just a lesson.  I am tired of pretending na..."

With that Regina charged towards Narda crashing her lips onto the shorter woman.  Regina's kiss was unapologetic.  Completely unyielding.   Her strong hand crawled to the back of Narda's head, holding her still, in place with their lips.

And for a still and suspended moment,  Narda was frozen, unsure of the whirlwind of emotions taking over.  Then all at once, it felt like Regina wanted to thaw her with those soft kisses, passionate and rushed.  Their mouths felt like it had been ignited as Narda melted into the kiss.  A teardrop falling from her cheek as she finally clenched her eyes shut. 

Narda soon kissed back, her mouth moving in a fervid way as if she wanted to tell Regina all her washed out grief, relief, and real love. 

Their lips parted to breathe and savor some more.  Regina drew her closer as she grabbed Narda's waist, cinching her to her body as they got lost in the kiss, blanketed around that protest.

The mall was never built on that park. 

That park and the creek is still there until this day.

--------

That month, Regina rejected her Columbia Law School admission.  Her father was gravely disappointed but he soon learned, Regina was exactly like Rex Vanguardia.  And maybe that was not such a bad thing, he thought.

Regina had a gap year with Narda, working until they could save up a little.  They moved in together that year in a tiny apartment in Salcedo.

She soon got into UP Law School and Narda finally saved up, pushed that scholarship into Padua U Med School.

Narda still barely had much sleep.  She was still stressed and all she wanted to do was to graduate.  Her study desk was still filled with their photos together.

Once she became a resident in Perpetual Health Center, she walked around the busy floors of the emergency room, wearing Regina's stethoscope from years ago.

---------------

Epilogue

Narda confidently swivels on her chair, pounding the drums with a certain aplomb that continues to be natural to her.  She always has a boost of confidence every time she twirls her drumsticks on her fingers. 

Narda in her 30s is a busy pediatrician, whose only sense of peace is a little drumming therapy.

She then stops abruptly when she hears the door to her bungalow house.  She sees her white cat, Han Solo walking around with a red bandana on. 

Narda grabs her furry cat and strokes him while he purrs on her lap. 

"Ano? Ano na naman ginawa ng Nanay mo sa'yo?  Bakit ka nakabandana?" Narda laughs as she baby talks the cat.

"Why are you hating on his bandana, Smugface?"

Regina Vanguardia in her 30s carries on more tattoos on her skin and wears fiery red hair.   She was a lawyer by title but she spends most of her time working as a Director of the Empowerment Program.  A non-profit agency that serves women and children. 

When she is not so stressed, she plays the bass in her own band at Calypso, she aptly calls the KTDJ (Kept the Day Job).  Sometimes, Narda joins her as her drummer.

She walks over to their TV that played some of her favorite songs, playing softly on the background.

Regina unpacks a paper-bag filled with ice iskrambol, their go-to in hot summer days after work.

She slowly walks over to Narda, offering the pink drink.  The two of them still shyly smile at each other from time to time, even though they have been together for almost a decade.

Narda slurped the snack with gusto as she mischievously looks at her girlfriend.

"Ano na naman, Narda," Regina laughs.

"Grabe ang hirap talaga ng LDR," Narda complains.

"Sinong LDR?!"

"Tayo.  Lawyer- Doctor relationship.  Kamahalan, ngayon lang ata tayo nagsabay ng gising!"  Narda said flaring her nose, her eyebrows furrowing in a naughty way.

There is suddenly a familiar song playing on her Spotify channel.  It is her childhood favorite Kitchie Nadal.

"Oh my God, this is sacred.  This song is sacred.  I have to listen to it!" Regina yells out.

Narda's hands crawl over Regina's waist as her eyebrows kept going up and down.

"Oh my Goodness, Narda, ang kulit! I just came from work! Hindi pa ako naliligo!"

Narda pulls the tall Regina towards her lap as her lips slowly crawl over Regina's nape.  Her fingers gently brushing her girlfriend's red hair away as she found more skin to kiss on. 

As she keeps giving molten kisses on Regina's goose-bumped skin, Regina envelops her arms around Narda's neck.  Soon her mouth finds Narda's lips, Narda's movements supple and intense like she is used to. 

As they kiss some more, they find themselves falling off the little swivel chair.

They laugh boisterously as they push each other on the floor.  Narda drags Regina closer to her as they lay on the floor, trying to stifle
their laughter.

"Aren't you so glad, Narda?"
"Na ano?"
"That I was not just a lesson for you?"

With that, they slowly kiss on the wooden floor. It was languid, almost lazy.  They hold each other tightly as brown eyes stared at dark, doe eyes.  Their fingers intertwining like they're twenty-one again.

They will most likely argue after this.  They will most likely debate over offals and music again.  They will most likely fight and bring up trust issues.  They are probably still stressed.  They are far from perfect.

But the thing is, they were each other's and that is what matters.  There is grace and love that they continue to choose.  They did not rely on time or an alternate universe.

Regina Vanguardia and Narda Custodio chose their story.  The are each other's significant bothers.

And for them, that is brave, bold, and beautiful.

Huwag na Huwag Mong Sasabihin still plays like their first love song.  No matter how old they will be.

------

End

-----

Author's Note:  This is a journey to write and I thank you my avid readers for inspiring
me.  This community is wonderful and I found a chosen family in this fandom.  I hope we get to tell more of our stories. 

To the artists, thank you so much for your talent and brilliance.

To Jane and Janella - you two
brought so much life to two simple characters, you breathed life into them and they will now forever be iconic.

Thank you everyone for reading.

----
Amber