( TW!! there is talk about self harm
within this chapter. please feel free to
skip if the topics effect you in any way. + a
little reminder that you are loved. <3 )
After sleeping in till midday, then spending the day with each other and Jack making sure to comfort Adalyn as best he could after the incident that took place in the middle of the night, the two woke up on the following day still in the arms of each other and in the slightest of better moods than previous.
And since it was a Thursday, that meant Adalyn had therapy — the final session she had booked in before she was meant to leave for Europe. She debated for a while as she laid in bed and her thoughts wandered, but in the end with a little convincing from Jack, she decided on going.
Giving her boyfriend a kiss goodbye, she got out of his car and then walked into the office building with her hand shoved into the pocket her hoodie and her hood up a little after the session was supposed to begin. Sharing a small forced smile with her therapist as Dakota greeted her.
Being able to tell the girl wasn't in the best of moods, Dakota offered a cup of water then didn't say much more to her as they walked down the hallway to her office space. Adalyn quickly went straight to the client's side, taking a seat on the lounge with her legs crossed and watching the other's actions as she shut the door and went over to her desk.
"How are you today, Adalyn?" Dakota asked, receiving a small shrug in response. "Have you been up to much since I last saw you?" She watched the girl shake her head. "okay.. Are you excited to go to Europe and see your boyfriend again?"
"he's already home.." she mumbled.
"Is he? Are you glad to have him home?"
"mh.."
"Has something happened?" she slightly tilted her head. "Or did he just want to come home? Remember you only have to share if your comfortable to do so.."
"he decided to come home.. and.." Adalyn took a deep breath as she wipe away the tears that were forming before her hand dropped back into her lap. "and I.. I.. lost my baby.."
"aw hun," she frown. "would you like a hug?" Adalyn hesitantly shook her head. "That's okay. May I come sit there with you?"
"yeah.."
"Would you like to talk about your lost? How ever you're feeling is very valid," she took a seat next to the younger as she turned to face her
"I hate it," she admitted through slightly teary eyes. "I don't understand why everything bad happens to me. I feel like nothing ever's gonna go my way."
"Can I tell you something?" she caused the younger to look at her confused while slowly nodding. "I felt like that at one point in my life, probably nine, ten years ago now. My first pregnancy I had experienced a miscarriage, and it indeed was the worst time in my life, I felt like my body was 'useless'."
"I feel like that.." Adalyn agreed.
"Just because you feel this way now, it doesn't mean it's going to last forever. Miscarriages are actually more common that you'd think, and it doesn't mean your body's useless. The world works in weird and brutal ways at times and it sucks, it can be the worst feeling.."
"But from what I've seen in my own life and others as well is that the puzzle finds its way together and although a few pieces might be missing, you'll hopefully eventually feel complete," she continued. "And you'll someday find your happiness after this setback."
"do you have kids now?" she asked, subtly picking her lips.
"mhm," Dakota sent her a smile. "The whole pregnancy side wasn't the easiest but I have two beautiful, healthy kids now which makes it all worth it."
"okay.."
"... How has your mental health been during this process?" she questioned. "It's perfectly okay if you haven't been feeling one hundred percent."
"I keep hurting myself.. and I'm over everything.." she confessed. "I want to stop feeling like this but I don't know how to.."
"Okay," Dakota softly nodded. "Let's try to find the cause of your actions.. is there something in particular lately that has triggered you to get the urge?"
"um.." she thought about the question for a few seconds. "I don't know.."
"Is there a particular time where you're more prone to hurting yourself?"
"when I'm alone, I guess.."
"Okay.. now that your boyfriend's home does he know about it? Or are you still keeping that away from him?"
"he does.." she nodded. "it got to a point the other night where if I didn't wake him up and tell him and get him to help me.. I probably wouldn't have stopped.." she wiped tears away from her eyes. "and I probably wouldn't be here right now.."
"Does having your boyfriend know help at all?"
"not really.. I thought him knowing would make me stop but he doesn't really care.."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Like he cares and he helps me take care of the cuts or whatever but he's not like disgusted by me doing it."
"He's cares about you, that's a good thing-"
"No," Adalyn interrupted her therapist, wiping away the few final tears. "I would rather him be disgusted. Like he's been taking care of me like I'm a child and that's embarrassing, so now I just don't tell him."
"Why do you do it? Is it still because you don't like your body?" she received a nod. "And you want to stop?"
"mhm"
"In the past, is there something you would do which made you feel confident in your body?"
"it's gonna sound stupid," she shook her head.
"Nothing's stupid," she reassured.
"sex is really what makes me feel good.." Adalyn admitted. "That's why I use to get with heaps of guys.. I like the validation from them and.." she let out a small chuckle, "making guys cum in like point two seconds was a confidence booster for me."
"Alright.. I'm going to give you a task, okay? It's not to do with sex, but just for the meantime until you've been approved by your doctor to have sex again," Dakota said as the younger nodded. "If at any point between now and then you aren't liking the way you look or you feel the urge to hurt yourself, find something to distract your hands."
".. Something I've recommended to other clients who also enjoy painting, is painting on your body, make the areas you aren't liking so much look prettier to you," she added. "But if you are going to do that, please try your best to avoid any fresh wounds."
"okay.."
"I know how hard what you're going through can be but I believe in you," Dakota smiled. "And I mean it, I'm not just saying it because you're my client, I'm saying it because I really care about you."
"okay.."
[ ₊✧ 💋 ∘* ☁️ ⋆ 🍒 ༉˚ ]
A/N
i have nothing to say today..