Criminal Minds BAU Groupchat

By -MoonyLupin-

61.5K 1.1K 889

Just writing what I think the Criminal Minds Groupchat would be like and because I'm bored. More

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By -MoonyLupin-

7:30 am

Penelope: Good Morning my sluts! 🫶🏻😘🤭

Y/N: Literally too early for this, G

Derek: My man, my man, dab me up🤙🏾

Y/N: *dabs up*

Emily: Whoever created work Can go fuck themselves

JJ: Fr^^ Got me all the way fked up. I have the kids this week

Y/N: Im so sorry, Emily😔

JJ: ?????

Emily: Thanks bro😔👊🏼

Hotch: No texting while driving

Emily: Well, you can suck my balls Hotchner because my wife is driving 🖕🏼

Hotch: Emily.

Emily: Sorry, sir.

Derek: Simp.

Y/N: Chill.

Derek: You in love with him or something??

Reid: Derek, pleaseeee don't instigate

Hotch: No, no let him cook.

Y/N: Stfu Hotchner.

Rossi: Aggression in the morning I see... Need to talk?

Y/N: Im okay, thank you tho Papa Pasta 🫶

Penelope: Exact reaction I was expecting 😺

Y/N: God- Can we text later? I'm so lazy to move my fingers rn

Hotch: Also due to the fact that you're driving right now???

Emily: You two in the same car 😼😼🤭🫣😏😏

Y/N: Kys

Hotch: Yes.

Derek: Rekindling a smoldering fire, huh?

Y/N: Okay Shakespeare, mind shutting your dumb ass up?

Derek: That was racist.

Reid: Derek.

Derek: Fine. We'll text later.

—•—•—
2:18 pm

Emily: Just watched a man climb Mount Everest... that's light work, I could do that

JJ: Emily😐

Emily: What? I Can

Y/N: Bro people who climb Mount Everest are so funny and dumb

Y/N: like imagine dying while climbing mt everest... that's crazy because like no one asked you to do that😭

Derek: LMAOO Nahhh frrrr

Derek: Like what went through your head to do that???💀💀😭😭

Reid: Why are you hating? They did hard work!

Hotch: I feel like you were the first person to ever boo someone.

Hotch: To ever boo them, you must've had so much hate in your heart. I could only wish to be that hateful one day...🥲

Y/N: 😦

Emily: Wow Hotch. First you play with their feelings, then you completely disregard them after they did everything, made them feel like they weren't worth of your love, ignore them, and now you insult them? Woooowwww

Hotch: I-

Derek: Daymn Emily😭

Y/N: Are you allergic to peanuts? Because I will start throwing Reese's at you, my boy😀

Hotch: I'm not allergic.

Rossi: Hey guys, what's that mouse's name from Stuart Little? Strauss's kid is asking

Derek: Ain't no way😭

Y/N: I-

Emily: Rossi🤡🤡🤡😭😭😭

Derek: Someone tell him😭😭😭😭😭😭

JJ: Uh... Rossi?

Rossi: Yeah?

Penelope: It's in the name-

Rossi: ...?

Y/N: His name is fkn Stuart, my guy😭😭😭😭

Rossi: Ooooh ok!!! Thank you!

Reid: That's... kinda sad🤨

Derek: No Stfu that was hilarious 🤣😭

Hotch: I'm gonna make him a Doctors appointment.

Y/N: Bro I just lied to this old woman who asked where the bathroom was💀

Penelope: Oh poor woman😨

JJ: Why'd you lie in the first place?

Y/N: Idk... I Kinda like It. I might start lying more... something to look out for if you're a person who trusts me🧑‍🦲👶👩‍🦲

Emily: HUHH????

Derek: I just realized that space is completely dark... but the sun is right there???

Derek: No one answer.

Reid: Um-

Derek: I said no one answer.

Y/N: Wanna act all smart?? Okay Einstein why is it spelled "Camouflaged" and not

Derek: Not what?

Y/N:

Emily: LMFAOOOO😭😭

Derek: I'm not seeing it?

JJ: THIS BALD BITCH-😭😭😭😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

Reid: Even I got the joke🤭

Derek: I'm don't-???😀

Y/N: Well, you know what they say about bald guys not being to spell the word that blends us in

Derek: Which is?

Y/N:

Derek: WHAT THE FAWK???😀😀😀

Reid: Oh my gosh, did I tell you guys I made an online friend???

Hotch: 1) Derek you're dumb as hell and 2) Reid, it's not safe to make friends online.

Reid: But they're nice :(

Emily: It could be a 50 yr old fat bald man that breathes heavily

JJ: Or a pedo

Y/N: You know, internet friends are so weird because like I know your deepest trauma and you know mine but i've never seen your legs🤨

Hotch: What type of online friends have you been making???

Emily: I've seen my online friend's feet 😼😼🦾🦾🦾

Derek: That's not a flex??

JJ: Remind me to go through your phone.

Hotch: Also, Y/n, have you been sharing your traumas with others?

Reid: You don't?

Y/N: Technically I wasn't telling them my trauma... I was telling them my lore

Hotch: Your lore?

Reid: You just don't understand, Hotch. It's a Girlboss thing💅🏼

Y/N: YES IT IS, STRING BEANNNNN😘😘😘

Derek: Is there something you wanna tell me Reid?

JJ: You've been spending too much time with Y/n and Emily

Emily: Problem???

Hotch: Oh, Y/n, I just remembered, you left your glasses back at my place when you slept over, on my night table

Y/N: You couldn't have texted me separately?😐

Emily: YOU WERE AT HOTCHNER'S HOUSE???

JJ: YOU SPENT THE NIGHT???

Penelope: YOU SLEPT TOGETHER IN THE SAME BED??

Reid: YOU DIDNT TELL ME???

DEREK: YOU WEAR GLASSES???

Y/N: Okay, first off, no to all of them except Derek's

Y/N: I only wear them at home😐

Hotch: What's the big deal?

Emily: The big deal, Hotch, is that Y/n hated you after what you said months before

JJ: You ruined everything special you guys had

Penelope: She wanted to kill you

Reid: Vowed to never go back to you

Derek: Until now

Y/N: I-

Hotch: Um... Y/n is this true?

Y/N: Well... yeah... you kinda broke my heart, Hotch

Derek: I thought you didn't have one, demon👺👹

Reid: Derek.

Derek: Sorry... continue.

Hotch: I had no idea.

Y/N: Obviously, you didn't.

Hotch: How about we talk later?

Y/N: No. Now.

Hotch: Over text?

Y/N: Yeah.

Hotch: In front of everyone?

Emily: OH FOR GODS SAKE HOTCH, STRAP ON A PAIR, JESUS😫😫😤😤😤

Y/N: Listen, last night was nothing, people. I accidentally fell asleep in his bed and he slept on the couch. And Hotch, they're all right. You were a dick when you disregarded me.

Y/N: Did i like you? Yeah... a lot but apparently you didn't which was why I distanced myself. Now that we've become comfortable around each other, my feeling have come back

Hotch: I like you too, Y/n. And im so so so sorry for how I acted. I was just scared. Ever since Hayley... it's been hard but you, well, you showed me how to feel again. I guess I was all over the place which is why I said what I did. But... I do like you Y/n... kind of a lot.

Penelope: Awwww

Y/N: Let's not get into anything yet. I still need time but soon.

Hotch: Soon... I can work with that.

Y:N: Good...

Hotch: Good.

Y/N: ☺️

Emily: JJ, get the tissues

JJ: already have them

Derek: That was cute but so fast

Reid: Leave them, they deserve it

Penelope: I just saw them go into his office

Emily: Oh they definitely fuckin🤭

JJ: Emily.

Emily: Sorry, Mommy.

JJ: Time out.

Emily: NOOOOOOOO

Emily: SOMEONE HELP

Emily: PLEASEEEE

Emily: Oh you guys are dicks.





















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