Harry's POV
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Everyone is running from something. No matter what you were born as, no matter what you've grown to become. Every single one of us has our demons. Some people were always just better at hiding them.
Harry was no different. On the outside, he was this cool, handsome, reckless teen who passed his classes in school while also going out with friends, getting drunk, smoking, sleeping with the prettiest girls, dating the most popular girls in his town, and so on. Everything any teenager would want to be. That wasn't him though. It almost never is, is it?
His last year of school started as it always did. He took hard classes and passed them, got drunk at parties, and was dating Sophia Carnson who everyone envied (wanting to be her, wanting to sleep with her, wanting her to be theirs, etc). Harry always hated when people used women or anyone matter of fact, for their bodies but that's exactly what he was doing, wasn't it?
Holmes Chapel was such a small place, especially growing up in it. Everyone knew everything about everything and you could never just walk down the street without getting pulled into a conversation about girls or work or what you want in your future. At first, it was nice. Harry felt like he could talk to anyone about anything but one time they didn't say what he was expecting, it caused him to shut off completely.
"Harry!" Gale, this older lady who worked at the same bakery Harry did, called out. She was carrying a bunch of bags full of groceries, almost falling over from the weight of them.
"Hi, Gale." Harry smiled warmly and ran to help her load the bags into the back of her car. "How are you doing today?" he asked politely.
"Oh, I am great sweetheart." Gale responds. "I have to go and meet my granddaughter's boyfriend today. Apparently, she is wanting to get married by the end of the year. My, how fast time goes." Gale sets the left of her bags and Harry shuts the door for her. "Have any special ladies in your life?"
Harry takes a deep breath and looks to the ground. He never tells anyone about his sexuality, going far enough to lie to people. His mother and his sister, Gemma, of course know. I mean he was a kid who wore dresses around the house and sang Take My Breath Away as loud as he could. Not to be stereotypical or anything, but he was the literal definition of flamboyant when he was young. Since then, he has grown to hide it. He doesn't place flowers in his hair like he once would. He doesn't want to hide but he does. Maybe it's selfish. Maybe it's childish. But sometimes you have to do things you otherwise wouldn't, just because it could stop you from living. That's why people have addictions, isn't it? Whether addicted to substances, things, work, places, people. We all are just begging to feel something... feel something that makes us feel alive.
"Maybe. I guess we will see." Harry smiles.
It has been a year since he left his hometown. Now, he is himself, almost completely. He writes music and has his friends sing them. He doesn't share that information with a lot of people just because it's personal. His friends have lied to him saying that he is late or busy. Part of himself still protects himself when it comes to his sexuality, but in all honesty, Louis showing up has caused him not to protect himself but wants to protect him instead. He didn't make a good impression and that's for sure. Harry was having a rough night. He missed his mom, his sister got engaged and he wasn't there to celebrate with them. Missed his childhood bed. Even missed the stupid, small minded people in his town. He ran away for a reason and he's glad he did. Just sometimes it's easier to run physically while still leaving your head back where you were before.
Harry walks downstairs, knowing Louis is still in his room, and sees Coast drinking tea at his normal brown table. Coast looks up and smiles brightly at him. "Well, look who rose early this morning! No late writing like usual?" He asks, his silver hair shining in the sunlight.
"Took a break for the night." Harry laughs. He told Coast everything almost instantly when he met him. He was easy to talk to, kind, and honestly just someone who felt like Harry's old life. "Has Louis come down?" Harry asks, voice a little nervous. He keeps his eyes downward and doesn't look directly at Coast. The old man has always been able to read him.
Harry can hear Coast chuckle kind of smugly. "No. Boys' been up there for a few days. I've gone up and given him food quite a bit." Harry looks up to meet Coast's eyes, something must have sparked in his eyes to make Coast sympathetic. "You're worried about him, aren't you?"
Harry takes a long deep breath and releases it. "I haven't known him for that long. I don't know about his story or about what he is running away from... all I know is that he doesn't deserve to be feeling like he is."
"Hm." Coast hums. He looks down at his tea and sturs it with his spoon. "And you know how it feels? To be in his place I mean... you know how lonely that is and you don't want that for him?" Coast looks up and smiles.
"Yeah. Exactly." Harry runs his hand through his hair and leans back, turning to face the window looking out on the coast. "I know what it feels like to try and run from your own mind. It's one thing running from a place and another to be running from something inside that ends up following you no matter how far you try to get away from it."
"He's lucky to have a friend like you." Coast states, cleaning and placing a hand on Harry's shoulder like a grandfather would. "Just remember that you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved."
Harry smiles. "I don't want to save him. No one should try and save anyone. The only thing I want to do is be there for him and be someone he can lean on. As hard as it is, I feel like one day he could learn to trust me. No one should be alone in their battles. Trying to save someone is different than standing alongside them, helping them fight against the tides... isn't it Coast?"
"Yes. I guess it is."
August 22nd
I haven't left my bed all day. To be honest, being alone with nothing is better than being surrounded by people feeling nothing. My brain couldn't and wouldn't stop flashing with images of Drew. Images of that night. Imagines of the night before. Images of Harry. Images of me on the train, me on the coast, me with him on the blanket last night.
I didn't understand why I hated Harry so much when I first arrived here until now. I realized that when I saw him, drunk and confused, I didn't see him but I saw Drew.
I saw the way his eyes were clouded and his pupils dilated. The way his hair, brown and curly, covered his face dripping with rain. The way he just saw right through me yet wasn't sober enough to understand me. The first time I saw Harry, I saw Drew. The one thing I was trying to run from not only followed me here but happened to be the person who has made this place feel a little like it could be more. Harry asked me yesterday what my trigger was. It's him.
Okay, I guess that isn't a fair statement. It isn't fair to blame Harry for how I feel. In all honesty, it isn't fair to anyone. My past isn't anyone else's fault. Well... maybe it's one person's fault but in all honesty, it's mostly mine. It's always mine.
— Almost 1 year prior —
Louis was getting ready to go to the party when his mother called him downstairs. As he descended down, skipping excitedly, he looked through the cut in the wall to see his mother and siblings laughing while The Lion King played on the telly. He couldn't help but smile at the sight, easing some of the tension he was feeling inside.
"Lou!!!!" his younger sister yells, Phoebe getting up and meeting him at the bottom of the stairs. "Can you come watch the movie with us?" Her eyes looked up at him pleadingly. All of a sudden, all his siblings started begging as well. Daisy running to her side and trying to drag Louis into the room, Fizz and Lottie still sitting on the couch but begging with big dough eyes as well, and his mom holding two sleeping babies in her arms. He looks to his mother who gives him apologetic eyes and smiles gently.
"I believe Louis has somewhere special to be headed off too, my loves." His mother said, rocking Ernist and Doris gently in the rocking chair. Louis then walks around into the room, Daisy and Phoebe leave and sit on the couch in defeat.
"Thanks, mum." He whispers and kisses her on the cheek. "I'll see you when I get back... might be a little late." He stood back up and started walking towards the front door.
"Be careful, baby." His mom calls.
"I will." He called back.
Honestly, everything he told his mother that night before he left didn't happen. He didn't see her when he got back. He wasn't careful. In all honesty, it was the worst night for him to have said no to staying in watching a movie. It was the worst night in general.
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August 24th
Just like yesterday and the yesterday before that, I haven't left bed that much. I haven't had the energy to get up, nonetheless go out. Coast has come knocking at my door with food, mostly soups and tea, bless him. The funny thing about staying in for three days never leaving is, I actually haven't slept. At all. Right after the accident, I had weeks where I couldn't sleep. I would just cry and cry until I couldn't and then I would just feel empty. Not tired, not hungry, just not anything. That same feeling is back now except not as many tears wasted.
The thing that finally pushed me to get out of bed was the sound of Harry's footsteps going down to the kitchen. I guess part of me just wanted company so I could get out of my head. Another part of me just wanted to push all my shit away so I could continue living how I want rather than being stuck in the past.
As I walk down stairs, two voices get increasingly louder and I can't help but listen to what they are saying. I stand behind the door which leads into the entry/dining/kitchen area. Coast's voice is what I catch first.
"And you know how it feels? To be in his place, I mean. You know how lonely that is and you don't want that for him?" I don't at first know who they're talking about but I continue to listen anyways. Yeah, maybe I shouldn't be eavesdropping but it's the first time being up and out of my room in days so why not make the most out of what I've missed.
"Yeah. Exactly." Harry pauses. "I know what it feels like to try and run from your own mind. It's one thing running from a place and another to be running from something inside that ends up following you no matter how far you try to get away from it." Okay... this definitely sounds like they are talking about me.
"He's lucky to have a friend like you. Just remember that you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved."
"I don't want to save him. No one should try and save anyone. The only thing I want to do is be there for him and be someone he can lean on. As hard as it is, I feel like one day he could learn to trust me. No one should be alone in their battles. Trying to save someone is different than standing alongside them, helping them fight against the tides... isn't it Coast?" Harry states. His voice was soft and so intimate. My heart felt like it was going to explode. Harry wants to protect whoever this person is. If he is talking about me, he... he wants to protect me. I could feel my eyes getting glossy. For the first time in days, maybe months, part of me felt like I could have a place here. That maybe, giving into being a friend of Harry's is what can help me move on.
I missed whatever they were talking about after but jumped back into reality when Coast turned the corner and walked straight into me. "Oh! Speak of the devil." He smirks, turning to look over his shoulder. "Look who's finally awake."
I blush a little and look to the ground. "Hi, Coast. Thanks for taking care of me the last few days. It... its meant a lot to me."
"Of course. You're my guest and I'll be here to be of service no matter what it is you need." Coast smiled at me and moved aside from the door. "I'm going to go get some clothes on and paint outside. If you need anything, just shout." Coast smiled one last time and exited upstairs to his room.
I took a deep breath, cheeks were still red and entered the kitchen. I looked up to see Harry standing out of his chair, his cheeks were bright red and his eyes wide. The green in them was shining like the first warm day of summer, almost like trees were reaching for the sky just within its reflection.
"Hi." I whisper. Our eyes not moving away from the others.
"Hi." Harry whispers back. He licked his lips slightly and his blush deepened. He focused his vision on the floor, finally directing his attention away from me. "I don't know what you heard but... um... How are you feeling?" He asked, his voice quiet and the speed of his words fast. I couldn't help but smile at his nervousness.
"Harry..." I take a few steps closer.
"Yeah?" Harry breaths, his eyes back on my movements.
I take a few more steps and grab the boy in front of me, pulling his chest to mine and hugging him tightly. "Oh." Harry breaths, his body tense at first but slowly relaxes into mine. I relaxed right back.
"I'm better now." I say into his black shirt. "Thank you."
"Anytime Lou... Anytime."
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Author Notes :
Hi my loves. I wanted to explain a little bit of my thought processes for this chapter. I realized when I started writing it that the end wouldn't make true sense if you didn't get Harry's perspective first. I am gonna try and do my best to include more of the other characters dynamics. I know that this story so far is Louis based but the thing I want to get across is right now, Louis is lost inside his head. As the reader, you should feel that. It won't be that way for the whole thing but the story isn't about glorifying trauma or being stuck in the past. It's about moving past it. You'll know the full backstory soon. Cant wait. Hope you like this so far. Thank you for all your support as always. Love you all. - Izzy ❤️