three months pregnant :
I went home in the evening, Juli was still asleep. I left after I made sure she was okay. She was stable, and I could go home, but I was still nervous, thinking about her. I ate a little bit at home, I had one drink, but I didn't finish that one either, in case the hospital called to say she was awake. In the end, I just took a shower. And I went to bed, the bedroom looked like a ghost town. It was weird when Juli wasn't here, the bedroom always glowed with her. I could smell her scent everywhere, the pillow smelled of her perfume.
I rolled over for a moment, and then I saw her nightgown on the chair. Maybe it would, put me to sleep. I got out of bed, and went to get my white nightgown. I lay back down and put the nightgown next to my head, burying my nose in it. God, but it still wasn't enough, she wasn't there, and it was bothering me. After a few minutes, I fell asleep.
I was woken up early in the morning by the phone, it was around 6am. They told me that Juli had woken up, and that she was looking for me, and wanted me to come over. She said to come as soon as possible. I didn't hesitate a moment, and I got out of bed. I got dressed in my suit, and headed out to the garage. I was going to take her flowers, but unfortunately nowhere was open that early.
So I stopped at a gas station and bought her coffee and some breakfast. I drove myself, because the drivers were still asleep at home, and I didn't want to wait. They both live pretty far from my place, and I hurried over to her.
On the way, I wondered a lot if she was imagining everything that had happened before the crash. The doctor told me she had suffered a severe concussion. But that doesn't mean she forgot what happened a few minutes before the fall. I don't want to tell her if she's forgotten, but I know that if she really has forgotten, I'll have to tell her. I'll have to explain everything to her.
I pulled up to the hospital, parked. I picked up my coffee, which was still warm, and then I picked up my breakfast. When I got to the hospital it was about 6:30 in the morning.
I got to the reception desk, where I announced that I was going to see my wife. The nurse led me to her room, as I had her transferred to an above standard room, I wanted her to feel comfortable and to have privacy. After all, she wasn't in a good place, and I didn't want to stress her out with strangers she didn't like.
The nurse led me to her door, and then left me standing there. I was hesitant, really. I put my hands on the door, and knocked "come in." Came my wife's voice from outside the door. I took a deep breath, and grabbed the doorknob.
I opened the door, and stepped inside. My eyes fell on my wife, she was sitting half on the bed. Her body was covered to her waist, and she was looking out the window. " Hey." I said, and she slowly turned her head, and it was only then that I saw the large gash on one side of her face. Her gaze was emotionless, she wasn't smiling but she wasn't frowning either.
" Hey" she said in return as she avoided my gaze. I just stood there, looking at her. She remembered everything, very well. I'm sure by the look in her eyes.
" Don't just stand there and go sit down." She said and I nodded and slowly sat down on the chair next to her bed, for the first time in the three minutes I've been here she looked me in the eye. Eyes devoid of emotion, face scared, and circles under her eyes. But still beautiful, her hair pulled back into a high ponytail.
" I brought you something, I bought you some coffee, and here's something to eat." I said, and she looked at my hands, and smiled. "Thank you." She said and I nodded, returning her smile.
" How are you feeling?" i asked and she looked into my eyes. I reached for her hand, surprisingly she didn't flinch. I took her hand in my big hands, and kissed her knuckles. She just watched my actions for a moment, looking right through me.
" I feel better, even if it's not the best. I so wish I could go home, I hate being alone." She said and I nodded as I kissed her knuckles again, and rubbed her hand in mine to calm her down.
" I miss you too, I hate lying in my bedroom alone, the bed seems even bigger than it really is. I had to wear your nightgown to bed tonight to get any sleep." I said and she gave me a smile, then lowered her head and looked at her thighs. "I want to go home." She said, and I nodded, and stroked her cheek. "I know." I said, and smiled at her.
" You know love, I need to talk. Yesterday the doctor told me that you hit yourself hard and it gave you a concussion. He told me that you would heal, but that there are medications that could help you -" I said but she jumped in and spoke " That's amazing." She said and I gave her a smile and took a breath to tell her one big drawback.
" But there's one big catch. They don't put them on until after you have the twins. And if they put them on you, we won't be able to have any more children." I said and she stopped smiling and swallowed, I squeezed her hand to calm her down a bit. "Oh." She said and I nodded.
" It's up to you, you have to decide darling. " I said and she looked out the window thinking, tears rushing to her eyes. " No don't cry baby, please. hey look at me." I said and she turned around and I kissed her on the lips, I put just a small wet kiss on her lips, I couldn't help it, I had to calm her down.
" You know Lionel, I'm done. I found out yesterday that you've managed me, and that your mistress is pregnant. I wanted to give you a child, just me, I wanted to be the first. But she's gonna beat me to it, she's gonna have your first baby in a few months. I can't imagine! I really don't, I thought we were going to be a family. I thought you wanted to be a father. And at this point, it's all gone. Please tell me, when did this happen?" she said and I bowed my head and let go of her hand.
I stood up from my chair and took a deep breath and started talking. " It was a mistake, a big mistake. I got drunk because we had a fight. I went to a bar and met her there, I knew her father, in fact I knew her for a long time. I used to like her, and I just know I woke up in the hotel next to her at night. I'm sick of myself, really." i said.
" I've never been good enough for anyone. But with you, I thought it would be different. You made me marry you. You stole my freedom. You stole my chance to find a man who really loved me. I thought you loved me, that's why you married me." He said, and I lifted my head and didn't hesitate for a moment, and spoke immediately.
" But I do love you, and so damn much that many times I go crazy with fear for you. You don't know how happy I was when I married you. When you told me you were pregnant, and that they were twins..." I said and she nodded and started talking again.
"If you loved me, you wouldn't have hurt me like that. I would never. And I wasn't even pregnant yet, and you knew I could be pregnant, and you still slept with another woman." She said and I nodded in defeat, but I didn't want to lose, I didn't want to lose the most important thing I had.
"How are you going to do that? Do you want to have two wives, two families, always- ?" she asked me, but I didn't let her finish and I jumped in. " No, the only family I have is you and the twins, our twins. I'll send her money, I don't want to see the baby, but I'll have to provide for her financially so she can be comfortable with the baby, just like you." I told her the truth, I had to.
" You will have to make a decision Lionel. Because she wants to be with you, her father won't let that happen. She'll want you to leave me, and to marry her. You'll see." she said and I immediately responded, "No one in this world is going to stop me from being with the woman I love more than my own life." I said and she laughed, she was so naive to think I would leave her for Sarah.
She cried, and I stood by the window, and my legs wanted me to go to her, my heart too. To hold her close and comfort her. But I knew she didn't want me with her, and I understood that completely.
"She'll marry you, rob me of my husband. And I'll be alone, Lionel, I know it." She said, and I parted from her abruptly, sitting down on a chair beside the bed and taking her hand. "Darling, I'll never let that happen. Please believe me." I said and she looked into my eyes. I gently took her face in my hands and kissed her on the lips, she kissed back. "I love you so damn much." I said and kissed her again.
"As I love you. Despite all you've done to me, I still love you." She said and I lowered my head and looked at her.
I spent the whole day there with her, talking about the same subject over and over. She asked me to take her home. But unfortunately they couldn't release her yet, they told me they could release her in two days, and I promised to go to her every day, and I promised to come and get her as soon as I could, and take her home.
When I got home, I got drunk to relax. And then I fell asleep on the hard couch.
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