Check out my patreon please and thank you <3
https://patreon.com/user?u=82676528&utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator
Anime4us
Chapter 17:
Chifuyu's a little stressed to say the least. He's not quite sure what he's done to make her cry, but she's looking a lot smaller curled into his side. When they stand side by side, she's easily got a head of height on him. He's not jealous, just more conscious when she hides away from him. He hates when she cries. She's burrowed her face in his shoulder. They're back to sitting on his bed, both Yang and Pey out of sight. They're a lot like him when it comes to her crying; they don't want to see it.
"Are you going to tell me what's going through your head?" Chifuyu asks.
Her sobbing's stopped. She sniffles every now and then, and she has a death grip on his fingers that he's not too sure he wants to pull away from in fear of losing a finger or two. That and he doesn't mind, even when his fingers are going numb, the way their hands slide together like puzzle pieces.
"It's stupid." She mutters, sounding embarrassed.
Her voice is muffled by his shoulder, but the words are clear enough for him. He can't remember the last time she's cried this hard. Maybe it was in the hospital? But even then... she'd been crying tears of happiness. He doesn't want to know how it feels to watch someone you love laying in a hospital bed, unresponsive for days.
"I don't care what it is, I want you to talk to me about it." Chifuyu states, flexing his fingers for a second when her grip lessens.
As soon as the blood is flowing again, he slides his fingers back between hers. She's busying herself with rubbing the pad of her thumb on top of his. He doesn't mind the action, in fact, his heart thrives on it. He does have to wonder if the love she feels for him is the same that he feels for her. Maybe one day. He really hopes so. Maybe one day...
"I'm scared, Chifuyu..." she murmurs, making his heart clench in his chest. "I don't want to watch your heart monitor when you're stuck in a hospital bed." She continues, tears building in her bronze eyes again. "Every time you have 'something for Toman' you come back battered and I'm really scared that one day, it won't be something I can fix."
Chifuyu brushes under her eyes with his thumb, picking up the tears before they can fall. This girl, glued to his side and squeezing his hand... this girl who cries for his sake, for both the loss of his innocence and the fear of losing him... There's no doubt in his mind that he loves this girl.
"Listen to me." He says, dropping his hand from her cheek.
She follows the movement with her eyes, lingering on his hand as he presses it against the mattress. She's listening, but not meeting his gaze.
"I'm not going anywhere." He states, but she sighs, like she doesn't believe him. "Hey. I'm serious." He says, earning a scoff.
"Don't make promises you can't keep." She states, dropping his other hand.
Chifuyu feels miffed, and he immediately misses the warmth of her hand in his. He's also feeling a spike of annoyance at how easily she throws his words into his face.
"I can keep it, and I will." He asserts, his irritation getting the better of him.
"Don't promise me that, Chifuyu." She huffs.
"Why not?" He exasperates.
"Because you can't promise me nothing will happen to you." She states, rubbing at her face.
"Well, I did."
"Well, you cant."
"But I will."
"Well, you can't!" She snaps, birthing rage inside of him as well.
"Why not?!" He snaps back.
"Because Kei promised the same thing and now he's gone!" She yells, bronze eyes ablaze and finger clenched and shaking at her side. "You don't get to make that promise, Chifuyu!"
She's not crying, but Chifuyu wants to. He's had the breath knocked out of him. She's standing, her fingers still clenched at her sides. Of course she's thinking about Baji. It's still a fresh wound for all of them. It really shows him that no matter how strong Toman makes him feel, he'll never be invincible. Chifuyu stands, and he loathes the way she tenses at the action. He steps closer to her, and though she tries to stay angry, she just manages to look tired. Tentatively at first, he brings his arms up. It doesn't take her long to melt into them. They never fight. This is the first time she's ever yelled at him. It's not something he wants to relive. He would rather be a source of confidence to her, rather than one of pain.
"I'm sorry for yelling." She murmurs, fingers clenching at his sweater, tightening the fabric against his back.
"I'm sorry that I can't make you the promise you want." Chifuyu looks up at her, worry evident in his features.
"Just come back ok?" She murmurs. "Just... make sure you come back." She squeezes a little tighter, and despite it all, Chifuyu smiles because he feels loved.
0_0_0_0
Chifuyu should know by now that nothing happens without Kisaki having his nose in it. Though he's not particularly found of the idea, Takemichi has accepted the third division captain's offer to help them out on Christmas eve. Although he's against it, Chifuyu appointed Takemichi for a reason, and if the boy thinks that Kisaki's aid will give them the edge in this fight against the black dragons, then maybe he should just take it in stride. Even if every muscle in his body is against the mere idea of sharing the same air as that piece of garbage... Even if his best friend told him that Kisaki was the enemy with his dying breath. Letting out a long breath, Chifuyu stands, making his way over towards his desk. She's sitting there, humming as she works on whatever it is that she's doing. It's usually school work. Crossing his arms on the back of the desk chair, he leans over to see what she's doing. He's surprised to see that it's a written piece of work. She doesn't often write things out like this. Usually the school has her submitting things in a notebook, so he's a little curious as to why she's writing on loose paper.
"What're you up to?" He asks, once his curiosity has gotten the best of him.
She pauses in her actions, looking over her shoulder at him and offering a smile. It's a little pained, but Chifuyu thinks he sees an element of something else in that gaze. He can't place it, but it's working desperately to get rid of that pain he'd seen.
"Writing to Kazutora." She says, voice gentle.
The blood in his veins freezes over. He blinks at her a few times, waiting for her to tell him it's a sick joke. He's not at all ready to accept that she's willing to write the boy that murdered her brother. That murdered his best friend. How could she even think of doing something like that?
"It's almost Christmas... And well... I don't think anyone will be celebrating with him... So I wanna at least send him a letter." She says, turning back towards her sheets, smile still on her lips.
"But why?" Chifuyu breaths.
"I just told you, Christmas—" She starts again, but he cuts her off.
"Why are you sending Kazutora, of all people, a letter?"
It takes him a second to understand that he'd raised his voice. She's looking at him with wide, bronze eyes. He hadn't even meant to do it.
"I've known Kazutora for a long time, Chifuyu." She starts off gently, as if worried to frighten a wounded animal. "And I think... There must be more to the story..." She murmurs, having the decency to at least look sheepish.
"More to what story?" Chifuyu asks incredulously. "I watched him murder Baji. I was there!"
Chifuyu can feel his sanity slipping. He can feel himself slipping into that territory where everything is unhinged and there's no ledge to pull himself up. It's the place he spent most of his time before he met her. It's the place where even Mikey couldn't pull him out of. It's the place where he's allowed to feel his sorrow, but has no way out of it.
"I understand your anger, Chifuyu—" She tries again, but he won't have it.
"Understand my— You're writing to your brother's murderer!"
She flinches, but he can't find it in himself to care at the moment. That ledge is so far above his head. There's water falling over it, and soon, it'll drown him.
"You can't be serious right now!" He snaps, but she's not looking at him anymore. "Writing Kazutora, can you even hear yourself right now? What's next, a picnic with the assholes that put us in the hospital?"
Chifuyu jumps when she slams her palms on his desk. He blinks turquoise eyes at her, the water now passed his waist. He doesn't think he'll make it out this time.
"I think I'll go home."
Her voice is quiet, but it feels like a slap to the face anyways. She stands, his desk chair making a sharp noise against his wooden flooring. Her muscles are taunt as she collects her things. Each paper she pulls together feels like another element of oxygen being ripped away from him. He can hear the blood rushing in his ears right now.
"You can call me later."
Her words sound far away, even though they're literally right next to each other. No matter how hard Chifuyu wants to focus on her face, the room before him is swaying. It takes him a few agonizing seconds to understand that the water has now submerged him. His room isn't the safe place he'd expected it to be. She's looking right at him, but he can't read the expression on her face. She's probably really angry with him, but he can't get passed the matter of thought that she's going to become penpals with Kazutora. She was absolutely insane. Kazutora wasn't sane, let alone able to write cohesive letters...
"Chifuyu?"
That was his name, but he wasn't quite able to respond to it right now. He was drowning, that much, he could collect. Wasn't drowning supposed to be peaceful? Wasn't he supposed to feel weightless, and calm? There was no serenity in this. His room was spinning, and he was pretty sure he could feel tears on his cheeks. Maybe that was the water that was drowning him. It's really hard to tell right now.
"Ok. Listen to me."
It's almost like Charlie Brown's teacher is talking to him. The American special was something he'd happened upon in his early middle school years. An easy cartoon to understand when trying to pick up some English skills. The teacher always had a drowned out noise that made no sense... Right now, words sound like that to him. Maybe it's the water that's gotten into his ears. He can feel himself falling, and the edges of his vision are starting to darken. It's probably from oxygen deprivation. He can't do much about a water he can't see.
"Breathe in."
What an obnoxious command. Don't they know that it's impossible to breathe under water?
"Breathe out. Listen to me."
There is someone next to him. Someone who isn't drowning like he is. Someone who sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher, but manages to break through the fog every now and then. Why is he drowning all alone? Is that what he's destined to, now that Baji's gone? Is this what it'll feel like, every time he has to wonder how Baji's in a grave but the boy who killed him gets fed for free?
"Chifuyu Matsuno, breathe you goddamn moron!"
Hands on his cheeks grip at him with no remorse. He's inclined to ignore them, but then he's faced with bronze eyes, and suddenly, the water is receding.