Intj couldn’t believe he was doing this. It was so stupid, yet it was probably for the best. He would have never set up something like this. For a multitude of reasons. First, he’d actually have to talk to people, something he avoided because people were stupid; something his roommates showcased very well. Second he wouldn’t initiate the outing until he had addressed it from every angle, and by then he would have found some reason not to. So it was a rare event, but he couldn’t escape Esfj’s insistence, so he had just succumbed to her match making. Apparently Esfj had set him up with Isfj, who he did not facebook stalk. He was just... searching her credentials, he didn’t want to be working with a criminal after all.
When he arrived at the place he decided to clean up a bit in the Men’s room since he didn’t have time to get ready back at the apartment. He looked at the picture Esfj gave him, and found his date. When he sat down he felt, strangely at ease, he wasn’t supposed to feel like this, he had only just met this person, but he suddenly had a desire to spill all his hopes and dreams to this woman; he held himself back though, ignoring this odd feeling.
Isfj: “So, what do you do for fun?”
Intj: “Oh, I.. um…” Intj blushed What was he doing? Just answer the question! It wasn’t rocket science!
Intj: “Oh you know computers and stuff..” Wow he was definitely done for.
Isfj: “Oh! That’s really interesting, tell me more about that!”
Intj felt really weird, this was the most awkward he had ever felt in his life. He needed to pull himself together and be logical, he was making a fool of himself.
Isfj: “Did your friends put you up to this too?”
Intj was definitely taken aback by that question.
Intj: “How did you know?!”
Isfj: “You look just how I looked 10 minutes ago.”
Intj suddenly felt a lot less nervous.
Meanwhile, back at the apartment.
Istp: “So what are you planning to do?”
Enfp: “Just a harmless little prank, you know, nothing serious.”
Istp: “You want to prank Intj during his date don’t you?”
Enfp: “H- how wh- what, huh?”
Istp: “I heard everything.”
Enfp: “oh, well, come on let’s go!”
Istp: “Just let me wake up for a second.” Enfp was very impatient. But she was also the most entertaining person here so, he let it go.
Enfp: “It’s 11:00! You’re already awake!”
Istp: “wait…”
Enfp: “What is it?”
Istp: “Somethings not right.”
Enfp: “ummmmm”
Istp: “What did you do?”
Enfp: “n-nothing.” Enfp was trying to keep from bursting out into laughter.
Istp: “You’re a terrible liar”
Enfp: “Hey!” It was true, but he didn’t need to be so blunt about it.
Istp: “You’d be bad at poker. You have it written all over you face.”
Istp walked out into the kitchen. It was quiet, too quiet. “Alright, Where is she?”
Enfp: “Who said anything about Esfj-” Enfp clasped her hands over her mouth. She really was bad at keeping a secret.”
Istp opened the closet door and Esfj fell out with a shirt in her mouth looking like she’d seen a ghost or something. Istp glared at Enfp. “Seriously?”
Enfp: “Okay so maybe I got a little caught up in the moment.”
Istp pulled the shirt out of Esfj’s mouth so she could explain.
Esfj: “You can’t do this! Think of the romance! THINK OF THE ROMANCE.”
Istp: “What romance?” The guy has less emotions than a sock.
Esfj: “You have to look deeper than the surface! I know it’s there somewhere! Deep inside of him! Very very deep.
Istp’s phone rang breaking a very uncomfortable silence.
Istp: “ah it’s Estp. Hold on I gotta take this. uh huh, uh huh so you want me to come supervise this super dangerous stunt? You don’t have anyone to spot you? Oh well I’m kinda in the middle of something…”
Esfj: “WAIT!” Uh, fine. Ok but you better not do anything stupid while I’m gone!”
Esfj ran toward Estp’s apartment, probably to try to talk him out of it. Little did she know you can’t talk Estp out of anything.
Enfp: Wow how did you do that?!”
Istp: “I didn’t plan that. He calls me all the time. It just happened to be to our advantage this time.”
Enfp: “ok ok ok ok, so like, what do you need to do first?”
Istp: “First, we need to get into the café wifi, but to do that we need a previously linked device. I need you to sneak into the café and connect this device to the Wi-Fi. Once it has connected it will store the information and I will be able to connect the computer to it through this device. Understand?”
Enfp gasped a gasp of pure excitement. “Like a spy mission?!”
Istp sighed. “Yes. Like a spy mission. And like a spy you can’t go having a giggle fest everywhere you go, you need to be silent, blend in, and Don’t. Get. Sidetracked. Okay?
Istp gave Enfp a device that looked like a flip phone but instead of flipping up and down it slid left and right to cover the keyboard. It had a screen, but Enfp couldn’t figure it out.”
Istp: “Don’t mess with it.”
Enfp snapped back to attention “Got it.” She was practically bursting with enthusiasm. Her own secret mission! It was just like she was in a movie.
Istp: “You’ll know it’s connected when this light right here turns green.” Istp point to spot on the device where the camera should’ve been.
Enfp: “Wait, how will I know where it is?”
Istp: “Clare’s café, about half a mile west, turn right, cross the street and it’ll be on your left.”
Enfp: “Wha- How do you know all of this?!”
Istp: “Esfj tried to set me up first. Until I threatened to claw her eyes out.”
Enfp looked at Istp with a mix of terror, disgust, and laughter.
Istp: “What? You mess with the bull you get the horns. Besides I was just trying to scare her.”
Enfp: “Okaaaaayyy, anyways, so I just run over to café make sure it’s connected and return it to you? Sounds easy enough.”
Istp: “And don’t be spotted. It’s suspicious enough that you’re carrying around something that looks it used to detonate bombs. If Intj sees you at the café, during his date, after you teased him about it, he might get a little suspicious.”
Enfp: “Uh huh. Totally. 100% will not be seen by anyone. I will be like the night, as stealthy and quick as the dark.”
Istp: “It’s broad daylight outside.”
Enfp: “You know what I mean!!”
Istp: “Make sure you bring it back to me in one piece. I know you have a habit of not being super careful, so no throwing it up in the air or anything where it might break, It’s hard to find one of those without getting put on some sort of watch list.
Enfp: “Don’t worry I will make sure to keep it firmly in my hands at all times.” She raised her right hand. “I promise.”
Istp: “Good. And don’t sing the mission impossible song like all those cringy movie characters do!”
Enfp quickly stopped herself from engaging in what she thought was perfectly reasonable… thinking music.
Istp: “Ju- just go.”