“So how do you survive without killing?”
Sebastian and Elsa were sat on the warehouse roof, their feet dangling over the edge. It was mid November and the nights drew in quickly; Sebastian’s breath created a swirling mist in the icy air but neither of them were cold as they sat and talked for hours.
“My father keeps me supplied with blood bags,” Elsa explained, she had already told Sebastian about Haven and her father’s work there. He had been very interested in the idea that medications could be developed to curb blood lust, “And Hesper keeps offering to take me hunting.”
“Hunting?”
“Yeh, like going on a safari or something and chasing down some lions,” Elsa wrinkled her nose, “Part of me feels excited by the idea, but the part that feels disgusted keeps winning.”
Sebastian laughed. Elsa adored the sound, she had definitely gone back into full crush mode and even if she hadn’t, she was sure that the mere impact that Sebastian’s presence seemed to have on her both physically and mentally would have drawn her in by now. It was like she had no control over it and she wondered if he had similar powers to her for attracting prey. She couldn’t quite figure out how to ask him.
“How do you survive?” She asked and she felt the familiar tensing of muscles as his face clouded and he struggled to protect her from his emotions.
“I haven’t found a way to survive without killing,” he said and paused as if giving her chance to show her horror. She didn’t, this was something she knew about Sebastian and in truth she had always known it. He was dangerous, she felt it strongly but just as strongly she felt the anguish it caused him and she knew that it was not the way he wanted to be. She couldn’t be horrified with him, if she hadn’t had the support of her father and Haven would she have been any different?
“It’s ok,” she said, “You can tell me, if I understand, maybe I can help.” She had explained her reasons for not yet taking him to Haven. When Sebastian had asked what criteria had to be met to qualify for help she had to admit she wasn’t sure. Vampires and werewolves that were once human could be put back in touch with their human side but neither she nor Sebastian knew if any part of him had ever been human and until she knew he wasn’t one of the black listed supernatural beings that her father had mentioned, she wasn’t going to risk his safety. The more she knew about Sebastian, the more chance she had of finding out what he was.
“I can last quite a while these days,” Sebastian continued, “Two months, sometimes three. The hunger builds slowly and I’ve found ways of dulling it for as long as possible.”
“Like what?”
Sebastian looked uncomfortable, “I’m not sure I want to talk about it.” He said. Elsa didn’t want to push him.
“Ok,” she said, “What happens when you can’t dull it anymore?”
“I go somewhere that I know I will find the people this world will miss the least. I can smell them out and after looking for as many decades as I have, you know the best places.” He looked at her, his face pained, “I’m not ready to go into this,” he said, “I don’t want you to know...” his voice trailed off.
“I understand,” Elsa said, wanting to reach out and touch him but painfully aware that she had no idea if that would be welcome.
“I’m going to ask my dad to take me into work with him again,” she said, “There’s a massive library there, I’ll look up all the things you’ve told me and see if I can find out what you are and if it’s safe to bring you in.”
Sebastian nodded, “Thank you,” he said, “I’m sorry I’ve been so rude to you in the past, I’ve always kept people at a distance because I didn’t want to risk ...”
“I get it,” Elsa said, “I pushed everyone away at first, when I changed. Before I even understood what was happening I knew I was a danger to the people I cared about.”
“I can’t remember the last time I had someone to care about.” Sebastian murmured and Elsa couldn’t help wishing she might be someone he could have those feelings for.
“So,” she said, hoping to lighten the mood slightly, “Decades? You said you were pretty old.”
Sebastian seemed relieved to get off the topic of how dangerous he was, “My earliest clear memories are of the Second World War,” he said and Elsa raised her eyebrows in surprise.
“No way? You lived through that?”
He nodded, “I don’t really remember much of my early life, just little flashes here and there. I was eighteen before I first started thirsting for blood and the first few years after that are a blur mercifully. But the war; I think I remember because, as bloody and horrific as my life had been up to that point, there were many days when the things that men do to one another in war easily matched it.” His eyes became distant as he remembered, “I didn’t have to kill to feed, that was done for me, I just had to be in the right place, wearing the right uniform, blending into the grotesque tapestry of the battlefields.”
“That sounds terrible.” Elsa couldn’t imagine what it must have been like, when learning about the war in history the sheer scale of death and destruction had always overwhelmed her.
“It was, but it was also some of the most free years of my life,” Sebastian admitted, “I feel guilty now of course. The soldiers may have been dead already but they deserved respect and dignity. I wish I’d known what was really happening, in the death camps for example, there were people far more worthy of the end I could bring them.”
They were both quiet for a moment reflecting on the atrocities that had been committed against so many innocent people. Elsa had a thought, “Why do you study history if you were there?”
Sebastian gave a wry smile, “I wasn’t there for all of it Elsa, there’s much more to history that the 1920’s an onwards. We learn from our mistakes, and history contains a lot of them.”
“I suppose it does,” she agreed. She didn’t want to stop talking to Sebastian, he had a beautiful way of talking and she loved the sound of his voice. She was starting to feel fidgety though, she found it difficult to keep still for long periods of time such were the unboundless limits of her energy these days.
“Am I boring you?” Sebastian asked, looking amused.
“Not at all!” Elsa insisted, “I just find it hard to sit still sometimes. I’ve got so much energy and if I wanted to, I could probably run faster than the fastest car or motorbike. It’d be a great way to expel some energy but it would probably create a bit of a scene,” she sighed, “I have enough money saved for a motorbike but Dad doesn’t want me to get one. I know he can’t really stop me but I don’t want to rub that in his face you know? He’s struggled to deal with the change in our relationship over the last couple of months.”
“You like bikes?” Sebastian’s face lit up and Elsa’s heart skipped, she’d all but forgotten they had that in common and it was one of the first things Kate had pointed out to her back on their first day of college. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
“Yeh,” she said shyly, “I really think it would help curb my need for speed in a less supernatural way.”
“Come with me,” Sebastian stood up and motioned for her to follow him down into the warehouse. He led her to the ground floor where she couldn’t help but gasp at what he showed her.
“You’re a fan of Suzuki?” She asked, stating the obvious if the gleaming machines in front of her were anything to go by.
“Oh yeh,” Sebastian said, looking the most animated she’d ever seen him as he caressed the chrome of the nearest motorcycle, a Suzuki Bandit and Elsa’s dream bike.
She stared at it in wonder, “That is the exact bike I’ve always wanted,” she said and Sebastian looked surprise but pleased.
“Really? It’d be perfect for you actually, particularly now. Not too big, not too small, not too fast but definitely fast enough.”
“It’s gorgeous,” Elsa breathed.
“You’re head’s not turned by the Hayabusa then?” Sebastian asked, leading her to the bike that was clearly his pride and joy, “She’s my baby.”
“A bit much for me,” Elsa laughed then looked wistful, “I’m so jealous.” She ran her hand over the tank of the Bandit longingly.
“You want a ride?”
Elsa’s head snapped up at the question. “Seriously?” she asked.
“Of course,” Sebastian said easily, “You said you’re a quick learner, you don’t really have to worry about coming off and you also said you were feeling restless. We could ride out together.” Elsa wasn’t sure if she imagined the slight flicker of his eyes away from hers when he said that, the hint of a blush to his cheeks.
“I don’t know, I wouldn’t want to damage it,” she hesitated.
“Don’t worry about that,” Sebastian said, “Anything’s fixable and with your balance and agility, there’s no way you’re coming off. Come on, it can be my way of saying thanks.”
Elsa couldn’t resist, “Ok!” she said enthusiastically, “I’d love to.”
“Great,” Sebastian looked genuinely pleased and was the most relaxed she had ever seen him as he talked her through all the controls and exactly what she needed to do. She barely needed the instruction, as she got on the bike it was as if she had always known what to do and in no time at all she was exhilarated by the fierce buffeting of the cold wind against her body as she followed Sebastian’s taillight into the night.