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March 1st, 11:00pm
Your stomach churned with anxiety, it had been nonstop talk about it. Everything that'd happened, everything that could happen. You'd thought about this ever since Chan proposed the idea, this could make or break your whole world. You were supposed to head out of town tomorrow with only about half of the members going with. Without Chan. The one person who gave you protection the most, the one who helped you with this, the one you made this entire thing happen, wasn't going with you. You'd face Ssamiji, without Chan. Yes, Han and Changbin were also going and it wasn't like you trusted Chan any more or less than them, it was just that the kind of safety you felt around him felt so secure it was unreal.
"Are you sure you can't come with...?" You pushed yourself off of Chan's bedroom wall, going over to him as he unbuttoned his sweater. You took ahold of his hands and dropped them to his side, since he was obviously struggling with the buttons, doing it for him.
"I wish I could but, I have to talk to JYP. This is the most important thing right now, I know, but...I can't just settle with hoping that you'll stay with us. I need you, Y/n." He sighed and once you fully unbuttoned his jacket, cupped your hands in his. You looked up, slightly confused at his tone that was filled with such love for you. If only you didn't mask it as concern.
"You make it sound like you love me. Pick your words carefully Channie-Hyung." You bit the inside of your cheek, grabbing onto his undershirt and taking in a deep breath.
"I'm not just trying to comfort you, I'm so nervous I could cry." He laughed a bit and looked to the side, but you could see his adam's apple bob down heavily, he was on the verge of tears, he was just too good at hiding it.
You interlocked your fingers together on both hands, giving him a tiny smile, "That makes 2 of us. Please don't cry, for me please? That'd make this day a whole lot more gloomy than it already is. The weather doesn't help either."
You kept your smile up, but your anxiety got the best of you, whining and pulling him into a hug, clutching onto him tightly as you heard your breath shake, "I'm gonna miss you, Channie."
"It's only for a day, and I'm gonna miss you too." He smiles and returns your hug, Minho was already asleep in the room, so you both made sure to keep your voices down. It wasn't that you would wake him up it just didn't feel right to be able to talk at a normal volume with him sleeping so peacefully just a few feet away from you.
"That day is what makes the rest of my life either a fresh start, or constant fear that Ssamiji is going to come and find me." It felt nice, Chan holding onto you so tightly like this, in any other setting you would most likely fall asleep in his arms. But you were on the verge of tears, you didnt want to leave him, face your trauma and face the fact that you could possibly never live with them again. Why couldn't you just not go back? It wasn't fair, this situation, what happened to you, what could happen. It wasn't fair.
"Hey, don't think like that. We've been talking with the court for weeks now, it's going to go fine Y/n." He sighed and looked down at the ground, as if he was also trying to convince himself too.
"Channie." You sighed and took a step back from him, looking up at him with wide, glossy eyes. What you were about to ask, it terrified you, but if there was any moment that it was right to ask, with all of your anxiety and mental instability, he would say yes right now. "Please promise me something after tomorrow, even if you don't fulfill it...just say yes."
"What is it hun?" Chan's lips formed a pout as he cupped the right side of your face with his hand, blushing at his cute nickname for you.
"After tomorrow, please...if things go right. Could you gift me a kiss? Just once." You leaned into his touch, putting your hand over his as Chan let out a sigh. Your eyebrows were knitted together in worry, your breath quaking as you had no idea how he was going to respond. It was obvious, you'd shared non lip kisses before, but still that shrivel of anxiety and self doubt spoke louder than the droves of positives.
"Y/n, there's no need to ask..." His thumb rubbed against your jawline as he leaned his head down, his eyes already signaling where he was going. You squeezed your eyes shut in anticipation, either that or fear, more nervous as you felt soft skin against your lips. After so long and so many pining moments of staring at them until your gaze burned into them. His lips were on your own, no forehead or cheek kisses, lips together. The most effective way to show romantic intimacy between 2 individuals, and Chan was showing it right now. Your mind went blank, all you could think about was him, his incredibly sweet skin melting against yours as you put your arms around his neck, pushing and kissing back, wanting him more. Plump and soft, sweet beyond belief as they blended against yours. You wanted so badly to taste him, to feel him under your palms, inside of you. That's all your mind contained in the 10 seconds of heaven he gave you. Only leaving you wanting more, heart full and body empty.
Chans voice rang in your ear, pulling you into a soft hug, delicate like you were a fragile flower petal. "You can steal these kisses anytime."
"Channie, you always seem to know what to do to make me feel better..." You put your arms around him and sigh, softly tugging at your lips. It was insane to you, you could almost still taste him on you, you knew it was your mind, but it was something you always wanted to taste.
"That's just because I know you so well." He pulls his arms back and trails your jaw with his hand, using his index and middle finger to lift your chin up, making you swallow hard. You saw the blush on his cheeks, and you could feel some start to form on your own. But it made you feel better that he wasn't all confident, the opposite infact. He was absolutely freaking out, not wanting to seem too pushy yet wanting to slowly give you affection. Luckily it was working.
"So how're we going to do this? You're famous, I could- we could never-" You scrunched your eyebrows and tightly crossed your arms, the most you had was a vague idea of what they were, but any famous person getting into a relationship was dangerous. Everything that had happened to you was eventually going to be revealed. It terrified you.
"What do you mean how? We were us since Valentines day." He laid his forehead against yours and sighed with a smile, his skin against yours giving you comfort. His words made you laugh, putting your hands folded up against his chest.
"No one has to know, kissing is all it is. We're not dating..." You giggled and kissed to tip of his nose, you would be lying if you said it didn't hurt you to say that. You liked Chan a lot, loved him even. But you also liked Han and Changbin just as much, and shared a whole lot of affection towards everywhere member despite what they thought of you. The thought of dating him surface level was amazing, there was no doubt that he's perfect boyfriend material. But thinking of the look on the members faces when they found out breaks your heart, the feelings they harbored towards you, platonic or otherwise, would be changed the instant they found out. So as much as you wanted to, right now there was no way you could date him, any of them, but this you could settle with.
"Of course, just kisses...that I can't get enough of." Chan smiled and let out a tiny laugh, rubbing your back softly. Suddenly, the air around you both got a whole lot warmer as he continued to hold you, your eyes felt heavier to open, and you put in effort to keep them open. Body relaxing in his arms as you let out a yawn, hiding your face in his chest.
"C'mon, crash in my bed tonight, Minho won't mind." Chan took notice and ran his fingers through your hair, brushing the hair out of your face as you had a tiny smile on your lips. But it quickly faded, as he turned you around. And you got a look st the sleeping Minho in his bed. He looked cute, mouth softly agape and his breathing being barely being audible from where you guys stood. He was sprawled out under his blanket, hair laid on his pillow in every direction, some strands poking straight up. It was a childish sort of cuteness, only furthering the list of reasons why getting into a relationship with a member wouldn't work.
"You sure? I-" You furrowed your eyebrows and looked up at Chan, being cut off with Chan giving you a peck on the lips, flushing your face completely red. Chan giggles and grins, fully exposing his dimples, it made you completely smitten. It confused you how easily you could go from admiring someone to getting flustered because of another.
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March 2nd, 8:00pm
You'd just gotten everyones proper bags into their rooms, and was now was finally settling down. It was an odd feeling, you'd never traveled out of town before, it wasn't your suitcase, barely any of the clothes you packed were yours, Jisung had to split his clothes between you and his own packing, forced to empty out a suitcase for you. It made you feel bad despite Han hammering in the fact that it was completely fine. You'd just gotten all of your clothes out of your suitcase, and Changbin was out of the shared room you both had. The only moment of silence you had where you felt you were completely alone.
"Hey Y/n? Do you have a moment?" You hear a voice as your door lets out an elongated squeak, you look back and let out a soft gasp of suprise. You cross your arms anxiously and nod, gaze falling to the floor out of worry.
"Hmm? Ye-yeah...of course Hyunjin." He hesitantly moves and closes the door behind him, slowly walking towards you and making sure none of his movements were too sudden. You looked terrified, and in hindsight, you were very nervous. He'd never made enough effort to talk to you before, always giving you these looks that were too hidden to find the meaning behind, and only tolerated sitting next to you when every other seat was taken up. Even then he'd always look or face the oppisite way as you. Even so his face was folded in such a way that he almost looked nervous to talk to you.
"Listen, I just wanted to...ah." His tone was as hesitant as his movements, watching as you moved mirrored to him. Syncing your movements as you slowly sat down on the very edge of your bed.
"Are you alright? You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to." You tried not to sound as nervous as you looked, because honestly you shouldn't be nervous, more on edge than any sort of fear, yet you were confused.
"It's not that, I- god." He sighed and walked infront of you, hesitantly putting his hands on your shoulders, it wasn't on purpose, but you tensed up under his touch. He sighed again and dropped his head low, his breath wavering.
"I'm sorry. For everything. I've been an asshole and I know it. I honestly can't defend my actions in the slightest, and my justification for it was based on my worries that I never should've had in the first place. I was worried you would put us in danger, and I just wanted to protect everyone. I didn't want somebody in our lives that was just going to leave us again. But I have no idea why I kept it up so long, because it was so fucking obvious that you are...honestly the best thing that's happened to us. As much as I wanted to keep being mad at you, keep telling myself that you're bad and we shouldn't have you. I got angry and frustrated at the other members because they're so close to you, but I was jealous. Beyond belief. I came off so cold to you from the beginning I-I...I just never could come up to you to apologize."
You gasped again as he stopped talking, frozen as he fell down to his knees, hands gripping onto the bottom of your shirt. You didn't know what to say, he looked like he was going to cry, his chest heaving up and down heavily, you could hear his breathing. He was clutching onto your shirt so hard that his hands were shaking, his hair was damp like he was fresh out of the shower, only adding to his despair and how he looked.
"I'm sorry...I had no idea it was this bad. I've said and thought so many horrible things about you I can never take back...I don't know how I'll ever forgive myself because, I haven't met a more perfect woman than you. You do so much for us, yet just because I was scared to have another person with us again I pushed you and everyone else away..." He slowly put his arms around your waist, bringing you into a tight hug. He took a deep breath, tears slowly flowing out of his eyes to soak into your shirt. "There's no amount of time that would allow me to express just how sorry I am."
Your face crinkled into a face of sadness, his feelings seeping into you to bring your feelings down even more. You also got down on your knees, entangling your fingers into his hair and putting his face into your chest. "Don't worry, I've already long accepted your apology. I completely understand where your coming from and have never held any judgment against you. You don't have to hold anything in...I completely forgive you Hyunjin."
"Y/n..." He mumbled as his hands trailed up to your back, smiling against your breasts as you smoothed over his hair to soothe him.
"Yes?" You used a smooth, motherly tone almost, cupping the side of his face as he looked up at you. This sight was so familiar, it gave you bittersweet feelings of affection but also sadness. You didn't want to just replicate your experiences with one members on another, but it made you happy to know it was Hyunjin you were holding.
"It's a beautiful name...I've been dying to say it. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Noona." He looked up at you for just a moment before stuffing his head down in your breasts as he apologized. He held onto you like he never wanted to let go, it was obvious that he held a lot of compassion in his heart, he showed it plenty with the other members. This situation must've torn him up inside, no amount of apologizing could make this up in his eyes.
"It's alright, Hyunjin..." You sighed again and brought both of you back up to your feet, brushing your clothes from today off of your bed.
"Do we need to tell everyone? T-that...I don't know..." He finally picked his head back up, he was so much taller than you, even so, he looked tiny. Hand folded against his cute, pouty lips, is this how you looked whenever you did it? It was a force of habit to you but everytime you caught yourself doing it, you never had a convenient mirror to look at yourself. About what Hyunjin said, he was evidently talking about the others, not just who was with you now. Felix and I.N told you about the disagreement Chan and Hyunjin had when you first came in, so everyone knew how he used to feel about you. So after this if you guys just suddenly started bonding like everywhere member and you, it would cause confusion.
"No one needs to know. They'll get it." Even so, the members weren't dumb, they could figure it out. You gave Hyunjin a smile, looking back at your bed before giving him a certain look as to provide him with something else to say.
"I really don't wanna go back to my room." He looked down and to the side, poorly hiding his smile as he knew that's what you wanted him to say.
"Crash here, I don't mind." You slid your arms down from his back to hold onto his hands. Rubbing the backs of his hands in a soothing manner. If Changbin hadn't come back now, then you assumed that he slept in someone else's for tonight. He must've gotten the idea if he found Hyunjin's room empty.
"Listen, we don't have the trial till 11, could I take you out for breakfast?" He looked back up at you with bright eyes, so wide and sparkling that they could light up the whole room.
"Like a date?" It was like a fresh start, a chance to make new memories with him. It put a tiny, hopeful, smile on your face.
"Take it however you want." His face molded into a look of smugness as he smiled, his eyes slimming down into lines cutely. You giggled a bit and nodded, letting go of his hands to climb into bed. You pull out the sheets for him to join you, and he does, giving you a saddened look before laying down, back facing you.
"I saw that look, you don't have to turn your back to me." You propped yourself up on your elbow and tapped his shoulder, slightly pulling him towards you. He sucks in air into his chest, holding his breath as he turns around before sighing. You gave him a smile and laid back down fully, quickly getting comfortable under the hotel comforters, although Hyunjin didn't look as content. Stuck with a sad look as he looked at you.
"Why do you still look so sad?" You poke your head out from the blanket and pouted your lips, accidentally making Hyunjin form a dusting of blush along his dimmed cheeks.
"Because...you're so pretty, yet I couldn't stand to look at you for weeks." He took in a deep breath, rubbing his eyes as they glossed over with tears, making your pout extend. He reached his hand over and placed it over yours, interlocking your fingers as his eyes seemed to bore into you. His powerful eyes, you crumbled as he continued to look at you, giggling bashfully.
"I can't believe you kept this beautiful face from me all this time. This beautiful Hyunjin." You grinned and placed a hand on his cheek, rubbing his face before turning over quickly to turn off the bedside lamp, scooting over closer to Hyunjin as to give him permission to cuddle up to you. Which he did, hesitantly.