~Kellin's POV~
Vic wasn't at school yesterday. I wanted to know where he was, but I couldn't go around asking in case I seemed desperate, which I'm not. I'm just curious. I can't just keep worrying about him, I'm waiting for him to come to me. I'm letting him decide when he's ready to want me back in his life. Surely it won't take too long.
Maybe it's a good thing to get away from him for a bit anyway, I need to become more independent. I've been so needy towards him, I need to distance myself. I've got to gain independence again. But becoming attached is just something I do in relationships, I can't help it. It's like I always need him there, and need to be know what he's doing, at all times. It's not that I don't trust him (but I am very fearful of him ever cheating on me), it's just that I feel I can't be away from them. I need them. I need him. I need Vic back.
I looked at my phone, to see no knew messages. I've been glued to it, in case Vic tries to get in touch. But even if he does call, I'll wait to pick up, or for him to call back later. I'm trying to play hard to get. But that's a hard game to play when he's not trying to get you back.
I let out a sigh as I turned the screen back off when I heard that all so familiar voice coming from the doorway.
"Sorry I'm late, I was talking to a teacher at the office," Vic said to the homeroom teacher, coming further into the room to speak with him.
"That's okay, go take a seat." I saw him look around for a place to sit. One of the spots next to me was vacant, but he wouldn't have even noticed as he did all he could to avoid my gaze. I saw him make his way to his usual spot at the back. The whole time he walked I couldn't keep my eyes off him, yet he refused to look at me. His face showed me no emotion, and I couldn't tell if he was okay. I wanted to ask him why he wasn't at school, but I couldn't. I needed to remember that I'm waiting for him to come to me. A lot easier said than done.
It worried me that he hadn't shown up, he never takes days off, even when he's really sick. Why would he now. Is it me? I shouldn't be thinking so egocentrically, of course it's not me. But what if it is? I want to know, but I can't ask. I feel so torn apart, just wondering where he was. It was hard for me not to ask Mike yesterday, but I decided against it, as I know he'd tell Vic. And I don't want Vic to think my life revolves around him, even if it does.
I tried not to turn around for those few remaining minutes of homeroom to look at Vic. This shouldn't be so hard. When it came time to leave, I got up first, grabbing my books and making it look casual as I turned to look at him. He didn't look sick, maybe a bit down. He wasn't smiling, but he didn't look like he was going to be sick, or cry. He looked down, that's the only way I can describe it. I quickly left the room, not wanting to him to catch me looking at him. I need to keep my distance today!
Our first class is together, so I just made sure I sat away from him. Back down the front again. That means I can't accidently look at him. It also means that he will have a view of me, and I want to make sure I'm on his mind. And the way to do that, be noticeable.
I talked. I don't even really know the kids I talked to, despite being in similar classes for such a long time. But I talked to them, loudly, either way, because I wanted Vic's attention. I wanted him to have no choice but hear my voice. If the teacher asked a question, I made sure to answer it, even though I'm not good at this class at all (I'm failing it) but I gave it a shot. I acted so unlike myself, just for his attention. And I don't even know if it worked, he never did anything to get me looking his way. He stayed quiet, and hidden. And as we left the room, he avoided my gaze once more, as I couldn't help myself this time. All I wanted was for him to notice me again, so he thought of me again, and wanted to get back with me again. But I didn't get any of that. Just disappointment as I walked to my locker, thinking I need a new strategy, because obviously this isn't working.
The next class was music, so once more I was with Vic. I would have waited for Oli, but I expected he was going to walk down with Josh. They've been getting along again already. Yesterday Josh sat with us at lunch. I felt a bit awkward there as I didn't know what to say in any of the conversations. This must have been what it was like for Tony. I sat quietly, looking over where Vic sat to see Tony alone. I almost wanted to go sit with him, or at least invite him over, but I wouldn't have had any more to say than I did there. I never really spoke to him, despite being around him every lunch.
Oli and Josh aren't together. Oli hadn't even told him he likes him yet, or that he's gay. He's still afraid. But Josh has managed not to hang around those guys for that one day, so maybe it will all go well. But life is no fairy tale.
Into the music room and Vic, Oli and Josh were already there. I stood at the doorway, undecided on where I was going to go. With the performances due next week, we all just go straight into working on them. Now not with Vic, I have no one to go with. I don't want to just take the song Vic and I worked on, as he wrote most of it. I didn't know what he would do as there was no one to perform it. He told me he had mild stage freight, so I doubt it'll ever by sung. I guess he'll just hand in the work.
And I don't want to just make Oli let me sing with him, he's pretty much finished, and I don't want to take credit. Everyone was either finished, or close to it. And I knew I couldn't write up a song and music in just over a week. I have old songs I've wrote, but none feel complete to sing yet. So I guess all I can do it pull out. If I had been working on some kind of skit in drama, I could have done that. But I've always been so confident I'd go with Vic that I never bothered to do anything just in case. It's lucky that's an extra-curricular class, as I probably would have failed it by now. Half the time I'd skip to see Vic practice, and the other half I wouldn't do much, as I'd be lost in what to do. Don't get me wrong, I love that class. It's one of my favourites. I love the activities we do. But I just always find myself going towards Vic. But that has to stop now.
With nowhere to go, I sat by myself and took out a note book. I had to at least make it look like I was working. As time went by I got bored as I scribbled on a page, and decided to just have an attempt at lyrics while I was here.
God, I hate this place
I hate the space between us
Lost in the grey unknown
There's still so far to go
Until the end of the class I just wrote down mostly miss-matching lyrics. I felt nothing was coming together. None of the lyrics related, and ranged from love's just a game that two people play to I don't want to be alone, I don't want to die alone.
I knew I'd never have anything finished, of course not. It takes time. I looked up to see Vic looking my way, my breath hitching that he was finally taking notice of me. Our eyes met for just one second before he quickly looked away, me doing the same.
I want to know what he's thinking. The only way I can know is asking him (that's if he'd even tell me), but I don't want to go back to him. No, he's coming after me. And I'm set on that, even though I desperately want to go back to his arms every time I think of him.
At lunch I was faced with the difficult problem of where to sit, again. Oli is fine with me sitting with him, and I do like it, but I feel awkward still. At least I know Josh. But Oli's other friends, I don't know them all that well. Half of them just seem like druggies, which they probably are. I won't be contemplating giving Tony some company, as now he has Vic back. There's always Alex and Jack, but now they're trying so hard to be cool, and at the top, with their new group of friends, which mostly consists of gays. I'd fit in fine, but sometimes it all a bit much. Especially since all of them are in couples who act very lovey-dovey. And then there's the populars; the group I used to hang out with. I somewhat know them, and Jaime, but I don't want to go back to that. They may also not let me, as Alex was really the one who got me sitting there. I decided the only place I could go without seeming like a loner, was to Oli.
"Hey," I greeted, sitting down, knowing those were probably the only words I was going to speak here.
Oli and Josh went on bragging about how British have the sexiest accents, and that everyone there just wanted to get into their pants. I'm not disagreeing with their point though.
"Does that mean you two want to get into each other's pants?" asked Ronnie.
A blush came across the two boys faces. "No way," Oli was quick to say.
"Hey, why not?" Josh complained light heartedly, laughing.
"Do you want me to want to?" Oli asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"I don't know, do I?" Josh teased.
"Do you?" Oli asked, scrunching up his face in confusion, trying to figure out the conversation.
"Do I?"
"Okay stop that!" Christofer stopped them, waving his hands about.
The two boys laughed, joking about, blowing kisses to one another, winking, you know the deal. I knew they were joking about, but I also knew exactly how Oli really felt, and I knew how much he wanted to know Josh's view.
"We're sick of you!" came a shout from one of the popular girls, Hayley, causing everyone to look her way. "Leave!"
"I wouldn't say that if I were you," Jaime threatened loudly. That group always likes to make themselves know, that's for sure. "Remember?" he said, waving his phone around.
"I don't care," she yelled. "I'm just that sick of you!"
"Yeah, go away," agreed Matty.
"I wouldn't argue after what I've been told, Mullins," Jaime said, looking at Joel who sunk back in his chair amongst the group. "Because maybe you're not as Christian as you like to seem."
Matty frowned, then looked over to Joel confused.
"And Hayley, you don't want me telling that not-so-little secret you've been said to be keeping?" She too stopped talking, looking at her 'friends' faces to see who told him whatever the secret was. "For a bunch of people who like to keep their secrets hidden, you sure love to tell others ones."
"I don't care anymore!" Pete yelled out. "Do what you want, most of these 'secrets' you think you know are just rumours, or made up to get back at someone."
"They'll believe them," Jaime said, trying to speak quieter, but in the silent room, everyone could hear as their voices echoed.
"Not for long when they find out the truth," Hayley once again added.
"And the things that are true?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. He can really be an arse sometimes.
"We'll still be at the top," Austin shrugged.
"Says who?" Alex called from another place in the room, standing up with Jack by his side. "People found about us, and look where we are now."
"That's different," Austin replied.
"How exactly," Alex asked. "I know pretty much all of your little secrets. And Austin, I wouldn't be one to talk like that, you're just like me."
"What does that mean?" Pete, I think it was, asked.
"Oh come on, surely you know by now," Alex exaggerated. "He's gay, with Alan."
By this point, I wasn't even surprised anymore to hear someone be announced to be gay in this room. This seems to be where it always happens. Austin's face turned a dark red, while Alan who sat on my table just shrugged his shoulders as he continued to eat, obviously not caring much that everyone just found out what they did. Unlike Austin who unsuccessfully tried to deny it, Alan just went along with it.
Meanwhile, Jaime stood silently smiling at what he had done once more, as he continued to break apart that group, mostly leaving it to the populars to destroy it themselves. He can affect it all, but really, it's themselves who are tearing it apart. I'm sure Alex and Jack would have been able to stay in the group if they hadn't assumed they couldn't anymore. And now, Austin will feel a similar way in a similar situation, building everything up in his head. Was this Jaime's plan though, to just destroy that group that affects our schools society? Vic always told me how much he hated that group, did he just want to ruin it, rather than just be part of it. Or is this just something that happened?
The room was filled with people talking again, mostly about Austin and the group in general, wondering what they're were hiding. People treat them like celebrities, wanting to know all about them. But I guess they do act a bit that way themselves, thinking they're above everyone else, because we put them there. The group of populars themselves seemed to be in arguments, some of them leaving the group, or room completely. One or two of them went over to Alex and Jack. The group was left with only a few once most found their ways to other places.
Jaime smiled in triumph before leaving himself over to where Vic was, sitting down. I wanted to know what they were talking about. From here, Vic seemed annoyed at him, and slightly ignoring him. Jaime looked to be explaining something- a lot of hand gestures.
I was snapped out of my daze of staring when Austin came sitting down across from me, next to Alan.
"Hey babe," Alan said casually, scrunching up a bit of rubbish.
Austin got a blush. "I guess there's no point arguing this now."
"Nope," Alan said, popping the p, turning and giving him a peck on the cheek.
Austin looked incredibly awkward the whole time, while to Alan everything came naturally. Though Alan never spoke of Austin, or that he's gay, he didn't seem fazed at all about the whole thing.
Everything about the order of our society seemed to be destroyed, just through Jaime threatening to tell secrets. He didn't have to say a thing in the end, and the smallest news is what set it off. And that news didn't even affect anyone. It must have been from further arguing. But I wouldn't be surprised if Jaime knew nothing at all, and was doing it all in the hopes someone else would.
It's amazing how easily relationships can be destroyed over something as small as someone's sexuality.