"What do you want to do today?" I ask Ben the next morning.
He stayed over at my place last night without any drama or discussion, which was, to be frank, a nice change of pace. The few guys I dated in Cincinnati before I left were those kinds of guys. You know the ones. Where every normal boyfriend-like thing they do is a negotiation. Like they're keeping score on how much they compromise for you. Like they think they don't see you checking their texts twenty-million times a day, but they take two days to answer yours.
Those kinds of guys.
I hate those guys.
Anyway, Ben's not like that. He actually asked me if he could stay over. Like there was a chance that when we were post-coital and tangled up together in my bed that I might want him to go.
No, obvi.
He smiled and pulled me close and we fell asleep like that, and now he's in my bed looking crumpled and adorable and there is zero chance that his ex-girlfriend can walk in on us.
Big win.
"I'm supposed to hang out with Tyler," Ben says.
I feel a flutter of disappointment. "Oh, okay."
"You don't want to come?"
He wants me to come! Phew.
"No, I do."
He smiles. "Good. He liked you."
"He's sweet."
"He is."
"What's on the agenda? More boats?"
He nuzzles his lips into my neck. "Nope. I thought I'd take him to the natural history museum."
It's a bit hard to concentrate with him doing that. "You do love your museums."
"Yep. And Tyler loves dinosaurs."
"Just Tyler?"
"Maybe Tyler's uncle does too."
"That's cute."
He kisses a tender spot. Even harder now. I mean, it's harder for me to concentrate. Maybe he is hard too.
"Adorkable?" he says.
"That too."
"That's what you called me when we were at the Met."
"Did I?"
"Yep."
"You remember?"
He tilts my chin down so we're looking into each other's eyes. "I remember everything."
I think I just melted a little. "That's good. Though, wait. That part where I fell in the lake. Can you delete that?"
"Why?"
"Because I looked like a bozo."
"You were saving the day."
"Saving our boat."
He laughs. "From that kid!"
"Yeah, Kevin. His dad gave me the photo of you."
"I must thank him."
I kiss him quickly. "I think I've had enough Kevin and Jim in my life, thank you very much."
He kisses me back. "Jim, hmm. She knows his name."
"He introduced himself."
"Cool, cool."
"Are you jealous?"
"Remind me what Jim looked like again?"
I pull him toward me and we kiss, our tongues and hands exploring a little. I could get lost in this, but we should get up and face the day. I certainly don't want to meet Tyler again looking like I've been in bed with Ben all day. And how cute is that, all this time he spends with his nephew? His whole family really—
I pull away. "Oh, wait, you don't need to visit your mom?"
He frowns and takes a moment to respond. "No, she's getting this experimental treatment that makes her vulnerable to infections, so no visits for a week."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. This might sound terrible, but I could use the break."
"I understand."
"I still talk to her every day."
"I'm not judging."
He smiles. "I'm kind of judging myself."
"Why?"
"Because I think there's going to be some relief when it's over."
My throat feels tight. "I think that's normal."
"It's horrible."
I bring his chin up like he did to me earlier. "No, Ben. Things like this take a lot of you. A lot out of a family." I swallow. "When my sister died ... It was like someone took a bite out of us, one that wouldn't heal. And then, my parents sort of made this collective decision that we were going to 'move on', and I hated them for it, but if I'm being honest, part of me was relieved too. Because living in that grief, missing Sarah all the time ... It was too much."
He kisses the tip of my nose. "How do you do that?"
"What?"
"Make me feel better about the parts of me I'm ashamed of."
"Oh. I do?"
"Yeah. I meant what I said yesterday."
"Which part."
"The all-in part."
I start to giggle. "Are you a Gilmore Girls fan?"
"No, why?"
"Well, first of all, it's an amazing show. But second, that's what Luke says to Lorelei when they finally get together."
"Am I supposed to know who those people are?"
I pull away. "Um, yeah."
It's his turn to laugh. "Glad to see your naivete is still in place."
"You know who Luke and Lorelei are?"
"Doesn't everyone?"
"You've watched Gilmore Girls?"
"I have a sister, don't I?"
I shake my head in disgust. "I can't believe I fell for that."
"Never change, Chloe Baker."
"Um, thanks, I guess?"
"It was a compliment, I swear." He leans his forehead against mine. "One more thing."
"Sure."
"I want to introduce you to my mom, but I have to find the right time."
"It's okay."
"No, I want to do it. It's just she—"
"Thinks you're still dating Rachel."
"Yes. But I'm going to tell her that we've broken up as soon as her treatment is done and I can see her again. I promise."
"You don't have to do that for me."
"I want to, though. I don't know how much time she has left and I want her to know that I'm happy."
"She didn't think you were happy before?"
"She knew Rachel and I had problems along the way. But she's not the kind of mom who tells her kids who to date."
"That's lucky."
"Your mom not like that?"
I shrug. "Mostly, she never noticed. But when she did, she had an opinion."
I think about my last phone call with her, how she'd heard about my search for Ben through a friend. How that's what prompted her to call me—being taken by surprise.
"You're not close?"
"No." I kiss him. "And lucky for you my parents live in Cincy so you don't have to worry about meeting them any time soon."
"I'm happy to."
"Trust me, you won't be."
He reaches his arms out and pulls me closer. "I'm sorry."
"It's life. Not everyone has a happy family."
"Everyone deserves one, though."
"Sure."
He squeezes me tighter. "I have one more thing to suggest."
"I thought we were all done?"
"Just the one, I promise."
"Go for it."
"Let's not talk about anything serious for the rest of the day."
"That sounds like an excellent plan. Can I suggest one of my own?"
"Of course."
"What time do we have to meet Tyler and where?"
"At two at the Museum. His moms are dropping him off."
"Excellent. That should give us enough time."
"For what?"
I reach my hands down his back and pull him even closer. "For this."
We make it to the Natural History Museum with a few minutes to spare, but Tyler's already there, holding the hand of two women. One of them—the one who looks like the female version of Ben—is Kaitlin, and the other must be her wife. She's Black and my height, with a strong build like she might lift. She has kind eyes, though, and gives me a big smile in greeting.
"Uncle Ben!"
"Hi, Buddy."
Tyler's wearing khaki shorts and a blue polo shirt that is almost an exact match to Ben's outfit. "You were almost late. And we're on a schedule."
Ben grins at him. "I think we're five minutes early."
"You know what the moms say ..."
"If you're five minutes early ..."
"You're basically late," they all say together.
I laugh. "Hi, Tyler."
He looks up at me. "Oh, the Ice Cream Lady!"
"That's me."
"We're going to the Museum, though. Ice cream is for after."
"Sounds like a good plan to me."
"Definitely. It's hot as balls out here."
We all burst out laughing and Kaitlin shakes her head. "Tyler, what have we said about repeating grown-up language?"
"Not to do it. But how am I supposed to know, Mom? You say a lot of things."
"I'll make a list."
"Okay. I like lists."
I hold my hand out to Kaitlin. "Hi, I'm Chloe."
"I figured. This is my wife, Shantaya."
Shantaya waives at me. "Everyone calls me Taya."
I wave back. "Nice to meet you, Taya."
"You were a big hit with Tyler."
"A bit hit!"
I ruffle the top of Tyler's head. "I'm happy to see him again."
"You like the museum, Ice Cream Lady?"
"Well, Tyler, this is a bit embarrassing but I've never been."
Tyler releases Kaitlin's hand and covers his mouth in a shocked gesture.
"I know, right? But I just moved to New York, so there are lots of cool places I haven't been yet."
"That's tragic."
This kid needs a stand-up show. "Well at least we're fixing one of these today."
"That's true. Plus, you have seen the boats, right?"
"Yes, Uncle Ben took me."
He nods slowly. "We need to get going." He reaches out his hand and I take it.
I look back over my shoulder at Ben. He's smiling at us. "I think he prefers you to me."
"He likes pretty girls," Taya says.
"Like Rachel! Rachel is pretty."
Ugh.
"Sorry about that," Kaitlin says.
"It's fine. She is pretty."
"I'll put her name on the list, too."
"There's no need, truly."
"Okay. Feel free to hand him off to Ben."
"I will."
"What time should we pick you up?" Taya asks.
"We need two hours in the museum plus time for ice cream," Tyler says.
"How about five?"
"That math ads up."
"Great. Have fun with Uncle Ben and Chloe."
"I will be having lots of fun while you are looking at furniture."
Kaitlin shrugs. He needs a bigger bed.
"A grown up bed. The one I'm taking to college."
"Oh, yeah? Where are you going to go?"
"That hasn't been determined yet, but I have my eye on Harvard."
"Impressive."
"I'm smart."
"I know."
"Good."
Ben's whole body is shaking with laughter and I feel lighter too. There are obvious downsides, but there's something refreshing about thinking about going through the world with his frankness. No wondering what anyone is thinking, whether they like you or they don't. No time for ambiguity.
I could use some of that in my life.
"What do you want to see first, Tyler?"
"Dinosaurs, obviously."
"I hear there are lots of them here."
"It has 157 taxa!"
I glance at Ben. "Am I supposed to know what that means?"
He shrugs.
"It's different types of dinosaurs!"
"Oh, right that makes sense."
Tyler tips his head back. "Are you smart?"
"About dinosaurs? No."
"I'll teach you."
"Sounds great."
He tugs on my hand, pulling me toward the entrance. "We'll start with the hadrosaurs. They aren't scary."
"No T-Rex?"
"You know T-Rex?"
"Doesn't everyone?"
Ben shakes his head at the echo of our conversation this morning about the Gilmore Girls, but Tyler doesn't know about that.
"You said you didn't know dinosaurs."
"I know a little bit. I've seen Jurassic park."
"Oh, there are lots of errors in those movies!"
"I figured."
We enter the museum, all white marble, and columns and high ceilings and a massive T-Rex right there.
"I thought you said no scary dinosaurs right away?"
He grins at me. "I played a trick on you!"
"You did!"
"Aunt Rachel was scared too."
I try not to grit my teeth. "That is one scary dinosaur."
"Tyler, you don't have to tell Chloe so much about Rachel."
Tyler cocks his head to the side. "Why not?"
"Well, Rachel isn't here but Chloe is. Why don't you ask Chloe some questions about herself?"
"I did! I asked if her if she liked dinosaurs."
"It's okay, Ben, I don't mind."
I can tell Ben doesn't believe me, and I've never had a poker face. He goes to buy our tickets and comes back quickly while Tyler and I gaze up at the massive dinosaur. Something in the process of preserving the bones has turned them a dark onyx which gives it an extra level of menace.
"Imagine meeting one of these in real life."
"Impossible," Tyler says. "We were just little rodents then."
"Even scarier."
"Nah, we could run away. It was the smaller dinosaurs we had to watch out for." He tugs on my hand. "Come on, this way."
I look over my shoulder at Ben. He's laughing but it's not as light as before.
And I get the feeling. Because even though he says it's over between them, Rachel is still here with us, whether we want her to be or not.