𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐏.
alex was seated at the table, doing homework.
penelope entered the apartment.
"hi, papito." penelope greeted.
"hey." alex replied, not looking up.
"how's it going with your homework? what are you working on?"
"essay."
"oh, cool, cool. cool, cool."
penelope grabbed a banana, and waved it in front of his face.
"you want something to eat?" penelope asked.
cherry resisted laughter.
"too soon, mom." alex frowned.
"okay, alex, we need to talk." penelope said.
alex walked to the couch, taking a seat beside cherry.
penelope sat beside him.
"nah, i'm good." alex shook his head.
"it's not gonna make it any less awkward by not talking about it." penelope insisted.
"it might. let's try." alex suggested.
cherry was very confused.
the scent of alex's cologne wafted towards her nose, and invaded her mind.
but it's not like she could think of anything besides him.
"i think i'm gonna go home now." cherry said, and tried to stand up.
"no, we're suffering through this together." alex pulled her back down.
"look, i want you to know that what you accidentally witnessed was a completely normal expression of human sexuality." penelope began.
"okay!" alex pulled the orange knitted blanket over his and cherry's head.
the pair hid under the blanket.
"oh, good for you." cherry shrugged.
"well, look, we're back here again, ah. i just want to make sure you don't have any questions. because masturbation is a healthy, normal part of life." penelope began.
"no, it is not! it's a dirty, sinful habit for sad, ugly people. not living, beautiful angels." lydia threw the curtains open.
"it wasn't me, it was her!" alex pulled the blanket off his head.
cherry covered her body in it.
"qué sucia! did you learn that in the army? because no one in our family has ever done that!" lydia questioned.
"mami, please, stop with the old-school prudishness. it's natural!" penelope said.
"maybe for men, because they are animals who cannot control themselves! but women, women are civilized! we are mothers! we do not put the hand that wipes the tears of our child down the front of our bloomens!" lydia questioned.
"men are disgusting." cherry nodded.
"you think i'm disgusting?" alex asked.
cherry shrugged.
alex wondered why she didn't make some stupid joke, but elena walked in before he could question it.
"what are you guys talking about?" elena asked.
"the completely normal act of female self-pleasure?" penelope said.
"oh, can i tag in?" elena grinned.
"can i tag out?" alex begged.
alex stood up to leave, but elena pulled him back down.
"no, no, no. i have been reading a lot about-" elena began.
"please, i don't need more information!" alex frowned.
"no, there are real health benefits from self gratification, particularly for women, like reduced stress, and pain relief from menstrual cramps, and improved cognition." elena listed facts.
"but who's really gonna shove their fingers in their pussy while they're on their period?" cherry questioned.
alex shoved his face into a pillow.
"qué tontería! sex is between people who are married. it is adam and eve, not bzz and eve!" lydia frowned.
"isn't adam and eve, like, a sex company that sells dild-" cherry began.
"please stop." alex complained.
"abuelita, are you saying that you, of all people, never.. opened the curtains?" elena questioned.
lydia covered her ears.
"no! please don't answer that. i will literally give each of you 20 to stop talking about this! this is not a normal conversation, this family needs boundaries!"
alex sat up.
"boundaries? what do you mean boundaries? boundaries are for white people. next thing you know, we're eating lunchables in separate rooms and grand-mama lives in a home!" penelope frowned.
lydia made the sign of the cross.
"listen, i'm trying to make you understand that this is nothing you should ever feel ashamed about." penelope began.
"can we please move into a different subject?" cherry suggested.
"no, shame is good for you! you should be proud of your shame!" lydia grinned.
"i already said i don't want to talk about this with you. i need my privacy." alex complained.
"oh, that's cute. yeah, there is no such thing as privacy from your own mother. i made you. your life is my life. i am you." penelope said, dramatically.
"and i am her, so i am also you!" lydia agreed.
"what about me?" elena frowned.
"elena, i gave birth to you." cherry grinned.
"i'm older." elena reminded.
"you're kind of your own thing, but your mami is right. in this family, we talk about everything. there are no boundaries, there are no secrets. y ya!" lydia shook her hands.
«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»
penelope and entered the apartment.
"ay, qué bueno! you are home!" lydia stood up. "you have a date. his name is danny, and he is catholic. and he is an engineer.. and he is catholic."
"what are you talking about?" penelope questioned, with a laugh.
"well, i realized that if you were not lonely, you would not have to do keen koo keen keen key. so i.. como se dice.. catfished! i made you a profile on tinder."
"okay, my whole face just went numb. how could you do this?"
"well, i simply broke into your phone, emailed myself photos of you, and ticky-tocky, i found you a man!"
"let me see the profile."
lydia handed her phone to penelope.
cherry and elena looked at each-other, confused and trying not to laugh.
"oh god. oh god! under bio it says lonely, catholic nurse seeks big, strong man to fill the hole in her life?"
cherry resisted laughter.
"i'm traumatized." elena said, horrified.
"abuelita, you might want to reword that." alex suggested.
"you put my measurements on here?" penelope said, horrified.
"of course. with your perfect ratio, why not?" lydia shrugged.
"how did you even get them?"
"you are a very sound sleeper. it's also on your profile."
schneider walked into the house.
"qué tal, lydia? how did the date with danny go? did he say pope francis?" schneider questioned.
"of course you were a part of this." penelope rolled her eyes.
"uhm, yeah. we're all very concerned. actually, you should be glad i helped her, the first profile she set up was on craigslist. under free stuff." schneider informed.
"oh dear god. mami, mami, you need to back way up. what i do in my room behind closed doors is my business. who i choose to date is my business. and i don't want you meddling,i have a right to my privacy." penelope glanced at her mother.
"ooh! interesting twist! i thought you said there was no such thing as privacy from you own mother." alex called out.
"i'm an adult, son!" penelope shook off his comment, and turned to her mother. "and you do me a favor, mami. you stay out of my love life."
"fine, it should be easy to stay of something that doesn't exist! and while i'm at it, i'll also stay out of hogwarts!" lydia frowned.
"you know, maybe alex is right!" penelope called out.
"i am?" alex questioned.
"maybe! maybe this family does need boundaries! we clearly have no idea how to respect each other's personal space!" penelope shrugged.
"i don't understand what you are saying! should i tell danny 7:30?" lydia asked
"oh no! no! okay, you don't respect my feelings, you don't respect my privacy. this is not normal."
"what is not normal is making love to a robot!"
"it's not a robot, it's a personal massager."
alex stood up, horrified.
he made his way to the door.
"okay, you know what? i'm just gonna go over to schneider's. probably forever. come on, schneider. you too, cher." alex motioned.
"i'll catch up with you later. i'm pretty invested in this." schneider waved the boy off.
alex looked over at cherry, who quickly grabbed her purse.
"no, i'm leaving." cherry said, and quickly left.
she exited the apartment building before alex could say anything.
alex walked to schneiders apartment, trying to distract himself.
why was cherry being so awkward?
alex was trying to be normal, and cherry was trying to avoid him.
she was in love with him, and it wasn't okay for her to be talking to him when he had a girlfriend.
«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»
lydia walked out of her room.
elena, cherry and alex were seated at the table, eating breakfast.
cherry had tried her best to avoid alex.
penelope walked out of the kitchen.
"good morning, mami. how did you sleep?" penelope asked.
"i don't see how that is any of your business. in fact, i want you to respect my privacy. no matter what happens." lydia scoffed.
"okay."
"oh, i am so tired! i barely slept last night."
leslie exited lydia's bedroom, wearing a bathrobe over his clothes.
"you caught me leaving lydia's bedroom in my post-coital glow." leslie tried to answer.
cherry and elena laughed.
"i know you have a lot of questions, but obviously i cannot answer any of them, porque boundaries." lydia shrugged.
"well if the world's worst breakfast theater is over.. i'm gonna go to work. can i get a ride, dr. b?" penelope asked, exiting the kitchen.
"i would, but your mom promised to make me breakfast if i came over in my bathrobe looking like a snack." leslie shrugged.
"breakfast is for closers, leslie!" lydia frowned.
«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»
penelope entered the apartment.
lydia was on the couch.
as soon as she saw her daughter, she held up something to her ear.
"yes, leslie? well, i hope it's nothing, but i am late." lydia spoke into the make-shift phone.
"mami, that's the remote." penelope called out.
"well, if anyone knows their electric handheld devices, it's you."
"oh my god. will you stop.. so i can apologize to you?"
"apologize? oh? i am listening."
"i get it. i understand when you meddle in my life, or steal my identity and offer me up like a used couch on the internet, it's because you love me."
"ay, lupita, i would do anything for your happiness."
"thank you."
penelope walked over to the table, looking at the group of kids.
"so, i guess we're back to no boundaries. although, i am gonna put a lock on the door, if only to save alex from further trauma." penelope explained.
"that's literally all i wanted. of course, now when the door is locked, i'll know what's happening in there. and that's it's own special kind of scarring." alex frowned.
"there is nothing scarring about a woman taking care of her needs." elena shrugged.
"you weren't there!" alex said, dramatically.
usually, cherry would make a joke.
but she didn't say anything.
"look, being in each other's business is a small price to pay for being as close as we are. and in order to stay close, we have to be close. and that's a trade-off i'm okay with." penelope smiled.
"i am so happy! but i wish you would have come to your senses earlier! i ran into the most perfect man at the grocery store. but because you told me to stay out of your love life, i said nothing." lydia said.
suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
"or did i?" lydia grinned.