About a Dog
by DavidGibbs6
Dave sat at the bar waiting to see a man about a 'dog.' He was early, which was just as well, because he had some preparation to do. Already the narwhal horn, wrapped and hidden under his pants leg was starting to itch. He had dressed the part, in well worn, loose fitting attire, now all he had to do was get into the mood. The group of toadies in the corner was making it hard, as they mouth breathed each other's bullshit opinions back and forth, sitting not socially distanced. They were the worst kind too, unimaginative, anti-intellectual, but with all the confidence of ignorance up the wazoo. Hypocrites of the highest order, always up in someone else's business while turning a blind eye to the brethren. Organized religion was the depths of depravity, and not the fun kind.
"I'll have the special." Dave spoke inconspicuously, dropping the correct coinage and four coloured stones onto the serving board.
The bartender pulled it towards him, raised an eyebrow but took the currency before laying out two pills, a shot glass with a creamy liquid and a leaf onto the board before shunting it back.
Dave put the pills on the back of his tongue, took the warm shot and chewed the leaf as a finisher. It slid surprisingly easily down his throat.
"All of it." He whispered, beckoning with a hand.
The bartender pushed on the bar and a small drawer popped into Dave's lap with an inhaler. He took it from its place and discreetly tucked his head into his jacket, inhaled deeply a couple of times before returning it, and sliding the drawer closed again.
He held it in a little longer than he should have, and everyone looked in his direction when he coughed. Especially the religious zealots.
The special had the required effect for now, in that Dave was looking sketchy as hell. He staggered from the stool, and had to straighten himself up like a flower, reaching for that first bit of morning sun, before lurching forward to the end booth and sliding across the seat like a block of butter in a hot pan to wait for his man.
He was just starting to enjoy the feeling when an equally dodgy looking guy slid in next to him with a large, sticky drink. Dave knew it was sticky because the man spilled it across the table and then attempted to wipe it with a sleeve and got stuck. His cooler companion, who sat opposite, wasn't so clumsy or jovial and it was really spoiling the aesthetic. Dave was too high to care.
"Hey, friend. We are just having a few after the Borslinging match. Did you watch the games?"
It was the guy alright. Dave scratched his face and kind of lowered his eyes.
"Nah, man nah, it's not my thing ya know I'm like yeah, like." He purposely fumbled, but the high was definitely helping. His mind wanted to take off.
The man sat staring at him with bulging eyes for longer than was necessary. It was supposed to be some kind of scary play, and if he were honest, it might have worked on lesser people. Dave knew what he was doing.
"You know I need the money, and I just want to do this and get out of here. Those religious guys are giving me the creeps."
Dave motioned his head at the wall, knowing they had already sussed the room.
The cool one slid back to the edge and looked about the room nonchalantly.
"You got it then?" The drunk one asked.
"Yeah, for a steal, but..but it wasn't easy."
"Well, I guess we can compensate you for that." He lowered his voice and leant in so Dave could slide the horn across his lap out of sight. "You hang tight with my friend here...I NEED A SLASH." The man bellowed, resuming his drunken facade,before waddling off to the toilets in the back.
Dave knew the horn would impress, so he wasn't worried about that. He was more worried they would try to not cough up the dough. But right now, the hardest thing was just trying not to smile while your insides were churning over themselves, wanting to explode in a big gooey mess of happiness. He scratched and did his best to look nervous. He started to talk and just stopped awkwardly a couple of times, just for effect.
The drunkard came back hurriedly and nodded to his friend as he leant across and dumped a small but heavy bag of coinage onto the table, picking up his drink in the same motion.
"Cheers." He downed it and clunked the glass down. "Sorry to say I got to go." With that, he left, taking his goon with him.
Now Dave had to get up and move. He didn't know how long before they would work out it wasn't real unicorn, but he didn't want to be still sitting here when they did. At least he could smile about it now without arousing suspicion. The money was good enough to stay out of the way and enjoy life for a while, but not unless he got out of here first. With a nod to the bartender, he went to the back and up the stairs. The top window would do and he could climb from there down into the side alley and away through the maze of backstreets.
While he was walking briskly, the drugs in his system mellowed out, leaving him with an even nicer feeling, like he was floating. It wasn't until he had to pass a crowd of cats and dogs that he had to watch his demeanor. One minute Dave was taking in the sights and sounds as he marveled at the details and appreciated every little thing, the next he was cautiously picking his way around large canines. He was pretty sure he had stopped smiling, but being that he couldn't actually feel his face, he wasn't totally sure. And as bad as dog bites were, it was the cats that he was concerned with. It was a delicate balance of not staring too much, but also not avoiding their gazes as they sat astride their dogs.
Not wanting to arouse their curiosity, Dave aloofly let his eyes take in the details while ignoring the cat's stares and swiveling heads as much as possible. He looked at the dog's wet noses, fitted with rings attached by reins to earrings. He gazed at the ornamental head pieces with foot stops as if he were a shopper browsing for nothing in particular. He bowed politely as he sidestepped a large hound laying into the path and for a moment, he acknowledged them before turning away and moving as if they were not there at all.
The groups of cats were getting larger. They found strength in numbers as other groups sought to subjugate them because of their size and lack of technological advancement. By themselves they weren't much, but combined with the equaly subjugated dogs, they were a bit of a force...in the alleyways, at least. Dave always seen it as a case of what was good for the dogs, wasn't for the cats, kind of hypocrisy. But then again, the dogs were also kind of dopey and domesticated. Meanwhile, he had places to be, so he picked up his pace once he was a safe distance away.
It wasn't until he was almost home that Dave realized someone was sort of following him. Not in the usual way, hiding and keeping distance, but at first he noticed her just standing there as he walked past. How could he not? She was dressed strangely in tight pants, silver jacket and holding a small device, staring down at it. As he passed by, she looked up and around as if searching for something. Being hyper aware, he noticed it immediately but also feeling carefree, he kept walking. He wasn't the only person in the street, after all, and there was no reason she would want to follow him. She certainly wasn't the gangster thug type he was expecting, and it was too soon for anyone to suspect his deception yet.
As he walked though, she followed, mostly looking at her device but sometimes scanning the environment and taking note of the people. When he turned down a familiar alleyway and moved to a parallel street, she followed him across, albeit from a different street. Still, it wasn't until he crossed back and seen her standing still at the end of an alley waiting for him to pass that he was sure. Still, though, it didn't raise alarm in the way it normally would. Given his heightened senses, the whole thing made him more curious than worried. Quickly he walked on, making a series of zigzag turns until he spied a spot that suited his purpose. Ducking into a recessed doorway, Dave waited quietly for the inevitable.
"I'll bite." Dave startled the lady as she passed the entranceway, looking down at her device.
"Sorry, I'm looking for someone." She said, tucking the thingy into a pocket. "I think it's you."
"You don't know who you're looking for? Dave queried dubiously.
"No, I don't. But my....device.. it seems to track you. I think." She offered unconvincingly while watching the dot on the screen. "Can I just take a quick reading?"
"Sure." Dave gave in, curious to see what she would do.
Quickly, she pulled another small device from a satchel and pressed a button.
It beeped quietly and then again, flashing a light and a message.
"Yes, definitely you."
It was a bit of a walk to Sami's accommodation after she had introduced herself and then insisted he return with her. That was the more normal part of the interaction. From there, it got really weird fast. Firstly, the accommodation wasn't normal at all. The front door was, but after that, the space inside was something else. Still feeling the effects of his cocktail, Dave struggled to take it in or comprehend it. The decor was all smooth, clean metallic, space like, as if they weren't in some town on a dirty rock. Nothing in this town looked like this and it wasn't like it was some kind of secret installation, it just existed inside the space. Dave thought he knew a fair bit about space and the planets. He knew the planets and the moons of this system, and had been to a few different ones even. He knew that there were more planets elsewhere, too. Probably lots more. As far as he knew, there was no way of reaching them. But then he didn't know about any of this, so he promptly shut up.
"I'm part of an organization to expand knowledge of the universe." Sami explained. "We collect data and, well...people.. people who want to join us. Local people. Like yourself."
"Like me?" Dave asked.
"Well, actually, it's an algorithmic Ai that does. That's why the device was tracking you." Sami started.
"That doesn't explain why though, that's more a how it does it kind of explanation and not even a good one." Dave complained.
"Well, we have knowns and unknowns..." Sami struggled. "The algorithm takes data and stuff we know and processes it, giving us answers. We don't actually know how it works. I mean, there are too many variables for me to even comprehend. Basically, it crunches numbers for me. I do the easy stuff."
"Like track me down." Dave enquired.
"Yeah, you and some other stuff, too. Some samples or stuff we need to continue the work."
"The work?" Work meant pay, and if the pay was good and the work was easy, Dave was in.
"Like I was saying.....wait, are you high?"
Getting up close, Sami looked at Dave hard, making him smile.
"Sure am."
"That explains the tracker issues." Sami smiled.
"It does?" Dave smiled more. "But not the whole work thing you were about to tell me about."
"Ok, so the universe is big... like really big and it has some rules. But also some mysteries, and some limits. Or we think it does." Sami stated, losing certainty halfway through. "Regardless, we are an organization that's dedicated to finding out everything, unraveling the mysteries. We supply you with everything you need and keep you in good standing. Basically, good food and living standards, which are fairly rare in the universe at large, so that's a bonus. Plus, there is downtime and you're kind of free to do what you like.... to some degree. I mean, you are home here, so it's your stomping ground if you get that?"
"A little too well." Dave's face started showing his suspicion. "You're not from round here, are you? How is it you speak the lingo so well?"
"Oh, we can cover that now if you like?" Sami raised her eyebrows, really getting into her stride now. "Computer Ai algorithm."
"Is that the answer to every?.."
"It has basically predicted every language ever spoken or that will be spoken." She cut him off. "You get an implant and it does the heavy lifting for you. Works out what people say and even connects your synapses, letting you speak any language you come across. But yes, Ai does a lot for us."
"And the fact you're humanoid, how far removed are you?" Dave was ensnared now, and the drugs were working their magic. "Is the whole universe seeded? Is this proof of a God?"
"I'm from a long way away. Like eons given the whole space time thing. But also it's tricky, with anomalies and some other shit thrown in." Sami explained. "Yes, no...it's complicated... the best answer we have is we don't really know. Leave that for another day. It's too much to get into now and it gets philosophical."
"Ok, so who is the boss then?" Dave asked, wanting to tie up the work aspect.
"That's kind of tricky, too. Like we kind of don't have one."
"Umm..ok, so who pays then?"
"Well, that is done by.."
"Let me guess an Ai.." Dave grinned.
"Yeah, kind of." Sami hedged. "We are a loose group who share resources and knowledge and it's stored and distributed by a collective computerized system."
"So how do I start and what do I do?"
"You already have, and we are doing it." Sami turned to slide open a little containment unit attached to a wall, removing the small pen-like device from inside.
"What if I want to say no?" Dave asked, pretending to get his back up, but he was pretty sure his face was still smiling stupidly.
"Do you want to say no to the job?" Sami asked. "I suppose you could if you want to."
"No, I think I'll take it." Dave sat in the chair as it was offered to him.
"You and everyone else." Sami laughed, putting the pen to Dave's temple and hitting a button to implant the device. "Who doesn't want to unravel the mysteries of the universe?"
"I'm pretty sure it's the same all over." Dave mused. "Just endless variations of the same stuff repeating ad nauseum."
"Thats kind of true, but the variations of ad nauseum are amazing." Sami squeaked, completely miss using the words.
"What time is it?"
"Like now here?" Dave looked around the sleek apartment for anything resembling a clock.
"Local time." Sami stressed.
Dave pulled out his time dial and squinted at it. "Quarter pastish."
"I have to go." Sami hurriedly explained. "Actually, we both should. Do you have any money on you?"
"A little," Dave lied.
"We have to see a cephalopod about a unicorn horn."
Dave was still trying to figure out if this was a serious plan or something else altogether when she dragged him out of the room by his jacket sleeve.
Dave took note of the special key Sami had used to lock the door. He wasn't sure if she had some kind of ship, or if it was some kind of temporal time shift thingy. The drugs in his brain were firing hard and throwing all kinds of theories his way, but he knew his memory was catching nothing. He desperately tried to focus and hang on to even a little bit, but it was like trying to catch confetti. There was a very good chance that even though this all made perfect sense now, tomorrow would be a different matter entirely.
Sami was walking fairly fast and seemed to know where she was going, this time keeping the weird tracker stowed away. Dave followed her with his hands tucked into his jacket pockets, trying to look less conspicuous, which wasn't hard considering she was the odd one out dressed in tights and a silver-looking jacket with pockets all over. Scanning the street as he went, Dave watched the people as they went about their business, keeping an eye out for anyone sus. He wasn't worried about falling behind, given Sami was practically a beacon and hard to lose. That was until she turned down a side road and Dave had to run to catch her.
By the time he rounded the corner, it was too late. A row of dogs growled and snapped while their cat riders hissed and spat. Sami had the good sense to stand still, but that meant Dave almost cleaned her up in his hurry to catch up. In a moment, though, he too was frozen as the implant started working and for the first time in his life, Dave could understand everything that was said.
"Hey, Hey, Hey..." The dogs yelled over and over in a chorus of different voices all saying the same word.
The cats were far more scathing with taunts and threats. Clearly, they were irritated at being startled so badly.
"What do you think you're doing? You think we won't fuck you up?" A large gray striped puss spat while arching his back to the point he almost fell off his mount.
"Sorry bout that, we will just leave." Dave hissed back before he realized he wasn't using words.
"Sorry, not from around here." Sami cried out as Dave dragged her around the corner and away as the felines were dumbfounded, but the barking continued stupidly.
"Well, that will make things a lot easier." Dave mused out loud as they hurried to the next intersection and scurried around the corner.
"Not always." Sami huffed, her heart still racing. "Sometimes it makes things worse."
"Do you all just roam about so carefree as this?" Dave queried. "Seems a little dangerous."
"Most people have their area of expertise and they stick to it. Me...I'm kind of a recruiting person, so I get tasked with meeting new and interesting people. Which suits me. Social butterfly, I am." Sami explained, pulling up in front of a small artifact shop. "But it's also safer than you would think too. Having a lot of advanced knowledge gives us quite an edge."
Pushing the door open, they stepped into the gloomy interior, taking a moment to let their eyes adjust. Dave had been in here once before, but it wasn't anything that interested him, so he hadn't been back. He kind of wondered with all the junk inside if the shop wasn't some kind of front for something else, but he really didn't think the octopus owner had the backbone for it.
Upon their arrival, the owner pulled himself out of his aquarium and onto a platform, letting the water drip back into the tank. Sami quickly unclipped a pocket and pulled out the scanning device. Clearly she had been here before because she had known the way. If Dave had to guess, he figured she didn't know what she was looking for as she started moving the scanner across the rows of rocks, shells, and gemstones. There were clearly some fossils in the collection and some ancient hand crafted art? Maybe...
The store owner gracefully descended and walked with elegance on tentacles as if it were the most natural thing in the world. When he stopped, an arm curled and protruded from his mass, the end curling in interesting ways. Dave was starting to suspect the words when Sami replied, using her hands to somewhat mimic his motions. It was clear they had spoken before and Dave made out something about the selection, and something else or somewhere else.
The octopus lowered itself and slid a great suction cupped limb under the bench, removing a long black stalactite, or at least that's what it looked like to Dave. The octopus's eyes were alive, sparkling like a galaxy, and he suddenly seemed larger than before.
"You know what this is and what it can do." Said Sami out loud excitedly, while looking into his eyes. "You've always known."
"What I don't know is why you want it." The clerk answered in sign.
"I need it to power my transport." Sami signed back. "The universe is a big place, and it's hard to move about without it."
"It is a big place, but be careful out there." The octopus signed. "My God."
He stretched a limb towards a tapestry of a monstrous creature, humanoid but with an octopus-like head and what could be vast wings that stretched out of frame. The image alone gave Dave a chill.
"Your God lives out there? Where?" Sami enquired
"Somewhere. I have no intention of meeting him myself." The octopus warned. "I also suggest you avoid a meeting."
Sami nudged Dave for the money, which was quite cheap for what he suspected was real unicorn. Dave had sold a fair bit of not unicorn for a lot more. Even just this morning. The long raggard piece of what looked almost like stone was unimpressive to look at, but when you held it, boy did it give you a feeling. It made Dave wonder how anyone ever bought a fake. It was probably that he had met no one who had held some before.
"I'm glad your God isn't a toad." Dave signed cheekily, to which the octopus replied.
"You won't be if you come across the ancient one."
And with that, Sami politely thanked the creature before pushing Dave from the shop.
The walk back to Sami's abode was quiet and uneventful. Possibly because Dave's mind was swimming with possibilities, questions, theories and, of course, the drugs still. Using the special key again, Sami let him inside and once the door was shut, she opened a panel in the floor that hadn't been there at all before she touched it. Dave followed her down the short steps into a basement like area that was more technical looking. She took the horn from her sleeve where she had stashed it and put it into a bracket next to another unicorn horn, which was quite similar.
"You already got a horn?" Dave looked surprised.
"Yep." She smiled. "Always have a backup tho. If one happens to break, then you're not stuck."
"And you just hop about the universe gathering stuff and setting people up with hearing-speaking devices, then?"
"Pretty much."Sami shrugged. "Speaking of, what is it you want to add to the system?"
"I don't know. I thought you would tell me." Dave shrugged.
"I don't really know you." Sami laughed. "What is your speciality?"
Dave thought for a moment.
"I do know the secret to life, the universe and everything."
"You do?" Sami's eyes lit up like she hit the jackpot.
"Don't be a shit and try to have fun wherever you are."
She giggled a little at the simplicity.
"You really think that's it for the whole universe?" Sami pushed back half seriously.
"Subjectivity why not." Dave pitched back.
"We are a way for the universe to know itself. That's another take on it." She proposed.
"Me...I just want to enjoy the little time I have." Dave mused listfully.
"Well, you have the job. You write your own job description." Sami said openly. "I can give you the gear and you can stay here."
"I'd rather not if that's ok?" Dave asked. "Too many religious nuts here, the place is going to hell. Can you drop me somewhere... not like here?"
"Sure I can... but religions are pretty much universal. It's like you said, more of the same on repeat in that regard. People are always getting high on something, be it drugs, or sadism or self righteousness and religion."
"At least I know I can get some wherever I am." Dave smiled knowingly.
"Hopefully, one of the other universes in the M'verse will have something different. The latest data says there is a whole bunch of them pressed up against ours. Something to do with microwave background radiation patterns or such."
"What if they are all carbon copies of our universe?" Dave joked.
"They couldn't be..." Sami stood, shocked at the thought.
"No reason they couldn't be at all." Dave smirked.
"That would be depressing. If they discover that, I'll just get high with you."
"Sure why not." Dave laughed.
It didn't take Dave even an hour to pack everything he needed for the move. He always traveled light and didn't see the point of taking too many things. Who knew what he would need or use in the next place and Sami did make it seem as if the job gave him everything he would need. How that worked, he wasn't sure, but hey, it was normal not to know where the next meal was coming from, right? What money he had made and saved, he converted to the rarest raw elements he could, which were always pretty useful to someone and easily traded.
And that's how he found himself in a stranger's basement, looking at a doorway that he swore wasn't there the first time he visited. He had been given his own fob key that would create a space underneath the space that was there, wherever it was he wanted it. He had asked how it worked, but the whole thing was a black box. No one knew how any of it worked. As long as it did, that was all that really mattered, and the systems would guide him. They were all designed to be intuitive. All that was left to do was to pick a location, and he had left that up to Sami, having no personal experience to guide himself with. She assured him it was out of the way and not too religious, at least not yet, anyway.
There wasn't really any reason to trust her at all. Before today he did not know any of this existed and now, he was considering using a teleportation doorway to another planet, all off the word of someone he barely knew. Dave barely had a second thought about it. A leaf in the wind, see where it takes you. As soon as he had the thought it was gone again, that was how you staved off the paranoia and anxiety that sometimes came with a deep drug experience. He had been thinking of moving, anyway. This last day he had been thinking way too much and didn't hit the brakes once or even realize there were brakes.
"Are you ready?" Sami asked, giving him a look up and down. "Fair warning, the jump system can be a little quirky. It's not dangerous, but it can put you practically anywhere that's safe."
"As long as it's safe, I'll deal." Dave stuck out his hand for a fist bump. "Wish me luck."
"Goodluck"
He stepped through the door full of misty blackness and straight into a body of water, face planting hard. It wasn't deep, but it was confusing going from vertical to horizontal and it took him a moment of splashing to find the ground under himself.
As soon as he had, there was a bright light in his face, blinding him completely.
"What the fuck?" A voice called out in the dark. "Are you ok dude?"
"Sorry." Dave started with, not knowing what else to say, but thankfully whoever they were, they lowered the light and the dancing spots scatted away. "I'm kinda lost."
"Yeah, you are. You're a mess. How much have you had?"
This was followed by laughter.
Dave could see there were four guys and two girls holding skinny sticks with cudgels on the ends. They had some kind of vehicle with a searchlight attached, and a dog with them, so truly mixed company. No sign of a cat, which was strange. He waded towards them cautiously, the cold water having shook his senses.
"Where am I?" Dave asked blearily.
"On the golf course mate." One guy said condescendingly, but it went over Dave's head.
"Golf course." Dave said the words without knowing any context. "Where's that to?"
"You are off your tree." They laughed, and it was clearly pretty funny. "Townsville." One other offered up.
"Townsville....geez, they went all out naming this place, didn't they?" Dave joked. "Where is Townsville anyway?"
"Queensland......Australia. You don't know what state you're in?"
"Oh, I know what state I'm in," said Dave, looking down at his clothes and holding his arms out. "Can I get one of those?" He asked, noticing for the first time that one of them was smoking a stick.
"Sure." the guy said, tossing him a small box with embossed letters that read Oorah's Specials. Dave took one, and the man produced a small flame, lighting it for him.
"Well, that was easy." Dave muttered. "What are youse doing out here, anyway?"
"Us.... We are just smashing some cane toads."
The guy spun the light about the grass until he spotted one and his friend went over to tee it with the nine iron as a demonstration.
"I think I'm going to like it here." Dave smiled.