Ardus lay in the huge bath basin in his apartment, steaming himself through the chills and guzzling glass after glass of sailorfruit juice blended with ice. The ice-headache was better than the muscle and joint pain. He held his half-full glass against his head and willed the pounding to go away so he could think. Down his legs and arms, faint points of light glittered under the steaming water and Ardus glared at them. Stop it, I am not ready for this! He'd read what he could for an hour, trying to find something that would stop, delay or soothe the oncoming flood of testosterone and androgens. After that hour, the intense heat burning in his core was unbearable and Ardus had fairly thrown himself into a freezing-cold shower. Now he sat in a steaming bath, his shoulders twitching and his abdominal muscles quivering as he felt the heat from inside turn to ice. Except for the hot, throbbing, insistent ache in his groin and thighs, which was growing more demanding by the minute it seemed.
Sinking miserably up to his nose in the water, Ardus closed his eyes and tried to think. Thinking hurt, as did moving in any capacity, but he had to do it. Everything hurts, even my skin hurts. Ardus knew he should contact his physician, but at the moment he wanted to do little more than lie very still and try not to aggravate his already sore, inflamed tissues. It must have something to do with his pores, the chemical reactions and hormonal responses that caused them to glow. Perhaps there was a drug, something meant for Dreen in transition or with glandular problems. Nia would know, I should call her. But if he did that, he would have to explain to her why he wanted hormonal blockers. Most of the resources he'd found suggested self-soothing – working out his new frustrations by hand, as it were – before moving on to rigorous exercise to shed the extra energy and prescribed medication to ease the symptoms.
For the moment his pores were barely pinpricks, random scattered dots of faint color on his arms, legs and chest. None on his face yet, Ardus was relieved to note. I can hide my arms and legs, but my face... As long as his face remained dark, at least until he could get some semblance of control over his symptoms, Ardus felt fairly confident he could arrange some kind of retreat until he could return to work. There would be Athe to contend with, coming by to do his regularly scheduled chores and whatever shopping Ardus might need, and Ardus knew he could trust Athe to keep his mouth shut. He could work from home if necessary, uploading and downloading files from his personal terminal, sending Athe on errands as he needed. Meem and Nia would have to be content with conference calls, and Nina...
Ardus grunted as his lower abdomen throbbed at the thought of Nina. This is all because of her, I am certain. Rubbing his belly, massaging his tender muscles and irritated flesh, he tried not to think of Nina in ways that would further agitate his hormonal state. But all he could think of were her bare, brown legs, her smooth back with those maddening little dimples above her hips, her long, soft hair that smelled of something sweet and clean, her little hand folded in his palm, wrapped around the silver hair-ring he'd given from his own head. I wonder if she will wear it. He tried not to think of how her breasts strained against the pink fabric of her tiny swimsuit, how the strings that kept it precariously tied on pressed into her flesh. She is so round, so soft, so infuriatingly cute. He knew his imagination was getting away with him, but it was difficult to stop without his body twitching and aching in protest. His massaging turned to probing, his fingers searching for the curled mass just behind his pelvis and coaxing it out with gentle pressure. Thinking about Nina's hips, her gorgeous bronze skin and eyes like a storm, Ardus's organ slid into his hand and he moaned. Just to take the edge off, ease the throbbing for a while...
Sliding down into the steaming water he braced one arm over the side of the basin and held on, beginning a steady, slow stroke with the other. The water felt good, loosening tight muscles and expanding capillaries, feeling almost as warm as he imagined Nina would feel. Ardus imagined her willing, her arms (and other parts) open to him, inviting and ready. Ardus imagined her reaction to him, her eyes widening in surprised delight when she saw what he had to offer. He wondered if she could handle him, if her tiny human body could accommodate his shape, his size. Would she understand what was happening to him, would she want to help him? He imagined the kind of "help" she might give, pressing her soft little body against his and wrapping her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck. He would have to be careful, would have to be able to keep his head about him enough to not hurt her. I would not be able to live with myself if I did.
His head rocking back Ardus ran his palm up and down, squeezing and stroking and fighting to keep from gasping in response to the scorching heat. Has it ever been this overwhelming? Even when I was young? He could not recall if he'd ever been so desperate before, but that had been well over sixty years ago. Surely I was not this miserable. Nina's legs hovered in his mind, along with her swinging hips and soft, round thighs. I could fill my hands with those hips. He wondered what her breasts would feel like against his chest, in his hands, against his face and mouth. Gray's Anatomy told him they were largely adipose tissue, subcutaneous fat and skin covering small milk glands. Dreen women had those too, but they did not have the inviting shape or volume that made that fascinating crease down the center of her chest. With a growling groan Ardus felt his organ stiffen, the muscles in his thighs and belly cramping as he imagined all the things he could do, the ways he wanted to please her, how her voice would sound as she cried out his name as he pressed inside and filled her first with his organ and then with his release. He wondered how much she would be able to take.
Curling his legs in response to the tightening of his belly, Ardus gripped and massaged and used every technique he knew to draw out the most pleasure, to extend the buildup of pressure and sensation before it gave him some peace and some time to think – the longer he held off, the longer he hoped he would be able to function in the interim. Ardus slowed his strokes, reduced his grip to just the base, imagining Nina as she had been in her pink outfit and gasping as the first warm ripples began in his thighs. She let me touch her, she invited me. I could have put my arms around her, I could have held her and told her how much I want her. How much I need her.
Panting now, his heart pounding, his arm curled around the edge of the basin the only thing keeping him above water. I want to touch her again, hold her, feel her skin on mine. I wonder if she tastes as good as she smells. Ardus drew a ragged breath, imagining carrying her back to his bedroom, taking her into his bed and showing her what he thought of her generous little body. I want to taste every inch of her. His belly tensed and he knew there was no stopping it now. Ardus let out a shuddering moan, the ache in his muscles suddenly melting away in the waves of pleasure. His pores flickered purple and pink, the hormones given off by his release briefly strengthening their light before Ardus slumped back, temporarily relieved of the throbbing and stinging in every inch of his body.
But the desire was still there. Sea gods, there has to be something I can do about this. Perhaps some rest, maybe sleep through some of the discomfort before he started unpacking. But then I will be up all night and I will have to do this again, he looked down at his sticky hand. How long will this last? How long will I last? He couldn't go to work like this, not when his body burned and every second thought was of Nina and every third of the things he wanted to do to her. Already his mind was going that direction again, picturing her in the yellow tunic that turned her skin to gold. I would rather see her in nothing at all. He slashed his hand through the water, washing off the stickiness. His organ, now soft, withdrew and Ardus realized the water had cooled. His core temperature had returned to slightly above normal, but tolerable.
Draining the basin he washed quickly and climbed out, glaring at the glowing points on his wrist. He checked the mirror to make sure his face had not developed any marks, wincing when he touched the tender skin around his throat. If I am lucky my Collar will not light for a few days. I need time, more than anything. I need to call Athe and Nia. If he phrased his questions correctly, Nia might give him the answers he wanted without knowing what he was going through.
Wandering into his kitchen and smelling the dried herbs he kept in his pantry, Ardus realized he was starving – he'd turned down Nina's offer of breakfast and hadn't gotten around to making something for himself. Opening the pantry seemed to unleash a wild thing in his stomach, and Ardus reached for a package of dried seaweed and bolted it. He followed that with a protein cake and an entire bag of oily rednuts, downing them by the handful. Sea gods, it is like all of puberty, all at once. He remembered Athe being this hungry between twelve and eighteen, his body demanding food as the young Dreen grew faster than Ardus or Timam could keep track. Ardus remembered making breakfast one morning and being surprised at how tall the boy was, at sixteen almost as tall as Ardus himself. And nearly as broad, he recalled, looking down at his faintly flickering chest. Aku save me, if I am this hungry now... He would have to send Athe out for food sooner than he thought.
Flopping backwards into his sleeping niche, Ardus groaned as he felt another flare starting in his core. Not this again! Heat, building in his chest and stomach now that there was fuel to burn, radiated out to his fingers and toes. He adjusted the climate control, hoping to freeze himself out at least until the chills returned. He was exhausted, yet his mind clicked along too fast for him to keep up. Nina, his work, the night before, Timam, Athe, Nina's body, Nina's hair, Nina's hips and her jiggling little rump, her silver-gray eyes and bronze skin and her precious dimples and her tiny little hands and – "Drown me!" Ardus bellowed, covering his face with a pillow. He heard something rip, and when he pulled the pillow away he discovered that his claws had shredded the outer fabric case and the stuffing spilled out around his fingers. "Screamer's guts!"
Ardus flung the pillow across the room, not bothering to look where it landed. He rolled to his side, sighing miserably. Even if she did understand, Nina should never see me like this. It is embarrassing and undignified, I do not know what I would do if she was here right now. If I lost my head and did something to her... Ardus refused to finish that thought, already disgusted with himself and unsettled, his mind and body quickly spiraling out of control. I cannot work like this, I will have to talk to my physician before I do or say something incredibly stupid. I cannot put my career at risk, I cannot put Nina at risk.
Ardus spent that night tossing and turning, getting tangled in his blankets and throwing them off of him with a testy growl. He got up and paced his apartment, eating several more times and taking another freezing shower to cool himself when the heat became unbearable. Eventually he caved and drank a heavy slug of white foam algae liquor, finally dropping into a fitful sleep for a few hours before waking to his teeth chattering and his organ throbbing. He... self-soothed... and showered again, noticing a faint odor but unable to determine if it was from him or of it was another side effect of his raging, stirring, boiling hormones. After his shower the scent faded and Ardus sat on the terrace, watching the sun rise, chewing on ice and thinking of Nina.