I was playing with Seonghwa in the living room as I wanted to use most of my free time with him. I am growing really fast now and as well as I'm happy about that, it is also a bit sad because I knew that he would grow up and soon have his own life when I want to keep him forever. But that's just how life is and I'm going to use the time I have with him preciously. He was beginning to crawl now, so I had to baby-proof the whole house to make sure that he doesn't hurt himself or go into stuff that he shouldn't. Suddenly he began crawling over to me and began babbling.
Seonghwa: Mamma! Mamma!
Jahoon: That is right! I'm your mama.
He continued babbling like I didn't understand what he meant. I looked up at the clock to see that it was time to feed him.
Jahoon: Oh! You mean food! Alright. Let's better get you something to eat so you can grow big and strong as well as not make me suffer with your crying.
I picked him up and walked over to the kitchen to grab his formula to make him some milk while I prepared his food but when I opened the cabinet where it usually was, it was empty.
Jahoon: Seems like I had gotten too occupied with work and you, baby that I forgot to order some formula home. Well, we can't have you go hungry so we better grab some from the store as well as order extra to deliver at home. Wouldn't that be good?
Seonghwa smiled at me and clapped his hands. Sometimes I do wonder if he could understand what I said but just not being available to express himself. I grabbed the baby bag that I always have with me when we go out because you never know what is going to happen with a baby. We walked to the car and I placed him in his seat before driving off to the mall.
Jahoon: Formula... formula... ah! There you are!
I was walking down the aisle with Seonghwa in the shopping cart, trying to find the baby formula that Seonghwa was drinking. When I finally found it and reached out to grab it, someone magically decided to go and grab the same one. I turned to look at the person with a bit of annoyance at first until I realized who it was.
Jahoon: Chaehyun...
I wanted to reach out to her but she grabbed the formula and backed away, her eyes still on me.
Chaehyun: What are you doing here?
Jahoon: Obviously buying some formula for our son. What are you doing? And why...are you buying baby formula?... don't tell me that...
Chaehyun opened her mouth and was about to answer me when a man called out for her. She turned around to look at him. A handsome man walked over to us with a smile on his face and a child in his arms. I looked at them shocked, hoping that it wasn't what I was thinking.
Man: There you are. Jinho and I have been looking for you. Seems like you bumped into an old friend. Hello, my name is Jinyoung. Chaehyun's husband. A pleasure to meet you.
He reached his hand out for me to give it a shake. I looked at his hand, then at his face, then at Chaehyun, and back at his face. Husband? That can't be right. She left me for him. I grabbed his hand and shook it with a firm grip. I could feel myself tightening my jaw in anger but tried not to show it on my face.
Jahoon: Nice to meet you too. My name is Jahoon, an old acquaintance of Chaehyun. I didn't know that she already had a husband.
I turned to look at Chaehyun with a slight glare on my look. She turned her face to look elsewhere as if she was embarrassed about the situation right now. As she should be. Her "husband" walked over to Chaehyun and wrapped one of his arms around her and pulled her close to him.
Jinyoung: It was a surprise for me too to become her husband. I heard about her old partner being really mean and aggressive towards her and that she had to get out of the marriage since she couldn't be in a relationship with domestic violence. It is understandable though because you wouldn't wish for any woman to go through something like that.
I looked at him with an "I see" expression and then turned to look at Chaehyun, who kept looking away from me. So now she is going around telling people that I treated her badly and beat her up when none of it was true.
Jahoon: You are right. That is something that no one should go through. It almost sounds like a lie but I'm sorry, I have to leave you guys right now. I have a meeting at work that I have to go to.
Jinyoung: Oh! Is that right? What about your cute little baby boy there? We can take care of him while you are at work?
Jahoon: No, it is fine. I already got a babysitter ready but nice to meet you... again.
Jinyoung reached out and was about to touch Seonghwa but I pulled the cart away and turned around to the self-checkout line. I quickly paid for my items and drove back home. I took the elevator up to my floor and knocked on my neighbor's door. The old lady or who I now call Mrs. Kim opened up the door with a smile on her face.
Mrs. Kim: Hello dear! What brings you and your little man here? Want to come inside and try some of my freshly baked cookies? I have just taken them out of the oven.
Jahoon: I would really love to Mrs. Kim but I can't right now. I was actually here to ask you if you could take care of Seonghwa for me for a few hours. I have some stuff that I need to get done before the end of the day.
Mrs. Kim: Of course my dear! I would never say no to such a sweet young man like him. Here let me take him from you. You don't have to worry a bit. I will take the best care of him that you could ever wish for. Have you fed him yet? It is about to be lunchtime right now.
Jahoon: Thank you, Mrs. Kim. No, I have not fed him yet, actually, I have just been at the mall to grab his formula since we ran out at home.
Mrs. Kim: Oh dear! You should always have formula ready at home but don't worry, I will feed him. You go. Little Seonghwa and I will have fun. Seonghwa, say bye-bye to your mom.
Mrs. Kim smiled as she grabbed Seonghwa's arm to wave goodbye. I smiled at him and placed a kiss on his forehead and then bowed as a thank you to Mrs. Kim before walking inside my apartment. But as soon as I closed the door, I leaned my back against it and took a deep breath trying not to cry. Even though it has been a little over two years since she had left, the wound inside of me was still big and fresh enough to make it hurt. How could she go on just like that without having any guilt? And also just suddenly have a baby out of nowhere when she already has one but not caring even a bit about him?
I walked wobbly over to the kitchen and grabbed myself a glass, putting some ice in it before pouring myself some whiskey. I took it and just drank it in one shot. But even with that it still wouldn't help my wound. Instead of just pouring a little as you normally would do, I continued to pour mindlessly until it began overflowing.
Jahoon: God damn it!
I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. I will just clean this up later. I took the glass and walked to a room at the far end of the hallway and unlocked it with a key that I always kept on me.
Jahoon: Everything's the same. As if anyone could have gotten inside and changed anything after all.
I stumbled over to a chair and sat on it while looking around the room. Inside here I kept all of the things that reminded me of Chaehyun. Every picture that we had taken, every bear that we brought on our dates, anything that had a connection to her was stored here. There had been many times when I just wanted to throw it all away or burn it but I couldn't make myself do it. I was still pretty much attached to her even when I didn't want to. I gulped a big shot of the whiskey and placed it down on the table beside me and stood up walking over to our marriage photo that was hanging in the middle of the room. We looked so happy in it and to think that just a few months after giving birth to our boy, she would leave me for another man and go around and tell people how abusive I am, even though none of it is true. Now I know why people are always looking at me with a weird and disgusting look whenever I'm outside. Even the public thinks that I'm just an abusive person because who would you trust more? An idol, who is very much a public figure or just a random person who happened to get married to an idol? Well, of course, the idol in question.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, grabbing for my phone in my pocket with my other hand. I have been putting off for a long time on going to social media to see what kinds of comments there are from the public when they got to know about our divorce and just as I thought right. Everyone was blaming me for the divorce, that I was a manipulative and abusive person. Even people who I don't know would come out and say stuff that wasn't true. I deleted the app and threw my phone against the wall but my pain wasn't satisfied yet, so I grabbed the glass with whiskey and threw it the same way. Bits of glass and whiskey flew around the room but I could care less. I walked over to the punching bag that I had in the room. It is weird to have one in a room like this but whenever my anger skyrocketed, I would always use it to take out my anger before walking out. I can't be angry at my kid when he has done nothing wrong. I punched and punched it until I was out of breath and didn't have any strength to lift my arm anymore. I glanced down at my hands and saw my knuckles bleeding. This is what I deserve...right? I just sighed and walked out to the bathroom and took the first aid kit, fixing myself up. I then cleaned everywhere I had made a mess before fetching Seonghwa from the neighbor. She did ask me about my bandages like always but I would just brush it off as an accident at work. I walked back to my apartment and sat on the sofa in the living room while holding Seonghwa in my arms. He was sleeping so peacefully.
Jahoon: Nothing matters more in this world except you...I love you, my son...I will always be here for you whenever you need it... forever.