Chapter song: Samuel Kim - So ist es immer (cover)
"You shouldn't have said that." Furlan's voice blanketed the room after what felt like an eternity. One too short to allow Levi to master his thoughts.
The vibrations of the door slamming shut still rippled along the walls of the decaying house, echo annoyingly ringing in his ears.
His eyes slowly slid to his friend and associate, then back to the entrance. What he saw on Furlan's face made a mix of anger and shame stir in Levi's chest.
"I only spoke the obvious," he said, hands searching his pockets for his knife.
He needed to do something. He needed to occupy his mind with something else besides the betrayal glazing her eyes and the storm darkening her face.
He hated it. He hated he had to be the reason for her sadness. The reason for her tears.
She thought Levi didn't know.
She thought he never noticed how her throat bobbed every time she was swallowing back tears, long before they welled up in her eyes. She thought he didn't pay attention to the pain her own body brought her sometimes. How her muscles and bones ached, and her chest burned; how fever conquered her for days on end, despite acting like she was all right. How she pushed herself closer and closer to collapse.
Each and every time, Levi had prepared for the worst. Prepared himself to lose her. Because that was the sensible thing to do. That was the only thing he could do in the Underground.
She thought Levi didn't know all those things, and yet he knew her habits very well. She was on her way to the Waterfall that very moment, the only place people from the slums could gaze upon the sky and briefly feel the warmth of the sun.
It was their place. The place where he promised her, he would take her to the surface so many years back. When or how they came into each other's lives didn't even matter anymore. Levi couldn't remember life before meeting her, but he did remember every moment with her.
The blade brightly shone between his fingers the moment he found the knife, pristine surface reflecting the grim mask on his face. Then, the searing spark of hatred in her eyes.
He proceeded to clean it.
Furlan scoffed at Levi's pretended indifference. "The obvious?! What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Don't start with me, Furlan," Levi grunted, head hung and shoulders heavy. "I'm not in the mood for one of your smart lectures."
"Oh, no. I will give you a lecture! I will give you a fucking lecture on how not to be a fucking jerk to the people who care about you!" Furlan's fist banged against the fragile table, immediately catching Levi's attention.
Irritation festered in his chest.
"What would you have wanted me to say?!"
"It was not what you said, it was how you said it!"
Levi slammed his hands against the wood as he stood up, causing Isabel to recoil in front of their fight. A stinging pain cut into his palm as he put his weight against the knife. Blood quickly gathered under his hand, impregnating the surface. He had to clean the house again after this.
"Then pray tell, how should I have told our best thief — the one that more or less has put food on our table every day for the last couple of years — that she cannot come to the surface with us because she can't keep up with us?! She's too weak handling the ODM gear."
"You know it's not about the damn fucking gear!" Furlan's face flashed a shade of red, as dark as Levi's pooling blood, the more he countered Levi's pathetic excuses. The color of his cheeks made the gray of his eyes burn with disdain.
Levi couldn't fault him.
"Oh, so now you can read minds, too. Great. While you're at it, why don't you read that blonde bastard's mind, so we can get those goddamn papers faster? Since you're so smart, why don't you find a way to forge citizenship documents too, without us going through all this hassle?!" Levi's tone was cutting, harsh with ridicule. He knew that. He couldn't stop himself.
"You arrogant son of a-"
"I'd think twice before finishing that sentence if I were you."
Quick to point his stained knife at Furlan's neck as he stood up, Levi's voice was guttural and low. Dangerous.
But his words rang hollow for Furlan, the man never backing down in front of Levi. "Go on, then. You're already short on one person of the team. See what you can do without–"
"Stop it! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop it!" Isabel's voice shook with panic as she shouted, both men now staring at her. The teen's shoulders trembled, hands covering her ears and head buried between her squeezed shoulders. "Just... please, stop it."
Levi swallowed hard, trading glances with Furlan. If hurting her wasn't enough, he was also hurting Isabel now. Nausea churned his gut, the hand holding the knife falling limply by his side.
Furlan sat back down and ran his hand gently down Isabel's back to calm her. "Isabel..."
Despite her bubbly personality, Isabel could never stand them arguing in front of her. Levi dragged a palm over his face, the need to slaughter the bastards that did this to her like a flame shooting through his bones.
Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, Isabel blinked the moisture of her eyes away. Her voice was weak and tired. "Wraith wouldn't want you two fighting like this before a big mission. Being divided right now... it's too dangerous. Didn't you three always say we need to stick together no matter what if we want to survive?"
Furlan glared in Levi's direction as he continued soothing Isabel, "Lucky for us, she's not here. Levi made sure of that."
"... I don't like it either. You both know it."
Furlan watched him from beneath lowered brows, before heaving a sigh. "Then why didn't you tell her the truth instead? Why did you feel the need to be cruel to her after everything?"
Levi turned around and plopped himself on the couch, legs crossed and arm resting on the back of the seat. Twirling the knife between his fingers, he was careful not to stain the old leather with bits and pieces of his already-dried blood.
The once shining blade now looked lifeless.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he muttered. "I only treated her like I would treat any other member of the gang."
"Admit it, Levi. Getting tired too fast is not the real reason you're not letting her come." Furlan fully faced him now after he made sure Isabel was feeling better. The girl's gaze was still cast downwards, unease gathered on her pale face.
Levi forced himself to stifle a groan. Eyes fluttering close, he let his pounding head fall against the couch. He was exhausted.
"That's exactly the reason. She's going to fall to her death and weaken us if we bring her. The plan–"
"Fuck the plan!" Furlan said, frustration sprinkled in his tone. "We need her. If she was any other member, you would've risked it. You know that."
Once again, Levi's mind pulled out memories he was trying to ignore. He deliberated taking off before they could chip at his resolve. Find something else to worry about — something that wouldn't claw at his heart or widen the well of fear and grief opened in his chest.
His limbs felt too heavy to move.
"What are you implying?"
"You're scared of losing her, Levi. If something unforeseeable happens, if our plans fail, you don't want her to die," Furlan patiently explained, the fire from only a few seconds ago completely extinguished. "That's why you decided to keep her here, where you know she can handle herself while we're gone. You want to keep her safe."
The gentleness in his voice, the implication behind his careful thought words, hit Levi like a ton of bricks. And the understanding burned him.
He let the silence drag on.
When he finally spoke, his voice was a hoarse rasp, "Why would I want to do that? She's not a child. We both know what we signed up for. The mission always comes first. Why would anything change now when we're so close to freedom?"
He didn't know who he was trying to convince.
"Because you love her."
Isabel's words rang, hitting something in Levi's gut.
The knife finally dropped from between his fingers onto the ground. It left nothing but old blood and a cluttering noise in its path.
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