Mikasa wasn't dumb. She knew that saying something was different than doing it. For example, Y/n knew Mikasa, she knew her from the beginning. And she waited. She waited and waited and waited until Mikasa came to the realization herself. Mikasa had hopelessly fallen for the h/c-haired girl. Her vibrant laugh, her hugs, her perfume, her pajamas that never matched- Mikasa knew that every part of her loved Y/n, but she never knew if she deserved Y/n.
After years of pining without realizing she was, she'd come to the conclusion Y/n liked her and wanted to date her, but was never ready. Mikasa was now the one that had to wait. And she did, but not only that, she tried to find out what was wrong with her. She went to the internet, searching about internalized homophobia, how to dismantle it, where it came from- She searched it all. She even went to Armin.
"Internalized homo-ness," He snorted out, realizing it was Mikasa and not Y/n, the one person he could joke with. "Um, it's mainly from media and childhood. It's not going to be solved in less than one day, so you have to be patient with yourself, but I have some books I can lend you, and some YouTubers are good for it..." He smiled, grabbing a potato chip from his bag. "Thank you, Armin." He pivoted to shut his locker. "Y/n recommended all of these to me, so... You should thank her." He chuckled. "Her mom may have not been the best at feelings, but she made sure Y/n had a lot of resources for things..." He paused, looking at the ravenette before nodding. "Well, if that's it, then I'll go..." He was waiting, anyone could tell. Mikasa was the one person who didn't ask about Y/n.
Everyone was expecting her to act differently, but she kept going on. She didn't cry or complain or mention Y/n. The most she had done was dive into her studies more. "Actually-" In her mind, it was okay though, she was going to better herself the way Y/n was supposedly doing. And asking for help was a step in the right direction. "I want to, um, apologize." His eyebrows rose, mouth opening in shock. That wasn't the question he was expecting. "For?" Her face scrunches, avoiding his gaze overall. "For treating you like competition, and... not helping you when Eren- when- what- with what he-"
His laughter cut her off before the embarrassment could graze her cheeks. "Mikasa, it wasn't your job... And I get that it can be hard defending a friend you've known for so long, against another friend." He smiles brightly. Too bright, Mikasa thinks. It's like someone she wants to be here with. "Besides, Y/n kind of handled it." Mikasa shivers at the memory. She remembers the vile words spewed at her, the coward she felt like, and the longing to go after the h/-haired woman. "You okay?" Armin must have noticed her face, she can never tell with others. "Y-yeah, it's just um- You accept my apology, right?" He nods, digging into the bag of chips. "Yeah, as long as you buy me more chips," Armin says before winking. She rolls her eyes, silently grateful for his forgiving nature.
Shortly after, Armin gave Mikasa the books and recommended channels. "Be patient with yourself, please. Don't do what I did and just expect everything to be perfect once around. Y/n forced me to realize that a lot later when I had my first breakdown about Eren. Just take my word, okay?" Armin said that for a second time. Be patient. Being patient wasn't Mikasa's strong suit. She liked to work efficiently in a quick time, and since Y/n would hopefully be coming home soon, and she was working her butt off to be better, Mikasa was going to put her all into this and she expected herself to be better on the first night.
The first night was hard, after the first chapter of some childhood trauma book, she sat on her bed, watching the walls turn different shades as the sunset. She didn't realize how much trauma her mom caused- And it became increasingly obvious as she read more. But how could she blame the person who brought her into this world? Can she?
After a week, Mikasa had gotten through two books Armin lent her. She had one notebook full and was satisfied, especially since she and Armin were starting to talk again. The topics changed from action figures and playdates to relationships and larger topics, but nevertheless, the two were back with each other, the two were friends again.
Y/n crossed her mind every day since she left. She didn't say goodbye, no one did. She just left during the day and never said anything to anyone. Mikasa heard about a trip she was on, but she knew that was a lie. It was Y/n's decision so she didn't pry, instead, she kept reading and watching videos and getting more books. In the span of two weeks and three days, Mikasa read six books and had her friend back.
Then, a day before Y/n came, she got to talk to Eren.
Somehow, he forgot his charger in her room, and the two just sat on her bed. It was a tough topic, the two were headstrong and didn't communicate that well. So, the only thing the two could do was wait until it was said. Two words. Seven letters. "I'm sorry for being a dick." He was the first to say. She smiled, watching as the wall blended with the sun. "I'm sorry I was a dick." Eren chuckles. "Well, now that we both agree we were dicks, can we be friends again?" She nods, holding up her pinky. Eren looks into her eyes, pausing before gripping hers with his. "As long as we forget about the kiss, then deal." "Deal."
The day Y/n arrived, Mikasa wasn't ready. She faked being sick, an obvious lie, and everyone went to Y/n's leaving her in the empty house. Would Y/n ask about her? Would she still remember her? What would've happened if she was there? Mikasa would never know because that night, that Sunday night, Y/n never showed up at her door. Mikasa waited and waited. But Eren just said she asked about her. Just one simple question about her and that was it. The topic was dropped immediately after and no one spoke of her name. No one told Y/n about Mikasa.
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