I lay in my bed at six in the morning, staring at the ceiling. I can't keep my mind off Jason. I find myself thinking that I should just keep my feelings to myself. If he doesn't love me the same way, I could potentially get my feelings hurt. My phone rings, and I roll my eyes as I answer it without looking at the screen.
"Good Morning, Kerri."
"Good Morning, Mel." I laugh, realizing its Jason attempting to sound like Kerri.
"You're silly, baby. What's up?"
He laughs a little bit. "I can't get back to sleep, boo. Want to hit a restaurant and get breakfast?"
I sit up in bed and smile harder. He can't go to sleep, so he decides to call me first. Not Leslie, but me. He can't go to sleep, so he wants me to go to breakfast with him. "Maybe."
"Maybe? Girl, don't make me call Kerri on your ass."
We both share a laugh.
"It's not that I don't want to go, but I don't know. My mom sometimes start trippin' and you know how that goes."
"Come on, Mel, you know your mom is okay with us going to get breakfast before school."
I have to admit to myself that my mom is okay with me spending breakfast with Jason. My mom and older brother are crazy about him just like his parents are crazy about me. I'm just personally not sure if I should be spending this much time with him, seeing as I'm still trying to tell him I love him.
"Girl, get up and go to breakfast with me." I start laughing at Jason's deep voice. Every time he's trying to force me into something, he'd do his deep voice. Little does he know it drives me crazy. He laughs, also. Jason is so silly, and I love everything about it. "I'm hungry, girl, and you're over there debating rather or not you want a free meal. You know you want a free meal."
"I can't take you, Jason. You're so damn silly."
"I'll be over there in about an hour, okay, babe?"
I nod silently, wishing I really was his babe.
"Babe?"
I realize I didn't give an actual response. "Yeah, boo, that's fine."
"See you soon, Melly baby."
I end the call and look at my phone. My heart has never been as confused as it is at this moment. "I can't take this anymore. Are we friends, or are we more?"
I quickly dial Kerri's phone, and she picks up on the first ring. "It's not seven yet, lady."
"I know. Jason just called and asked if I wanted to go to breakfast with him."
"So? He invites you to breakfast at least twice a week. I should really start getting offended, because you guys seem to forget me."
"You are lucky you're still getting a ride to school."
She starts to laugh at me knowing I'm dead serious. "I know, right? Girl, I know you want him for yourself. Can't blame you too much."
"Ker bear, I can't tell him. I've tried. It's becoming so difficult to be his friend. His simple touches are starting to affect me. I don't know how much longer I can do this." I whine to her.
"Well . . ." She pauses, quickly. "Well, we are going to the movies Friday. I can possibly help you tell him."
I nod my head, grateful for Kerri's help. "That might work, but no blunt shit, Kerri."
Kerri laughs, "Time for Plan B."
"I mean it, Ker. I don't want you to be blunt. Like ease into it."
"I got you, Melly."
I sigh and look at the clock on my wall. "I got to go. We'll pick you up before school."
"Well, you guys better bring me a coffee and a breakfast sandwich. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not part of this group with the library meetings, family dinners, and all the chit chat, giggling shit. I'm part of this group."
"We got you." I hang up the phone and head to the shower hoping that I'm able to keep it together mentally in front of my Jay baby.
*****
Jason and I are sitting down eating our breakfast.
"Before we leave, Jas, we have to order something for Kerri."
He nods and keeps chewing his food. I can't stop looking at him. I move in my seat, feeling uncomfortable. He keeps his eyes on me.
"Stop looking at me, Jason."
He laughs at me as I put sugar in my coffee. "Why are you so uncomfortable this morning?"
Damn. He's good. I shrug, "My underwear, I guess." I say, being a bit silly.
Jason spits out his coffee from laughing. I giggle a little and hand him a napkin. I start to clean our table off, sneaking glances at him. His eyes glimmer as he watches me.
"What? Are you wearing a thong?"
I feel my face getting hot. Stop it, Melissa. Be Nonchalant. I glance at him, and he's looking at me like he really wants to know. I'm not sure if it's a rhetorical question, or not. I smile at him and take a small bite of my hash brown. "I don't wear thongs."
"Boy shorts?"
My mouth drops open. At his curious ass question that causes a blush to creep on my face. "What's wrong with you, Jason?"
"Why are you blushing?"
Oh, I got to get out of here now! I pinch myself under the table to see if this is another dream. When I feel a tiny sting from the pinch, I know. I look up at Jason, and he's just staring at me with a silly smirk on his face, really waiting on a reply.
"I make you do that?" He smiles, mischievously.
"Yeah, you do. I mean, you're sitting across from me, asking me what type of undies I'm wearing. Are you serious?"
He laughs at me and licks his lips, slowly. It looks way too seductive to me. "I guess I have a thing for girls who wear them. I think it's sexy." I clear my throat.
Our eyes meet, and I keep eye contact with him. Here goes. "Boy shorts."
"That's sexy." He finishes off his bacon sandwich, keeping his eyes on me.
My mind can't comprehend what's happening. Okay, I pinched myself and felt the pain from it, so this is very real. He's really sitting across the table from me, harassing me about my under garments. In so many words, he admits to me that he thinks I'm sexy. Whew. No more breakfast with him. Now I feel like I need another shower.
Jason looks at his watch. "Babe, I'm about to go order Kerri some food and then we have to get her. You want something else?"
I shake my head, determined not to pronounce anymore words to him, until Kerri's around us.
He smiles and starts to clean up our mess. Our hands brush, and again I feel this damn electric shock between us. He looks at me for a moment and looks like he wants to say something, but doesn't. I hope he's not done talking, because that will be sort of awkward with us both waiting for Kerri to have a conversation again. "Did you get a bottle of water from home?"
What? I shake my head, giving him a look of confusion.
"I just remembered you like to have a bottle of water in your bag before school starts. I'll get a bottle of water for you."
Aww . . . he's being so sweet. "Thanks, Jas."
He nods and walks away to get my water and Kerri's breakfast. I let out a sigh of relief. I'm so glad breakfast is over, and I'm pretty sure that I will have to steer clear of breakfast between us without Kerri, or a third party.
*****
I sit silently in the car, waiting for Kerri. Not much words were spoken on the way to Kerri's house. It's an awkward experience. He has music playing silently from his bluetooth speaker and looking out the window. I silently pray that Kerri hurries her ass up. I sneak a glance at him. It's as if he feels my brown eyes on him, and turn to me to meet my gaze. I quickly look out the window, feeling nervous around a boy I've known almost my entire life.
Kerri finally comes out her front door, and I give a silent thank you as she bounces to his car. She gets in the car and he hands her a coffee and a bag of food. "Thanks, guys."
Jason pulls off, "No problem."
"Yeah, you really should come to breakfast with us next time." I say as lightly as I could muster.
"Well, if ever I get an invite, I'm there." Kerri says, smiling brightly.
Jason smiles at what she says. "Aww, Ker bear, are you feeling left out?"
I laugh at him teasing Kerri.
"Please, boo, don't start with me. You think you're too cute for words."
"I am."
And just like that, things are back to normal in the car. My phone vibrates, and I see that it's a message from Kerri.
So how was breakfast?
Girl!!
What's up?
He asked what panties I wore!
Omg 😆 What's wrong with him? 😭
Kerri starts laughing out loud and shaking her head to my last text. "This boy just sends the craziest things early in the morning."
What u say???
I told him I had on boy shorts 🤷🏾♀️
Y'all crazy
No, that's him. All on my ass.
Lol. Like literally
*****
I thought about avoiding Jason throughout the school day, but didn't want to make things more awkward between us.
When the end of the school day approach, we head back to his car. After tossing my bag in the backseat, he opens the front door for me, and I slide into the seat. He's just about to get into the driver's seat, when Leslie comes walking up to the car. I roll down the windows just enough to hear what words are about to be exchanged between them.
"You know, Jason, I know she's your friend and everything, but maybe you bringing her to and from school every day is too much."
She might be right, but the last time I checked, she wasn't gassing his car up.
"Come on, Leslie, we've been through this."
"Yeah, and it's always the same. You said that you wanted us to work on things, but you're still treating her like she's more important than me."
I try not to look at him, but I can't help myself. I find myself glancing over at Jason. I silently watch him lifts his head up and cover his face hands with pure frustration on his face. It's clear she's pissing him off. No doubt that she's pissing me off too.
"Damn, Leslie, I've been through this with you already."
She looks at me in the car, and I quickly look out the window. "I guess you really don't want to be with me."
When I feel she isn't glaring at me anymore, I go back to looking at him.
He tries to grab her arm. "Leslie, come on now. You know when we met, that me and Melly bab ---" He stops himself short, but it isn't short enough.
"That's the shit I'm talking about! You sit here and call her baby and boo. Walk around school like you and her have a love affair going on. She's always around you!" She throws her hands up in frustration. "You're always around her! And then, you don't even try to let her go for me! Why do you think I told you that I need my space over summer, Jason?Where is my place, Jason?"
"It's not a competition, Leslie."
"Oh, I don't get to be called baby, huh? Where is my place, Jason?"
He does his frustration move again. He then looks her in her eyes. "I want to be with you. I've never cheated. I don't lie. I want you, Leslie. Everyone knows this, but you."
She points to the car with anger in her eyes. "Does she?"
"She knows the most."
I turn around to face the window and try not to cry. I wipe a tear trying to escape my eye. I know the most, huh? Maybe I have been imagining the last couple days between us.
"How about this, babe? I'm going to take Melly home, and we can spend the rest of the day together. Start off fresh."
I roll my eyes, feeling bitter inside. Yeah, take me home. It's not like he did anything wrong, but I just feel like he should know better.
"No." She has such an attitude problem. She just wants him to baby her. Bitch.
"Girl, stop playing." He's using his deep voice. I look at them as he playfully pulls her closer to him. "You know you want to spend today with me."
"No, Jason." She says, crossing her arms with defiance.
Jason puts his arms around her. As difficult as it is to watch, I honestly can't stop looking. He kisses her lips softly, "I miss you, Leslie. All games aside." I watch as he pushes her bangs out of her eyes. "We can go out to dinner and come up with a way to compromise."
"There is no way, unless you just ---"
"Come on, Leslie! I'm trying!"
I find the longer that I sit in the car, the more pissed I am becoming at the situation taking place outside his car. I should have gotten out the car the moment he made his choice. Instead, I sit in the car looking like a dumbass trying hard to fight the tears that so badly want to fall. If Kerri was in the car, she would have been told his ass to get in the car. She wouldn't have sat in the car listening to what seemed like a scene out of a romantic movie, like I am.
"Okay, Jason. One dinner." She holds up a finger, fighting a smile.
Jason smile grows wider. "Great."
I blink back my tears, roll my eyes, and shake my head.
"My parents are out of town."
I turn to her so fast, I could have broken my neck. I watch as Jason nods his head in satisfaction. Okay, enough is enough. This is some bullshit. I roll the window all the way down and try to hide the fact that Jason has piss me off. I know he doesn't know that I have feelings for him. . . but damn! Is all this really necessary?
"Jason, I have to get home. Should I call my brother, or catch a bus?"
"Catch a bus." Leslie doesn't hesitate in answering.
Jason clears his throat and opens the driver's door. "Babe, I will pick you up for dinner in two hours."
She nods with a slight hint of disappointment. She is disappointed? She doesn't know what disappointment feels like. I just witnessed the boy I love, showering her ass with all types of love and affection. My heart is breaking with each passing second. The worst part about it all is that I have to fake it, until I get into the privacy of my own home. Then, I can cry in peace.
Jason drives off humming, and I try not to shoot daggers at him with my eyes. "Babe, we're going to have to cancel our study date tonight."
I just look at him. Don't call ume no fucking babe. Is he serious?
"That sucks a little, because there's a marathon of Supernatural. I had the night planned for us. I think they're going to run that same marathon on Sunday, also. I can make your lasagna, and we can watch it then."
I look at him and realize for the first time that he really doesn't know that I am hurt. He's sitting next to me having a full blown conversation, like everything between us is okay. I guess I did imagine everything that is happening between us. It is probably what I wanted to see self consciously. He doesn't love me in more than a friendship type of way.
"Babe, wait until you taste this lasagna. It's going to drive you nuts. I'm telling you now that you're not about to have me slaving in the kitchen every week. I will make it for you once a month."
He smiles at me as he gets closer to my home. I can't be upset with him, but that doesn't stop the pain. He really doesn't know or understand my feelings for him. You would think that will make me feel a little better to know he's not intentionally hurting me. It doesn't lessen the blow or ease the pain a single bit.
He pulls into my driveway and unlocks the passenger's door. I reach into the backseat and grab my bag. I reach for the door handle, feeling proud of myself that I don't start bawling right then and there.
"Mel?"
I turn around, wondering what he wants now.
"You want to do breakfast tomorrow with me? I can tell you how my date with Leslie went."
Great, just what I want to hear at the start of my day. God really needs to put a muzzle on him. "You know, I don't think so."
I push the door open and step out. I close the passenger's door trying not to make further contact with him.
"Good night, Melly baby."
And with that, he drives off.
I feel the tears burn my eyes as they finally fall. I can't be upset with Jason. I can't be upset with Leslie. I'm so silly to think there is something happening between Jason and I. I honestly feel like I'm emotionally torturing myself. I have to find a way to get pass this.
************
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