I was startled when his lips touches mine.
For the very first time, I never knew a person's lips could taste like fresh strawberry and can be soft as cherry when it touches your mouth at its first pick.
I was delighted when our lips met. The lips I've been longing for is now brushing against mine. Halos hindi ko iyon mapaniwalaan. My eyes closed shut on its own, feeling this fantastic and tasteful moment of my life.
I suddenly felt Justin's hand holding the back of my head as if guiding me to tilt it side while his other hand continue to massage my back, and it travels in every part of my upper body. Habang ang mga kamay ko naman ay mariing nakahawak sa dibdib niya dahil hindi ko alam kung saan ko ito dapat ipwesto.
Seconds later, he held my arms and put it on his shoulders. I am now hugging his neck and I try not to let it go. For an eighteen year old boy, he is quite an expert with this in which I didn't know whom he learned into.
Wala akong marinig na kahit ano sa paligid ko kundi ang tunog ng hingal naming dalawa sa paghinga. The kisses is soft and gentle that I felt butterflies in my stomach battling each other inside happily. I never knew Justin could do all of this.
He continue to kiss me until he almost out of breath, and when he's done, I open my eyes only to see him staring at me intently.
His eyes are sparkling and that's the most beautiful pair of eyes I've ever seen.
"Shit..." He uttered and suddenly looked away. "I can't be doing this..."
"Doing what, Justin?" I said.
The kiss didn't sober me up but instead, it makes me more drunk. Halos mawala na ako sa sarili doon palang sa katotohanan na hinalikan niya ako.
"You can't be kissing me? Iyon ba ang ibig mong sabihin?" I asked bravely.
The kiss almost felt like a dream but the moment he cursed ruined it all. Bakit tila nagsisisi siya sa ginawa niya?
"Why not, Justin? Tell me.."
He stand up and brushed his hair as he walked through the balcony of the room. He open the glass door and left me in bed.
Doon ko napagtanto na nagsisi nga siya. Na hindi talaga bukal sa loob niya ang halikan ako.
The pain he causes me this day came back even after his kisses.
Sinundan ko siya sa balcony at marahas siyang hinarap sa akin.
"You regret kissing me is that it?" I asked him begging for his answer. "Bakit hindi mo nalang sabihin, Justin?"
"You're drunk. You better get some sleep. Iwan mo na lamang muna ako."
"No..."
"Venisa, please."
"Justin, you're not even sorry for what you did!" Bulyaw ko dahil nawawalan na ako ng pasensya sa kanya.
He suppose to pick me up earlier this day, pero anong nakita ko? I saw him kissing Selena at the parking lot. Ngunit ngayon naman, hahalikan niya ako at aasta na parang walang nangyari.
Hindi ko na siya naiintindihan.
"I can't even identify, what are we! Boyfriend ba kita? Kaibigan? O taong gusto ka lang?!"
Bumibigat ang dibdib ko sa bawat pag-iwas niya. Ni hindi niya gustong humingi man lamang ng tawad o magpaliwanag. Its like, he purposely hurting me.
"Sino ba talaga si Selena sa'yo? Why are you kissing her?!" I shouted.
Nag-igting ang kanyang panga na tumingin sa akin ngunit hindi rin iyon nagtagal. Tinalikuran niya lamang ako at tumingin sa kawalan.
"SHIT!" I cursed loudly.
Out of anger, tears welled up in my eyes. I felt the tightening of my throat and unable to intake breaths properly. Until I can no longer hold the heartbreak and fell on my knees. I cover my face with my shaking hands as hot tears fell down my cheeks like a river.
Tila bibigay na ang puso ko.
I tried to stand up and left him in the balcony. I let my heavy heart rest as I lay myself in bed again. Humarap ako sa kabila banda kung saan hindi ko makikita si Justin mula sa balcony.
Hindi ko pa siya kayang tingnan.
Sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, nasasaktan lang ako. He's the reason behind all the heartbreaks in my life. Siya lamang ang nakagawa niyon. My parents doesn't even dare to hurt my feelings in any way possible. They only give me all the happiness in life that they think I deserves.
Pero si Justin, he only gives nothing but heartache every single time. Yet I do not blame him for that.
I blame myself for letting him do that to me.
Kung hindi ko siya hinayaan na saktan ako ay hindi naman ako masasaktan. Kaya walang iba sisihin sa lahat ng ito kundi ang sarili ko.
Nanatili lamang akong umiiyak hanggang sa maubos ang luha ko. And the tears only stop when my eyes gets tired and fall asleep.
***
Tight hugs wakes me up the next morning.
Lumingon ako at nagulat nang makita ko si Justin nakayakap sa akin mula sa aking likuran. His big arm is resting on my waist while he's sleeping peacefully. I can feel his gentle breaths against my neck from our position.
I can't believe I will wake up one day with this scene. I can't believe that I'm sleeping next to Justin.
Maya maya lamang ay naramdaman kong gumalaw siya. I pretend to be slept again because I don't know how to face him. After what happened last night, I felt embarrased to how I acted.
I even remember shouting at him.
Alcohol can really make me do this I can't do when I'm sober.
Although, I do not regret anything from what I said. Dahil lahat iyon ay totoo. Iyon ang tunay na nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko nga lang masabi kay Justin ng harap harapan kung hindi ako nakainom ng alak.
When I'm sober, I say nothing with anything that he's been doing. Para akong pipi na panay oo lamang sa lahat ng ginagawa niya kahit pa ang iba doon ay nakakasakit na ng damdamin ko.
I felt his hug tighten and whispered something on my ear.
"I'm sorry..."
Napahinga ako ng malalim ng marinig ko iyon. But I need to pretend that I hear nothing at all. I don't know what to say to him if ever if he knew that I was listening. Mas maigi na 'yung naririnig ko ang mga bagay na hindi niya masabi sa akin ng harap harapan kapag gising ako.
I hope he's really sorry.
Dahil umaasa pa din ako na totoo siya sa akin. I knew deep inside his heart that he like me, even one percent. Hindi ako manhid upang hindi maramdaman na kahit papaano ay gusto niya rin ako. What I'm sure is that, he wasn't sure about his feelings. He's confuse about everything and I understand him.
Always.
Napanggap ako tulog at gumising lamang makalipas ang ilang minuto pa.
Naramdaman kong naunang tumayo si Justin at lumabas ng kwarto. I stayed at the bed for a while before I decided to fix myself at the comfort room.
May nahanda na roon na isang pares ng bagong damit na nakalagay sa isang paper bag. I assumed Justin bought this for me. Naghanda na ako at isinuot ang bigay niyang damit.
Nakaupo na siya kaharap ang pagkain ng lumabas ako sa living room. The room that he got for us is huge enough for two people. It has a bedroom, balcony and a living room. The design of the room is very modern that is furnished with minimalist furnitures. Ni hindi ko na napansin ang ganda ng hotel room na ito kagabi dahil lasing na rin ako.
Nilingon ako ni Justin ng makita niya ako. Tumayo pa siya at hinintay ako makalapit bago siya bumalik sa kanyang pagkakaupo. Nakapagpalit na rin siya ng damit tulad ko.
"Hi.." He said.
I can tell that he wasn't sure what to say. Probably because of the argument we had last night.
"Good Morning." I smiled to ease the tension coming from both of us.
"Good morning." He smiled a little too. "I ordered breakfast. Let's eat before we go home." He offered.
"Thank you.."
As we eat, I tried to pretend like I didn't remember anything last night. Mas mabuti na rin siguro iyon dahil hindi ko na rin naman iyon gusto pang pag-usapan.
We said nothing to each other even when we checked out of the hotel and drives home. Tahimik lamang kami sa biyahe hanggang sa makarating sa bahay.
"Hija, you made me worried! Where in the world you have been? I've been calling you since last night."
Mom held his forehead because of frustration I've caused her.
We're currently at our living room being intoregated by my mom of why I didn't go home last night. I saw how nervous Justin was beside me sitting.
"I'm sorry, Tita. It's my fault." He began.
Umupo siya ng maayos habang nakatingin ng deretso kay mom. Tumingin pa siya sa akin ngunit iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kanya.
"I forgot to call you about us. We spend the night in the hotel nearby the bar we went to. I decided to spend the night there since I don't want to take home Ven drunk." He explained. "Nalasing na rin po ako and I can't drive any longer. I'm sorry. Don't put this up to her, its all on me."
Palipat lipat ang tingin ni mom sa aming dalawa ni Justin. She's probably observing us if we're really telling the truth. Ilang sandali pa ay napahinga na lamang siya ng malalim.
She give up.
"You should not forgot to call me either way. There's people waiting for both of you at home and you guys make me worried. I even called your parents to ask if you're with my daughter." She said to Justin.
Justin just looked at her in the eyes and take all the blame instead of me.
Pinagtakpan niya ako kay mom. He wasn't drunk last night, ako lang. But he had no choice but to lie since he's worried I might get in trouble. Besides, he also insisted not to take me home even though I asked him to.
"Hay! Nevermind. Just don't do this again. Or at least, call me if you will spend the night somewhere else. Justin hijo, I trust you. But you should be responsible too." Mom said.
My parents are never bias. They get mad at us when we make mistakes. They never let any mistakes slide. And those unbias treatment includes Justin. Kahit gustong gusto nila si Justin para sa akin, sinisigurado pa rin nila na, he is capable to take care of me and worthy of their trust.
Tumayo si mom at humarap sa amin.
"You're lucky I didn't tell this to your dad." She said to me. "I told him you're at your room sleeping. This is the last time I'm gonna do this for you, Venisa."
"Sorry, Mom." I held her hand to show her that I'm sincere.
"Just get ready, we're leaving by lunchtime. You'll be busy the whole day." She pointed at her watch while reminding me.
I suddenly remember, today is my debut.
I almost forgot about that.
"How about you Justin? You're coming with us?" Mom asked him.
Umiling si Justin matapos tumingin sa akin.
"No, I'll go home and prepare too." He stand up and kissed my mom on her cheeks. "I'll go ahead too, Tita. I'll see you later."
"Okay hijo, take care."
"I'm sorry again, Tita. It won't happen again."
"It better be." She threatened Justin. Mom looked at me right after. "Ven, hatid mo si Justin outside. I need to call Dennis about your gowns. Take care, hijo." She said as she walked away with her phone.
Naiwan kami ni Justin sa living room.
"I'll see you later?" I said after seconds of silence.
"Ven, I'm—" He was about to speak but I stopped him.
"I'll be busy today, can we talk about this some other time? Please?" I told him.
Today is my special day. I'm expecting everyone to just celebrate my birthday by not ruining my mood, especially him. I've had enough yesterday and I don't need additional stress from anyone about anything.
Hinintay ko lamang siya makalabas ng main door at isinarado na ang pinto. Hindi ko na siya hinatid sa labas dahil pagod na ang katawan at isip ko. Madaming nangyari kahapon na nagpasakit ng ulo ko. And thinking na makakasama ko si Justin mamaya sa aking debut, kung saan isasama rin ni Gio si Selena ay lalo lamang sumasama ang pakiramdam ko.
I don't know how to face that girl. Tila ngayon lang ako nagsisisi na pumayag akong isama siya ni Gio sa party. If I only knew who she really is sooner, I could have denied Gio from inviting others. Parang hindi ko siya kayang makita sa ngayon.
As I walked to my room, nadaan ko ang office room ni dad. The door is slightly open and I knew for sure dad was there.
My guts are telling me to go there, so I did.
I find myself walking towards his office and knock before entering the room.
"Hija? Is that you?"
Inaninag ako ni dad mula sa kanyang desk. Ibinaba niya pa bahagya ang kanyang salamin at tinitigan ako. He looks like he's busy, ngunit narito ako at inaabala siya.
"Yes dad, It's me."
"Come in."
Dahan dahan akong naglakad patungo sa pwesto niya. He offered me to sat down. He closed his laptop to pay attention to me. Sa kilos niya pa lamang ay halatang gusto niya rin akong makausap.
"I was thinking of talking to you last night. But, your mom told me you slept early." He said.
Napakagat labi ako dahil sa kasingungalingang iyon. I made my mom lied to my dad just because I'm with Justin.
"Y-Yes...I'm resting to have enough energy for the party later."
"It's okay. Narito ka na rin naman so, why not talk about it before your party starts." He looked at me and removed his glasses. Ipinatong niya iyon sa kanyang desk at pinagsiklop ang kanyang mga kamay.
"I was thinking that if you do not want to held the engagement then maybe I'll respect your decisi—"
"No, dad." I interrupted him.
Napatigil siya at seryosong napatingin sa akin. I sit down with my chin up for him to know that I am determine to whatever I've decided.
"We'll do the engagement." I told him.
Kita ako ang gulat sa mukha ni dad. I know he wasn't expecting this.
But I am now sure.
After what pain they have caused me yesterday, Justin made me realized one thing.
"I will marry, Justin Cojuanco." I told Dad.
I saw satisfaction in his reaction. But I felt nothing but rages as I remember how Justin's lips pressed against Selena's.
"Please, dad. Make it happen."
If this is what they called selfishness, I do not care anymore. I won't let that girl ruin all the years I worked hard for. If I can't make her dissapear in his life, then I'll better show her whom Justin truly belongs.
At walang 'yung iba, kundi ako. Ako lamang.