When I woke up, I had a clear mind. I walked to the Hut where everyone was talking and chatting
" Riti, where were you last night?"
I tilted my head, they know that I usually sleep outside.
" She's talking about after the bonfire."
" Oh I went for a walk. Sorry when I got back everyone had been asleep."
Jake stared at me like he could tell something was off, " It gets dangerous at night kid, so make sure you come back before curfew."
I nodded.
" You should have told me you were leaving last night." Neteyam said as he sat down next to me
I didn't look at him just took a bite of my fruit, " I didn't want to ruin anyone's time."
Kiri whispered, " You missed it, Lo'ak-"
"Shut up Kiri." He hissed looking at his mom and dad.
She mouthed, " I'll tell you later."
Tuk pouted in the corner, upset that we had gone without her, Neytiri tried to console her as she cried.
I leaned down next to Neytiri and nodded to her as if to say I got this.
She put a hand on my head that conveyed that she was grateful and started a conversation with them about how it went at the bonfire to see if they had made any friends.
" Tuk what if it's just a you and me day ?"
She wiped her eyes, " Really?"
I nodded, " I'm tired of teenagers and I really wanna make another bead to put in my hair." I tugged at it and she nodded, " but that means we need to grab the materials."
I waved at her, " I can get them, don't worry about it. Stay here and take your lesson on sign and I'll be back with the material."
She smiled, " We can even make mom one!'
" I think she would love that."
Her mind was totally off the bonfire and I had an excuse to go on a walk to clear my head.
At first Neteyam tried to come with me but I waved him off stating how he hadn't even eaten yet.But in reality I needed to mend my heart a little bit more before I acted like everything was okay.
I had just finished getting the materials to make beads and necklaces, when I heard a familiar voice call out to me.
" Ao'nung? Roxto?" I turned and saw them both looking at me up and down. They had their friends around them sneering at me. This was a drastic change from yesterday and I felt like I had a clue what triggered it.
" What's up?"
" We just were wondering about some things." Roxto asked as they all walked closer
"What things?"
" Are you some type of orphan?" Ao'nung asked cruelly
"What?" I hadn't considered myself that before. Sure I didn't have a mom or a dad when I was younger but I did now. Technically he was incorrect.
Roxto mocked me, " He asked if you were some type of orphan."
Ao'nung laughed, " No, she's just some charity case that the Sully's picked up and couldn't return."
" Everyones entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you're really abusing that privilege." I snarked, the Sully's loved me. They wanted to take me in
Some rando in the group said" Well I heard that she was abandoned in the woods and she lived as a savage for years before the sully's decided they were forced to take her in."
It was insult after insult. Need I say it was unoriginal insults too. If they where going to bully me they should really step up their game. I Know my family, they weren't forced to take me in, they did it on their own free will. Probably cause I'm great. I convinced myself, but my resolve was getting a bit weak.
" I heard she killed someone cold blood."
....that wasn't a lie. I'm confused on how they know these things though. Who told them?
" What are you not going to say anything?"
I said nothing to them but I was saying shit in my head. If they could read minds then we would have a problem. I was tempted to say everything that I was thinking out loud but I remembered what Jake said, "don't cause trouble." I really really wanted to.
" Nah she won't." Roxto laughed
" She's too scared the Sullys are going to throw her away just like her parents did."
They didn't know shit about my real parents. Hell I didn't even know shit about my parents.
" I hope you choke on the shit your spewing and die." I said lightly.
Ao'nung came and whispered in my ear, " Didn't your little boyfriend tell you?"
I pushed him away from me, physically disgusted by him, I couldn't believe I thought we could have been friends. Definitely a bad decision on my part. You live and You learn.
" I heard that I heard your boyfriend practically begged his parents to take you in"
No. He wouldn't do that...he would have told me.
Seeing the look on my face he laughed and pointed," SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT THEY WANTED HER!"
" They only did it because your precious Netty begged them too."
"Wow, your even dumber than you look"
"No, in fact they weren't even going to take you with them when they left. Your boyfriend threw a fit and they couldn't refuse him."
If I thought my heart broke yesterday, it was shattered right now. Barely any pieces left. They didn't even want me coming?Is it true, Is it not true? Insecurities and doubts washed over me like never before. I couldn't even come up with something witty to say. That was horrifying all on it's own.
" Your a piece of shit, Ao'nung."
" What'd you say to me?"
" You heard me."
I sent a deadly hiss his way, I'd fucking show him savage. Fuck what Jake said, they could't walk all over me like I was some piece of shit on the bottom of their feet.
" Is something going on here?" Jake called from the hut, having come out by the hissing.
Everyone must have left to have a lesson with Tsireya, because Jake was standing alone.
" No sir." Ao'nung smiled and everyone nodded except me.
" Yeah we were just trying to hangout with Riti but-t"
I hissed at him, I would kill him.
" Riti come here." Fuck I'm in trouble.
When I hesitated he grounded out, " Now."
I walked to him with my head down, hearing their snickers. I flipped them off behind my back.
Once in the hut we remained standing, " What was that all about?"He asked sternly.
" Nothing sir."
He sighed and rubbed his eyes making me feel instantly guilty, "Riti I thought I wasn't going to have to worry about you causing problems."
" You don't sir." I stared at the floor.
" You need to befriend these kids. Ao'nung is the chief's son."
I clenched my jaw, and said nothing. Why would I want to be friends with a guy who's head is so far up his own ass, that he starts spewing bullshit.
" From now on your going to be paired up with Ao'nung or your lessons."
No. I snapped my head up, looking at him, " Sir-"
" Riti,I gave you one order. One. Are you telling me you can't follow it?"
I was holding back tears. Maybe if I told him what they said to me, he'd understand...but would he though? The fact that Ao'nung is the chief's son doesn't change anything, I still need to be on good terms with him... I didn't even know if what he said was true. Was I just a charity case? DId Neteyam beg them to take me in? Would they throw me out if I messed up? I wasn't like Neteyam or Lo'ak. I didn't grow up with them since birth and I didn't have their blood. Would it be easy for them to abandon me? It seemed like it would be since Neteyam had to beg them for me to come with them here.
Why was I so weak today?
" Riti, Focus. I need to know that you understand what I am saying."
" Lima Charlie, Sir."
" Dismissed."
I walked out without saying another word. When I was far enough away from the tent I let myself break down. Hiding behind a tree, I tried to breathe through the hurt. They loved me. I knew that...didn't I? Did I just Burden them with my presence? I tried not to take up space, I helped out as much as I could. But what if that wasn't enough? Would they just leave me? Would they have left me in the forest? I rubbed my chest ,it hurt.. It hurt a lot..My hands were shaking, I couldn't breath and my head was swimming. My vision went black.
—--- Time skip—--
By the time I woke up it was dark out, I didn't feel the pain in my chest anymore. I sat up and my vision came swirling back. I stumbled into a puddle. I walked back to the hut but I didn't really want to go in.
Everyone inside was laughing and talking about riding Ilu's and the ocean. Lo'ak was talking about something Tsireya taught him. Kiri was going on and on about how beautiful it was. I'm happy for them, I glad that they where getting more comfortable here, and that they enjoy the ocean but I missed home. I missed the forest and my trees. I missed riding my Ikran and feeling the wind in my har. I missed the feeling of comfort, when I was at home I didn't feel like this. I mean I did but rarely. Now it was happening all the time. I was misplaced here,I didn't belong here.
" Has anyone seen Riti?" Neteyam asked and I paused before turning around.
I ran a hand through my hair, sighing. I prepared myself before going into the hut. Why was I acting like this?This wasn't like me, to get so riled about something, I could usually push it off.
As soon as I entered, all eyes were on me, " RITI"
Tuk jumped onto me and I put a hand on her head. I smiled at her despite feeling slightly empty. Neteyam put on a facade all the time, I could too.
" Why do you look like that?" Kiri asked, frowning at me.
" Like what?"
" Like you just crawled out of hell." Lo'ak said looking at me suspiciously
Neytiri made a distressed sound in her throat and walked up to me examining me, I looked down and I was covered in dirt.
" I got caught in the rain, and slipped into a puddle."
" Clumsy ass."
Neytiri scolded Lo'ak as I rolled my eyes. He was one to talk.
" Where were you today?" Neteyam asked, staring at my face with a look. He went to wipe my cheek off but I flinched back. I didn't need him touching me when I was trying to get over him. That would just make things harder. I avoided his eyes. Neytiri touched the back of my neck. I took a step back.
I made eye contact with Jake and shrugged, " I was grabbing materials for Tuk."
She grabbed the bag out of my hands and ran around with them, telling us what she was going to make with it.
" Common Riti!" She pulled my hand so I was sitting across from her.
She was ranting on and on, every word blurring into each other. I gave her a small smile, " Just promise me that I get the first one."
" But you already have one!" She pointed at my hair
I gasped, " Where?!"
" THERE!" She giggled
" I don't know what you're talking about." I faked confusion.
" No no no, Tuk it's time for bed." Neytiri put away the Materials and Tuk complained.
As everyone started packing up, Jake whispered to me, "Is everything okay?"
"Yes sir."
Didn't he tell me to make sure it was?
He frowned as if he recognized something in my face. " Ri-"
" Riti! Sleep with us tonight!" Tuk pulled me near her side
I hesitated, "I don't think so. Not tonight."
She frowned, I usually don't deny her anything. But I wanted to be alone tonight.
" Then can you tell me a story?"
I would usually tell her stories of the animals I saw in the forest. I would combine my imagination of what I thought was happening at the time and what was really happening and Tuk loved it. I would give the animals thoughts, and portray with my face and body to make the story better.
" Which one?"
I sat down as Tuk huddled into my body. I ignored everyone else as I I ran my hand through her hair, knowing it calmed her.
" The one about the lonely Prolemuris!"
It was a story about a young Prolemuris who was left behind by his family, the Prolemuris refused to believe that they left without him so he waited and waited and waited, until one day he found another Prolemuris that stays and sits with him. His family didn't come back but the Prlemuris didn't care because now it had forgotten about the abandonment and lived on with it's friend .It was based on a Prolemuris I saw in the forest who was sitting on a tree. The Prolemuris stayed on that tree for days not moving, I thought it was dead. Only when I came back instead of one there were two. The next day I came back and they were swinging around in the trees, they also stole the berries that I had collected in a bundle that day.
As I told the story I watched as Tuks' eyes fluttered shut and slight snores came out of her mouth, " I think it's a pretty depressing story." Lo'ak muttered.
Kiri nodded, "It's sad that the family just left him behind."
Neteyam shrugged, " I like it. The Prolemuris found someone who wasn't going to leave him behind. He didn't need his family anymore, he had a new one."
Neytiri and Jake were holding each other and talking amongst themselves. I used to want what they have, but I didn't want it with anyone random, I wanted it with a specific person. Now it looked like that was never going to happen for me.
" What goes on in that head of yours that you make up such sad stories?" Lo'ak said as he slowly fell asleep.
" I would tell myself stories when I was younger to make myself feel less lonely." I shrugged
" They gave me comfort."
They stayed quiet after that. Did I make it awkward? I was good at that.
Neteyam sat down next to me, " What is wrong?"
"I do not know what you mean."
He smirked at me, " Ri, You are my best friend. I know you."
It didn't feel like it today. " Do you want to come on a walk with me?"
He looked at his parents, " We won't be gone long ."
I wanted to ask him if what I have been hearing was true. If he was my best friend like I believed him to be then he would tell me the truth. I trusted him more than anyone.
We walked along the water, I closed my eyes breathing in the air. I just imagined leaves under my feet instead of sand and I could almost pretend it was home.
" Okay Ri you are concerning me."
I turned and looked at him in the eye before he could grab my hand. I needed my head to be clear.
" Did you beg your parents to take me in? To take me here?"
I could never hide anything from him.
He froze, " Where did you hear that?"
" Just answer me, Neteyam."
He searched my eyes, " I mean I asked them to bring you but I didn't beg."
" Did your parents only bring me here because you told them to?"
He shook his head, " I told them to bring you and yes at first they were iffy but it was just because you were so connected to the forest and thought that it might be best to leave you there."
I didn't know how to feel. Mad at Neteyam for convincing them to bring me when they weren't originally? Mad at myself for questioning if they actually loved me?Sad that Jake and Neytiri only took me because Neteyam told them too? Or should I just be happy that they took me in anyways? I was confused at myself.
He grabbed my face with both hands, " That doesn't change that your family to them. Just because I asked them to bring you doesn't mean that they weren't thinking about it originally."
" But they wouldn't have minded leaving me behind."
" What? No." He shook his head, " They love you, they wouldn't just leave you behind. Ri where is this coming from?"
I wanted to believe him..but for some reason I didn't. But Neteyam didn't need to hear about my feelings when he had enough on his plate.
I smiled at him and pushed him away, " Oh common, it wasn't that serious. It was just a question. Don't make it awkward."
" Riti, this is serious. You aren't some baggage my family has to carry."
" yea yea I know." I smiled at him and picked up some wet sand.
I was done with the conversation. I wanted things to go back to how they where.
" I feel like your not listening."
" I AM listening "
When he walked to me , I poured the wet sand over his head. His eyes went wide.
" I'm going to get you back for that." He promised wiping it away before it could get into his mouth.
I laughed, "You won't be able to catch me, I'm too fast for you ." I ran away from him and he yelled my name, running after me.
Everything almost felt okay.