14 | "There will always be one person on this planet that values you, just the way you are."
Laying in bed, the workbook sits astray next to me. It's flipped to a topic I know well about, but with my frustrations growing stronger, I feel like I know nothing at all. All this drama has led me to believe I'm blind in every way- in my relationship with Heeseung, with Sunoo, with Yuri, and with my council. There are not too many of us, which means I should at least try to get along with them.
I feel so focused on the people closest to me that I forget there are other people out there who also want to do new things. I hate myself for that.
However, I feel like I'm not looking between the lines with those friends to the point where I know nothing about them at all. I know that Yuri's an exception although we hang out a lot, however, with people like Sunoo, there's a difference.! It was like his whole demeanor changed yesterday. I've never seen him act that way.
Perhaps even Heeseung's an exception, or maybe that's me trying to cope with the fact we've known each other for years and still don't act like normal acquaintances.
Yeah, I'm seriously blind. I don't know what Sunoo meant by "I'm his only obstacle." It sounds like a line from a cringy coming-of-age romance story. It's a bit embarrassing.
As I keep thinking about the meaning behind Sunoo's words, my stepmother enters my room with a bowl of fruit in hand. "Hey, Hayoon," She says, placing it on my nightstand. I hum, acknowledging her but too distraught to say something. "Something on your mind?"
"A lot, actually," I groan, rubbing my eyes with the ends of my palms. "Say, do you think I'm in the wrong for not forgiving someone who said something irrational?"
"How irrational was it?" She replies, placing her hand on my shoulder. "And, it depends on how much it hurts you. Some people tolerate different amounts of pain."
"He reprimanded me for the past. During the time when mom died," Then, she began rubbing my shoulder. She's trying to comfort me when there's none needed. "But, I feel like I'm already past it–both what he said and the past–but I can't come to terms with it. He was angry, and I couldn't tell why. He said all that stuff, and he's at fault, but why do I feel like he still deserves to be forgiven?"
"Well, if you feel like they should be forgiven, then you should think about doing so. If you've tolerated it, and given yourself time to heal, then there's nothing wrong with giving them a second chance," My stepmother advised. Someday, I should get used to calling her mom. "Does he want to apologize?"
"His friend is telling me he does."
"Well, you got it from another source! Although he didn't say it himself, there's nothing wrong with listening to them. You should give it a shot," Her optimism speaks for itself. I find that the most fascinating thing about her- how she still tries to be happy after everything that's happened to her. "But, think about it. Don't push yourself if your heart doesn't want it."
I hesitate but nod soon after. "...Okay. Thanks."
She nods in agreement, beckoning to the assorted fruit. "Remember to eat those. Your father's cooking dinner, so I'll call you when he's done."
"Alright. Bye-" Mom.
I'll learn to call you that.
"Good morning!" I wave to Yuri, who closes her locker just as I come by. She waves back to me, a big smile written on her face. As I lean on the lockers, I poke the side of her arm. "You're in a bright mood today. What happened?"
"Well, I convinced Mr. Lee to finally see through my eyes," Oh, gosh. I wonder if she punched him in the nose or something. Although Yuri's a sweet girl, secretly, she's a warrior you see in those dramas that can cut through steel. I wish I was that brave, though, but I think that's a job for only one person. "It took some ego-to-ego talk, but he finally lowered his sight and mustered up the courage to want to talk to you. Take caution, though. I don't know how he'll achieve doing so."
I sigh. I wanted Heeseung to know on his own. I didn't want Yuri to push him or anything, especially if he wasn't ready. "You didn't have to do that."
"I needed to. He's such a wimp, saying all this chatter about how his actions are 'unforgivable' and that he 'shouldn't be forgiven.' Everyone believes in second chances, even those who never deserve them."
I raise an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"
"I mean, it may not be from the person they want the forgiveness from, but not everyone's going to dislike what you've done. There will always be one person on this planet that values you, just the way you are," She shrugs. "And, it's not like he committed murder. You also feel that there is still hope for such a boy, right?"
Yes, there's hope. His actions could be inexcusable in someone else's eyes, but in mine, I've healed. There's nothing wrong with forgiving and never forgetting. There may be pain, but there are worse things he could've done. "Yeah. You make a good point, Yuri," I reply, chuckling. "Do you forgive him? I mean, in case I don't- will you be the one to make him happy?"
"This sounds a bit dark, but I doubt my way of making him happy is the way he wants. He's not an emotional guy. His only show of expression is anger and potential malice. I'm too nice for that," Yuri chuckles awkwardly, itching the nape of her neck. "Maybe it should be you, Hayoon, who breaks him out of that shell! Hence the reason you should forgive him!"
She can't be serious.
"No? No... okay," She tries to walk away, but I grab her arm, causing her to giggle like a kid. "I'm just saying, President Moon! Why do you think he's so firm on his intuition with Sunoo? Spoiler alert. It has something to do with you."
"You're spouting nonsense-"
"Oh, look, here he comes!" Instinctively, I clutch Yuri's arm, launching her in front of me in hopes that it's the direction Heeseung's coming from. Closing my eyes, I wait for his voice to ring in my ears, but nothing comes. All that I hear is Yuri's snicker. "I guess I know what will shut you up now."
"You're the one that should shut up," I utter, straightening my outfit before combing back my ruffled hair. "How could you do that to me, huh? To trick me like that! You know we're on iffy terms, and even if I want to forgive him, I barely ever see him! It's like the anxiety is creeping up on me!"
"Uh, Hayoon?"
"Hold on, I'm not finished lecturing you," I point at her, but she's looking away from me. "Just because you guys are best friends, you shouldn't push me so hard! I don't know what he'll say to me, and I fear the thought of it the most! I feel like I should just wait longer... but that's not the point! Lee Yuri, can't you be a bit more thoughtful?"
"Hayoon, he's right behind you."
After her scare, I can't believe her. "As if."
"No, I mean it. Hey, Heeseung."
"You don't have to lie-"
"Good morning," He clears his throat. I feel his breath creep up the back of my neck, and I get goosebumps thinking about the way he must be looking at me right now. Maybe I should listen to Yuri more often. His fingers seem to make their way onto my shoulders, squeezing them gently to get my attention. "Yuri, is it okay if I borrow her? And you, too, President. Could we talk?"
"Sure," Yuri and I synchronize, glancing at each other. She's even thinking about how the timing's so right, but also extremely wrong.
What a blessing and a curse our friendship has become.