Chapter 2
Wednesday August 3rd 2018
Lennon's POV
I love my job, but I'd be lying if I said I was excited to go to work today.
Going to the hospital doesn't bring back any fond memories, and when I first came back to work after it all happened, every step felt like a knife was stabbing me straight into my heart. It's just a reminder of the chances he didn't have.
It's my last shift for the week, and even though many of my coworkers also stack their shifts back to back, majority of them are my age without a bunch of children and definitely get a tiny bit more time of relaxation than I do. To keep my sanity, I drop all 3 kids off at daycare on Thursdays even when I'm home for the day.
Mentally, I need to be able to go back to sleep after I drop them off, and then have the few hours after I caught up on sleep to get my life together. Whether it's cleaning the house, running errands and grocery shopping, or just have a day where I'm able to do something for myself, it's very important I get at least one day to myself. Then, on Friday's the twins stay home with me all day now that Theo has started a 5 day prek and daycare program.
The kids need me to be strong for them, and this helps me do that.
"Mrs. Henderson, what's going on today?" I greeted a familiar patient of ours. I work in the ER, so my cases are normally random visits or some sort of trauma case, but there's always a select few people who come to the ER for every little thing. I love her, but Mrs. Henderson is one of them.
She's a very sweet old lady, maybe in her late 70's, and she lost her husband a little over a year ago due to illness. Ever since then, she's convinced that every small symptom she notices is requiring a trip to visit the ER. I really feel for her, a lot of the staff here get annoyed and find patients like this dramatic, but the woman is scared so I always try my best to be overly empathetic to her in times when the ER is calm and I have a second.
Plus, she's sort of been someone I've leaned on in the last 6 months and she doesn't even know it.
"Lennon! Hi dear" Her face instantly lit up at the sight of someone recognizable to her, and I gently hugged her not wanting to cause her any pain without knowing yet why she came in today. "How are you holding up? How are the little ones?"
"We're doing okay" I answered honestly. The days were extremely long, and being a single mom to 3 small children is something I never pictured myself doing, but I'm doing it. Very quickly I pulled out my phone and scrolled through a few recent photos that I've taken of the kids to show to her. The smile she had on her face was so pure, and I knew it reminded her of her own grandchildren that lived across the country.
After a quick catch up on all the babies, I listened to her concerns and symptoms. She came in today because her vision has been blurry for the last few days out of nowhere, and it was stressing her out. I did my own thorough exam, and everything appeared normal, which seemed to calm her nerves down just enough.
The rest of my shift wasn't terrible. I was able to check on the kids for a moment after their babysitter picked them up from school, I was able to sit and eat for about 7 minutes without any interruptions, and the ER was pretty quiet until one of the new nurses made the mistake of pointing out how empty the ER was today.
Then, of course we were flooded with chaos. Thankfully, there weren't many major accidents or life threatening injuries. We just got bombarded with people going to the ER for minor traumas and kids with stomach bugs. Manageable chaos, but nevertheless chaos.
I managed to skate out of the ER just 15 minutes after my shift ended, as the abundance of people had all came in earlier in the afternoon and we were able to catch up after the rush happened. Obviously, that was good news to hear.
I stopped through a drive through on my way home for something quick and easy tonight to eat. I didn't have the energy to make myself a meal, and every once in a while who doesn't get a craving for some McDonald's fries? I ate it quickly on my drive home, knowing that Theo has already been fed a dinner and if he caught a whiff of my food, his little 3 year old self would wonder where his happy meal is.
I entered the front door quietly, and saw the living room area was empty and quiet. However, I could hear small whispers coming from down the hall, and I knew Lyanna was getting Theo in his pajamas and ready for bed so I could take over. I put my stuff down gently on the kitchen counter, not wanting to distract Lyanna's authority over Theo right now by him becoming aware I'm home and rushing down the hall to come greet me. Instead, I got cash out from my purse so I'd be ready to hand it over to Lyanna so she could hurry and get home. I always hate when I have to keep her extra when she could have plans or other stuff to do that night.
It wasn't long until I heard the quiet footsteps coming down the hall, and Lyanna and Theo emerging from the dark hallway. Lyanna hasn't been babysitting for us long, she's only just recently started a few months ago when I needed to go back to work and desperately needed someone to help with the kids. She's a super sweet girl, and understands Theo's reservations, always giving him the extra love and support he needs. Theo, being the quiet child he is, still isn't 100% sold on the idea, but I can tell he's warmed up just a smidge.
"Momma!" Theo whisper shouted, instantly rushing over to me. His little brown curls bouncing as his feet led him across the living room. Colliding with my body instantly, his little arms wrapped themselves around my neck as tight as they could, and his lips connected with my cheek to give me a big hello.
"I missed you" I smiled, and picked him up to put him on my hip.
"Miss you too" He whispered, and rested his head on my shoulder.
"Were they good?" I asked, directing my attention to Lyanna who was grabbing all her stuff.
"They were great. Atticus was a little fussy, but nothing major" Lyanna informed me with a smile on her face.
"Had dino chicken" Theo added in.
"Oo" I poked Theo's side, and then mentally faceplammed. Giving Lyanna an apologetic look, I said "I'm sorry, I forgot to leave something out for dinner for you guys. Did you eat?"
"I'm fine" She answered sweetly, and I felt bad. Occassionally, I'll order them a pizza, or at the very least have out a more prepared dinner she can quickly heat up for Theo and know she's more than welcome to eat it as well. Yet, I completely forgot. This week is kicking my ass.
"Here" I grabbed another 20 dollars from my wallet and handed it to her along with her normal pay. "Grab something on the way home. I'm sorry I'm a bit late and forgot dinner. I appreciate you so much"
"Ms. Alito, it's totally okay" She assured, and tried handing the extra money back, but I didn't let her.
"Keep it. Thank you, get home safe. I'll see you next week" I smiled, and walked her to the front door when she was ready to go.
"Bedtime?" Theo asked, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Lyanna, being the sweetheart she is, already did everything that needed to be done to get him to bed besides read the stories I promised him this morning. Footie Pajama's were already on, and I could smell the mint toothpaste on his breath.
"Yeah, go pick out a story so we can read to daddy" I instructed and placed him on the floor. Theo ran down the hall to go pick out a book from his room, and I grabbed the baby camera off the camera to take a look at my sweet babies sleeping soundly in their cribs.
I opened the sliding door that leads to our fenced backyard, and threw down a sheet we never used in the grass close to the door. I looked up at the darkening sky, and there weren't many stars out tonight since it was still a little early, but it would be enough to satisfy Theo. Peeking my head back inside, Theo came running down the hallway with one book in each hand and a smile on his face.
"This daddy's favorite" Theo held up the one in his right hand, and he was right. It was the book that the two of them read together practically every single night snuggled together in Theodore's bed. It was the perfect choice.
Baby camera on full volume, perched on the sheet next to me, Theo on my other side cuddled into me, I began to read. Theo listened carefully, glancing back and forth between the book in my hands and the dimming sky. He giggled occasionally, and as always every time we read this book he would point out whenever his dad would think something was funny.
Times like this made it hurt 100x more than ever.
"Which star is daddy?" Theo asked. His little hands were clasped on his lap, legs out in front of him, head tilted up at the night sky.
"Hmm" I thought, and looked up at our options. I pointed to the brightest shining star I could find and made it known to Theo. "That one's daddy"
"Yeah. I like it" He agreed, and grabbed ahold of the second story. Instead of me reading this one, he plopped it on his lap and flipped through the pages. Obviously, he couldn't actually read the words on the pages, but he described the illustrations outloud to his dad and I. I couldn't help but have teary eyes, so I wiped an escaping one with my hand.
"Momma, don't cry" Theo said, voice solemn. His head was turned towards me now with a concerned expression on his face. His bright green eyes stared into my brown ones.
"I'm okay teddy bear" I mustered all my strength to smile down at him.
Be strong for them Lennon.
"Alright buddy, it's time to go to sleep" I announced. I stood up, and gathered all of our things to bring them inside. The babies were still sound asleep, and I couldn't wait until I could get comfortable in my bed just as they are.
Theo laid down without a fight after I gave him a bunch of hugs and kisses, and assured him I'll be in bed after just a few minutes. After a long day at the hospital, I knew I needed to take a shower even though all I wanted to do was just crash and not wake up for 18 hours. Taking off my scrubs and the feeling of the hot water running down my skin just felt like I was washing the day away.
Another day I survived without him.
Another day without a good morning kiss. Another day without a family dinner. Another day without the sounds of laughter erupting from Theo as his dad let him climb all over him like he was a jungle gym. Another day that the twins were growing and changing and their dad wasn't there to see. Another day my kids spent without their dad, and another day I spent without my other half.
Getting to wash my hair for the first time in days felt like a reward for making it through. Once finished I threw on one of his baggy t shirts, and a pair of shorts to sleep in.
This was the closest I was able to get to him now.