June 25th, 2022
"Ruse is up. I know you're hiding something. Cassie Bennet. But that's not your real name is it?"
Time stopped.
We've been standing here, staring at each other long enough to confirm his suspicion. I've been caught, there is no way around it. I'm going to have to move, probably live in my car until I can the pay the lease here until it's up. I was so careful. I finally found somewhere I thought I was safe. All it took was one mistake for it to all come crashing down.
Harry is looking at me with betrayal and malice and that hurts almost as much as everything else. He's looked at me in a lot of ways before, but never like he hates me. I never wanted to be someone he hated. None of that matters anymore though, because after today I will never see him again.
Where do I even start with this? How do I explain to him that what I went through four years ago caused me so much trauma I didn't have a choice but to completely alter my identity and move away?
"Well?" He questions, blocking my pathway out of the kitchen. "I'm waiting."
I take a deep breath, trying to ignore the feeling of wanting to throw up. With my heartbeat pounding in my ears, I decide a watered down version of the truth is better than nothing.
"When I decided I was going to move away from Arizona, I bought a fake identity online. Or rather, it was created for me. I spent a lot of money trying to make it as realistic as possible. It's not really a fake name, Cassie is a nickname and Bennet was my mothers maiden name," I start truthfully, avoiding his harsh gaze. He raises his eyebrows to signal me to continue further, but I feel like the words are frozen in my throat.
"Why would you need to do something like that? People don't change their name to that extent just because they want to move away," he bites, clearly annoyed with my lack of explanation.
"I was in a really bad accident four years ago." I keep eye contact with him this time, so hopefully he can see that I'm not trying to lie my way out of this. "It made the news globally. It was humiliating, having my name and story plastered for everyone to see. People made their own assumptions, most were supportive of me but there were a lot of people who think there's more to the story. I couldn't handle it. So I changed my name, dyed my hair, and moved away. Even now, it's hard to talk about. I never thought it would come to this."
Harry searches my face, looking back and forth between my eyes. He looks completely torn and I get it. His loyalty lies with his boss, not me, some girl he just met who he barely tolerates. I know he confessed some things last night that made me question how he felt, but he was drunk and I never trust something someone tells me when they're under the influence of something.
"I still don't trust you," he says with a hardened expression.
"I understand," I say immediately. "You don't have to worry about it though. I'm leaving tonight. You never have to see me again. I'll sign an NDA for your boss if I have to, whatever you need. I have no interest in turning you guys in, please believe me."
He continues to stare me down and I'm having a hard time reading him. He's barely said anything throughout this conversation and I'm hoping with everything in me he can find it in himself to believe me and let me leave peacefully. It feels like a full five minutes have passed between us with both of us frozen to our spots, waiting for someone to say something, anything, but in reality it's probably only been a minute.
"Don't leave."
I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding and look at him with confusion all over my face. "Wait, what?"
"I'll figure it out with Jim. You're probably going to have to sign a lot of paperwork. But just, don't leave," he sighs, running his hand through his hair.
"What are you going to tell your boss?" I ask hesitantly.
"I don't know yet. Don't worry about it," he answers shortly, moving back to the living room room area.
I have so many questions running through my head and so many things to say, but I decide to leave them for now. I have to be to work in an hour and I know Harry now has a lot on his plate. What I don't understand the most out of everything is why he is covering for me. He doesn't get anything out of this, and I know he still doesn't trust me. There is one thing however that I have to ask before he takes off.
"Are you not going to ask me what my real name is?"
"No," he says straightening up, patting down his pockets and walking back to the kitchen with his shoes on. "I still don't trust you completely, but I understand wanting to start over. As long as this has nothing to do with us, then it's none of my business."
I breathe out a sigh of relief, still standing in my spot against the counter watching as he opens the door to my apartment. "I'll call you later. Be ready to come to Voodoo when you get off work," he says, shutting the door behind him as he walks out.
I sink down to the floor, not bothering to move any more than that and I pull my knees up to my chest. How do I keep fucking things up so badly? I never wanted any of this for myself. Why can't I be more like Shaye? She tried to warn me about Alex, and now look where I am.
This is all his fucking fault. This never would have happened if he was just good person. No one ever believed me that he would hurt me the way that he did because why would they? He was perfect to everyone else. A hard worker, romantic, outgoing, friendly. Who wouldn't love him? He had such a hard life growing up but he persevered and made the best out of his situation. He was going to marry his high school sweetheart and live out his days providing for his family.
I did everything for him, despite it all. Our relationship was so toxic, but he's all I ever knew. When you're with someone for five years during the most formative years of your life, it doesn't feel like you have options. Not when everyone around you is saying you're crazy and that I'm taking things out of context, because there's no way Alex could ever do such a thing.
Or maybe this is my fault. It is my fault. I'm so fucking stupid. I was the one who let it get as far as it did. I know how I am. I'm stubborn, loud, and not afraid to push back. I never was. I tried so hard not to tolerate disrespect and now look where it's got me.
But like I always do, I pick myself up and keep moving. There's nothing else I can do, everything is out of my control. It's always out of my control. So I get ready, make sure my appliances are turned off, turn off the lights, and walk out of my apartment, pretending like I'm not a complete wreck of a person and the man I am realizing I am simultaneously terrified of and completely enamored with doesn't flip my life upside down in one way or another every time we're near each other.
"Cassie! Ugh I'm so happy you're here. It's been a shitshow today. Like, everyone called out today," Gianna tells me as I grab my apron off the designated hook.
"Great. Just what I need," I roll my eyes but I smile at her to lighten my tone. No one is ever really that excited to be at work especially when you work in customer service, but I am grateful I don't have to leave this place yet. This has by far been the best restaurant environment that I've ever worked at. Usually the industry is scummy and unfair, but here we're paid decent and treated like human beings.
I put my phone on silent in case Harry decides to text or call me while I'm at work, not wanting that kind of anxiety to come up while I'm busy. Working has been a good distraction, with all of the call outs on a Saturday I literally have not stopped moving once and I haven't even had a chance to think about anything other than my job. Joey is unfortunately off today, which means I was stuck with all the other line cooks who are all too high to hold a conversation with me while I'm in and out of the kitchen, but Gianna decided to stay at work late and help out until we closed at 3:30 thankfully.
I go through the motions of the day and finally it's time for me to clock out. I wanted to make plans with Gianna after I met with Harry after work but she mentioned going back down to Spokane for two days to visit her family, so I make a mental note to spend the evening alone making jewelry to occupy myself so I don't have a chance to think.
As soon as I open the doors to leave, thats when I decide to check my phone to see if Harry did figure things out and sure enough I have a text waiting for me, telling me everything is taken care of and I need to meet him and Zayn at Voodoo as soon as possible. I walk straight there from work in my uniform, still smelling like grease and feeling disgusting.
The familiar storefront appears in front of me and I stop for a moment to take a deep breath, unsure of what I'll be walking into. I'm sure if I needed to have a story straight, Harry would have warned me, but then again who knows. He's usually a man of few words. I can't get a good read on him no matter how hard I try.
I open the doors and this time I do sneeze, four times in a row and very loudly as soon as the familiar incense smell hits me and I'm met with a loud laugh that could only belong to Zayn. As soon as I meet his eyes from behind the counter I give him a glare and I feel at peace knowing there's no awkwardness between us.
"Jesus Cass, you okay over there?" Zayn jokes leaning forward over the register countertop.
"Shut up," I laugh at him, leaning against the counter in front of him. I can't help my eyes scanning across the room, but quickly realize I can't find the head of curls I was hoping to see.
"He's not here right now," Zayn smirks, noticing what I'm doing.
"Oh," I reply as nonchalantly as I can, shrugging my shoulders. "So... what's the plan?"
"Let me start out by saying, I'm genuinely sorry for how everything has gone down. I meant it when I said you're a good person. I really hope you don't totally hate me," he says a bit sheepishly.
"I don't hate you. I never did. This whole... thing is a lot to wrap my head around. But I don't hate you," I reply breathlessly. Zayn and I have spoken over text a few times but I haven't spoken to him in person since that night.
"Friends?"
"Friends."
"Alright," he blows a breath out. "So. Harry has asked me not to ask questions and I trust him. So I won't ask questions. But this means we need a favor from you."
"A favor? What? I thought I was going to have to sign something?"
I can't take anything else. What can I even give? What could they possibly need from me? I don't have anything to offer. I guess I don't really have a choice but to do what they say if I don't want to face any consequences or reveal anymore of myself that I'm willing to.
"Yeah, that's what Harry thought, but Jim has something else in mind," he shrugs.
"You both talk about this Jim guy like he's an almighty being, why does he have such a hold on you two?" He seems like they take his word like it's the word of god, Zayn has mentioned he's like a father figure to him and Harry, but I feel like this goes deeper than that, which feels a little unsettling.
"We just owe him a lot, is all. Not much of a choice anymore," he says passively. "Now to the favor. We just need you to complete a deal with us. Nothing crazy, just something to make you a sort of... accomplice to this. Make sense?"
"I mean, I guess so. You're basically giving me grunt work to do so that you can say I had a part in this so I won't talk? Why does Jim think I'm such a threat?" I scratch the back of my neck as I talk, feeling really nervous about this whole situation.
"Normally we handle these situations a bit more unconventionally," he explains, clicking away at the computer at the register. "But you're a friend. Neither Harry or I want you hurt or to see you get wrapped up in this life. Jim doesn't trust anyone, except Harry and I. If I thought he was putting you in danger, I wouldn't let that happen."
"You wouldn't," I roll my eyes. "I'm sure someone else feels differently."
"Who? Harry?" Zayn says a bit sharply, looking away from the screen.
"Well yeah. I'm like ninety percent sure he hates me. Sometimes I think we're getting along and that he might actually like me, but somehow I keep messing it up," I spill out.
"Well, let's just say Harry doesn't know about this arrangement. He thinks you're here to sign a form for Jim. If I told him what the real plan is, he'd lose it," Zayn chuckles to himself, shaking his head.
"But why?"
"Really Cassie? Because he cares. For some reason, in some backwards way, he cares. Trust me. And don't say anything to him. I'll handle him when the time comes," he says sternly.
"Sure, whatever you say." I purse my lips together in thought, remembering the whole reason we started this conversation. "I guess I don't really have a choice but to agree to this."
"That's the spirit!" Zayn claps his hands together loudly and grins at me. "I'll give you the rundown. So, the meeting is on Wednesday, hope you're free..."
My head hurts from all the information given to me. Zayn filled me on everything, from who I would be meeting with and where, what to say, what to wear, and how to act. It seems simple enough, nothing like I was imagining. I was actually kind of excited about the little invisible ear piece you see in movies so you can talk to your guys on the other side, but of course Zayn had to crush my dreams and inform me it would be nothing like that.
All I have to do is go to dinner with a man and convince him to continue his business with Jim and not go to the competition in Portland. Apparently he's able to get what he needs cheaper there, the reason being everything is being cut with Fentanyl. Zayn says Jim refuses to go anywhere near Fentanyl, but that does make his product more expensive. More and more people are moving to his competitors, and while this guy isn't like Jim's biggest client or anything, it's someone he could possibly lose. If I fail, it's no big deal, but if I succeed I get a hefty check in return.
I was given a basic sort of script to memorize, just certain talking points to use and information on the product and business I can provide so I sound like I have some sort of authority and that I know what I'm actually talking about.
Zayn has tried to stress repeatedly that this is nothing to worry about and that all it is doing is giving me some sort of part in this to ease Jim's mind. It makes sense and I'm trying my hardest to remain cool and collected, but internally I'm shitting bricks. Somehow no matter where I go, disaster follows and I have a gut feeling this isn't going to go as smoothly as Zayn says.
Nevertheless, I've been sat here with Zayn for almost two hours in the break room, drinking shitty coffee and catching up. Harry was right. Zayn is a good guy. I might sound too forgiving, but I've learned there isn't a point to holding grudges. I still believe we work better as friends, but I truly think we could be really close throughout the time I stay in Seattle.
"Alright, it's killing me. I have to ask. What is up with you and my brother?" Zayn asks me, leaning forward in his chair and clasping his hands together.
"Hm," I start, rolling eyes and taking a sip of my coffee. "What's up with me and Harry?
That's a great question. What is up with me and Harry? The real question is, what's up with him?"
"That's a great question, I ask myself that everyday," he snorts. "He had a rough start in life. I promise you he is a good guy, somewhere deep down."
"I feel like... I keep giving him chances, over and over again. I don't want to. I want him to just... be normal? You know? Like, leave me alone if he really doesn't like me at all, or I don't know, ask me on a date or something if he does like me? God, I sound like I'm in high school. But I'm not going to wait around much longer." I sigh a bit dramatically at the thought. I know I will not allow myself to be hurt again in any sense of the word, but I feel like I'm headed that way.
"Don't wait around for him to show up for you," Zayn says pointing his finger at me. "I love him, but he's an idiot. You're a great girl, Cassie. Don't stress about him, seriously."
"Thanks Zayn. That means a lot." I look up at the clock to see it's after 10pm. As much as I'm enjoying myself, I need some time to decompress. My head is spinning with everything that's happened in the last 24 hours. "I should get going. I'll meet you here on Wednesday right?"
"Wednesday at 4pm!" Zayn replies with a wide smile. "Cheer up, buttercup. You're safe."
Safe.
What a word.
I haven't felt safe since I was sixteen years old. Oh what I would do go back in time. If someone offered me a pill that would send me back to being a child, I would take it in a heartbeat, no questions. Things were so much simpler then. I feel I'm constantly drowning in my own head and there's nothing I can do about it.
I know one day it's going to break me.
But today is not that day. Today I'll walk home, enter my empty apartment, and do everything I can to drown any thoughts out. I'll spend the next few days working and occupying myself, reading over that damn script and praying to any god that will listen to me that this all works out in the end. I'll plan an escape out of Seattle in case things go south and move on like I've always done.
My apartment is dark and quiet when I enter. I quietly set my keys down on the counter and turn on the entryway light.
"Bluetooth connected. Now playing Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House."
I turn the music down so it's playing quietly but loud enough that I can still hear it as background noise. I make my way over to my dresser to pull out clothes to change into, but as I walk by the couch I notice something on one of the cushions. Upon closer inspection, I realize it's a small pocket sized notebook, bound in leather. It looks like it could have been homemade, but it could also just be very used. I don't remember ever having a notebook like this, so I flip it around trying to find any identifying details as to where this could have come from.
I hesitate to flip through the pages, but as I'm about to open it up, I notice a tiny indent in the bottom corner. Two letters.
H.S.
Oh.
This must be Harry's?
I want to take a peak inside so bad it's killing me. It could be anything. A journal. Passwords. Grocery lists. But that would be an invasion of privacy.
Just one peak wouldn't hurt...
No. I can't do it. I won't. Instead, I pull out my phone and take a picture of the notebook and immediately send the picture to its owner.
To Harry: missing something?
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hi friends!! it's been a while, so if you're still reading this story thank you from the bottom of my heart.
i've been feeling a little down on my capabilities as a writer. this story is so important to me and i just want it to be perfect. i may go back and do some editing in the coming weeks, but expect a new chapter weekly again! things will start picking up again soon, i'm not super happy with this one but this filler chapter was needed to set the stage for the upcoming plot points.
also, i edited in the dates when everything takes place. i may have gone a bit overboard with it but for me personally i like when fics show the timeline clearly. so if you hate it, i'm sorry and if you like it, that's sick.
as always, thanks for reading <3