It was a media frenzy.
There was a couple in a K-Pop group. A gay couple. An OUT couple. An ENGAGED couple.
At first, the Korean media had no idea what to do with it. Or if they SHOULD do something with it. After all, even if accepted by many, Koreans were still widely conservative and things like that just aren't done. They aren't discussed. Not to mention that idols are supposed to be perfect.
It's like we're just supposed to be a bunch of dolls.
But just as everyone in Korea was trying to figure out how to manage, a video was making its way around the United States.
And the rainbow flags were flying for us.
"How do you think the video got out?" a reporter asked us, "After all, the venue had a no cell phones or cameras policy. Do you think it was a member of your staff?"
"It doesn't really matter," I said, "It's good that it got out because I'm not sure anyone knew how to tell our story here. It seems as though you guys needed a little guidance."
The reporter turned red and wrote down a note.
"Well," she continued, "how do you feel about being the new representation of LGBTQ+ idol culture?"
I sat for a moment to think...
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"We aren't," I answered. I was really tired. I couldn't tell you how many interviews we've done in the last two days. How many pictures have been taken of the blingy ring on my finger.
"I'm sorry?" the reporter asked.
"I said, 'we aren't'," I reiterated.
"No, Jake, I heard what you said," the reporter answered, "it's just that...well, I'm sorry - but you ARE. Whether you want to be or not. Because it's not just about fan service now, is it? The world will genuinely wonder whether these cute little ships are actually sailing."
Then she let out a little chuckle.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"Well, it's just that...you guys weren't even a ship. Not an obvious one. Most Enhypen fans say SunSun or SunKi or JayWon or even JakeHoon. One almost never hears -"
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"HeeJake," I interrupted her, "and that was my fault. I was so worried about losing my dream that I put myself at risk of losing Jake. I really prided myself on hiding us from the media. The truth is that we've been together since university. Every step of the way. There were days I feared our relationship could ruin my dream. Now, I know that our relationship is part of my dream."
"That's really sweet, Heeseung," the reporter said, "and I know it will mean a lot to a lot of people. What about your family? I understand that your father hasn't really taken it well."
I nodded somberly, "yes, I've seen some of the pictures and videos online. I didn't talk to him about any of this beforehand, but he did know about my sexuality. Whether he wants to acknowledge that is his choice."
I once again sat in thought before adding with a smirk:
"I trust he'll come around and magically be fine with it as soon as I send him on vacation or something."
Jake choked on his water next to me.
The reporter looked up from her notepad, eyes wide.
"Heeseung, are you telling me that your dad only acknowledges you or what you're doing when you...pay him?? Buy him things??"
"Look, I'm not saying that my father isn't supportive of me unless there is some kind of personal gain," I smiled, looking her in the eye, "but I'm not NOT saying that, either."
I saw her writing feverishly and I knew what was about to happen. I knew that she couldn't wait to get this article written and published. It was then that I decided to add in one last little bit.
"Ma'am, would you mind if I sent a personal message to my father in your article?"
Her eyes widened again.
"Umm...y-yeah. Yes, YES! Of course, Heeseung! I'd be happy to do that!"
"Ok perfect," I smiled at her and reached over for Jake's hand. Feeling the warmth of it in my hand helped slow my racing heart. I took a deep breath.
"Dad," I told her, watching her poised to continue writing, "I know that you may be disappointed in some ways. I know that I am not exactly what you wanted in a son. I'm sorry if any of this makes you uncomfortable. But I want you to know...
"I love you, anyway."
Jake squeezed my hand, and I looked over at him to see his eyes filling up with tears. I wiped one eye with my free hand before the tear spilled onto his cheek.
"What?" I asked him, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," he shook his head emphatically, "I'm just very proud of you. So, so proud of you."
I heard a sniffling and looked over to see the reporter dabbing at her eyes with a tissue from the box next to her chair.
I laughed as I asked, "are you okay?"
She nodded and smiled, starting to laugh at herself behind her tears that were now pouring down her face.
"I'm just really proud of you guys. I'm proud to be a part of telling your story. And I get the impression that the words I just wrote down, well...they're really big words."
"That they are," I agreed, kissing Jake on the forehead.
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"I think the article is going to be really great," I told the guys when we got back to the dorm.
"Which one? You guys were interviewed by dozens of news outlets and magazines over the last couple of days," Jay asked.
"The last one," I looked up at Heeseung and smiled, "I think some powerful words were said."
"That's amazing!" Sunoo squealed, jumping up and down and running to hug me. Leaning past me he asked:
"Jungwon, does that mean - "
"NO!" Jungwon cut him off, "Kim Sunoo, do not even THINK about outing your relationship right now."
Sunoo looked at Jungwon with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's not a big deal," he mumbled, sulkily, "people already know we're together..."
"Not the point, bestie," Jungwon said, softening his voice a little as he went to put his arm around Sunoo.
"I'm sorry, Sun, I really am," he said, "but Enhypen can't be the poster group for idols coming out. I would love for all of us to be able to be who we are all at the same time. But. It's still a business. As much as it sickens me to say that. We're still idols."
"I get it," Sunoo nodded with understanding, "besides, there's no way people don't know that I'm gay. I mean, please."
Sunoo lifted his pout to smirk at Jungwon as he tossed his imaginary hair over his shoulder and they both burst out laughing. I saw Sunghoon roll his eyes as he chuckled.
I walked into the living room where we were all sitting on the couches, relieved and relaxing.
"Well?" Ni-Ki asked, "Now what?"
"Now, WE CELEBRATE!" a loud voice announced, startling us all. Someone walked through the front door, bursting out into a dolphin laugh.
"Kai!!" Sunoo jumped up and ran over to give HueningKai a big hug, "What are you doing here?!?!"
"We just came to celebrate with you!" Soobin said as he, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Yeonjun walked into the room. Yeonjun was carrying a very large box, which he sat down on the table in the living room. I heard the familiar pop of Kai's champagne as he loved any reason to celebrate.
"What's that?" Heeseung asked, pointing at the box on the table.
"Oh, this?" Soobin asked, a suspicious smile on his face. It's nothing. It's just a cake to celebrate your engagement. Go ahead! Open it!"
I pulled the lid off the box.
In large letters across the top of the cake it said simply, "Congratulations!" The cake was round and looked like a globe, with cities marked all over it.
"Thanks, Soobin," Heeseung laughed, "But...I don't get it? Am I missing something?"
Yeonjun laughed, "Well, when we ordered the cake, we didn't know you were going to be engaged," he said.
"But we wanted to be the ones to tell you, either way," Taehyun chimed in. I looked over to see Beomgyu sitting on a bar stool quietly. Not himself at all.
I tried not to focus on that as I waited for Yeonjun or Soobin to continue. I looked around at the other guys, but no one else seemed to know any more than we did.
"One for you...one for you...one for you..." Kai passed around champagne glasses to everyone in the room.
"Well, a toast is in order for all of us!" Soobin called, holding up his glass. He didn't need to clink it, as he already had everyone's attention.
"To Kai, for barging in on someone else's engagement just to have a reason to get drunk!" Ni-Ki laughed.
With his free hand, HueningKai hit Ni-Ki in the stomach with his outstretched arm.
"Oh, shut up, Nishimura, you've never complained over free booze".
"Fair," Ni-Ki said, throwing back his glass, "Oops! I need more so I can toast!" he and Kai laughed as Kai filled his glass again.
"ANYWAY!" Soobin said, "if the children are finished, we were already due to congratulate everyone in this room. In two months, we're going on a world tour! Together!!!!"
Everyone shouted and clapped, even Jungwon who didn't seem to know a thing about it!
Sunoo rushed Beomgyu and hugged him, earning a smile from our friend who looked so down.
"Gyu we'll see each other all the time!!!" he squealed, and Beomgyu laughed and kissed his cheek.
I could see the worry on Sunoo's face, as well as Taehyun's. But I couldn't think about all of that right now.
"I can't believe it!" Heeseung told Yeonjun, "we get to dance together again?"
"I hope so!" Yeonjun answered, "I mean, obviously it's a double-booking and we're going as two different acts, but I'd really like to be able to do a song or two as a whole group."
"There's a lot to work out," Soobin said, "and they're shooting for two months from now, like I said, but they aren't announcing it until they see how the next week or so plays out. They may rearrange some of the bookings they have right now."
"How the next - OHHHHH, you mean because of US," Heeseung observed. It definitely wasn't a question.
"Yeah, they just want to do some polls and things. We'll probably start in the US and that wasn't originally the intention. We'll see. Either way, we're going on tour together. It's a done deal."
"Hopefully your girl booked larger venues this time," Jungwon said, linking his arm with Soobin's.
"Yes. That's one of the reasons we're going on tour so soon after the last one. She got a lot of heat for that."
"As she should," Taehyun scoffed, walking up to give Jungwon a kiss on the cheeks before he pinched them, "Such a cutie, my Wonnie."
Everyone was talking and laughing over one another, getting excited and having a great time. I tried to take a picture in my mind of today. Not just what it looked like, but what it felt like. How happy it all was. How happy it's going to be. This is my future. This is OUR future.
I love Lee Heeseung.
And Lee Heeseung loves me.
.........
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I could feel the panic rising in my throat every time the phone vibrated. I had long since turned the ringer off so that I wouldn't have to hear the constant dinging of messages coming through. I shouldn't have even left it on vibrate, but in order to turn it off I would have to look at my phone and I can't do that.
Taehyun will do it later. He'll erase the messages and block the newest number.
He'll take care of it.