(Warning: hot and heavy scenes. Proceed with caution.)
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(A/n: *heavy sigh* get ready y'all, because this is the ✨longest✨ chapter I've ever written. No, really, you might wanna grab a snack and get comfortable 'cause you're gonna be reading for a while. Enjoy.)
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~~Part 1: The Masks We Hide Behind~~
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The air around you felt heavy and thick, blanketing you as you rolled onto your side. Letting out a quiet whimper of fatigue as you barely acknowledged your environment, not even opening your eyes. Your head still lost in a fog, still floating somewhere between the waking world and dreamland.
Somewhere beneath the sheets you could've sworn you felt the bed shift behind you under moving weight. You half acknowledged this and went to turn around to look at the source but you felt so tired you could hardly move. Almost as though your bones were replaced with concrete.
Up your hip and along your side you felt what seemed like fingertips gently tracing up your side. Under any normal circumstances you'd have been flipping the fuck out, cussing out anyone who would have snuck into your bed and dared to touch you. And yet, you felt calm. As though this presence beside you was a familiar soul that bared no disturbance to your own peace.
"You're so warm," you heard a familiar voice whisper. "So soft and delicate, I almost can't help myself..."
Alastor?
You felt goosebumps all over your body as you barely, just barely, felt a pair of lips on the back of your neck. So sweet and so careful it was as though one wrong touch would have shattered you like glass. Without needing to say a word more his intention was clear to you.
"I'm too sleepy..." you murmured into your pillow. Hugging it close and burying your face into the cushion it provided. You could have sworn you felt his hand snake further along your side and down the front of your body. The muscles in your abdomen flexing slightly out of reflex as his fingertips grazed against it.
"That's alright, you don't have to do anything." He whispered. His warm breath on your neck sending a shudder down your spine; feeling warmth pooling within your abdomen. A sense of longing that desperately called for attention, one you haven't felt in a very long time. One that, in the moment, you didn't mind feeling.
"Tell me I'm yours..." you heard him say.
Any words you were about to utter had hitched within in your throat as his hand eased it's way just barely under the waistband of your sweatpants.
"I need this..." he whispered again. "Please, tell me that I'm yours..."
"You're mine~." You sighed.
As the words left your lips you felt his presence begin to drift away... Slowly being replaced by fully immersed consciousness. Dream or not, you could have sworn you felt his hands still on you for just a few seconds more.
The kicker was that you could only feel him. No memories, no emotions, just... him. Now I know I'm dreaming...
The more you tuned into your waking reality the little details seemed to fizzle away; the static from his touch, the lingering smell of clove, sandalwood and earthy musk you associated with him had already started fading away. No breath on your neck, no teasing caresses. Your solitude was confirmed when your heavy lidded eyes finally opened and found not a single trace of a soul anywhere.
Just you in your sheets, nothing more.
It felt so real... Did I really only dream that? It felt like he was right here...
Your breath was heavy from the amount of excitement you felt within your body, a natural reaction to such a thing. You felt warm, and your heart was practically beating in your throat. You could almost feel phantom traces of his presence nearby, still remembering his scent in the back of your mind.
Yet the only remaining evidence where the goosebumps that lingered on your skin.
"You really got in my head, deer boy." You panted quietly.
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"Y/n, for the last time, you cannot sign your name as 'Batman' on the work forms." Vaggie heaved with a sigh, exasperated that she has to tell a grown adult the simple fact.
"Show me one shred of evidence that proves I'm not Batman."
"Please. I'm asking you nicely." Vaggie pleaded.
"Y/n? Is that your voice I hear?" Charlie called out from the hallway outside.
"It is indeed, babe." You called out, pulling yourself upright and climbing down. Your heart still pounding a little from the exercise as your feet touched upon the ground. Feeling your knee almost buckling out from under you for a moment before you steadied yourself. You watched as the adorable blonde came jogging in while you hopped off the stage to talk with her; not before putting your gloves back on.
"So I just talked to my dad this morning," she started, talking while moving her hands. "He says you and I should be there around 5, get you set up and everything before the rest of the guests arrive."
"Alright," you nodded, "cool. Sounds good. Vaggie, are you coming?"
"Yeah, mostly for Charlie." She answered, approaching her partner and greeting her with a soft smooch on her head. It was honestly kind of cute to see them interact with each other sometimes. "Her dad and I don't always get along but I like going because it makes her happy and I enjoy being with her."
"That's really sweet." You smiled. "Well that makes me happy, that's one more person that I know that'll be there."
"Come on, Y/n. You'll have a great time." Charlie insisted. "Besides, you'll probably be so caught up with being with Alastor I doubt you'll have to worry about being near strangers. He's still chaperoning you after your performance, right?"
You felt heat slowly rise to your face. "Yes, as far as I know he is."
"What do you see in him?" Vaggie asked, surprisingly not with an air of distaste. "You used to not want to even be in the same room as him, and now every other time we bump into you you're both together."
"I like to think that we're getting along," you said honestly with a shrug, not wanting to tell them the whole truth. "I mean, I'm not going to complain about him not being a dick to me anymore. He's not so bad."
"I won't disagree with you on it being nice that you're not bickering anymore." She nodded. "But you know as well as any of us to be careful."
You and the other demonesses finished up your conversation and they left you to do whatever it is you were doing. Feeling like you got a decent morning work out in you decided to shower and get yourself ready for the day. What halted you was a voice suddenly calling out.
"Speaking of being careful, I need to talk to you."
"Husk?" You called out, hearing the feline demons voice from one of the opposite auditorium doors. Seeing his silhouette in the door way and come better inti view as he descended down one of the isles and over to you.
"I figured your day was going to be busy so I wanted to come down and wish you good luck." He started.
You raised your brows in slight surprise. "Wow, Husk. That's really nice of you. Thanks." You said with a smile. Genuinely surprised he would go out of his way to look for you and tell you that.
"Yeah, yeah. I also came here to give you some advice." He said, speaking lowly and looking over at each of the doorways to make sure no one was in sight. You gave him a confused look and cocked your head to the side as you awaited for him to keep going.
"I heard Alastor's your date tonight to this thing tonight."
"Oh boy." You said with an eye roll. "Are you about to lecture me too?"
"I'm just saying kid, I've noticed you getting comfortable with him." He stated firmly. "I didn't think much of it at first, but I think you're forgetting who he is. I'm not harping on ya just to make you feel bad, but I'm not fuckin' playing when I tell you to be careful of him."
"Husk I appreciate it but even he apologized-"
"An apology from the radio demon is as fake as Barbie's plastic tits." He exclaimed harshly. "He's probably trying to act sweet on ya so you'll let your guard down."
"Why do you say that?" You asked wearily.
The feline heaved a heavy sigh and shook his head before looking up and answering you. "You remember that night you me and him were playing blackjack? It was one of your first nights here."
You nodded, waiting for him to continue.
"After you had left he told me what his intentions were." He explained. "Saying how he knew you had issues and that he couldn't wait to watch you crumble one day because of them. And I don't know if he's really changed his mind or not since then, but I know that I don't wanna see you get hurt. Because he can be a real bastard sometimes and you don't need his crap."
That's not true. Was it?
Alastor did act differently now than when you first met, showing much more kindness toward you. But would he really be willing to go as far as he has if you were only a toy to him? That's so much effort to watch another demon crumble with no big pay off, other than just to witness it. Then again, he had that kind of patience; and enough boredom to drive him to it... Was it all an act?
It didn't help that Husk was right, you were letting your guard down. Sometimes you forgot who Alastor was and what he was capable of. It was easy to forget when he was making you laugh. He had been so kind, never showing an ounce of malice toward you. Surely it was fine, he wasn't going to hurt you. Not like others have, anyway...
He wouldn't hurt me. You thought. Right?
But, then again, this was how it started. Spending a lot of time together alone, the flirting...
The realization that Alastor could just discard you once he was bored with you had suddenly come crashing down like ton of bricks. And the part that bothered you the most was that it hurt to imagine such a thing. You didn't want him to do that, you found yourself genuinely enjoying his company. You'd miss him...
You didn't want to let yourself get hurt again. That was the whole point of not letting people in.
You felt your ears flatten to your head, and your heart sink into your stomach.
"Why do you look like someone just kicked a dog right in front of you?" He asked, pulling you from your thoughts. "I thought you only just tolerated him."
"I'm fine." You shrugged. "I just thought maybe we were finally getting along, that's all. The truth is a painful reminder."
"Kid don't be like that," he sighed. "I know you have fun with him and I didn't say you should stop seeing him, just... be careful is all."
"Yeah..." you nodded slowly. "I will."
"And I hope you have fun tonight. You're gonna nail it."
"Thanks, Husk."
~~~~~~flashback~~~~~~
"Shit." You huffed, pacing back and forth in the tiny hallway of your trailer (if you could call it a hallway, anyway.) "Shit mother fucking fuck shit fuck."
You were late.
Not late for breakfast, not late for rehearsal, not late for a performance. Any of those would have been significantly more preferred... But no.
You were two weeks late from your period. On top of that, you weren't feeling so hot as of late.
On your bathroom counter there currently sat a pregnancy test, you snagged one from a corner store on your little midnight adventure to grab snacks. You hadn't told anybody about it yet. You didn't know how to tell anyone, and you were terrified of the possibility of it coming back positive.
It was unlikely seeing as you and him always used contraception when you had been intimate with each other, but there was always the chance. Couldn't hurt to make sure.
Two minutes seemed to feel like an eternity until you heard the timer on your phone go off, you rushed back into the small bathroom and took a deep breath. When you opened your eyes, your heart sank.
A pink plus sign.
"No..." you murmured. "No no no, please no..."
You frantically dug the little box it came in out of your trashcan and re-read the instructions. Then re-read them again. And again. And again. You just couldn't believe your eyes. No way you were pregnant. You couldn't be. But... The proof was right there...
Sliding your back down the bathroom door you sat on the floor with your head buried in your hands. You weren't ready to be a parent, you didn't want to be one right now! Your parents would kill you if they found out. They have to find out eventually, you could only keep it a secret for so long until you started showing. Say goodbye to performing until you had that baby, because no way they were going to let a pregnant woman do these kinda of tricks; it would make people too uncomfortable.
What would your boyfriend say? Would he still want to be with you if he knew you were carrying his child? This could completely change everything, your relationship, leaving the circus together, the entire rest of your life would be devoted to raising this child.
Knock knock knock
Speak of the devil.
You got up from your spot on the floor and set the test stick back down on the bathroom counter. Moseying over to the door and letting him in.
"Hey babygirl~." Johnny hummed, with a fistful of wild flowers in his outstretched hand. "Found a bunch of flowers that I thought were pretty, snagged them for you."
Your lips tugged to a tight, meek smile as you graciously took the small makeshift bouquet and smelled them. Appreciating the simple gesture and taking in the sweet floral aroma. "Thank you, that's really sweet..." you murmured quietly. Not quite meeting his gaze.
"Everything alright, baby?" He asked, furrowing a brow as he watched you turn and walk over to your bed. Setting the flowers down gently on the table in front of you while you slumped down and held your head in your hands.
"No." You answered gently. "Not really. I'm scared."
"Why?" He pressed, coming over and sitting down next to you. He gently rubbed your back and held you close to him, concern etched into his features. "Did something happen? Did you get in trouble?"
"Not in trouble yet." You sighed. Picking your head up you took a deep breath and met his gaze. "Baby, we need to talk."
"Y/n, what's wrong?" He asked. "You know you can tell me, I'm here for you. It's okay, nothing is too bad or too scary for you to tell me. I promise."
"I..." you started, but you just couldn't force yourself to say the words. You couldn't say it out loud. Saying it out loud made it feel even more real. "Just... Check the bathroom counter..." you said, lowering your head down once more and looking at the floor.
"Alright..." he said.
Johnny got up from your bed and walked the short distance over to the bathroom and did as you had requested. His initial reaction was a little more on his sleeve than yours was.
"You... you're...?" He stammered.
"Yep."
"How is this possible?" He asked in bewilderment. Stepping out and holding the box and test in his hand, looking at then and then back at you. "We used a condom every time, you're on birth control, how-"
"Maybe the condom broke, I don't know." You answered dismally with a shrug. "Protection isn't flawless every time. I guess we're just lucky..."
"Shit..." he huffed, setting the evidence of your conception down and coming back over to you. "Well this is unexpected."
"No kidding."
"Does this change how you feel about leaving with me?" He asked.
"No, if anything it makes me want to even more..." you said. "I'd rather leave with you and start a family than try raise a child here, my fuckin' parents would make it hell for both of us."
"So it's settled then." He said, draping his arm around you and pulling you into a hug. "Next week we start going through Arizona. I'll make sure we have transportation, you make sure you have everything you want to bring with you, and we'll do it. Start our new lives together. Just now you'll be eating for two for a while, that's all... Is that what you want, Y/n?"
You nodded, feeling hot salty tears streaming down your cheeks as you nestled into his embrace. Hugging him tightly as he sat there and comforted you. "I was so scared you would back out entirely and just leave me..." you confessed with a sniffle.
"Baby, no..." he cooed. "Yeah, this isn't exactly what I had in mind. I mean I wouldn't mind having kids, although I was thinking more later on than this... But it's going to be okay, we're going to be alright. I'll take care of us. And you are going to be such an amazing mom, babygirl. I can feel it."
"I love you..." you said softly.
"I love you too, Y/n." He sighed, petting your hair and kissing the side of your head. "To the moon and back. We're gonna get through this, and we're gonna be so happy. Just you wait."
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So... You waited.
And waited.
And waited...
But he never came. The plan when everything was all ready to go, was that you were to get up and grab your duffle-bag of belongings and meet with him before everyone woke up. He was supposed to meet you at your trailer and then hop on one of the morning trains that went through this area. From there on he'd bring you back to his abode, and you two could finally be together in complete peace.
But he never showed. He never answered your texts, he never picked up your calls. He wasn't in his own trailer. And by the time the sun came up and everyone had went off to eat breakfast and start their day, you saw every familiar face except for his. No one had even seen him since the night before.
It was as though he left without you.
~~~~~~flashback over~~~~~~
"Okay," Charlie said, touching up your hair. Being careful not to touch you too close to your scalp. "Sorry, I'm not trying to touch you. You've just got a couple flyaways that are bugging me."
"You're good." You nodded. "Thanks for the consideration though."
"Well I don't want to trigger any senses..." she chuckled anxiously. Pulling her hand back and smiling gently at you, straightening out her own mask. "I'm always a little on edge at my dad's place and I'm sure you don't wanna feel any of that right before a performance."
You had told Charlie a little while back about how you were a 'seer', as Alastor had referred to it as. She was as bewildered as she was curious when you told her, but you brought it up to explain why exactly you were so weird with physical contact; feeling as though she was a safe person to communicate that to. As you had predicted she was very understanding, her and Vaggie made a point to be careful or at least ask for your consent before doing anything that might risk a brush against skin. It was deeply appreciated on your part that they were mindful of your little 'skill'.
"Thank you." You chuckled gently, straightening out your mask. "It's alright. How do I look?"
(A/n: The mask for the performance)
You rather liked that the mask covered your face, because you knew that during your performance there was probably going to be a lot of trudged up memories and emotions. It hid your true expressions. On top of Husk's gentle reminder about Alastor's true colors, you honestly were wondering if you were going to get through this without crying. It was also fortunate you didn't plan on singing this time, or everyone would hear you get choked up. No, this time you could just focus on putting your heart into your craft. However it may sting for a minute or two.
"You look dazzling, Y/n." Charlie said kindly with a bright and sweet smile. The kind of smile that was so warm it could melt an ice cream cone. "Really. You're gonna do great, I just know you're going to look absolutely fantastic. I bet my parents are excited too."
"Are they?" You asked, taking a slight peak behind the giant red curtain at the front of the stage. Their ballroom was filled with demons, most of them as you had guessed before were seemingly quite refined. Charlie had mentioned that a lot of them were other royals and overlords from other rings of Hell. Your gaze softened when your eyes fell upon a familiar demon in a long red coat. A black dress-shirt beneath it, maroon slacks, and his hair pulled back into a short low ponytail. The look completed with a black and red mask that reminded you of the Phantom of the Opera.
(A/n/ Alastor's on the left, your second mask for later on the right.)
Your heart skipped a beat when your eyes laid upon him, seemingly unaware of your gaze as he talked with Rosie standing beside him, each enjoying a glass of wine. You sighed gently and closed the curtain. Walking the few paces over to your silks that hung sturdily from the rafters.
"You alright?" She asked. "Your eyes look sad."
"I'm okay." You lied. "Thank you Charlie."
The stage hands then quickly helped usher Charlie off stage and started getting the lighting situated, as your little show was about to begin shortly. You looked over right as the princess was giving you a wide, eager smile and two very supportive thumbs up.
"Good evening everyone." You heard a feminine voice speak out as the crowd outside began to hush and shush. You recognized it as Lilith's, having been properly introduced to her earlier upon your arrival. "Thank you all for coming to our annual masquerade ball, as always we hope you enjoy yourselves. This year we have a little treat for you~."
"Yes, as it turns out our daughter has employed a performer who's expertise is in aerial silks and acrobatics." Lucifers voice chimed in. "We managed to borrow her for the evening, isn't that nice?"
You let their voices drown away as you meandered over to the center of the stage right in front of the silks, starting position seated right on the ground. Sitting all curled up with your expressionless mask on display and facing the audience as you awaited the curtain to open.
A soft pinkish purple light illuminated you greeted you as the sound of a somber guitar had begun to play. Letting the crowd get a first glance at you as you sat there as still as a doll. As the words came in, you stood up and spun around your silks once before climbing up.
"Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again"
Quickly enough you found yourself lost in the music, disregarding but not unaware of the watching eyes upon you. The words of the song seemed to seep beneath your skin and nestle into the marrow of your bones, your breath feeling shakey as you weaved gracefully between moves. Dropping a little, just by a couple feet, before climbing higher while you tried to just focus.
"So, if you love me, let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there
Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know"
You hung upside down in a split for a moment. Your eyes closed as the song seemingly carried you onward. By now you were extremely grateful for the mask, because you honestly wanted to cry a little.
"I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight
So, save your breath, I will not hear
I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go"
In a way, this was almost cathartic for you. Everyone seemed to watch with various expressions of awe and captivation, the truth was you looked undeniably majestic in your craft; and right now was no exception. Alastor certainly couldn't take his eyes off of you, and having finally heard the song you said had seemed to speak to you, he now felt like he knew another piece of you. He knew you had personal baggage, and this gave him only a glimpse as to what it consisted of; but to see you channel it through such a method and make it look effortless was nothing short of admirable.
"So, break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away, you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care, don't ever let me know
If you still care, don't ever let me know"
You spiraled down from a rather impressive height as the song began to fade, and landed gracefully on your feet. Taking your original spot on the floor of the stage you sat back down, all curled up like you were at the very start of your performance.
Your mask facing the audience; but no one could see the tears behind it.
~~Part 2: Can't Help Falling In Love~~
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"My dear I thought you were absolutely marvelous! I don't know how you make it look so simple." Alastor praised from the other side of the door.
Charlie had let you use her old room to let you get changed into your dress and freshen up after the show. He had followed you and Charlie up there, planning on walking back with you once you were finished.
"Does it scare you when you're upside down like that?" You heard Charlie ask.
"Uh, sometimes." You answered back, having just styled your hair in a way you liked and adjusted your new mask with it. Now stepping into the dress. "I mean there's always the risk of falling, it comes with the territory. But usually I'm more focused on blood rushing to my head the longer I'm like that." You said with a soft chuckle.
"Hun?" Vaggie called out for her lover. "Your mom's looking for you."
"Will you be alright with her?" Charlie asked as she turned to the stag.
"Oh of course." He said with a wave of his hand, as if to dismiss her apprehension. "Run along we'll be back down shortly."
"Kay," she nodded. "Y/n, I'll see you at the party! Alastor's gonna stay up here with you!" She called out to you before walking away.
"Alrighty." You said simply. Feeling a weird weight in your chest for some reason. Maybe it was the fact that you hadn't really seen Al much since last night, and you weren't exactly done processing what Husk had mentioned to you earlier.
Y/n, just don't feed too much into it. You thought to yourself. You can get along with him. You have been. He's being nice, so be nice back. Don't be a dick.
You were almost finished putting on your dress when you struggled a little with the zipper in the back. "Shit... Hey Al?" You asked. Already feeling a little embarrassed to have to ask, wishing Charlie had stayed for just 20 more seconds.
"Yes, my dear?"
"Can I get your help with something, please?"
He perked up and opened the door, closing it shut behind him. He looked up and over at you as you stood in front of a full length vanity mirror, holding the front of your dress up with most of your back exposed to him.
"Y/n?" He blushed faintly, blinking a couple times before trying to maintain decorum.
"Would you zip the dress up for me please?" You asked begrudgingly.
"Yes darling." He answered softly, clearing his throat and shirking away any impure thoughts that rose to his mind. Walking over he held part of the dress with his hand and held it taught while he pulled the zipper up. "I must say my dear, I knew you'd look wonderful but... I wasn't prepared to have the air stolen from me, because you are breathtaking."
You chuckled, smiling gently at the compliment. It was sweet, and you couldn't lie, you did feel very pretty. And looking at the both of you in the mirror together as he stood behind you, you looked like... well, quite the couple.
"Now then, there we go." He sighed content as he made sure you were secure. Stepping back he marveled at you some more, he swore he could feel his stomach doing flips. He awaited you to put your gloves on and quickly adjusted your hair before extending to you his arm. Flashing you a gentle smile. "Ready when you are."
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Much to your surprise and relief, the evening was going off without a hitch. You'd have to thank Rosie again the next time you saw her, you hated to admit it but the etiquette lessons did help you feel a bit less out of place. Even Alastor had to admit he was impressed. Of course, he knew you you were still much more laid back behind closed doors, but to see you switch the refined manners on and off like a switch was somewhat impressive.
Others came up to approach you periodically, congratulating you on your performance and just asking general questions about yourself. One of your favorite encounters was with a Prince named Stolas; a more owl-esque looking demon who seemed a little timid and unsure of himself, but was still incredibly friendly and happy to talk with you.
Of course you also had the displeasure of meeting Valentino at some point, who just had to tell you how enamored he was with your performance. Val had the kind of presence that made you feel very uneasy, the kind that made your gut tell you to run from danger. You felt safe especially with Al not letting you alone with him, but nevertheless. You made a point to not mention that you knew Angel, not wanting him to get harassed by his boss on your account in case that were a possibility.
All in all you had to admit you were having a good time. Wine definitely made it a little easier... Although you behaved, and were nowhere near trashed. But between friends, Alastor, Charlie and even Vaggie- you were having a fair amount of fun.
Throughout the evening it seemed as though Alastor was especially kind and doting to you. Of course, you didn't know how nervous he was this entire time. He had the letter he had written for you tucked carefully within the inner pocket of his coat, and was just waiting to give it to you. He planned on following through, no way he was going to back out of it once he made up his mind, but his certainty did nothing to alleviate his anxiety. He just hoped you wouldn't be repulsed by his confession. But whatever your reaction may be, he would take it in stride and respect your wishes.
"Y/n? I have a random question for you." Alastor started, shifting an otherwise mundane conversation to something more interesting.
"Yeah?"
"I was in the recreation room of the hotel earlier and I found a small piece of watermelon wedged between the couch cushions." He started with a gentle laugh. "Any idea how that might've happened?"
You felt your face turn red as you looked away from him and took a hefty sip from your wine. "Uh, yeah, I know what happened."
"Praytell?"
"You're gonna laugh at me." You protested with a chuckle.
"Try me." He laughed softly. "Now you've got me even more curious."
"So... I think Husk is still mad about the whole laser-pointer ordeal." You started, sipping again from your glass and chuckling a little at the thought. "He said he was going to get me back one day and I think he tried to this morning..."
"How do you mean?"
"He left it on the bar counter when he knew I'd see it and then walked away. I... sort of..." you trailed off.
"Did... you try and bury it into the couch for later?" He asked quietly. Now admittedly deeply amused and glad he asked.
"Don't judge me I couldn't control the urge." You protested, blushing harder and thanking your lucky stars no one was listening on the conversation. "It was pure instinct I can't help it."
"That is adorable." He laughed gently. "I think I may start leaving pieces of watermelon out for you now."
"I'm not going to complain about a snack like that but please don't antagonize me with it." You chuckled.
"Why not~?" He teased.
"Because it's not nice!" You laughed. "I didn't say shit when deer instincts got your ass stuck in a fence the other day, so don't use my instincts against me. Capisce?"
"I suppose you have a point." He hummed with a playful roll of his eyes. "Fine, I'll be nice." His gaze landed on you as he took a sip from his glass and lowered it back down, his ruby and crimson eyes crinkling a little as his genuine smile affected his other features. You liked when he smiled at you like that, it made you feel warm and light. You could only feel your smile softening as well as you looked back at him.
"Whatcha staring at, deer boy?" You hummed.
"Something special." He said simply. "You're staring too, my little vixen."
"You started it." You giggled.
"And I'll finish it, too." He hummed with a laugh.
Your gazes softened to something sweeter as you once again seemed lost in the others eyes. Letting a comfortable silence creep in between you for a couple of seconds while the band on stage had begun playing a slower song. You couldn't help but smile as you recognized it.
"Wise men say... Only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you"
"May I have this dance, darling?" He asked, setting his glass down and offering you his hand.
"Shall I stay? Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you?"
"You may..." you answered softly. Setting your glass down as well as he lead you to the center of the room amongst the sea of other demons. Taking your hands in his he led you in a waltz; something you had done with him a number of times now.
You'd think it would be a breeze by now. Yet your heart seemed to flutter like you had never danced to a tune in your entire existence. But the way he looked at you made you feel like you could make no mistakes, like he saw you as flawless no matter what.
"Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be..."
"I performed to this song so many times..." you admitted with a soft chuckle. Feeling him rest his hand further down your waist and pull you closer to him. In the moment you didn't mind, you just gave in and moved closer.
"You must know it by heart, then." He hummed. You nodded. "Would you sing it for me, darling?" He whispered in your ear.
You smiled coyly and relented, the words leaving your lips breathily as you sang only for him to hear. Your body close to his, your hand that was on his shoulder now draped around him to keep yourself close.
"Take my hand... Take my whole life, too.
For I can't help falling in love with you" you sang along with the music. His smile softened and he kept you close, feeling a boost in confidence as he held your body next to him while you lay your head on his chest. No longer waltzing, just swaying to the music.
"Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be..."
As you danced with him your racing mind began to wander. Enjoying what was happening, but still confused as to why he was being so doting and sweet. Why is he trying so hard? What was he trying to prove?
"Take my hand... Take my whole life, too
For I can't help falling in love with you"
Laying your head on his chest you could hear his heart beating. Strong and steady, like a beating drum; and you found yourself smiling at such a comforting sound, nestling into him as he held you close.
That's when it hit you.
You were actually falling for him... Really falling. And just like that, you were afraid. Your voice caught in your throat and you stopped singing as the last line of the song played.
"For I can't help falling in love with you."
Your mind and your heart fought. You wanted to give into him, indulge in these feelings you'd acquired for him. But on the other hand, you'd be the perfect pawn for him if you did. You thought back to Husk's warning. Alastor had never reported any romantic feelings for anybody in his entire existence. Only pride, power and control... What makes you any different, why would you be the first or the exception?
As the song started to fade out to an end you pulled away from his hold. Looking down at the floor as you backed away from him. He allowed you to exit the embrace, despite his confusion as he watched fear and anger rise to your surface. Even beneath the mask, he could tell your mood had shifted.
He could see the storm within your eyes, and it was disastrous. The kind that left damage in it's path.
"Y/n?" He asked with concern. Not quite sure what happened to cause this shift.
You looked up at him and finally met his gaze. You repressed a scowl as your eyes pierced through him. Taking a deep breath to steady your nerves -at least a little- you just turned and walked away from him. Leaving him in the ballroom confused and a little hurt.
On you walked down the neighboring hallway to move out to the terrace nearby, purpose in your steps as you held your chin up and tried not to cry.
"Y/n?" Alastor's voice sounded off from behind you. You rolled your eyes and walked a little faster, not even bothering to turn around despite the footsteps behind you.
"Y/n, wait-"
"Don't..." you spat, still even looking at him. Still feeling quite shook from the whole ordeal.
"Please, let me explain." He pressed further. This time, teleporting right in front of you so you had no choice but to look at him.
"Do you think I'm stupid??" You snarled, halting in your tracks and incandescent with irritation. "You really think you can just reel me in like I'm some sort of prey to you? For me to think you could actually have feelings for me??"
"But I do!" He insisted. "Y/n, you don't understand-"
"You're right, I don't. I don't understand how your twisted little mind works and why you think I could let myself fall victim to you." You scoffed. "Do you really expect me to believe you meant your kindness? How do I know you weren't just stringing me along so you could watch me fall apart in the end? How can I trust you, how can I trust anything you've done??"
Alastor stared at you, feeling a bit panicked himself. This isn't at all how he thought tonight was going to go, and your anger and doubt had rattled him to the core. "I... Was hoping you'd give me a chance..."
"Yeah, right." You scoffed. "You already showed me your true colors when we met. You probably can't even love... what the hell was I thinking..."
Your words stung like a hundred bee stings as they echoed in Alastor's mind, biting back his hurt while his throat burned with disappointment. He watched almost helplessly as you just walked away from him, out to the terrace to get some fresh air and to get away from him.
You were relieved to find nobody else out there once you stepped onto the clean white and gold balcony. Letting the tears finally fall from your face as you pulled a pack of smokes out from the little clutch purse Angel had let you borrow for the occasion. With a trembling hand you brought one of the cancer sticks up to your mouth and lit it, greedily inhaling the toxic grey smoke. Taking an almost sordid pleasure as it burned your throat from how hard you puffed on it.
"I'm such a fucking idiot." You scolded yourself. "What is the matter with me? Falling for the fucking radio demon... You'd think a girl would learn..."
Had you gone too far, accusing him of being that cruel? He had been very different to you compared to when you met. He had been so vulnerable, wearing his heart on his sleeve for you and looking out for you... doing and saying things he'd never do if it were any other soul but you.
And you left him standing there.
"Knock knock," Charlie's voice gently called out from the large doorway.
You sniffled and looked over your shoulder. Relieved to see a friendly face, at least, although you hated being seen like this. "Hey..." you greeted her quietly before taking another deep drag.
"I saw you take off..." she said softly, unsure of how to approach the situation as she came out and stood next to you. "Did Alastor do something wrong?"
"Not exactly," you sighed, taking a shakey breath in as you ashed your cigarette over the edge. "Charlie I feel so stupid... I know what kind of person he is and I... let my guard down too much. I have feelings for him, and I don't think I have to explain why that's a scary thing. I fucked up..."
"Not for nothing, Y/n, but we all think he has too." She sighed. "Not saying you have to entertain him or your feelings, but that's just what we've noticed."
"How do I know he isn't just putting up a facade?" You asked dismally. "I don't know if I can trust him. I don't know what to do, I don't wanna go back out there because I'm just going to be a mess and everyone is going to redirect their attention onto me."
"You really don't need that right now." She agreed with a sigh. "Do you want me to get you a ride home?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ride home was a quiet one. Just you and the driver, separated by the dividing glass between you as you rode in the back of a limo. It was a pretty snazzy one too, with little wine bottles and the like in a mini fridge. It was hard to believe, but for once you were in such a bad mood you didn't even want to drink. So you just stared out the window and watched the chaos of hell whizzing by in neon colors.
You were exhausted. You didn't know what to expect come tomorrow morning when you'd see everyone again. Right now you just wanted to curl up in bed and cry.
At last the time came where you had arrived safely back at the hotel. Picking up the length of your dress as you ascended the stairs and trudged your way to your room. Your footsteps feeling heavy the entire way, your head hanging low.
Alastor had asked Charlie where you had gone, and had teleported to the hotel; conveniently right you as you made it to your door. "Y/n please wait." He said gently.
You weren't even phased let alone startled by his sudden appearance. You felt too drained.
"What?" You huffed. "Haven't you exhausted me enough? What more do you want?"
"Let me ask you something." He said.
You sighed with exasperation and turned to face him. You could hardly call his expression a smile, it was the bare minimum of one. It was honestly a little eerie to see from him, it made your stomach feel as heavy as lead. "Okay." You breathed with defeat.
"Are you scared?" He asked.
As the gravity of his words had fully sank in you could feel the tears beginning to cascade down your face, clenching your jaw as you hung your head down. That's exactly what you were.
"I'm terrified." you answered.
"Why?"
"Because you make me happy..." you confessed with a sniffle, raising your voice a little as you spoke. "Because I feel like a normal person around you, because you make me feel things that I'm too afraid of feeling. You make me want to love like I've never been hurt, and I don't wanna get hurt again!!"
You cried softly and held your face in your hands. Not even caring anymore that he was watching you cry, you were too exhausted to hold it back any longer. "I'm the happiest I've been in years, and it's all your fault." You said quietly.
He stood silently for a moment. Taking in your answer and letting your words nestle into him. He truly meant no harm to you, and he knew that no words would ever be enough to convince you. Fortunately, there was another way. And he was damn glad he thought of it, it was then only thing he could think to do.
"I understand your apprehension." He started. Slowly pulling off the glove on his right hand, tugging at each finger until it was off completely. Not taking his eyes off your exposed arms as he did this. "I never gave you much reason to trust me, I truly can't say that I blame you for being upset or angry. But if nothing else, just allow me this..."
He took a silent deep breath and reached for you, hesitating for a second midway, and gently held your wrist in his hand.
You sounded a barely audible gasp. Immediately bombarded by intense feeling. No intrusive visions of murder or cruelty, however. No, at the moment, there was only his fondness for you. Every little act of kindness or affection he had given played over in your mind, feeling his every intention of making you happy. You saw the letter he wrote for you. You felt his disappointment and shame when you left him at Lucifers. You could only feel his adoration for you; everything else melted away. All that remained was his sincerity.
With just a simple touch, he had told you everything you needed to hear.
You slowly lowered your hands away from your face and stopped crying. Looking down to see his clawed hand daintily wrapped around your wrist before looking up and locking eyes with him.
"You deserve to be happy, Y/n." He said softly, now pulling his hand away. As much as he didn't want to. "And, I don't necessarily expect that to mean me being in the picture... If you cannot find it within you to give me a chance, I want you to know that I understand. And I won't hold it against you, either. If you wish to be left alone, I accept that and will honor your wishes. But if I left and never let you know how I truly felt, it would have eaten me alive..."
Looking down and away from you, his ears drooped flat to his head. He had done and said all that he could, and he was willing to be at peace with that. "And... You can keep that copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. I can always get another... Goodnight, sweetheart." He said quietly, his voice gently cracking as he turned on his heels. Beginning to walk away for presumably the last time.
"Alastor..."
You reached for his ungloved hand, stopping him as he went to leave. He stopped and turned his head to look back at you, not exactly smiling but it wasn't a frown or a scowl either.
"Yes, darling?" He asked, his eyes locking with yours. Trapped in each others gazes as each set of eyes seemed to mesmerize the other person. Your head was screaming at you to just go back into the room, to say goodnight and let it all be done with. But your heart was winning you over. How could it not when he gave you such a convincing confession?
Letting go of his hand, you went to remove your own glove as well. Much like he did, one finger at a time until it was completely off; your fingers trembling slightly as you did so. "Don't go..." you whispered.
Alastor took a few steps back toward you and watched you with curiosity and a swirl of hopefulness as he watched you remove your gloves. His brows upturned and his eyes filled to the brim with wonder and a slight boost in confidence. "You... make my heart smile..." he said softly, the corners of his mouth twitching into a smile as you reached for his hand and pressed your open palm against his. Only to reach for his other hand and pull his remaining one off for him as well.
It was mind blowing, you felt... everything... but all the gore, grotesque and macabre that his mind had to offer had all gotten buried deep beneath the amount of love he had for you just overflowing on the surface.
Your heart was racing so fast it felt like it was vibrating inside your chest, as was Alastor's. Hearts pounding in unison as he stepped closer to you. It had been so long since he felt this type of contact, and he was overjoyed that it was being shared with you. As the two of you looked upon each other your emotions seemed to take a hold, adrenaline and excitement and so many other things just flooding rapidly through your veins.
He leaned in, slowly and hesitantly inching his face toward yours. It wasn't until you gave him just a subtle nod that both his and your eyes fluttered closed; his lips finally meeting yours.
His lips were so soft and pillowy as they moved in sync with yours. So sweet and tender at the start, Alastor could feel the butterflies in his stomach slowly being replaced with a sense of peace. As if this was second nature to him, like he was meant to do this with you.
Breaking the kiss for a moment you both looked at each other through laden eyes. Feeling hot and cold rushes flowing through you as you both felt slightly disheveled and increasingly love drunk. One of your hands raised up and cradled the crook of his jaw while he returned the favor and cupped your cheek. Holding your waist with his other hand as he leaned in again.
If there was any nonverbal communication between the two of you, it was one word that you both expressed through a mere glance.
'More.'
Your lips met again in a more passionate dance, moving in heated sync while you led him in this kiss. Gently taking his bottom lip between yours and sucking ever so gently and only for a second before releasing it, this little act only drove him further into a haze. Him taking the lead from here on as the kiss became more frenzied and desperate. Your hands mindlessly feeling up his chest while his ran down your sides with worshiping caresses.
You gasped when he hoisted you up with his hands under your thighs, and instinctively wrapped your legs around him and let him trail his kisses lower. Pinning you harshly against your room door in the process. His soft, panting breaths -so quiet, and made only for you- just lulled you further into a lovesick haze; raking your fingers through his hair and feeling the soft locks as they tangled between your digits. Letting out little cooes and sighs while he attacked your neck with his unbridled affection; marking you with hickeys and faint bite marks.
One nip in particular was harsh enough to spur a whimper from you, and caused you to tighten your grip on his hair as you braced yourself for such a sensation. Now as if he was just letting his urges take a hold, he slammed you against the door once more. Painfully aware of his eager length pressing against the crook of your thigh as his excitement and desire grew.
"Alastor~." You moaned softly.
"Darling..." he rasped.
"Please..."
Seeming to have read your mind he unlocked your door with his magic and carried you inside. The door shutting while he moved his hand to the zipper on the back of your dress.