James walked silently beside Ethan and Carrie under the branches of the pine trees that surrounded the arena. The muggy air was filled with the smell of pine needles, dried earth and resin. The air itself seemed dead, no birds sang, the farm stock in the fields were silent, the waves didn't even seem to want to crash against the cliffs that stood only a short walk from where they trudged. All was silent, eerily silent. The only sound was the students' muffled footsteps, on the thick carpet of pine needles, and the slightest rustle of their uniforms as they reluctantly forced themselves forward. Nobody spoke. Nobody wanted to.
It was a grey day, the rain clouds hanging heavy in the sky above them, pressing upon the island aggressively. James knew from the humidity that it wouldn't be long before the sky opened up and with it would come the torrential rains that they were accustomed to at this time of year; the storm James had been expecting.
It had been two days since he had been finally allowed to resurface after his seemingly unending sentence in the detention hall. He could not be certain of how long he had been interned in the darkness. He had lost count of how many trips he had had to make to the hospital to ensure they didn't kill him in the process of trying to force him to divulge his secrets regarding Charlotte. He frowned at the thought. He had stayed as still as he could, holding his body quiet, trying to hold back to yells and screams of pain, the way Charlotte had told him she had survived her detentions. You have to stay lying. I don't move at all anymore. I think it frustrates them more, because it looks like it doesn't hurt. Her words were still so vivid in his mind, her voice so close. He felt that if he only turned around, he would see her standing there in the same sheltered spot he had felt her lips against his, her body pressing close, her soft skin, her tears... He glanced at the spot beneath the pines, where he had made her promise to stop fighting them.
Maybe if we had fought... He shook his head trying to dismiss that thought. He had to believe he had done what was needed, that he had done what was right. He couldn't regret sending her away now, he couldn't doubt his actions. She would have been killed. It didn't bare thinking about.
In any case we couldn't have fought the Academy, he thought bitterly. Elmhirst is under no illusion that fear alone would keep usat bay. He has other ways... He shook his head dismissing his worries about Elmhirst, dismissing what he knew of the island, what he had failed to tell Charlotte. Instead he allowed his mind to return to Charlotte and their moment beneath the pines. It all just seemed like a weird dream now, vivid and clear, but yet so long ago it hardly seemed to matter anymore, and to her it probably didn't. She had a real life now.
"I don't like this," Ethan finally said, glancing around them. The entire school was moving towards the stadium without much explanation. James gritted his teeth, determined to ignore the same sense of dread. "This is going to be about her," he said, glancing at James questioningly, but he just stared straight ahead. Charlotte's name had become a curse. Nobody wanted to be heard saying it for fear they would be accused of knowing where she was. Even James didn't say it anymore. He knew he had to be like the others, act like the others. He couldn't lose the game now.
"Don't mention her," James hissed, not looking at Ethan. Carrie grumbled to himself, but didn't speak loud enough for either of his friends to hear him.
"James, you can't just treat it as if she never existed," Ethan said, dropping his voice to a whisper. "They've done something to her". James didn't look to his best friend, half afraid he would betray his secrets. And yet, he couldn't understand Ethan's conviction in believing they had done this to her. Ethan was designed to see; to see any situation in a compartmentalised way, to be able to draw from it the truth as nobody else could see it. He was designed for military planning and yet now he was misreading the enemy. It was... baffling.
"No," Carrie said gruffly. "They're too angry".
"He's right," James sighed. He knew he couldn't tell anybody what he knew, not even his best friends. This school had a way of finding these things out. The less people who knew, the better. "If that was the case, they would just pretend she had never existed - no something out of their control has happened".
"She was here after the ship left though," Ethan said, drawing his conclusion based on James' ruse with Freya Baak, but failing to see the truth in it.
"We can't talk about it - any of it," James growled. "If we're overheard they'll think we know something. They will force us to admit we know something when we don't - they have ways".
"He's right," Carrie said sternly.
"I know he's right - I just... have a bad feeling about this," Ethan grumbled as they passed along the worn path.
James began grinding his teeth, staring straight ahead. Fear and paranoia had spread like contagion through the academy. James wondered sometimes if it was not just Charlotte pulling the strings, after creating some great hellish projection about them. Only this one he could not shake off. He had covered his tracks. He had concealed his treachery but he knew he would be a prime witness in her disappearance. Though James had realised that witness and suspect were completely interchangeable in this particular case.
Elmhirst hadn't hesitated to turn his anger on him when he found her room empty. Yet he had left Bennett to be the one who had exacted the punishment, questioned him and tormented him. He had not seen Elmhirst since the headmaster had sentenced James to detention. He hadn't seen him in the detention halls, or in the hospital. He hadn't even been summoned to his office on his release. That was what worried him the most, he suddenly realised. Despite his initial outburst, Elmhirst had been keeping his thoughts to himself. He had used his time to make sure she was in fact missing, but now that he was sure Charlotte wasn't hiding out on the island he was going to make his first play in the final game. James clenched and unclenched his fists irritably.
"James, I can't understand it though - any of it," Ethan hissed, obviously not willing to let it go. "She could be dead, kidnapped - anything. You don't even seem to care?" James had had enough. He turned on Ethan slamming him against a tree and pressing his forearm against his neck. Ethan grasped at his forearm, but it made little difference. James was stronger and had the upper hand. Ethan's eyes widened fearfully as James angrily pressed against his windpipe.
"You have no bloody idea what I am going through," James growled, his faces inches from that of his best friend. "No bloody idea!"
"James, leave him mate," Carrie said placing a firm hand on his shoulder.
James refused to move despite Carrie's ferocious grip, his green eyes flashing dangerously. Other students, passing by, glanced at them questioningly, but one look at James and they hurried on their way. "What good is showing I care going to do me, Ethan?" he hissed. "If I care, then I am weak. Don't you get that? I am a machine. I am a soldier. I cannot miss her. I cannot ask where she is gone. I cannot care that she is not here anymore, because caring will get me killed". James felt weak with the anger coursing through his veins. His hands were shaking and his mouth was dry. Where the anger had come from he wasn't even sure. He only knew that he was genuinely angry. He just hoped it was convincing. He had known this would be the hardest part - convincing them all that he didn't know. Ethan knew he had loved her. They hadn't been blind to the change in their relationship over the past months. They all knew how much he cared for her. Even Elmhirst did. Was that not why he had tried to use Charlotte's safety as a way of dissuading him from befriending her? And for that reason he couldn't be happy. She had either been kidnapped or betrayed him, leaving him behind. That was what they needed to believe; that was what he had to convince them.
Yet he was frightened too. Fear had taken hold of him. Paranoia plagued him with doubts and worries. Even now he didn't know if he was being watched or if somebody would report this back to Elmhirst. He could not trust anybody, not even Ethan or Carrie. He knew they wouldn't tell of their own accord. He trusted in them that much, but Elmhirst had tools and means of extracted your deepest darkest secrets. Not only would they be watching him but they would be watching the others, Charlotte's friends, those she trusted. Ethan was one of them. They had fought together, won together. If he kept asking questions he would draw unnecessary attention - he would look weak.
"Come on, Ethan". Iseult appeared along the path followed by Ian. James suddenly realised he was still holding Ethan against the tree. He released him, his cheeks burning as he realised what he had actually done. Ethan glanced at him bitterly, massaging his neck, reddened from James' pressure. Iseult threw James a warning look, but it lacked all anger. She knew. James was certain of that much. He could see it in her eyes. She knew what he had done for Charlotte. If anyone was to figure it out it would have been Iseult. She saw all the world as a great game of plays. She could read his move before he had ever even thought of it himself. Her eyes were red rimmed as if she had been crying. She wrapped her arm around Ethan's waist, protecting him. Ethan didn't look back at James. Ian paused a moment, his eyes meeting James' for the briefest time, as if he wanted to say something, but he just shook his head and followed after Iseult. He lacked his usual boldness, as if some of the fun and life had been taken from him. He knew Ian didn't know. If Iseult did know she hadn't told him. James could see in Ian's eyes that he believed she was dead or as good as dead. Whatever Ian believed had damaged his defiance.
"Ethan, I'm sorry," James called, but he didn't seem to hear him.
"Don't be sorry," Carrie shrugged. "He had it coming. He'll get himself thrown below". Carrie only spoke when he considered it necessary, so James knew this was Carrie's efforts to ease James' guilt. He was right too, but that did little to comfort James.
"This is ridiculous. What makes anyone think I want to talk about this?" James growled, shoving his hands into his pockets and trudging along the path irritably. He could see the outline of the arena ahead, rising out from between the trees, threatening in its silence.
"What do you think is going to be waiting in there for us?" Carrie asked, looking tensely at the stadium. James knew he wasn't the only one to feel frightened. Even Carrie, huge and threatening, seemed perturbed by the whole series of events. He was talking more in any case.
"Hell," James murmured, staring ahead and trying to summon his strength.
Hi Everybody! Thanks for reading Altered so far and I hope you have all enjoyed what you've read. It really means the absolute world to me. As always I would ask you to vote for this chapter if you liked it and please don't hesitate to comment. I always love to hear feedback even if its just something short :) Will have the next update up for Saturday, so stay tuned :) Sorcha x