in which, tara wishes she were someone else
warning: amber x reader 😃 this was supposed to be based on heather by conan gray but then i changed it a ton tbh
you sat lazily in your bedroom, your arm hanging off the side of your bed while you shoved popcorn in your mouth. there was a knock on your door, and because you were too lazy to get up, you shouted, "come in!"
tara opened it, smiling softly when she made eye contact with you. you sat up, grinning at the girl. "tara! what're you doing here?" she shrugged, crawling to sit next to you.
"i don't know. i missed you." she spoke softly, earning a smile from you. "jesus. it's cold in here. why would you have the air on during december?" she grumbled, rubbing at her arms.
you chuckled, shrugging your shoulders. you pulled your hoodie off with one swift motion. her mouth dropped open as she watched your shirt ride up, giving her the perfect view of your body. she flushed, eyes quickly snapping away when you placed your hoodie in her lap. she smiled sheepishly, mumbling a quiet 'thank you,' before slipping it on, the warmth making her sigh happily.
"what're you watching?"
you grinned, taking another bite of popcorn. "finding nemo." she let out a soft giggle, and you turned to look at her, a shocked expression on your face.
"what're you laughing at? this movie's amazing." she nodded, grabbing some of your popcorn.
"it is. i didn't say it wasn't." you huffed, pausing the movie to face her. she smiled shyly under your gaze, her eyes flickering around your face.
"wanna watch something else?" you whispered, reaching to hold her hand. she felt her cheeks warm up at the touch, and she giggled awkwardly, nodding.
you reached for the remote, handing it to her. she took it, and exited out of the movie. she spent a few minutes searching for a movie, before pressing play on a horror movie that you've never even heard of.
she knew you weren't going to pay attention, and she was right when five minutes in, you were trailing your fingers along her arms. she felt goosebumps rise on her arms and she turned to look at you, narrowing her eyes at your grin.
tara felt your phone buzz in the pocket of your hoodie, she pulled it out, a frown making it's way onto her face when she saw amber's name. "y/n." she muttered, handing you the phone.
you smiled, typing a text to amber. she watched you out of the corner of her eye, noting that you only looked up from your phone whenever a loud noise came from the tv. for the rest of the movie, you sat typing away. she had a hard time paying attention, too busy focusing on the quiet chuckles leaving your mouth, and the giddy smile spread across your face.
when the credits began to roll, tara stood, grabbing her things. "i have to go. sam wants me back home." she stuttered out, reaching down to pull the hoodie off.
"hey, it's okay," you spoke, grabbing her arms to stop her. "keep it, it looks better on you." her face flushed at your words and she quickly turned around.
"bye, y/n,." you watched, your eyebrows pulled together as she walked out, the door shutting loudly behind her.
***
you sat next to amber, her head resting on your shoulder. she watched you scroll through your phone, humming happily as your hand ran through her hair
mindy paced through her living room, talking about something she saw in a movie. you glanced over at amber, and she met your gaze, smiling softly. "hey." she murmured, leaning up to press a kiss against your lips.
tara wanted to die. she wanted the earth to open up and swallow her whole. she watched you talk with amber, your eyes never leaving hers. you looked so mesmerized, and she wondered how she could be so stupid. she wanted to scream, and rip her hair out. she wanted you to look at her like that. she wanted your arm to be wrapped around her like that.
she couldn't pull her eyes away, and with each passing second she felt her heart ache more and more. she stood abruptly, when you kissed amber. this caused mindy to stop talking, and all eyes turned to focus on tara.
"be right back." she grumbled, spinning on her heel and walking out of the living room. mindy continued her conversation, but you looked down at amber, a worried expression on your face. she nodded, pushing herself off your chest. you stood, walking out after tara.
tara leaned against the bathroom counter, staring at her reflection in the mirror. "you're so stupid," she whispered. her lips began to tremble. she let out a sob, and her hand came up to muffle her cries.
she frantically wiped at her eyes when a knock tapped gently against the door. she took in a deep, shuddering breath, and was about to tell whoever it was to go away, but before she could, you opened the door, taking in tara's appearance. you didn't hesitate to pull her towards you, wrapping her in a hug. she collapsed against your chest, shaking as she let out quiet sobs.
"it's okay," you murmured into her ear. "you're okay." she shook her head against your shoulder, her arms seeming to tighten around you.
when her cries quieted, you released your arms. you let her rest her head against your shoulder for a moment longer, but then you pushed her off to look at her.
"what's wrong, tara?" she shook her head, staring down at the ground.
"i don't want to say."
you stared at her, growing slightly frustrated. "tara, you're one of my best friends. you were just sobbing into my chest, and you don't wanna tell me why? that's..." you trailed off, sighing softly, you lifted her head to look at you and reached up to wipe away a few tears. then, you cupped her cheeks, making her look at you. "please? i'm not going to be upset, or anything if that's what you're worried about." you whispered assuringly, gently brushing your thumb against her.
"that's the problem." she whispered, her voice cracking as she began to get emotional. "i'm you're best friend."
you stared at her, eyebrows furrowed. your hands fell down to your sides, and you could practically see her shrink in on herself.
"what?"
"i don't want to be your friend. i want to..." she paused, reaching up to wipe at her eyes. "i like you, y/n." as soon as the words left her mouth, she let out a shaky breath, and she looked back down at the ground.
"that's..." you hesitated, looking for the right words, but she cut you off.
"i'm sorry," she gasped out, body trembling as fresh tears started to slip down her cheeks. "i'm sorry. i-i've tried so hard...to get over you," she continued, now sobbing hard. you pulled her against your chest, listening with wide eyes as she spoke. "and- and i tried to distance myself...but i can't stop thinking about you. it's...it's so...hard. i like you so much...and amber-" she let out a loud sob at the girls name. "i just...i needed to tell you." she spoke, her words muffled by your shirt.
you held her, rubbing gentle circles into her back. she sniffled against you, her cries slowing. "i'm sorry, tara. i wish you didn't...i mean..." you trailed off, unsure of what to say. she took a deep breath, pushing away from you. she hugged herself, staring up at you with sad eyes. "you know i care so much about you," she nodded slowly, sniffling. "i'm sorry....i-i can't...give you what you want."
she nodded again. "i know you don't feel the same way, and it really hurts," she whispered softly, letting out a heavy sigh. "but...i don't want to lose you, y/n. as a friend. you're one of the best things that's ever happened to me."
"i promise, tara, that this doesn't...change anything. i'm still gonna be there for you," you smiled sadly, gently nudging her, but you only earned a small nod. "hey, i'm serious. i'll always be here for you."
she leaned forwards, eyes closing as she rest her forehead against you. "i will get over you. eventually. just...i need time." she murmured, growing exhausted from all the crying. you nodded in understanding.
"i'm a mess." she whispered, glancing over at her reflection in the mirror.
"you're not." you frowned, reaching behind her and grabbing a wash cloth. you turned the sink on and ran it under the cool water. pushing tara's hair out of the way, you began to wipe at her face. she closed her eyes, the feeling of the cool wash cloth making her sigh. by the time you were done, you wouldn't have been able to tell she was crying.
you wiped away any water from her cheeks, and her eyes fluttered open to look at you. you smiled softly at her, reaching down to take her hand in yours. "see? all better. ok, come on, let's get you home."