Mahri's POV:
I am trying to give myself the courage to walk through that rusty door. So much is riding on in the next conversation. Will things even work between us after the night we had? I take a deep sigh and turn around to face the door when I noticed Jake standing there.
His jacket is rumpled and stained, and his eye and nose are swollen. His hair is rumpled, clumped in parts. I know he would not approve of this. Jake was a wanted hacker, but his appearance has always been impeccable. My feet felt as though they are made of stone, and my lips feel sealed shut. I can not speak. In part, because I don't have a clue what to say, but mostly because this should have never happened. It certainly shouldn't have happened to someone as wonderful as he is. My heart sinks when I see his face and the damage that Dan has done to him. His eyes are staring into mine with the same love they had before, but he looks away quickly. I am not sure if he is upset with me or if he is embarrassed by his appearance. He looks to me, like the man that I love, the one that I hope still loves me. There is nothing more beautiful than that.
"Some night," He says softly under his breath, there is a slight awkwardness in his words, something I hadn't experienced since we met. His eyes are looking at his feet, his hands are awkwardly behind his back as if he doesn't know what to do with them. Also, something that I haven't seen from him.
"Certainly unexpected," I respond.
I observe him closely, wanting desperately to touch his face, to make sure that he is ok. I leave my hands by my side clasping my hands into fists. I guess I am just as nervous as he is. I attempt to loosen my grasp, "Jake, I am so sorry for all of this. Are you ok?"
"I am ok," He nods as he speaks, Then he looks up slowly and speaks words in sincerity, "This is not your fault. I don't really blame Daniel. I shouldn't have brought her here. Betty didn't really give me the choice about coming here. I should have be more firm," he pauses. "Honestly, I would have assumed the same thing about him if the situation was reversed."
"I have a feeling that Betty usually gets her way." I retort, trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeah, but she also makes you feel like it is what you want to do." A smile slowly crosses his lips.
I am glad to see his gorgeous smile, "I can see that. She is pretty amazing. I feel like I have known her for a long time."
"I told her a lot about you." He admits, looking into my eyes and letting them linger for just a moment. "I am glad that you like her." He pauses and then something crosses his face, "You know we are just friends, right? I didn't do the things that Daniel accused me of."
"I know, Betty told me. I was glad to hear it." I respond with a nod letting him know that I trust him. Though I wasn't sure he understands just how happy I am to hear those words from his mouth.
"Can we sit and talk or do you need to get home?"I ask.
"Talk." He walks close to me and I can smell his molasses, syrupy, woodsy scent that I had gotten so used to. I have missed that so much. I have missed everything about him if truth be told. He pulls out a chair for me, Ss I sat, his hand runs across my back causing a shiver across my body. I'm almost sure his hand lingered for a bit.
Jake's POV:
I just touched her and I instantly feel the warmth or her surge through me. I can't believe that being in the same space as she is brings me back to life. I have to remember to keep this to myself. I can not share everything that I am feeling all at once. It is too much. Betty is right. I have to back off. I can not lose her again.
"I got your message about five minutes ago. My phone was...displaced for a while. I'm glad that you wanted to talk. I wasn't sure if we would get the chance again." I want her to understand how devastating this would have been for me, but again, I need to calm down. I need to keep the intensity of my feelings to myself. I sit down in a chair across the table from her. It is too far away and yet it is where I have to be right now.
"I am glad that we are talking, too. I wasn't sure if you would want to after what I did." She looks at her lap. She is the one unable to look at me. I see her hands folded in her lap. I want to do anything to relieve her insecurities.
"I am sorry if you doubted my feelings for you or my desire to reunite," I say, sincerely.
I can't believe that she would question my need for a resolution with her. I would do most anything to keep her in my life.
Mahri's POV:
He is uncomfortable. I can tell by the formality of his speech. It is the language he uses when he feels that he needs to protect himself. I am sorry that I have ever made him feel that way. I hope I can make it up to him. I will try to do whatever it takes.
"I never doubted your feelings for me. I never once doubted my feelings for you," I start as I look up at him with a hopeful face. He reaches across the table for my hand, he grabs it instantly and holds tight. I can tell of his unwillingness to let me go. He sighs deeply as if he'd been holding his breath.
He looks up, his eyes full of question, "Then why did you decide to be done with us?" His voice has an edge to it that I don't recognize. It is a fair question that deserves an honest answer.
"I just got scared. All of this talk of a beautiful future and a wonderful life, I wanted it. I imagined a wonderful future with you." I pause.
He looks confused and sad, then speaks, "I pushed you too hard, shared too many of my thoughts." He is asking me more than telling me.
"Not exactly. I haven't told you all of my past yet. It may explain a few things, but I always screw things up. I couldn't imagine having a great life with you and then losing it. I was afraid of hurting you and losing myself when we stop loving each other." I hope my words make sense. I have been in a jumble of emotions for the last few days, I know I wasn't exactly thinking clearly.
"Why do you assume that would happen? Why do you think we are doomed to fail?" He asks incredulously.
Jake's POV:
I watch her. Her hand hasn't released mine, though I don't think I would have let it go even if she tried to remove it. I am so close to her again. I can smell her orange blossom shampoo and see those beautiful green eyes that I have gotten so fond of getting lost in.
"Because, Jake, it always happens." Her voice is firm. "Every time my life is happy, every time I think that this is the most amazing thing to happen, it falls apart. I have a hard time recovering when it does. I feel more for you than I have for anyone, and I barely recovered from my last breakup." I want to hug her as a tear forms on her cheek, but I am not sure where we stand. I settle for putting my other hand on top of hers. Lame, this is lame.
I try to reasssure her with my words, "Mahri, we have both had a significant amount of tragedy in our lives, though I don't know the extent of yours yet, I know that trusting in a life with someone is hard. Especially when we have known each other for such a short time. Lo...It is normal to be scared. It is normal to want to go slow and not rush things. I am sorry that in the past you've had no one willing to fight for you. I will fight for all of your happiness. I wish you would have talked to me about this before you gave up because I am not going anywhere."
Betty, damn her for knowing the truth before I realized it. I pushed her too hard. It wasn't our love that she doubted. It was the thought of that love coming to an end.
"What if we didn't focus on the ending of the relationship and just spent time being together and enjoying the moments that we have?" I continue.
"That's exactly what Jessy said." Mahri smiles and the whole world lights up even though it is midnight.
"I always knew that Jessica was a wise woman." I smile back at her trying to convey all of the love and hope I have,trying to light her world up as she does to mine."
"So you forgive me? For being such a chicken and for trying to end things." Her eyes are wide and her gaze is intent.
"If you need forgiveness, it is granted, but I don't think you need to be forgiven for anything. If anything, you need to forgive me for pushing too hard and too fast. I'm not very patient when I decide that I want something." I scoot my chair closer to her and put her hand on my lap. I begin to run my thumb on the back of her hand. She doesn't flinch or pull back so I continue. "Will you forgive me?"
"If you need forgiveness, it is granted, but I don't think you need to be forgiven for anything." She repeats my words to me. Cheeky. She is so beautiful. As a gust of wind blows through her hair filling the air with her scent. I have a hard time controlling myself. I realize that she may not want me this close, "Is this ok? Should I let go of your hand?" I ask her quickly. I am nervous that I will do something stupid like Betty warned me about.
"Of course it is ok. I'm not going to flinch if you touch me. I love your touch and your warmth, your kisses and your love for me. She looked up and met my eyes. I was able to hold her eyes this time. I could see her deep love in them. I feel my heartbeat for the first time in what feels like forever and my body heats up.
"Ok," I am still holding her hand, but secretly lean in a little closer. I lowered my voice to just above a whisper, "Let's be logical. You are the boss. I am at your mercy in the truest of terms. For the time being, you set the pace for the time we spend together. The truth is, I would spend every second of every day with you. I would hold you and never let go. I understand that we need to slow down. I don't think I am capable of that. You get to be the boss."
"I don't want that." She responds firmly.
Mahri's POV:
He looks down as if ashamed.
"I want to spend all of my time with you as well, but WE need to slow down and figure this out together. No one needs to be the boss. That won't work for either of us." I turn to face him and pull his chin up. I need him to hear me and my intentions.
I continue, "Let's have fun. Let's have romance, like dancing in the rain and let's do silly things like bowling or going to a fair. Let's get to know each other more. Let's keep talking if one of us gets uncomfortable. Let's just love each other without worrying about where it is all going."
"Ok, if you make me a promise," he says. I would promise him anything right now.
"Sure." I nod.
"Promise me that you won't shut down if you feel this way again. Talk to me. Don't push me away." He looks so sad as he speaks. "I don't know what I would do. These past few days have been some of the hardest of my life."
"I don't ever want to do that again. The last two days were also torture for me." I touch his cheek with my free hand. He releases one hand and brushes some hair out of my face.
"Let's not do that again." He says firmly. It was almost an order.
"Agreed." A slow smile crosses my face. I think we are going to be ok. I believe that this time, it just might work.
We sit outside for a while, just enjoying each other's company. We don't talk, We just hold that one hand, afraid to lose the connection that we had been missing. I was watching the clouds that seemed so ominous earlier. Now they danced with the moon. Sitting next to him, my hand in his, our shoulders touching, I feel at peace.
He finally breaks the silence, "I should go in and check on Betty."
"I think it is Phil you should be checking on. Betty has her eyes on him." I chuckle.
Jake chuckles as well. I love to hear him laugh. It is one of my favorite sounds.
"You're probably right. Betty is a formidable woman," he says, agreeing with me.
We stand up to enter the bar. Jake releases my hand and I feel the warmth leave my body. Then, he moves in close.
"Can I hug you?" He asks nervously.
"Of course, but Jake, you don't have to ask." Looking deeply into his eyes.
"I do. I don't want to lose your trust and I want you to stick around." He is speaking honestly and sharing his fears with me. I am glad that we didn't lose this.
Before he can lean in for a hug, I lunge at him wrapping my arms around him in a big hug. HE returns the gesture, wrapping his arms around my waist and holding tight. It comforts my soul like a warm blanket. His arms stay around my waist and mine wrap around his. We stay there for quite some time, listening to each other breathe, our hearts melt into each other again, trying to find their rhythm and respose.
I reach up to touch his cheek and he winces. I had almost forgotten about the incident from earlier. I gently touch his cheek and make sure he is ok. I gingerly kiss his wound.
"I am so sorry, I am going to kill Dan...if I ever speak to him again." I repeatthe sentiment. I never want him hurt. I hope I never cause him to hurt.
"The truth is, I respect Dan for his care for you. It makes me respect him more," Jake replies.
"Really? I don't respect him more. He was a bully. Someone punches you and you are grateful? What kind of superhuman are you?" I am in awe of what a tremendous person he is.
His hands are still around my waist. Right where they should be. His eyes are locking on mine and I am lost, completely lost.
"I am only the kindof person that trusts people who love you enough to protect your honor and your life. The kind that is grateful to know that you will be taken care of always." He responds. "Dan cares for you and would fight to protect you. How could I not value that?"
I turn around and lean into him, my head resting on his shoulder. I don't know how long we stayed there, but I feel him start to fidget. "M...I could stay here all night, but I am getting sore and I think my medicine is running out. He wraps his arm around my waist and leads me into the bar to check on Phil and Betty. We see them across the room, laughing and flirting. She nods as I signal her that we are leaving. Betty smiles giving me a thumbs up as she turns back to Phil. I need to get Jake home, he needs rest. I am happy and at peace, back with my love in the place my heart wants to be. I will try to loosen up my scaredy cat heart and enjoy each day that is granted to Jake and I.
Maybe I can enjoy us just a little bit longer before I find the courage to tell him about my past. I hope beyond hope that he will still trust me when I do.