[Wei Wuxian's POV]
"Finally, you've woken up. I was planning to 'mercily' woke you up."
So? What is he doing in this kind of place once again? This sort of Deja vú made him remember that Old Man Fan. He was 'again' enjoying his marital life if not for another black hole swallowing him in the middle of his and Lan Wangji's lovemaking. He's lucky that he was able to grab the blanket before disappearing completely. Again, he woke up in another unfamiliar territory and especially with the very familiar two devil-faced men who was reduced to loins and—ropes.
He tied the blanket around his body and meet the supposed to be the red-robed man in the eyes.
"Grandpa Cheng, are we in some sort of saving something again?" He asked and watched Hua Cheng grunted in annoyance. By the looks of it, he was also in the middle of doing that—rather about to do that. Seeing him reduced only to his pants, his Grandpa Cheng wasn't even able to make some base or home run.
Well, if there is something more disturbing—it's definitely Uncle He.
"Uncle, I shouldn't point it out but somehow you look quite pitiful in your rope play." Oh goodness heavens Wei Wuxian! This is the first time he sees someone took the top being tied pitifully in a rope play. Master Shen is definitely the dominant one between them.
Who wouldn't pity this very good man? He's tied up with all his clothes on and had clothes on his mouth. He had done this kind of play with Lan Wangji several times so he definitely knows if it's a play or not but by the looks of it, this is not some sort of play.
"Hmmh! Mmm. mmm. mmm!"
"Alrighty! Alright! I'll untie up. Man, Uncle he, I should ask Master Shen how to tie! This is definitely a masterpiece!"
So... After untying Lou Binghe, he sat on a crook lotus position and assess the current situation. For once, Uncle He and Grandpa Cheng are not trying to break the dimensions.
Wei Wuxian, "Okay? If this is a party for villains I definitely do not belong here."
Hua Cheng, "don't make me laugh. If I am already villainous trash, you're also trash."
Luo Binghe, "relax, Grandpa Cheng, no one is trying to make an enemy of you... You know, that you are trash, I am garbage... So definitely A-Xian knows he's the trashiest of trashes, probably."
He couldn't find any words to retort that statement. Somehow, his running mouth refused to shot back some curses too. He didn't know what to feel being called the trashiest of trash. This two had once called him shitty whining demonic master while dissing him out of the picture.
Wei Wuxian, "you know, if I... The most beautiful dastardly demonic master, am the trashiest of trash, wouldn't I get the title befitting of that. Well, who's the one who flirted with a big-breasted woman that his Highness felt bad for a year?" He challenged and turns to Lou Binghe, "who's the one who was forced to abstinence? Definitely, neither is me.. hm?"
Hua Cheng, "And who's the one who flirted mostly with girls?" Both men glared at him, one is wearing a very thin smile and the other a dangerous scowl.
"Okay, that's me. I can't believe it, I'm losing a battle." Wei Wuxian once again sat relaxedly, "so? Why are you two reduced to loins and ropes?"
Hua Cheng, "some bastard pulled me into a hole even before I scored."
Wei Wuxian turned to Luo Binghe.
His second brother looked about to be swallowed by the ground. "I..."
Wei Wuxian, "I?" leans forward with an ear waiting for the answer.
Luo Binghe coughs lightly and said, "I'm being punished to sleep outside of the bed."
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"Puwahhhh—hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahah!"
"STOP IT! OR I'LL MAKE YOU SHUT UP!"
"Hah. Hihihihihi... Unc—pfft! Hahahahahha.... Hihihihihihi.... Ha... Ha... Ha... Pfft!"
"WEI WUXIAN! SHUT UP WILL YOU?!" Luo Binghe looked adorably cute with his ears and face beet red.
"hahahahahhahahahahahahah.... Hihihihi! Hahh... Hahh..." He was wheezing uncontrollably.
Hua Cheng was also laughing. Lucky, his bad mood has been finally lifted. Luo Binghe's unluckiness would sometimes lift the mood.
"A, anyhow! Let's not talk about it anymore! What do you think of this meeting once again?"
Hua Cheng, "a drag."
Wei Wuxian, "another problem. Accept it, some higher being summoned us once again. By the looks of this divinity and freshness, it must be someone with high relationship with mortals."
"As expected. So fast to assess everything with just a glance." Hua Cheng hums and pulls some clothes out of nowhere and gave him one.
"Do you have liquor or something?" Luo Binghe asked.
"Apparently, I was in the middle of doing it and grabbed the blanket only." He replied and smiled back, "no snack either. Urgh... Somehow, I don't like this part again."
Hua Cheng "I don't want to hear some miserable scream like the one from saving the world."
"Well, it's not saving the world but saving humankind."
All three heads snapped turning towards the owner of the voice. A golden dragon hovering above them appeared out of nowhere.
"I am the dragon emperor... One who chooses kings... Oh, saviors of the world, I asked thee for assistance... I have chosen a king that will rise and represent the mortals, but darkness is once again creeping thy human hearts... He is thy only salvation, I ask thee to help and protect him while protecting the mortals... I implore thee..."
Wei Wuxian, "surely you're not asking us to save humankind?"
"I am asking thee to raise the king I have chosen to save humankind."
Luo Binghe, looks at Wei Wuxian with his brows moving up and down, "should I scream instead?"
Wei Wuxian raises a brow and turns to Hua Cheng like a dumbed brat he is, "do you want to??"
Hua Cheng hums in amusement, "that would be fascinating."
Luo Binghe immediately shook his head and said, "Nah. You take it... I'm not suited for dramatization."
Wei Wuxian, "I got it." Inhales, preparing himself for his monumental scream, "WHAT?! YOU WANT US TO WHAT????"
"Raise a brat to save some shitty humankind." Hua Cheng repeated through gritted teeth.
Wei Wuxian whined, "raise a kid?! Oh, great ferocious ancient beast!!! But SERIOUSLY???? Do you want to save humankind? By raising a prince?"
Hua Cheng and Luo Binghe nodded and agreed. Though, this dramatization was somehow sub prof than 'saving the world' ordeal.
"I'll be rude to you okay, ancient god. You want us? The three of us? raise a kid? Us????" He whined pointing to Hua Cheng and Luo Binghe and to himself, "Where the hell did you get such idea we could raise a kid out of nowhere? First, it was saving the world from crumbling and now raising a kid? Lives?! Did the preferences for a hero really turn to shitty personality enemy number one like us? There are heroic personalities that are better than us to become his nanny?! Do you think we can teach him heroic gallant deeds?"
"hm." Hua Cheng assent, "you want a bastard demon sprawl, a shady nasty demon king and a shitty whining demonic master raise a brat.? We're the least of all beings of raising a brat."
"That kid will become the fourth notorious villain who'll shower humankind with blood."
Might as well commit all killings now?
However, Wei Wuxian received a smack, "oi, Wei Wuxian, you have some brats back home! You can do this mission all by yourself!"
"That'll be a piece of cake—" he just realized, these two are currently making him take this, "NO WAY! YOU CAN'T DO THIS ME! a good friend calls you in jail. A great great friend bails you out of jail. Lastly, your best of your best friend sits next to you and asks you it's fun! So we're definitely sticking together."
It's too late to regret being sworn brothers now!
...to be continued...