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AN: Happy new year to all, let's hope it's better than this one was. I created a discord server as requested by deusblade on fanfiction. /discord.gg/eSSP2GtYQS
I'm not sure how many chapters I'll be able to get out, as I am getting a job, and am preparing for college fall 2023.
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"So remind me again dude, why are we searching the woods for a pig-man?" asked Soos Ramirez, one of Stan's employees, and God's gift to humanity. (His first name is literally Jesus, he is a true bro.)
"I can't figure out this mystery, and Technoblade saved me and Mable from Norman a week ago." Answered Dipper.
"Ah yes, the zombie dude."
"No, actually, I was wrong. Norman turned out to be gnomes using the Moopit Man technique." (Gravity Falls version of muppets.)
"Huh."
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The mystery dipper was trying to solve, was murder. The murder of his Grunkle Stan... in wax replica form. It was less epic with the full sentence, but you have to work with what you've got. It had started when Soos had found an abandoned room in the Mystery Shack, and opened it to find a collection of wax replicas of famous people. However, Wax Lincoln had been melted by the sun, and Wax John Wilkes Booth totally had nothing to do with it.
Mabel got permission from Stan to use the leftover wax to make whatever she wanted, and she created a wax replica of Stan. Stan used it to unveil the grand re-opening of the wax museum, but the crowd was more interested in the promised free pizza than the unveiling of Wax Stan. Later that night, when real Stan went to use the bathroom, Wax Stan was beheaded.
Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland were called in to try and solve the caper, but,
"Sorry, the case is unsolvable. And even if it was solvable, we're too busy investigating a livestock theft."
Dipper and Mabel swore vengeance for their Grunkle's dead wax replica, and set off into town to gather suspects. Throughout the course of the day, they managed to narrow down the suspects to Toby Determined, and convince the sheriff's to stage a raid on his gossip magazine. Toby, however, had an alibi like a card board cut-out of Shandra Jimenez, because that's what his alibi was literally that. Toby was making out with the card board cut-out at the same time as the murder, and he and the sheriff's started making fun of Dipper and Mabel.
With no more leads, and only a few more hours before the funeral, Dipper wanted to see if Technoblade had any ideas, as Technoblade seemed very intelligent from the questions were answered for Dippers journal. Soos decided to come with while Mabel ran distraction by helping Stan with his funeral.
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Technoblade was Farming potatoes when he sensed something off about the surroundings. The birds had stopped chirping, and a feeling of dread enveloped the glade. Also, chat was being stranger than usual, which was a tip-off that something was going on.
Raid3r: Child approaching
Technofan12321: is it orphan?
Average_techno_fan: orphan?
Yallneedhelp: We can't just kill orphans
Technofan12321: why not?
Yallneedhelp: bruh
T, 'Sounds like someone is coming, let's go see who it is.'
A, 'Ok.'
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Soos and Dipper had been searching for about an hour, calling for Technoblade but hearing no response.
"Hey dude, do you have any idea where he is?"
"His footsteps lead this way, and I saw him go into the woods this way after he saved us. Wait, what was that?" Asked Dipper as a branch snapped.
"Hey dude, I've never heard it this quite before in the woods" Soos said nervously. Apart from the branch that had just snapped, there was no sound. The birds had gone silent, and the forest itself seemed to be holding its breath, as if to say something terrifying was approaching.
Suddenly, a great crashing came from the bushes, a loud, crushing, destruction, like something that weighed several hundred pounds was charging through the woods. The birds and squirrels took off from their hidden spaces in the trees, and the noise just kept getting closer. Soos moved in front of Dipper, to shield the boy from whatever danger was out there.
"Dude, Get ready to start running!" Soos cried as the noise grew closer. Finally, the source of the noise was seen. It was a fearsome beast, the terrifying... deer. The deer ran past the two humans, and the wildlife slowly returned to normal.
"Heh heh, that was scary. I thought some monster was going to come out of the woods." Said Soos, recovering from the scare quickly. "Let's go find your Pig-man"
"Piglin"
"Sure dude." Soos said, before realizing Dipper's voice wasn't that deep. Soos whipped around, but Dipper was gone, and there was no one behind to speak. Soos began backing away from where he heard the voice, but before he had gone far, he felt someone or something breathing on the back of his neck.
"Hallo"
Soos whipped around again, this time able to catch sight of the owner of the voice. It was an anthropomorphic boar standing 6' 11", holding Dipper in one hand and an axe in the other. The boar was wearing something reminiscent of royal attire, with a base of crimson and a detailing in white.
"Dude, let the little dude go." Soos told the boar, as he squared up. "I don't wanna throw down, but I will."
"Soos, it's fine, this is who we've been looking for." Calmed Dipper. "Technoblade, can you set me down?"
"Sure, just wanted to make sure you weren't being kidnapped. So, what do you need kid?" Asked Technoblade, setting Dipper down gently.
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Dipper explained the mystery, and waited for Technoblade's answer.
A, 'I think we should help the kid, if he's going after a murderer it could be dangerous. Plus, we don't want to get rusty.
T, 'I'm fine, let's just check on the voices before we continue.'
ChadwickChadeusChaddington: I do say, a proper gentleman must help those in need.
Average_techno_fan: make sure child is not orphan
Hmyes: child is not orphan, was sent by parents into great outdoors for the summer
Technofan12321: wait, if we find the murderer, we can kill pog
Bananamilkshake: let's do it!!!
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Five minutes had passed after Dipper told Technoblade about the mystery, and Dipper was starting to get hungry as it was noon. Dipper's stomach let out a loud grumble, and Soos opened up his wallet, before giving Dipper a piece of salami.
"Here dude, for you."
"what is it?" Dipper asked.
"Emergency salami, in case I'm ever in a food emergency."
"Thank you Soos."
"Heh, no problem dude, It's part of the repair guy's code."
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"Alright kid, I'll help you with your mystery, but you're going to have to do something for me." Technoblade told Dipper.
Dipper was shocked that there was something that Technoblade needed from him, as he was much smaller and weaker than Technoblade. "What do you need me to do?"
"I need books."
"Hey dude, I can lend you some books that I'm done with." Interjected Soos, seeing the potential to get someone else to talk with about anime and manga.
"alright." Said Technoblade, and so they set of back to the shack.
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After arriving at the shack, (and Soos and Dipper eating lunch), all the evidence was compiled in front of Technoblade. Wax Stan was murdered at night, and despite the anger of the town's people, they all had alibis. The only clues they had was a left-handed axe with no fingerprints, and a footprint with a hole in the right foot. Technoblade had to admit, this was a difficult case, and even the Voices weren't able to solve it.
Raid3r: maybe that hole is where the murderer stepped on the axe?
Bananamilkshake: no, that wouldn't happen
Technofan12321: what if the other wax statues are sentient, and tried to take vengeance?
Yallneedhelp: that's just stupid, that couldn't happen.
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Technoblade hadn't solved the case by the time the funeral was being held, and was disguised as one of the wax figures for the funeral. Stan said a few words before running out of the room crying with Soos following him, but Technoblade noticed something off about the way Stan was acting.
Stan wasn't acting like an object had been destroyed, he was acting like someone precious to him was killed, something that Technoblade identified with easily. The Pines twins walked up to the casket, and noticed that a wax figure would be the perfect candidate for the murder.
Wax Sherlock began applauding the twins sarcastically, and ordered the rest of the wax sculptures to dispose of the Pines twins and the only evidence that the wax sculptures were the ones behind the murder. Unfortunately for them, Technoblade was there, and his blade had fire aspect II. Technoblade fought the hordes of the wax statues, fighting like a wind of death, cutting each one down with the minimal movement. After killing all the sculptures in the room, Technoblade noticed Dipper and Wax Sherlock were missing.
Technoblade raced through the shack trying to find Dipper, leaving Mabel to dispose of the remains of the wax sculptures. Technoblade faintly heard the clashing of metal on the roof, and rushed outside and jumped up to the roof. Technoblade arrived just in time to see Dipper defeat Sherlock bleeding Holmes in one on one combat,
"Good job kid, you've got some fight in you."
Dipper jumped, not expecting anyone to have seen him kill Wax Sherlock. The compliment a lot to him, especially because from what Dipper had seen, Technoblade was very good at fighting.
"Thanks. What happened to the rest of them?"
"Your sister is throwing their remaining bits into the fireplace." Answered Technoblade.
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Technoblade and Dipper came down from the roof and back into the room where the funeral was held as Mabel was throwing the head of Wax Shakespeare into the fireplace. Soos returned with the books he was giving to Technoblade, and the twins told Soos what had happened while he was gone.
"Dudes, that's crazy! I wish I had been here; it would have been epic, heh heh. I'm glad you were here Mr. Technoblade, it would have been crazy bonkers dangerous without you."
"It's no problem" Said Technoblade, but the Voices had other ideas.
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Average_techno_fan: We gotta charge them something
Yodasstick: guilt them, get another bell.
Technofan12321: the wax statues couldn't be sentient, you said. That's just stupid, you said. Eat your words! Repent, for I am the truth, and can see all. I am the sun and the night, omnipotent.
Bananamilkshake: @Technofan12321 I apologize, you were right.
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"Well, I'm going to head back to my home." Technoblade said, starting to walk into the forest.
"Wait, will you make a path so we can find you easier?" Dipper asked.
"Sure." Technoblade said. "Also, call me Techno."
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The next day, Technoblade made a path with a shovel, weaving between the trees, while also making sure he would have a view on the path from his house, to guard from any unexpected guests. Dipper and Mabel Invited him to come to some child psychic show with them that night, but Techno refused, saying, "I'm too busy farming." to hide his introvertedness.
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Finished 1/1/2023, Words: 1868. Written using a pirated copy of Microsoft Word 2007.