"So," Kit says a couple of hours later in her apartment, "who wants to start?"
She looks at me and then at John. He shrugs, uncertain about participating in this at all, a kind of bro code thing, I imagine. I can already tell that he and Ben are going to get along. If Ben survives the next hour, that is.
"I think it will be more effective if you do it," I say to Kit. "I've got too much at stake here to make rational decisions and John's a softie."
"That's true," John says.
"Fine, though I'm not happy about this."
"Why not. I thought this was basically your dream assignment."
Kit smiles. "Okay, yes, fine, it is. But still. Where should I start?"
"Do I get a say?" Ben says from the other side of the table.
"No," Kit and I say together.
"All right, then." He sits back in his chair and takes a piece of pizza from the box on the table. We'd ordered it soon after we arrived, but I was still feeling full from the stress of this morning, and Kit and John hadn't made much of a dent either.
Only Ben had felt fine eating half the box. Did that mean he was cool as a cucumber? Certain about how this was going to go?
Then again, maybe he was nervous, too. He'd agreed, after all, to my plan—come to Kit and John's, and let Kit interrogate him and decide if I should forgive him—without too much protest. But on the way over here, he'd asked a lot of questions.
Who was Kit, exactly, and why was I giving her so much power over my life? Shouldn't I be the one to decide if we should be together? I'd pushed those questions off, and texted to Kit that we were coming. Unlike Ben, she knew me well enough to understand why I needed her input.
"Just start, Kit," John says. "You know you want to."
I smile at him. He really is perfect for her.
"Okay, fine." She looks at Ben. "You'll answer anything I ask?"
He takes a bite of the pepperoni pizza. "Within reason."
"Hmmm. Limits, okay, noted."
"What does that mean?"
"One point against you, dude, I think," John says.
"There are points?"
"Of course there are," Kit says, pulling the notebook we use to play UNO toward her. She flips to an empty page and writes his name across the top. Then she draws a line down the middle. And then she writes the name Jack on top of the other column.
"Wait, wait, wait," I say. "This isn't about him."
"You said I get to decide the rules."
"I'm not dating Jack no matter what happens."
"We'll see." Kit puts a minus one in Ben's column. "That's for the limits. I'm taking off five more points for the whole original date thing. Agreed?"
"I get a say?" Ben says.
"Careful," John says. "Sarcasm might get you another deduction."
"Totally." Kit puts another -5 in his column. His total now stands at -11.
"So, I'm competing against Jack?"
"No, you're competing for Chloe."
Ben looks at me and I try to keep a straight face. I'm not going to go by these results, obviously, but I am curious about his answers.
"All right, go ahead."
"Scared?"
"Not at all."
"You're starting at -11."
"Bring it."
I watch their exchange with some satisfaction. The fact that Ben agreed to come here at all is something in his favor. That he's also letting Kit walk all over him makes him that much more appealing, to be honest.
"He should get 5 points for agreeing to do this."
"All right," Kit says, tapping the pen against her chin after she puts a +5 in his column. "Where did you grow up?"
"Manhattan."
"More precisely?"
"On the Upper East Side." He names a street I don't know, but Kit seems satisfied.
"School?"
"Public."
"Grade point average?"
"Kit," I say.
"You said I could ask the questions."
"He's not applying for a job."
"Yes, he is."
"I don't mind, Chloe," Ben says. "I had a 3.5 in high school. My best subjects were history and music."
"Sports?"
"Baseball and tennis."
"What instrument?"
"Piano since I was five. Then guitar, trumpet, drums ..."
"Impressive."
Ben nods slowly.
"Let's give him +5 for piano," I say.
"Fine," Kit says. Now Ben's at -1 only. "University?"
"UVM."
"Major?"
"Music with a minor in teaching."
Kit marks something down on the paper. It looks like a +2. That must be for the teaching. She has a soft spot for people who are willing to work with kids. At least he's in the black now, if only slightly.
"GPA?"
"4.0 that time."
"Oh?"
"I found my calling."
"Being in a band?"
He smiles. "I wish. I tried that, but I realized pretty quickly that my talents were in discovering talent, not being at the front of house."
"Can't sing?"
"I can. I had some pretty crippling stage fright, though, and I didn't have the it-factor."
"What is that?"
"You know—that thing that makes you not want to take your eyes off the person on the stage? That magnetism all lead singers have. I didn't have it."
Kit taps her pen again, then puts down -1.
"I get a minus for that?"
"You think Chloe should be with someone who doesn't have the it factor?"
He laughs. "Okay, I get it. But there are positives, too."
"Such as?"
"Lead singers make terrible boyfriends. Trust me."
"I can see that."
"And as the business guy, I have a much more stable life. I can keep office hours, for the most part."
"Plus the two-drink thing," I add, and Ben gives me a grateful look.
"What's that?"
Ben explains his two-drink rule. Kit approves; she loves when people impose arbitrary restrictions on themselves. She ads +1 to his column.
"What do you do for employment?"
"I own a record label."
"Indie?"
"Yes."
"Do you plan to scale it up?"
"That is the plan. But I never want to be too large. I like being able to give individual attention to my bands. I take a boutique approach."
"Like a clothing store?"
"Like a small business. One that's curated. That way I can keep control of quality and protect my bands."
"And if they make it big?"
"Then we succeed together."
"And if they tank?"
"I'm there for them then, too."
"Hmmm." Kit writes something down. It looks like shady music business followed by a -5 and now he's in the red again.
"Hey," I say. "That's not fair."
"I thought I was getting or losing points?" Ben says. "Not getting commentary."
"You want me to put down an additional -1?"
"No, I—"
"Tell her about your mother."
"She has MS."
"And she's in the hospital?"
"In and out, yes. It's moving into hospice care, now, unfortunately."
"I'm sorry, Ben," Kit says.
"What's her main complaint?" John asks. He's an animal doctor, but he has more knowledge than your average person.
"It's her breathing that's mainly the issue, now." Ben explains some of the technical issues of MS as John nods and asks gentle questions.
"Give him a +5," John says.
"Why?"
"Because he's dealing with a lot. MS is brutal on everyone."
"Thank you."
"And he's good with his nephew, Tyler," I add. "He's on the spectrum. He should get +5 for that too."
Kit writes down the points. Ben is finally very much in the black.
"What about this Rachel woman?"
Uh-oh.
"That's over."
Kit narrows her eyes at him. "She knows this?"
"I can show you the emails if you'd like."
"You broke up with her in an email?"
I stop Kit from writing -100. "Kit, let him explain."
Ben is almost laughing, but I give him a warning shake of the head and he buries it.
"No, of course not. She's ... she's had a bit of trouble adjusting to the new reality between us and I've explained it to her a couple of times in person and a couple of times in emails. I'm better at expressing myself that way, sometimes."
"Kind of invasive to show us that, though." Kit writes down -10.
"Kit!"
"It's all right, Chloe," Ben says. "Kit's right. I shouldn't show anyone those emails. What happened with Rachel and I should stay that way, between us. But it is in the past. Whether Rachel wants it to be or not. I knew that the minute I met Chloe."
I feel a lump form in my throat and Kit puts her pen down.
"Well played, my friend," John says.
"How's that?"
"Romance. Kit's always been a sucker for it."
Kit's blushing. "Chloe's the one who works in romance."
"No, rom-com."
"What's the difference?" John asks.
"The comedy, for one."
"Plus there's always a breakup, right?" Kit says. "I don't like that."
A chill goes through me like I've been caught in a draft.
Kit's right. Almost all the books I've read have that moment after the couple gets together for the first time. Something comes between them and pulls them apart again. And even though you know they'll make it back together in the end, there are fifty to a hundred pages of despair that the main character has to go through first.
They usually learn something about themselves, though. Some truth they've been hiding.
But I shouldn't be thinking about this. Ben and I haven't even made it to dating yet. I don't need to think about the obstacles ahead.
"Do I pass?" Ben asks.
"I'll have to tally the points ..."
"Kit, come on, let the poor boy off the hook," John says. "He's suffered enough."
"Has he, though?"
"Yes, I think so."
Ben looks at me. His eyes are soft and it feels like I don't have to speak. I don't have to tell him that I've decided it's a yes, whatever the combination of pluses and minuses is on the paper.
"I passed?" Ben says.
"Let me just add this up," Kit says.
"No, Kit. Yes, you passed."
"That's excellent news."
"Is it?"
"I think so, yes."
I smile at him, and in an instant he's next to me and taking my face in his hands. He kisses me, taking me by surprise, but not in a bad way. We break apart, and Kit and John are watching us. John is smiling, but Kit seems a bit wary.
"What was that for?" I say.
"To seal the deal. And express my enthusiasm."
"Consider it expressed."
"Good," he says, his hands dropping to my shoulders. He's looking directly into my eyes and it's like there's no one else in the room. "I didn't want you to have any doubts about it."
"I don't," I say, but something is tingling at the back of my brain. Some feeling I can't get rid of.
And then I remember.
I have to break up with Jack.